TWENTY-FOUR
Nikki
Yep. I chickened out. Hopeless chicken shit. When Dalt’s phone rang I almost sighed in relief.
I climb behind the wheel of my rusty pickup and speed out of the driveway before Dalt has a chance to finish his phone call. The bald tires, which needed to be replaced about a hundred miles ago, spew gravel everywhere.
I’m a horrible, awful person taking off like this, running from the opportunity to tell him about Chloe, I know. But everything is moving at lightning speed. Now he’s making plans to move to California to play hockey. It’s getting more and more complicated.
It’s not that I think Dalt will reject Chloe or be upset about her. Before my encounter with his meddling father, I pictured Dalt as someone who would be great with kids, a wonderful, loving father. When I found out I was pregnant, I didn’t stress about telling him. I was certain he would be happy because I was sure we would be together forever. Starting a family a little earlier in our relationship would be tricky but we’d work it out.
The only reason I didn’t tell him the minute I found out was because I wanted it to be romantic. I wanted to tell him when we were camping alone under the moonlight and stars. Poetic mush, as Dalt would say. Of course, now I know it was a monumental mistake. Because what frightens me the most about telling him, is that he may reject me when he finds out how I’ve deceived him. I want to believe he’ll understand. But the more time I spend with him and remember what an amazing man he was and is, the more I can’t even convince myself I was justified in keeping him out of Chloe’s life.
When I get back to the farm, I’ll talk it over with my mom. She’ll be able to give me some advice on the best way to give Dalt the news which will change his life and the things he believes about me, forever. And when he hears it, will he want to move to L.A. and start his new life without me? How will this whole mess affect Chloe? Ugh. My head is swimming.
***
As I pull up to the driveway, the first thing I see is the wood sign my dad put up fifteen years ago. I remember him letting me ‘help’ him paint the big black letters on it, even though I didn’t know how to spell yet. The rustic plague couldn’t convey my dad’s personality better if it was a complete biography.
WARNING!!
Alpacas can cause
An overwhelming
Loving sensation
to your soul.
Anyone with a
weak heart enter
at your own
risk.
Walking in the front door, I drop my pack under the coat hooks. I take in a huge breath. It’s home: warm, comforting. Mom’s baking. My stomach rumbles at the recognizable delectable smell of her homemade chocolate chips coming from the kitchen. She’s the rock star of the biggest, gooiest chocolate chip cookies in Hancock County.
When I walk in the kitchen, she’s bending over the stove taking a fresh batch of cookies out of the oven. Chloe is playing with cookie dough at the child-size table Matt built for her out of leftover pieces of lumber he found in the barn.
Matt is my mom’s new farmhand. I keep saying new but he’s been here for a little over a year. In the past year, I’ve seen him and my mom grow close. I was hesitant at first after what she’d been through with Bert. But Matt is the polar opposite of Bert. Matt’s a good guy. He fawns over my mom like she’s a queen. And she deserves that kind of love and attention because she’s been taking care of everyone and everything else for so long, it’s about time someone takes care of her.
“Mama! Mama!” Chloe screeches when she sees me standing in the doorway watching the heartening scene in front of me. She’s a female mini-Dalt and if it’s possible, his black hair and those stunning blue eyes are even more gorgeous on a girl. She’s wearing her favorite outfit, pink leotards and tights, with a little tutu over them. I bought it for her after a weekend class trip to an art museum in Portland. It was a splurge, but I’ve haven’t been able to give her very much. I figured if I cut out a few lunches, I could budget it in. I don’t think she’s taken it off since. My poor mom has to wash it almost every night when Chloe is in bed. She’ll only take it off to get into her Cat in the Hat pajamas. Maybe there’s a little of me in her after all.
“There’s my little munchkin! How’s my sweet baby?” I hold my arms out and Chloe runs toward me. I scoop her up and squeeze her tight. She smells like cookie dough and sweet baby girl.
“Nikki!” My mom’s face lights up when she sees me.
I remember the day I told her about the mess with Dalt and had to add to the wreckage that I was pregnant. I was afraid I would never see the pride in her eyes again. But I couldn’t have been more wrong. Her pride for me and the love she gives me has never wavered one iota. Not then, not now.
