Landon grabbed another shirt from the lost-and-found box. This one featured a smiling cow wearing a tiara. While I found Landon’s new shirt adorable, one look at him told me he felt the opposite. Apparently Aunt Tillie’s sense of humor was an acquired taste.

“Why would they call a medical board hearing right after a death?” Landon asked as we followed Clove down the hallway behind the nurse’s station. “Usually these things need an investigation and sworn statements first.”

“It’s a soap.”

“That seems to be your excuse for everything.”

“I don’t know what you want me to say!” I snapped out the words with more vitriol than I intended. The look on Landon’s face told me he didn’t appreciate my tone. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to be so … mean.”

Landon ran his tongue over his teeth, debating. “Sweetie, you can’t let this get to you. That’s what she wants. I know it’s easier said than done, but this is all her being … well, her.”

“I didn’t mean to snap at you. It’s not your fault every woman in this world goes crazy and rips your shirt off.”

“Yeah, what’s that about?”

I shrugged. “Just Aunt Tillie’s sense of humor rearing its conical hat … and then laughing at us from afar.”

“Well, it’s getting old … and fast.”

“Yeah.”

Clove seemed to know where to go, so we followed without complaint. When we walked into a wide conference room with a rectangular table in the center, I knew things were about to get interesting.

Three people – three women, in fact – sat behind the table. All of them wore doctor’s coats and looked stern as they stared at Sam. For his part, Sam’s color was back, but he looked oddly uncomfortable as he sat in a chair in the middle of the room.

“What’s going on?” I asked, my eyes drifting to the doctors. “Why are Mom, Marnie and Twila here?”

“I don’t think it’s really them,” Sam replied. “They keep asking me about being a brain surgeon on weekends and whether it’s fulfilling. They’re also interested in free legal advice, because it seems Winnie is a beauty company executive on the side and she’s looking to incorporate.”

“And I’m a ventriloquist,” Twila added.

“Oh, well, that seems to fit,” I muttered.

“I’m also a mime.” As if to demonstrate, Twila started moving her hands while she pretended to be trapped in an invisible box.

“Very authentic,” Thistle noted. “What are we doing here?”

“We’re here to see if Dr. Wharton will be allowed to keep his medical license,” Marnie said gravely. “He made several errors in surgery and a man died. We can’t simply overlook that.”

“Oh, well, that makes sense.” I shook my head. “I’m sure Sam – I mean Dr. Wharton – is willing to give up his medical license if it means he can get out of here.” I looked to Sam for confirmation. “Right?”

Sam nodded vigorously. “Absolutely!”

“Now, don’t be hasty,” Clove countered. “I’ve always wanted to have sex with a doctor.”

“He’s not really a doctor,” I pointed out.

“Close enough.”

“I’m starting to feel unloved, Clove,” Sam snapped. “I thought you were happy with our life together.”

Clove balked. “I am. It’s just … haven’t you ever had a certain fantasy? I want to play doctor before we leave. Sue me.”

“Fine. Then you have to dress up like a naughty nurse.”

“Done.”

Apparently Sam wasn’t expecting Clove to capitulate so easily, because his eyebrows practically flew up his forehead. “Okay. Well … um … what were we talking about again?” He flicked his eyes to the table and found Winnie, Marnie and Twila glaring at him. “Why does this feel so familiar?”

“Because Aunt Tillie enjoys having fun at our expense,” Landon replied. “As for this … meeting … we need to get through it. I guarantee we won’t find that diamond in this room.”

“I can mime being a diamond,” Twila offered. “I’m really good at it.”

Landon opened his mouth to comment, but snapped his mouth shut, instead flashing an enthusiastic thumbs-up to Twila.

“Let’s just get this over with,” I suggested. “What does Dr. Wharton need to do to keep his medical license?”

“He needs to tell us exactly what happened in that surgery,” Mom replied. “Then we’ll vote on the outcome. That’s it.”

“That sounds easy,” Sam said, exhaling heavily.

Yeah, it sounded a little too easy. “Dr. Wharton isn’t going to face any other repercussions besides losing his medical license if he’s found guilty, right?”

Landon slid me a sidelong look. “Why did you ask that?”

I lifted a finger to still him. “Just wait.”

“Of course not,” Mom scoffed. “We handle his medical license. She handles the rest of it.” Mom jerked her thumb to the door over her shoulder, which opened to allow Eden entrance. Thankfully she wasn’t rubbing Landon’s shirt against her face any longer, but that didn’t make her look any saner. “Eden will decide if Dr. Wharton is being brought up on criminal charges.”

“Of course she will.” I looked to Landon. “This one is on you, big guy.”

