TWENTY-FIVE
Nikki
My stomach drops when I see Dalt’s shiny black Levante coming down the driveway. The panicked validation thumps in my head. Everything I’ve been fearing for the past two days is about to come true. I glance around to see where Matt and Chloe are, but they’re nowhere in sight, probably still in back by the pen. I just need some time to talk to Dalt before he sees Chloe. Another scene in a Shakespearean tragedy about to take place. I run out to greet him.
“Hey, hockey boy!” I give an attempt at an excited welcome, but it sounds strained even to my ears. “Couldn’t live without me even for one day, huh?” With a nervous laugh I throw my arms around his neck and he wraps his around my waist.
“Sorry, babe. I didn’t mean to stalk you. I know you wanted the day to get things squared away but all hell’s broken loose back home and Garrett’s about to lose it. I couldn’t leave without seeing you first and telling you face to face. I’d ask you to come with me but I know you said you need to help out here.” He brushes a kiss across my lips and I find myself wishing I had some kind of magic powers to blink and whisk us both away. “Unless you’ll change your mind and take a trip with me to Cali?”
“What happened? Is Garrett okay?” I glance around to see if the proverbial nerve-wracking coast is still clear.
“He’s fine. But apparently my fucking father has gotten himself into a well-deserved pickle.” He smirks.
“A…a pickle?” I’m trying to focus on what Dalt is saying but my mind is screaming at me to find somewhere to take him where we can talk before it’s too late.
“Evidently the old bastard has gotten himself arrested for sexual abuse of a minor. He claims he didn’t know the girl was only sixteen. The dumb fucker was wearing his big fake smile and nothing else when he let her take pictures of the two of them in his hot tub.”
“Oh my God. He’s just awful.” The more I hear about his father the more I wish I hadn’t stopped myself from throwing up on his shoes.
“Tell me about it. Now there are all kinds of women coming forward with sexual harassment charges against him. It was only a matter of time. I told Garrett it was bound to happen. The man is disgusting.” Dalt runs a hand through his hair.
And then it happens. I hear Chloe’s giggles and laughs coming toward us. She runs right past me and wraps her little arms around Dalt’s legs like she’s known him for years.
“Who’s dis?” She cranes her neck back to look up at him.
I take a step back. Did the thought cross my mind to run away? Um…maybe, for just a second.
“Well hello there, sweetheart.” Dalt squats down bringing his face level with Chloe’s. She immediately reaches her arms out for him to lift her up. When Dalt scoops her into his arms and stands up, my breath catches in equal amounts of joy and terror.
“What’s your name, gorgeous?” He bounces her like an expert at toddler bouncing.
“Toey,” she answers and runs her tiny hand down her daddy’s cheek. “Mama, who’s dis?” she turns to me and asks. And there it is, the wide-eyed shock I’ve been dreading to see on Dalt’s face.
“Mama?” His brow pinches in confusion. “Nikki, what…”
He stops midsentence and refocuses on Chloe. I know the second the dawn breaks and Dalt sees his own eyes staring back at him.
“She…she’s mine.” His voice breaks. “How? When? I don’t—”
“It was Jägermeister night, in your car. Chloe’s twenty months old,” I answer in a quiet voice. “Chloe, this is…this is Dalt,” I add, since my baby girl is looking between her muddle-headed mom and the stranger holding her, wondering what the heck is going on.
Dalt stares at me for a moment his head tilted, his brows squished together in utter confusion. In that moment everything he’s thinking passes between us. How could I do this? Why did I do this? How could I have kept this from him even after everything we shared the past two days?
“Please, Dalt. Let me explain.”
He shakes his head as the realization of all his unanswered questions fill his eyes with unshed tears. He holds his hand out to stop me from speaking. I clutch my arms around my waist not only to keep myself from falling apart but also to keep myself from reaching out to him. I’m afraid if I try to touch him he’ll push me away.
“Dote.” Chloe giggles and taps his face.
Dalt looks at her. “That’s right, sweetheart. I’m Dalt. I’m your…I’m Dalt.” He crushes her to his chest, burying his nose in her hair. I can’t see them but I know the tears he’s been holding back must be falling into Chloe’s hair because his body is trembling with the strained attempt to keep Chloe from hearing him cry.
“Dalt, please. I…I was going to tell you.” My voice cracks. My entire body is trembling. “I found out right before you left for the Boston game. I planned on telling you after you came back when we were alone on our camping trip. Then your father showed up and I was confused and scared.” He’s still clutching Chloe in his arms in a tight hug. He doesn’t look at me. I don’t even know if he’s listening to me.
“Mama,” Chloe whines and wiggles in his arms. I can see how tightly he’s clutching her. She begins whimpering. Dalt becomes aware of her discomfort and when he loosens his grip, she reaches out to me. I take half a step toward them and Dalt hands her to me without looking into my eyes.
Oh God. This can’t be happening.
I can’t be losing him again. Not after everything we’ve said to each other.
