Nikki
Oh my God. What just happened?
Dalt loves me, is in love with me!
Maybe I am dreaming. If I am, I never want to wake up.
I close my bedroom door behind me and do the most joy filled happy dance I’ve ever done in my life. I even do the one thing I’m always telling Chloe not to do; I climb on the bed and start jumping up and down, screeching and giggling while swinging my towel over my head.
“Hey, you okay in there, soccer girl?” Dalt calls from down the hall. I can hear the smile in his words. He knows exactly what’s going on in here and that I’m more than okay.
“I’m just fine, hockey boy. I’ll be right out. Don’t think you’re getting out of buying me breakfast that easily.” I jump off the bed and head back into the shower.
I can’t believe this whole thing has been a gargantuan misunderstanding initiated by his awful father and bought hook, line, and sinker by gullible me. As I lather my strawberry body wash over me, my skin warms at the thought of Dalt’s words and how incredible it was to make love to him after all this time.
I never thought he would remember the last time we were together at the party. My mind drifts back to that night as I towel off and blow-dry my hair.
I didn’t want to delude myself into thinking the night was about anything more than the hottest sex ever. I knew, or at least I thought I knew, Dalt didn’t have any feelings for me. It didn’t matter. I couldn’t give up the chance to be with him one more time. I was sure Dalt was just using me, but I ached for him so hard…I let him.
I couldn’t fight my need for him in the deceitful, seductive darkness, but in the disenchanting light of day I knew I had made another irresponsible mistake. Later, I didn’t answer his calls or texts, like before. The next time I saw him on campus, I went right back to acting like I hated him. Meanwhile, he was out getting my name branded on his arm. Damn. He must have thought I was the biggest crazy ass bitch on the planet.
“You almost ready in there, Bud?” Dalt’s knock on the door thumps my brain back to the here and now.
“Be right out.” I give myself a once over in the mirror. No time for makeup. Alex would be appalled. The last time I tried to go out without makeup, he said I was ‘obliterating his faith in womanhood.’ Alex is very dramatic. But running in the sunshine earlier gave my cheeks a sun-kissed glow. I don’t need makeup. What I don’t tell Alex won’t destroy his faith in womankind.
I shake my blown dry hair out and let it fall around my shoulders, then slip into the vintage sundress I scored at an antique shop a few months ago. It’s just my style, black and white polka dots, fit and flare, with thin straps. What little shopping I do, I do at vintage clothing stores because I can get the quirky vibes I’m into without the big price tag. I step into some strappy black sandals which tie around my ankles. Could be a little much for a breakfast at the Two Seagulls Café, but it is springtime casual and I want to look good for Dalt.
When I open my bedroom door, I’m pretty sure I’ve succeeded because his languid, heated gaze sweeps from my head to my toes and back.
“Day-amn, Nik. You look good.” He whistles.
“Is that supposed to be a compliment, hockey boy? You sound surprised.”
“Not surprised at all,” he says and pulls me into his arms and touches his forehead to mine. “It’s just that as dope as this dress is, you’re not going to be needing it when we get back from breakfast.”
Dalt has one of those you-know-you-want-me bad boy half grins and he’s using it on me right now. He’s right. I do want him. I’ve never stopped wanting him, and I intend on making up for lost time.
I give him my sexy dirt-girl smirk right back. “You don’t look so bad yourself. Dak’s clothes fit you pretty well.”
One thing about the resident hockey gods here at Bernard U, they train off ice as hard as they do on. It makes for all kinds of Michelangelo-type sculpted muscles. Dak’s V-neck black t-shirt is stretched across Dalt’s broad shoulders and toned pecs to the point where I would almost consider skipping breakfast.
On second thought, I’m starving and those pancakes are calling to me. “Let’s go eat, hockey boy. I’m anxious to get back for your surfing lessons.” I run my hand over the roped lines of muscle stretching his shirt and down over the reenergized shaft straining his khaki shorts. “Damn, girl. You’re killing me,” he moans. I take his hand and lead his reluctant body out of the house.
***
“Ugh. I’m so full I don’t think I can move.”
The Two Seagulls is a small restaurant with a handful of tables. The quaint décor is the usual Maine seaside assortment of buoys, lobster traps, fishing nets, and vintage glass floats hanging from the walls. Red and white gingham cloth adorns the tables and makes up the ruffled café curtains covering the bottom half of the windows.
Yet the decor isn’t what brings locals in-the-know back to the café over and over. It’s the dinner plate-sized blueberry pancakes they serve; the biggest, most delicious pancakes in all of Maine. They use fresh locally picked blueberries and I become an overeating glutton whenever I’m here.
The last time I overindulged was back when Dalt and I were together. It was our Sunday morning, usually after hunger-causing sex, energy rebuilding ritual. And now here we are like all that time and heartache never passed between us. Things are different, though. At least one very important, beautiful thing.