“You’re going to owe me an entire weekend of naked bacon wrestling when this is over,” Landon grumbled, taking a step forward. “I’m going to make you sign a contract and everything.”

“Do I even want to know what naked bacon wrestling is?” Thistle asked.

“I’m kind of intrigued,” Marcus said.

“I’m grossed out,” Clove added.

“We’re not talking about this,” I argued. “Focus on the problem in front of us. We need to keep Sam out of … whatever crazy web that nutbag is going to weave.”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.” Eden adopted an innocent façade. “I’m simply here to do my job. I’m a diligent employee. Jericho knows that better than anyone.”

“You’re up, Jericho,” I prodded, bowing a bit as I held out my hand.

Landon ignored my tone and forced a smile. “It’s good to see you, Eden. I’ve been worried about you after our … breakup.”

“Oh, don’t play coy with me,” Eden hissed as she strode forward, not stopping until she was directly in front of Landon. “I know what kind of game you’re playing.”

“I simply want to make sure that an innocent doctor isn’t punished for something that wasn’t his fault.”

“Why? What’s in it for you?”

“Nothing.”

“What’s in it for her?” Eden inclined her chin toward me. “I know you’re only doing this to protect her.”

I thought Landon might argue – he had that sort of look on his face – but instead he changed tactics. “I’m not trying to protect her,” Landon whispered. I could hear him, but just barely. “I’m undercover and I have to use her for information. I can’t talk about this in front of her.”

Eden’s eyes widened. “But you said … .”

“I have to maintain cover in front of her at all costs. The fate of the entire investigation rests on it.”

I did my best to maintain a neutral expression, but it wasn’t easy.

“So you’re still in love with me?” Eden asked hopefully.

“I’m … very fond of you and hopeful you’ll do the right thing,” Landon gritted out, being careful not to make eye contact with me. I think he was afraid what he would find, but I knew he was simply doing his best to speed things along.

Eden studied Landon’s face for what felt like forever. Finally, she offered a curt nod and turned to Mom, Winnie and Twila. “I’ve heard enough. There will be no criminal charges filed against Dr. Wharton.”

Thistle leaned closer to me. “We didn’t present any evidence.”

“Who cares? This has already gone on far too long.”

“Yeah, we’re in a boring part,” Thistle agreed. “In fact … .”

When she didn’t finish her sentence, I turned to face her and found her eyes glued toward a window near the ceiling. I followed her gaze, frowning when I realized we were looking at an observation room of sorts.

“Why would that be there?” I asked, confused. “This isn’t an operating room.”

“No, but look who’s standing at the far end down there.”

I gasped when I saw Aunt Tillie prancing in front of the window. She wore a loud evening gown with a peacock pattern, and one of those ostentatious hats with netting that covered her right eye. She waved with her right hand and held up the fake-looking diamond with her left.

“Son of a … !”

“What?” Landon turned in that direction, swearing under his breath when he saw her. “I guess we know where the diamond is.”

Aunt Tillie waited until she was sure everyone saw her before turning on her heel and disappearing.

“We have to chase her,” Marcus said. “We need that diamond. That’s why she has it.”

“I know.” Landon made a growling sound in the back of his throat. “She’s officially on my last nerve.”

“Welcome to my world,” Thistle said. “It sucks sometimes.”

THE HOSPITAL WAS A virtual maze. We did our best to follow Aunt Tillie, even though we kept losing sight of her. When that happened, she let loose a creepy giggle that allowed us to give chase. By the fifth time it happened, we were flustered, and annoyance threatened to overtake our group.

“I’m going to rip her throat out if she doesn’t stop making that noise,” Thistle groused. “I’m not joking. Between that and the music, it’s too much.”

“The music is for our montage,” I pointed out. “If we were actually on a soap right now the music would be part of the chase.”

“Yeah, what is it with the montages?” Landon asked. “You were going to explain it earlier, but then we got distracted.”

“I’m still distracted,” Thistle volunteered. “Your T-shirt is the most distracting thing I’ve ever seen.”

Landon pretended he didn’t hear her. “The music montages, Bay.”

“It’s a normal thing on soaps. I don’t know why.”

“Well, it’s weird.” Landon leaned against a wall and rubbed his forehead. “Does anyone else feel as if we’ve been going in circles for hours?”

“Why do you think she used a montage?” I asked. “She wants us to feel as if it’s been hours. Real time is closer to ten minutes, but I’m exhausted from all the walking we’ve been doing.”

“I’m more tired of the song and the giggling,” Thistle said. “I’m also beyond agitated with the fact that we’re still stuck in this world. How long are we supposed to put up with this?”