“Hey, honey. I didn’t expect you until dinner time.”
“I got an early start.” I move across the room to her, while still holding Chloe in my arms, and kiss her on the cheek. She wipes her hands down her apron and wraps one arm around my shoulder to give me a mama bear hug.
“Smells like heaven in here.” I take another big whiff.
“Chloe and I are making your favorite cookies. Aren’t we, baby girl?” She places a kiss on my cheek and then one on Chloe’s.
Chloe nods her head up and down in glee. “Tookie, Mama. Eat tookie.” She wiggles in my arms, reaching down toward the butcher block island in front of the sink. Evidence of a morning’s worth of baking is spread across it, racks of cooling cookies at one end. I check to make sure they’re cool enough and lean Chloe down to grab one. The giant five-inch cookie is almost too big for her tiny hand.
“Bite. Num.” She holds it to my mouth and repeats the words she’s heard my mom and I say when spoon feeding her.
I take a big chomp of the gooey deliciousness and do a cookie monster imitation. “Num, num, num. Cookie good.” Chloe giggles. I hug her tight in my arms, nearly crushing the rest of the cookie.
My eyes well with tears. For someone who hates crying, I’ve done more than my fair share lately. Squeezing my eyes closed, I attempt to push the tears back where they came from. When I open my eyes, the smile is gone from my mom’s face, replaced by a worried expression.
“Nikki? Is everything okay?” I know what she’s thinking. The last time she saw an expression like this on my face was when I was struggling to get over Dalt.
“Everything’s fine. I just…can we talk when you have a minute?”
“Of course, sweetheart.” She places one of my braids behind my shoulder.
“Hey! My three favorite girls, all in one room.” Matt walks in and makes a beeline to my mom. He plants a kiss on her lips and I note the way she blushes but leans into him.
I can’t deny I’m still a bit uncomfortable about their relationship. It’s not Matt. He couldn’t be more wonderful. Like I said, he dotes on my mom and couldn’t be sweeter to Chloe and me. He’s taken on the role of a grandfather to Chloe. She even calls him Papa, which is kind of why it’s a bit weird.
My mom was only nineteen when she had me, which means she’s only forty now and is still an incredibly beautiful woman. In fact, despite some of the tiny lines she acquired around the corners of her eyes from her years of worry and stress after Dad died, she could pass for my older sister rather than my mom. Matt is only thirty-three, hardly old enough to be anyone’s grandfather. And despite the fact he behaves fatherly to me and grandfatherly to Chloe, I don’t feel like he’s much older than me. Could be because he doesn’t appear to be much older than some of the guys I go to school with.
Mom met him when she was doing volunteer work for the firehouse my dad used to work out of. Matt is a volunteer fireman, which is the reason he’s built like a Redwood tree. He’s a little taller than Dalt and a bit wider across the shoulders. Where Dalt has the lean muscles of an athlete, Matt has solid but beefier muscles. He towers over my petite five-foot two mom and it’s still kind of weird to see her with him. I mean, my dad was a big burly fireman too but he looked like a dad, not like Mr. July on one of the infamous firefighter calendars.
But when I see Matt and Mom together, I couldn’t be happier for her. Matt gazes at her like she’s the moon, stars, and all the planets in one little package. And I haven’t seen Mom’s eyes twinkle like that since my dad was alive.
“I hear we have our girl home for a few days.” Matt smiles and drapes his arm around my mom’s shoulders, tucking her into the safety of his huge frame. His lips tighten. A concerned demeanor sweeps across his face when he sees my expression.
“How’s everything going, Nik. You okay? Anybody causing you any trouble at school?”
Since he has become such a big part of our lives, Mom asked me if it would be okay to share our story with Matt. When I was certain he only had our best interests at heart, I agreed. When he found out what Dalt had done, Matt threatened to come to Bernard and I quote, “ram that hockey stick up that pretty boy’s ass.” Thank goodness Mom was able to talk him off the ledge of fatherly retaliation. But she can’t do anything about the way he hates Dalt, even though he’s never met him. If he even hears his name mentioned, Matt growls. It might take him some time to get used to the new developments in my love-hate-love saga.
