It had been ages since I’d had breakfast at Aunt Lucy’s, but then, yesterday, when I’d just happened to mention that Jack would have to go into work early today, she’d suggested I should join her this morning.
What? No, of course I hadn’t been angling for an invitation. What kind of person would do that? Sheesh!
“Morning, Jill.” Aunt Lucy was in the lounge, cradling one of the Lils in her arms.
“Morning. Which one is that?”
“Lil One.” She hesitated. “Oh dear. I really shouldn’t call her that, but it’s the only way I can keep track of them. This is Amber’s Lil.”
“Lil One and Lil Two?” I like it. “I’m not sure Pearl would be very happy to know her little darling is number two, though.”
“She’d be mortified, even if I tried to explain it doesn’t mean anything. You won’t tell either of them, will you?”
“Of course not. Your secret is safe with me.”
“Take her, Jill, would you?” She handed Lil One to me. “Watch her while I see to breakfast.”
“Me? I don’t know how.”
“You’ll be fine. I won’t be long.”
“Err—okay.”
Lil One seemed to be giving me a puzzled look. She could probably sense that I didn’t have the first clue about babies.
“Goo, goo, goo,” I said.
Lil One appeared to smile, so I was obviously on the right track. This looking after babies was a piece of cake.
“Goo, goo, goo.”
She suddenly began to wail.
Oh no! What had I done?
“Aunt Lucy! Help!”
Moments later, she appeared at the door. “Did you call?”
“I think I’ve done something wrong. Lil One’s crying.”
“That’s what babies do.” Aunt Lucy smiled. “It’s nothing to worry about. Just rock her in your arms and talk to her.”
“I was talking to her. I said, ‘goo, goo, goo’, but that just made her cry.”
“Try talking to her properly—just like you would to anyone else.”
“But she’s just a baby. What shall I talk to her about?”
“Tell her about the wedding.”
“Seriously?”
“Why not? I’d better get back and see to the bacon.”
“Hey, Lil, I’m getting married on Saturday. To Jack. You don’t know him, but I think you’d like him.”
To my amazement, Lil One stopped crying.
“I’ve got a lovely dress, and we’re going to have a big cake. There’s going to be lots of—”
I stopped because Lil One was fast asleep.
When Aunt Lucy returned, I whispered, “I think she must have been bored by all the wedding talk.”
“She’s due a nap. Pass her to me, and I’ll put her down in the bedroom.”
No one did a fry-up like Aunt Lucy.
“Will Lil be okay in there by herself?” I said.
“She’ll be fine. If she stirs, I’ll hear her on that.” She pointed to the small intercom.
“I’ve never been very good with babies,” I said.
“Neither were the twins until the Lils came along. You’ll be fine too when your turn comes, and you’ll always have me to babysit.”
“Thanks, but by that time, the Lils will probably be old enough to babysit for me.”
“We’ll see. It might happen sooner than you think. Oh, by the way, the twins came over the other night. They said that if I needed to use magic to amuse the Lils, they wouldn’t have any objections. I’m not sure what prompted that sudden change of heart.”
“Me neither.” I grinned.
“You know something about it, don’t you?”
“I might, but I’m sworn to secrecy.”
“Go on. You can tell me.”
“Okay, seeing as how you’ve twisted my arm. When I went to Pearl’s house on Monday, the twins had used magic to get the soft toys to put on a show for the Lils. I told them that they had to own up, and let you know that you could do the same.”
“The cheeky little madams! Just wait until I see them again.”
Snigger.
I soaked up the last of the tomato juice with a piece of fried bread, and then popped it into my mouth. “That was delicious, Aunt Lucy. Thanks very much.”
“My pleasure. I don’t suppose I’ll see you again before the wedding.”
“Probably not.”
“I’m really looking forward to it. So is your grandmother.”
“Really? I didn’t think she approved of me marrying a human.”
“She likes to pretend that she doesn’t, but I can tell she’s thrilled for you both. She just hides it well.”
“Extremely well. I suppose I’d better get going.”
“Could you do me a favour, Jill?”
“Of course.”
“Amber left her purse here when she dropped Lil One off this morning. Is there any chance you could nip into Cuppy C and let her have it?”
“No problem.”
When I arrived at the tea room, Amber was just tearing a slip from the terminal. “Chicken nuggets and a chocolate milkshake.”
“Coming up.” Mindy was standing next to the coffee machine.
“Since when have you sold nuggets?” I said.
“Chicken nuggets equals a latte.” Amber pointed to the slip. “And the chocolate milkshake is a strawberry cupcake.”
“Say what?”
“We’ve cross-referenced the items on the Burger Bay menu to the items on our menu. That way we can still use the self-order machines.”
“Isn’t it all a bit confusing?”
“It was at first, but we’ve just about got used to it now, haven’t we, Mindy?”