I have to tell him about Chloe, find the right words. How do I tell him I kept his baby girl from him? I thought I was justified doing it, but after what Dalt said about my lack of trust for him, will he think I was justified? Will he hate me? I’m scared to death he will. It’s messed up. I shouldn’t be stalling. I have to tell him. He needs to know about his daughter, deserves my complete honesty, even if it’s two years too late.
“You’re slacking on me. I’ve seen you devour way more than that. You sure you can’t eat another stack?” Dalt’s staring at me like he’s waiting for an answer, but I was too wrapped up in my own thoughts to hear what he asked.
“Huh?”
“Are you still with me, soccer girl? You look like you’re a million miles away.”
“I’m here. What’d ya say?”
He reaches across the table and places his hand on mine. “You don’t have to worry, Nik. We’re together now. We’ll work it all out. I’m not going anywhere. As long as we’re together and we trust each other and are honest with each other, there’s nothing we can’t do.”
He laces his fingers through mine. His words ‘honest with each other’ bounce around my brain like a pinball.
This is it. This is the time for me to tell him. Yet I can’t make my mouth move. What do I say? Oh yeah, by the way, did I mention we have a beautiful baby girl? Yup. She looks exactly like you.
“Stop looking like that, Nik. Fuck my father! He’s an egotistical, narcissistic asshole. Who cares what he thinks? I don’t need him or want him in my life for one more second. All I want is you,” Dalt snarls, misinterpreting my perplexed expression.
Since he mentioned it, it occurs to me his whole future is built around going to work alongside his brother at his father’s production company. “You can’t just push your dad out of your life, Dalt. I suppose in his own warped way he was acting out of love for you, trying to protect you. He and Garrett are your family.” I’m not sure I believe my own words after his father’s behavior, but I don’t want to be the reason for putting a wedge between Dalt and his family.
“You’re my family now,” he smiles and runs his thumb across my bottom lip. “My father has never done anything out of love for anyone but himself. And I still have Garrett even if I don’t work with him. He’ll support me whatever I do. We always have each other’s back.”
“But what will you do? How will you afford to finish school? Is your hockey scholarship enough? Besides, you always planned on working for him. What will you do if you don’t join his company?” My ramble of questions isn’t giving him a chance to answer, but I won’t be the reason he messes up his future.
He lets go of my hand and runs his fingers back through his hair like he does when he’s frustrated, but this time he’s still smiling. “I don’t need his money, Nik. I never did. It was my mom who had the money. She came from old money, like generations of oil and steel. Shit, it was probably the reason the bastard married her. She set him up in the production company when he first started out. I don’t think he ever really loved her. She wasn’t even dead yet and he was out whoring around with twenty-year old wannabe starlets.”
“Wow. That sucks. I’m so sorry.” I reach for his hand once more, not only because I want to comfort him in some small way but also because I love how I can touch him without hesitation now.
“Yes. It does,” he says, wrapping his big hand around mine. “Anyway, my mom left most of her money and investments to Garrett and me. We’re pretty much set for life. My dad wasn’t happy about it, but he didn’t need her money anymore now that he’s one of the biggest producers in Hollywood. Still, I think it’s the reason he tries to do whatever he can to keep us close to him and buy our affection with expensive cars and shit. But all that’s done. His conniving almost cost me my girl.” His voice softens and his intense silver blue eyes are boring a path right down to my soul. “I’m never going to let anything get between us again.”
“I don’t want to be the reason you cut your dad out of your life. I know what it’s like to live without a father.”
I was twelve when my dad died trying to rescue another fireman in a house fire. A day hasn’t gone by since I haven’t thought about him and missed him.
“You’re not the reason I’m done with him, Nik. Well, you’re not the only reason. He was a major asshole to my mom and he wasn’t even around when she was dying. We hired round the clock palliative care for her so she could stay home with us at the end. My father said he couldn’t stomach seeing her like that. Instead of staying home with her, he travelled around the world for the last few months she was alive. I hated him for that, for the extra pain he caused my mom. Garrett kept smoothing it over, telling me our father loved her so much it was just too painful for him and we should cut him some slack.
“I knew it was bullshit. Garrett always sees through rose-colored glasses when it comes to our dad. Still, I wanted to hold onto what was left of our family for my mom’s sake so I let it slide. A few weeks later photos came out of him and some model on his yacht in the Caribbean. My mom was dying and he was partying on his fucking yacht. I’m done. The shit he pulled with you was the last straw.” His words are angry but I see the torment simmering in his eyes.
“Okay, he’s not a good man. I kind of figured that out two years ago. But he’s still your father, Dalt.”
“Yeah. Sucks for me. He was never there for us when we were kids. My mom always made excuses for him, saying it took a lot of time to build a successful business and he was doing it all for us. I could see the sorrow in her eyes though. He was probably out cheating on her even then.”
“I’m sorry, Dalt.”