“I’m good, Matt. Everything’s great.” My forced smile may belie my words but I’m not ready to tell him what’s going on with Dalt. I need to talk to my mom first.
“Papa! Papa!” Chloe wriggles in my arms and stretches her arms out to Matt.
Matt unhooks his arm from around my mom, takes Chloe out of my arms, and lifts her in the air. “There’s my little ballerina. What are you up to today?” He spins her around a couple times and Chloe giggles.
“Tookies,” she hiccoughs in between giggles.
“Cookies? Did you make one for your old papa?” He bounces her.
Her old papa? You mean her fitness model papa?
Anyway, the scene couldn’t be cuter. I realize Matt is the only male figure Chloe has ever known and I love how much they love each other. Nevertheless, as I said, our little extended family is slightly peculiar.
“Matt, why don’t you take Chloe out to visit Belle for a few minutes?” Mom suggests as she puts the teakettle on the stove. “Nikki and I need to have a cup of tea and some girl time.”
“No problem, hon. Would you like to go see Belle, sweet pea?” Matt continues to bounce Chloe on his hip.
“Belle!” Chloe is more than happy to take him up on his offer. Belle is the newest addition to our livestock. Chloe was present at her birth and has decided Belle is her new baby.
“Belle want tookie.” Chloe holds up the remainder of the melting cookie she’s been clutching in her hand.
“Belle only likes her mama’s milk right now, sweetheart. But maybe her mama wouldn’t mind if you fed Belle a bottle of that. What do ya think?” Matt leans Chloe over the sink and washes the remnants of cookie and gooey chocolate off her hands. “Take your time, ladies. Chloe and I will be out in the yard having some fun.” He bends down to give Mom another kiss, this time on the cheek.
“Thanks so much, Matt. I’ll be out in a minute to give you a hand with the shearing.”
“No need, Nikki girl. Your mom and I make a good team.” He winks at my mom and a flush of pink colors her face. “We’ve almost made it through the whole herd.”
“Already? The vacuuming and shearing both? Wow. You guys are a good team.” Mom’s eyes sparkle as she gazes up at Matt and he stares at her like she’s his ’tookie.’
“Okay. Out of here you two. Lunch will be ready soon.” Mom gives Matt a pat on his backside and there may have been a little squeeze added. More than I need to see, ever.
“See you in a few minutes, munchkin.” I wave to Chloe as Matt carries her out the door.
The kettle whistles on cue. Tea is Mom’s cure for anything ailing you, emotionally or physically. She decides what type based on your mood or illness. As a kid I drank my weight in Echinacea tea anytime Mom heard the slightest sniffle. Today I’m betting it will be her special blend of chamomile and rose petals for calming and stress relief.
“I have a wonderful new blend of chamomile. How does that sound?” My mom, the tea whisperer. Wait. She doesn’t whisper to the tea. Whatever.
“Sounds perfect.” I take two of her treasured cups and saucers out of the glass-doored cabinet in one corner of the kitchen and set them on the long trestle farmhouse table in the middle of the room.
My dad gave her the tea set with the delicate rosebud pattern on their second wedding anniversary. She takes such attentive care of it you would think it was china from the Ming Dynasty. It’s the same way she cares for anything that provides a memory of my dad.
I take a seat while Mom pours the tea and then places a plate full of warm cookies on the table.
“Is everything okay at school?” she asks, taking the seat next to me.
“Everything is wonderful.” I smile into my teacup before taking a sip of the comforting warm liquid.
“But…?”
“But it’s a little complicated.” I shrug.
“Complicated how, sweetheart?” She peers at me over the rim of her cup.
“Well…I’m…I’m back with Dalt,” I blurt out and hold my breath, my eyes clenched closed. Silence, except for the sound of her cup sliding across the saucer.
I peek one eye open to see if she’s fainted and managed to put her cup down first to keep it from getting broken. She hasn’t. She’s staring at me like I have two heads and one of them is spinning Exorcist-style.