“Yeah. Pretty much.”
“So, you’re keeping the machines?”
“We might as well, seeing as we’ve paid for them. Did you want a hotdog?”
“What’s that?”
“A blueberry muffin.”
“No, thanks. I just popped in to bring you this. You left it at Aunt Lucy’s.”
“Thanks. I’d forget my head if it was loose. How’s Lily?”
“When did you start calling her Lily?”
“William and I had a long talk last night. It’s silly that both babies are known by the same name. It might confuse them when they’re older, so we’ve decided that we’re going to start calling Lil by her full name: Lily.”
“That makes sense.” Those are not words I often said to either of the twins. “Have you told Aunt Lucy?”
“No. I forgot to mention it when I dropped her off this morning, but I will do when I pick her up tonight.”
Just then, I spotted a newspaper that someone had left on one of the tables. It was the headline that caught my eye: Return of the Gold Gobbler.
Amber noticed me reading the article. “Did you know about that?”
“I did, but I’d really love to know how The Candle got hold of the story. The creature was only identified yesterday.”
“Is it true that it eats and poos gold?”
“Yeah, it does. It’s really cute though.”
Once I was outside Cuppy C, I made a call to Desdemona Nightowl.
“Have you seen The Candle, headmistress?”
“I have.”
“How did they get hold of the story so quickly?”
“I don’t know, but I suppose any of the staff or pupils could have tipped them off.”
“I thought I’d better warn you because there’s likely to be more press interest in this story.”
“I’m way ahead of you, Jill. They’ll no doubt be over here in their droves later today. That’s why I’ve arranged for the little creature to be taken back to the Valley of Shadows immediately. By the time the press arrives on the airship, they’ll be too late.”
***
I’d called Graham Hardy, and he’d said I could pay him another visit.
We were in the lounge at his house.
“Thanks for agreeing to see me again, Graham.”
“No problem. I’m surprised you’re still working, though. Don’t you and Jack get married on Saturday?”
“We do, yes, but I’m hoping to wrap up a few loose ends before then.”
“From what I hear, it isn’t looking good for Chris.”
“He’s an innocent man, so he has nothing to worry about.” I glanced around. “Jack tells me you’ve won a lot of tournaments. I’m surprised you don’t have any trophies on display.”
“They’re in the dining room. Would you like to see them?”
“Yes, please.”
He led the way into the next room where a large glass cabinet had pride of place on the far wall.
“That’s quite a collection.” I feigned interest in the many cups.
“Thanks. I like to think so.”
“No North of England trophy, though?”
“Not yet.”
“I believe you’ve been runner-up to Bill Mellor for the last three years?”
He nodded. “I’ve just had a run of bad luck.”
“Was it really worth killing him, just so you could win this year?”
His expression quickly changed to shock and then to anger.
“What are you suggesting?”
“I’m not suggesting anything. I’m saying you murdered Bill Mellor and framed Chris Jardine—all to give yourself a better chance of winning the North of England competition.”
“That’s absolute nonsense. Chris killed Bill because he was seeing Sarah.”
“Chris knew nothing about his wife’s affair.”
“He would say that, wouldn’t he?” Hardy pointed to the door. “I’d like you to go now.”
“You almost got away with it, but then you’d been planning this for quite some time, hadn’t you?”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about. If you don’t leave, I’ll—”
“Do what? Call the police? Go ahead. It’ll save me the trouble of doing it.”
“Chris poisoned Bill with a cigarette. The police have already confirmed that.”
“But you and I know that isn’t true, don’t we, Graham? The poison that killed Bill got onto his fingers from the bowling ball, not from a cigarette.”
I could tell by the look of terror in his eyes that he knew the game was up, so I continued, “I found the glove you wore when you put the poison into the fingerholes of Bill’s ball. As soon as he’d played his next shot, you took your imaginary phone call, made your excuses and left. No one noticed that you’d taken Bill’s ball instead of your own. Why would they? They’re identical. My guess is you went straight from the bowling alley to Bill’s house, where you dropped the cigarette butt that you’d coated in the same poison.”
“That trophy should have been mine. My average score has been better than Bill’s for the last three years, and yet every time that competition comes around, he gets lucky.”
“Was it really worth killing him just for a trophy?”
He didn’t answer, but then he’d already proven that he thought so.
Susan Shay and her merry men turned up an hour later. I intercepted her at the door.
“This had better be good, Gooder.”
“You’ll have to come up with another line after Saturday.”
“What are you talking about?”
“The good, Gooder line won’t work after I’m married.”
“I heard you and Jack were getting hitched. I’m disappointed in him—I thought he had more sense and higher standards.”
“We sent you an invitation, but you didn’t RSVP.”
“I never received—oh, right, another one of your jokes. Where’s Hardy?”