“Doesn’t matter. It’s all spilled milk under the bridge. I’m done with him.”
“I think it’s water under the bridge.”
“What is?”
“The saying, it’s water under the bridge.”
“Whatever. I don’t care what’s under the bridge. I just know I don’t want anything to do with him. And when I have kids,” he reaches for my other hand, holding on to both of mine across the table, “I’ll never treat my family the way that asshole treated us.”
“Uh…okay…I…” My words catch in my throat. The pancakes I just ate are churning like they’re going through the heavy wash cycle in my stomach. “Then, what are you going to do when you graduate?” I change the subject like the weak coward I am.
What’s the alternative? Surprise! You can prove what a great baby daddy you are right this very second.
“I have some plans. Let’s talk about all this later though. Enough serious talk for now. Let’s enjoy the rest of this beautiful day just thinking about you and me. I’ll get the check and then let’s get out of here.”
“Okay.” I tighten my fingers around his. “I’m sorry, Dalt. I’m sorry for having all these messed up issues.”
“You don’t have any messed up—”
“Yes. I do. Ever since…even though I want to, sometimes I have a hard time trusting people, seeing the good side of people. I let it screw us up. I knew you better, or at least I should have.”
“It’s okay, Bud. You…”
I let go of one of his hands and place my hand over his mouth. “No. It’s not okay. I just want you to know, despite all my hang-ups, I’ve never stopped loving you and I’m going to try to be different…better, in the future.”
He grabs my wrist and pushes my hand away from his mouth. “No. If you try to be different I’ll…nothing. I can’t do anything about it if you want to be different. But I don’t need or want you to be different, Nik. You’re the girl I fell in love with and you’re perfect just the way you are. Sure, maybe I wish you had asked me what was going on before believing my father, but I know the things you’ve dealt with in the past with your stepdad. It’s hard to trust after something like that. We’ll figure it all out. We’ve got each other to lean on now. It’s just you and me and all the time in the world.”
“Um…about that…”
It isn’t just you and me.
“Let’s finish this later. Like I said, no more serious talk today. We wasted enough time on the negative stuff. Let’s focus on the positive for now. I was thinking we should fly out to Malibu and meet up with everyone. We could use a vacay in sunny California. What do ya think?”
“What? No!” My response comes out a little more panicked than I intended. “I mean, I can’t just run off to Malibu.”
“I didn’t expect you to run, soccer girl. I intended for us to fly. All expenses are on me.” His dimpled smirk almost makes me forget the reason I can’t fly off to Malibu with him.
“It’s not the money. It’s not just the money. I have major projects to finish over the break and I have to help with the spring work at the farm and…and other things.”
Tell him. Tellhimtellhimtellhim.
“You can finish your schoolwork on the beach. I hear some of the most creative artists did their best work at the seashore. I’ll come to the farm and help with the shearing so it’ll get done faster. We can fly out in a couple of days.”
Dammit. He’s so happy and beautiful and perfect. I don’t deserve him.
“No! I mean, there’s no need for you to help at the farm. My mom has a new farmhand. Well, he’s not new; he’s been there for over a year now. He manages everything and does most of the work. I just help out a little in the spring. Anyway, I’d rather spend the rest of our break alone together. Take the time to get to know each other again, you know?”
You’re such a bullshit coward, Nikki. Just tell him you have a baby girl you can’t leave.
“Anywhere you are sounds perfect to me, Bud. If you want to stay here, we stay here.”
“I’ll go home tomorrow and take a day to get things squared away and then I’ll explain everything. Then we can spend some of the break at the farm after.”
“Explain everything?” His brow furrows in confusion.
“You know. Talk more about…everything.”
I need a day to talk things over with my mom and then try to explain to a twenty-month-old she has a daddy who will hopefully be a big part of her life from now on.
“Oh right. Everything.” Dalt waggles his brow. Apparently, his idea of ‘everything’ involves a bit more than talking. “We have the rest of today to get busy doing some of those things and I was thinking…” He slants his lips to one side and tilts his head.
“Yes, you were thinking?” I’m pretty sure I know exactly what he’s thinking because I am too.
“It’s perfect weather for sailing. You into it?”
“Sailing? Like in a boat?” Nope. Totally not what I was thinking.
“Exactly like in a boat. You up for it?”
“Sure, but I’m not exactly dressed for sailing.” I glance down at my vintage dress.
“We can run by your house and you can change. It’s still early. We have all day.”
I should be finishing my course work and getting back to the farm to be with Chloe and help my mom, but I can’t drag myself away from Dalt yet.
He misinterprets my hesitance. “Oh, don’t worry, soccer girl. I’m still looking forward to those lessons you promised me. But like I said, we have all day and night.” His sexy half grin causes butterflies to flit around in the tossing pancakes in my stomach.
Just one more day.
I’ll tell him about Chloe first thing tomorrow morning.