“Nikki, honey. Is everything okay?” my mom calls out as she and Matt approach us. I don’t know how long they’ve been there, how much they’ve seen.
“Mom, this is Dalt.” I swipe a finger under both eyes. “Dalt, this is my mom, Rose, and Matt.”
Dalt doesn’t say a word, just swipes his palm across his cheeks to wipe away his tears and tips his head toward them. This is a scene right out of my absolute worst-case scenario nightmare.
“It’s very nice to meet you, Dalt. I wish it was under better circumstances. You and Nikki need to talk, especially for Chloe’s sake.” Mom takes Chloe out of my arms. “Come on, baby girl. Nana’s got lunch all ready for you.”
“‘Tay. Bye, Dote.” Chloe waves, apparently having forgiven Dalt for the too tight squeeze.
“Bye, Chloe,” Dalt whispers.
My heart is breaking. I want to hold him, comfort him. But I can’t, because I did this to him. Not his father, me. I put that anguish in his eyes for the second time in two days. But this time it’s worse. He won’t even look at me.
“I hope you’ll join us for lunch, Dalt. We’d love to have you.” My mom looks up at Matt and blows out a big breath.
“Listen, kid,” Matt growls. “You oughta give Nikki a chance to explain. You and your fuc…freakin’ father put her through hell for two years.”
Mom grabs Matt’s arm and shakes her head in disapproval.
“Yeah, well, I understand you didn’t have anything to do with it. But Nikki didn’t know that,” Matt says. “She was only trying to protect herself and her baby. What your dad did was fu…was messed up.” Matt glances at Chloe.
Dalt takes a deep, pained breath and closes his eyes.
“Matt, I think we should give them some space. Give them time to talk, alone.” Mom gives me a smile of encouragement and the three of them head back into the house.
When Dalt opens his eyes and glares at me for the first time in several minutes, I know this is every bit as bad as I had imagined it would be. This time his beautiful blue eyes aren’t filled with torment, they’re cold and as hard as flinty steel. He stumbles backward toward his car.
“Wait. Please listen.” My brain is useless, filled with sludge I’m trying to wade through to find the right words to explain why I did what I did. “Try to understand. When your father came to the dorm the night you were away and told me all those lies and then offered me the money, I was so frightened. I was devastated by what I thought was your betrayal. But when I ran out of the dorm, away from him, all I could think about was my baby, our baby. It occurred to me how rich and powerful he must be to offer someone that kind of money on a whim. I thought if he found out I was pregnant he would try to make me either get rid of her or take her away from me. I couldn’t let that happen. I loved the part of you growing inside me.”
“So you lied to me. You lied to me because you thought I was as big of a monster as my father.” His voice is flat, monotone.
“I was confused. I—”
“How about for the past two days while you were whispering words of love in my ears and we were fucking each other’s brains out. Were you confused then?”
“No. I was scared…scared I was going to lose you when you found out what I had done.” I drop my chin to my chest.
“What you had done? You mean lying to me about my child? You mean not telling me we had a baby girl? Keeping her away from me for almost two years? What? You were angry with me because you thought I had some other girl in California so you decided to take your ball home and not play with me anymore? She’s not a fucking toy, Nik. She’s a child who needed her daddy.” His arms flail through the air as he snaps off the list of contemptible things I’ve done to him.
“No. I wasn’t angry…I was…” I reach out to him and take a step toward him.
Dalt throws his hands up to block my touch. “Oh. No. That’s right. You were scared. So scared, that last night when I was buried inside you or this morning when we were discussing our future, you still couldn’t bring yourself to tell me I had a kid.”
“Dalt, please.” I reach for him again. My eyes are liquid with tears. His face has become a hazy blur.
“No, Nik.” He backs away from me, this time grabbing the handle of his car door. “I love you. I do,” his voice softens and my heart makes a hopeful leap. “But ,” and with one word it crashes down to my toes, “you lied to me. Not just lied. This is the biggest, most hurtful deception I could ever imagine. And not only hurtful to me, you also hurt Chloe by keeping me out of her life. Christ. I thought this kind of shit only happens in some bad movie or cheesy novel.” He pulls his car door open and it feels like the air is being sucked out of my lungs.
“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. Stay. Please.”
“I can’t. I need some time to figure things out. I have to go to California for a few days to help Garrett work this shit out with my father. I’ll…I’ll call you.” He slides in behind the steering wheel.
“But…but Chloe.”
“I’ll be here for Chloe. No matter what.” He slams the door closed.
Wake up, Nikki. Just wake up. This isn’t happening. This can’t be happening.
Dalt’s tear-filled eyes stay locked with mine for a moment. He places the palm of his hand flat against the window glass and mouths the words, “Bye, baby.” His car circles in the driveway around me.
Raindrops begin to fall. I drop my head back to let them splash on the heat of my swollen face. When I lift my head and see the back of Dalt’s car disappear out the gate at the end of our driveway, my legs give out from under me.
“You promised you would never leave me again,” I whisper from my kneeling position before collapsing onto the gravel.