“Until she’s finished punishing us.”

“You’re going to blame me for this, aren’t you?” Thistle’s voice was laced with challenge.

I shrugged. “Technically it’s both our fault. I let you talk me into cursing her.”

“And now we’re all paying the price,” Clove supplied, earning a dark look from Thistle. “What? I’m innocent in all of this. You guys got me in trouble. It doesn’t seem fair.”

“Yeah, yeah.” Thistle waved off the complaint. “We need to get ahead of her. I don’t like being behind.”

“How are we possibly going to figure out what she has planned?” I challenged. “She’s obviously given this place a lot of thought. I mean … look at that guy.” I pointed toward a handsome doctor as he walked into the room directly in front of us. “We’ve passed him three times now.”

“Why is that important?” Landon asked, genuinely curious. “Does he play into this?”

“I don’t think so, but I made note because he’s going to look different when he comes out of that room. We’ve passed him three times and each time it happens. Watch.”

As if on cue, the door opened to allow a different man to exit. He wore the same lab coat, shoes and blue stethoscope as the first.

“What was that?” Landon straightened his back. “Is that supposed to be the same guy?”

I nodded. “Two weeks ago I was talking to Aunt Tillie while she watched General Hospital. She was complaining because one of her favorite characters was recast. They didn’t even announce it. He went to bed one night with one actor playing him and woke the next morning with a different actor playing him. Aunt Tillie was all worked up because she thought the woman who played his love interest on the show should’ve noticed they were two different men.”

“She’s watched soaps long enough to know that’s normal,” Thistle pointed out. “Abrupt recasts happen all the time.”

“And no one thinks that’s weird?” Landon shook his head. “I don’t get it. There’s no logic in this world.”

“Yes, because the fairy tale world was an education on strict logic,” Sam said.

I swallowed a chuckle as Landon scorched him with a dark look. “I don’t think the recast thing is important in the grand scheme of things. It’s just an added detail I picked up. I think Aunt Tillie has been plotting this world for a long time. There’s no way she came up with this in a night, especially on a night we were drinking.”

“So you think she was going to shove us here no matter what,” Clove surmised. “She only did it last night because she was agitated.”

I nodded. “I think we were always going to end up here eventually.”

“I just want to know how many of these worlds she has planned for us,” Landon said. “She watches a lot of television. I’m guessing she enjoys doing this crap enough that she’s going to shove us in a Star Trek episode at some point just to get a few laughs.”

“I’m less worried about Star Trek than I am about her affinity for Game of Thrones and The Walking Dead.”

Landon chuckled. “Every once in a while you show flashes of being an optimist. I don’t know why, but it makes me laugh.”

“I don’t know why either.” I leaned my head against his shoulder, smiling as he pressed a kiss to my forehead. “We have to find her. We won’t get out of here until we do.”

“So I guess we should get moving, huh?” Landon slid his arm around my back, furrowing his brow when he focused on the room across the hallway. The window was open, so we could see inside. “One minute ago there was a kid in that bed. Now there’s a teenager.”

I turned in that direction, pursing my lips. “Does the kid look sick?”

“They were fussing over the smaller kid’s head, and he had a big bandage on it,” Landon replied. “From what I could tell, he didn’t have an injury.”

“That’s not unheard of. It’s not as if they shave people’s heads when they’re hurt on soaps. They just pretend they manage to conduct surgery without ruining anyone’s hairline.”

“That’s stupid.”

“You seem to be saying that a lot today.”

“I have a feeling I’m going to keep saying it, too,” Landon said. “The thing is … now there’s a teenager in that bed. He’s wearing the same bandage – although it’s not even like the last one – and the same set of parents are sitting watch. What’s going on?”

“They age soap kids a lot,” I explained. “Very few soap kids keep their roles for the duration. Soaps usually skip the unfortunate puberty stage. They hire cute kids and then replace them with hot teenagers.”

“I see.” Landon made a clucking sound with his tongue. “That’s a bit … extreme.”

“It’s a soap.”

“I’m sure I’ll get used to it eventually.”

“Hopefully we won’t be here that long.” I pushed myself away from the wall. “We need to find Aunt Tillie.”

“Yeah, but I think we lost her trail.”

As if on cue, the giggling started again.

“I’m so going to bash that old lady’s face in,” Thistle muttered. “I’m going to enjoy doing it, too. I’m going to sit on her chest and poke it until she cries witch and tells the world I’m smarter and stronger than her.”

“And I thought the people in the soap world were delusional,” Landon drawled.

Thistle cocked an eyebrow. “You’re on my list.”

I heaved out a sigh. “I see we all have lists this go-around. It should be fun when we land back home.”