“In the dining room.”
“If this turns out to be a wild goose chase, I’ll take great pleasure in charging you with wasting police time. We already have enough evidence to convict Jardine.”
“Luckily for you, I’m about to stop you sending an innocent man to prison. Hardy is ready to give you a full confession.”
“We’ll see. Don’t go anywhere because we’re going to need to talk to you too.”
“My pleasure, as always, Susan.”
***
There was nothing I enjoyed more than having to wait around Washbridge police station. I’d been left to twiddle my thumbs in a cold interview room all day, and I’d have bet good money that it was Sushi who had turned the heating off.
When I was eventually allowed to leave, there was no sign of Sushi, and certainly no apology or thanks. Instead, she sent a uniformed officer to see me.
“Jill? I’m Steve Pickering. Jack and I worked together a few times. Isn’t it this Saturday that you and he get hitched?”
“It’s supposed to be, but at this rate, I may still be here on Saturday.”
“I’m really sorry about all this. I can’t understand why you’ve been kept here so long.”
I could.
“It’s not your fault, Steve. Do you know what’s happened with Hardy?”
“I shouldn’t really be telling you this, but he’s already been charged with Bill Mellor’s murder.”
“And Chris Jardine?”
“I imagine he’ll be released before the night’s out.”
***
I arrived home just a few minutes before Jack.
“I’ve been trying to call you all afternoon,” he said when he walked through the door.
“Sorry. I’ve been stuck in Washbridge police station all day, courtesy of Sushi. I couldn’t get a signal in there.”
“Are you okay?”
“I’m fine, but Sushi is definitely off my Christmas card list.”
“You should register a formal complaint.”
“It’s not worth it, and besides, I’m used to dealing with difficult police officers.”
He smiled. “A little bird told me that Graham Hardy has confessed to Bill’s murder, and that Chris is going to be released. I assume you had something to do with that?”
“Look, I’m starving. Why don’t we order in pizza, and I’ll tell you all about it?”
“Sounds like a plan.”
One Minute Takeaway failed to live up to their very high standards, and we had to wait almost ninety seconds for our pizzas to be delivered.
What was the world coming to?
Jack and I sat at the kitchen table, with my laptop.
“This is it.” I pointed to the screen, which was displaying the CCTV footage from the bowling alley. “See, that’s Graham’s ball. And there, the ball that comes back up the chute is Bill’s.”
“What does it matter? They’re identical.”
“It matters because when Graham went around the back to the machine room, he put poison in the fingerholes of Bill’s ball. Then he waited until Bill had played his next two shots, and then pretended to take a phone call.”
“How do you know he didn’t actually get a call? Have you checked his phone records?”
“I didn’t need to. Just watch him. He’s standing near the carousel watching the balls, and then he suddenly hurries over to his jacket and takes out his phone.” I paused the footage.
“So?”
“The noise in that bowling alley is unbelievable when all the lanes are in use. There’s no way he would have heard his phone ring above all that din.”
“You couldn’t know that for sure.”
“True, but it was the first hint that something wasn’t quite right. Watch him now.” I restarted the footage. “Did you see which ball he picked up?”
“That was the one which Bill had just played with.”
“Exactly.”
“He could have just got them mixed up. He was probably stressed after the phone call about his brother.”
“The phone call that never happened?”
“But his brother has been ill.”
“That’s the one part of his story that is true. His brother was taken into hospital, but that was two days earlier.”
“You checked?”
“Of course.”
“So, if I understand you correctly, Graham put the poison in the fingerholes of Bill’s ball when he went in the machine room to free the trapped balls?”
“That’s right. Having worked at a chemical factory for as long as Graham had, I don’t imagine he found it difficult to find a poison that would do the job. I found the glove he’d worn, hidden behind a grille in the machine room.”
“What I don’t get is how Graham knew that he’d have the opportunity to apply the poison. He couldn’t know the balls would get stuck.”
“Whose idea was it to play this series of games between the four of you?”
“Err—Graham’s, I think.”
“I thought as much. He played the odds. He couldn’t be sure when the balls would get stuck, but it was a pretty safe bet that it would happen at some time over a series of five matches. He just had to have enough patience to wait until it did.”
“What about the cigarette butt?”
“Graham had been quietly fuming about Bill for years. He couldn’t bear the thought of losing out to him again in the North of England competition. When he discovered that Bill was seeing Sarah, he saw an opportunity to get rid of him, and to frame someone else for the murder. He put traces of the same poison on the cigarette butt, and dropped it outside Bill Mellor’s house, where he knew it would be found by the police.”
“He might have got away with it too if it wasn’t for my very own intrepid private investigator.”
“My bill will be in the post.”
“Do you take payment-in-kind?”
“Depends what you had in mind.”
“When we’ve finished this pizza, I’ll show you.”