“Oh, Nikki. No. I know he’s Chloe’s father and you miss him, but after what he did to you, honey. I don’t think you—”
“No, Mom. He didn’t do anything. Turns out his father lied about everything. Dalt wasn’t engaged to anyone else and he didn’t send his father to offer me the money. Dalt didn’t know anything about it.”
My explanation comes out in a bit of an angry tone. Not directed at my mom, of course, but at the man who nearly destroyed the life Dalt and I had together and kept Dalt and Chloe out of each other’s lives for almost two years. I suppose, technically, I was the one who kept them apart, but Mr. Walker was definitely the noxious facilitator.
“But why? Why would his father do such an awful thing?” She shakes her head like she can’t believe what I’m telling her.
“Apparently he tries to control everything Dalt does. He didn’t want him to be involved with someone of my…my status, or lack of it. He wants Dalt to marry someone wealthy. There’s some girl in California he wants him to marry. He made up the whole engagement and money thing to get me out of Dalt’s life. And I was foolish enough to believe him and not trust in Dalt.”
“I don’t understand. He met with you without Dalt knowing about it, lied to you, and offered you money like you were some kind of…of…Why? Why would a father ever want to do something so horrible not only to you but to his own son?” Her hands are trembling around her tea cup as she contemplates the ramifications of Harrison Walker’s actions. She swipes away the tears spilling from her eyes.
How do I explain something I don’t understand myself? How could a woman who would have run through fire to keep me happy and loved ever understand why a father would do everything in his power to manipulate his son’s life in the name of wealth and status, indifferent to any kind of love?
“I don’t know.” I let out a big sigh. “But Dalt has been nothing but wonderful to me now that we both know the truth. And he wants us to be together. We both want to be together.”
“That’s wonderful, sweetheart. I’m very happy for you.” She places her hand atop mine. “But how does his father feel about it?”
“Dalt hasn’t spoken to him yet. He wants to confront him in person.” Mom nods in understanding. She’s regained her composure enough to pick up her cup.
“The thing is…well, Dalt wants us to move to California. He’s been offered a contract to play for an NHL team out there.”
Uh oh. The cup is trembling in her hand again.
“California?” The word catches in her throat. “You and Chloe will be moving to California?” Her eyes are glazed over with tears but I can tell she’s trying to hold them back. As usual she won’t say a word to influence me one way or the other until she knows what I want.
“That’s the other thing. Um…I haven’t told him about Chloe yet.” I’m not even sure I said the words aloud until I hear Mom’s cup crash into its saucer. Thank goodness it didn’t break or I’d have to heap my guilt over its loss on top of everything else.
“Oh, Nikki. Why? You know I was reluctant when you decided to keep her birth a secret from Dalt. But when you told me the circumstances and I thought about how horrible the Walkers were, I understood why you wanted to protect Chloe from them. But you can’t keep his baby girl away from him one second more now that you know the truth. If he finds out before you tell him yourself, he’s going to feel as betrayed by you as he was by his father.”
She hasn’t said anything I haven’t said to myself a thousand times in the past two days.
“I know I have to tell him. I’ve been trying but I…I’m…”
“You’re afraid you’ll lose him again. I understand.” She brushes a wayward strand of hair off my face. “When I got pregnant with you, I was scared to death to tell your dad. I thought he’d dump me and run from the responsibility, even though in my heart I knew he was a better man than that. He was all the wonderful things put together I had fallen in love with. When I told him, he took me in his arms, told me he loved me more than life itself, and said I’d made him the happiest man on Earth. We got married the next week.”
Wait. What? They got pregnant with me before they were married?
Definitely a conversation we’re going to have to have on another day.
“Tell him, Nikki. He’ll understand your conflict after what his father put you both through. If he’s half the man you believed he was when you fell in love with him, he’s going to adore Chloe and you for giving her to him.”
Our conversation is interrupted by the sound of a car coming up our graveled driveway.
“Who could that be? We’re not expecting anyone else today.”
Almost as if I could read it in the tea leaves, a feeling of dread sweeps over me.