IT’S BEEN A WEEK SINCE my first date with Rhett, and I’ve got to say, I’ve never felt happier than I have in these last seven days.
Our schedules haven’t allowed for another date, but he hasn’t once let me feel abandoned or alone. Yet he’s still giving me the time I told him I needed; he isn’t pushing for more or a title on what we are.
Though I don’t think time is going to help any. I can already feel my heart falling deep for this man.
Hell, I was falling well before I finally even agreed to our first date, if I let myself admit it. I just wish my heart would listen to my head and heed its warning, take it slow, because without a shadow of a doubt this man will ruin me if I’m not careful.
I just…I can’t help how he makes me feel. Despite the body armor of tattooed skin and rough exterior, he’s beyond sweet and kind and so careful with me. Never pushing me beyond my boundaries; even though he never let up on pursuing me, he’s never made me feel like I didn’t have a choice.
Something most men in my life never gave me the option of having.
If he isn’t working at his tattoo shop, he’s spending time at the bar just so he can see me. Or if we’re unable to see the other, we’re texting almost nonstop. Just checking in, learning about the other, the small things like our favorite color, food, movie, music.
And let’s not forget about the flowers. When I walked into work last Monday afternoon, ready to start my night shift, I couldn’t believe the bouquet of wildflowers sitting on the bar top. I thought for sure Saylor had an admirer, or Nash finally pulled his head out of his ass and made a public move on her, but when I found out they were for me I nearly fell over. Then when I read the card, saw they were from Rhett, I swear my heart literally skipped a beat.
Can’t stop thinking about you, angel. ~R
That’s all it said. Simple, yet oh so sweet. Perfect.
And then two nights later when he stopped by the apartment late at night just to steal a kiss. Gosh, my heart. It was already hanging precariously because of the flowers. Then with that quick, surprise visit, it’s as if my heart leapt off the ledge itself.
I’m not afraid to admit I sighed and swooned up a storm and couldn’t contain the smile that split my face all that night. The men of my past never had to work hard for my attention; as ashamed as I am to acknowledge that, it’s true. All they had to do was show the slightest bit of interest, and I was putty in their hands. But with Rhett it’s different. It may not seem as though two weeks is a long time, but for me it’s like a lifetime because I never made them wait, thinking I’d finally found someone to belong with, to belong to. Afraid that if I showed any resistance toward them then I’d lose their interest and the possibility of more.
Never realizing that’s what I was doing wrong the whole time. That my eagerness and easy ways made me a target and gave me a reputation for the wrong kind of attention.
But with Rhett I’m finally doing it right. I’m taking time and not just jumping into bed with him. I’m not letting my heart guide my every step. And I’m sharing more of myself, my past, than I’ve ever shared with anyone…ever.
I just hope and pray like hell I don’t get burned in the process, that Rhett’s as genuine as he appears to be.
As seems to be the normal as of late, I’m lost in thought, thinking about Rhett, when I hear a light chuckle break into my thoughts. Looking up from the table I keep wiping down though it’s clean, I see Daisy watching me with a smile on her face. “Think that table’s well and clean, don’t you, hon?”
I can feel the flush of embarrassment at being caught in la-la-land creeping into my cheeks. “Sorry about that,” I mutter as I walk behind the bar to meet her.
“Don’t you apologize to me, girl. I’m sure I know what’s got you all lost with that dreamy look on your face. And you can bet that if Rhett had taken me up on my advances and I was in your shoes, that I’d be lost as hell in dreamland, too.”
I freeze. My whole body does, from my breath to my heart to the tips of my toes.
Her advances?
Has Daisy tried to sleep with Rhett? Or worse…has she?
“Oh shit, I’m sorry, Kennedy. I didn’t mean it to upset you.” Her voice is sorry and sincere.
I try to smile, to shake it off, but I swear it’s a grimace because of the thoughts running through my head.
“Y-you…” Clearing my throat from the rasp and stutter, I try again. “You slept with Rhett?”
“Gosh no!” Daisy exclaims, resting a hand to my shoulder meaning to comfort me. “I swear, Kennedy. Rhett and I have never slept together. Ever.”
“But you wanted to?”
Looking sheepish and a bit embarrassed, she nods her head. “I tried a couple of times and failed each time. He would always say he didn’t shit where he ate and that would be that. But it was a long time ago, Kennedy. Really, it was. Tell her, Saylor.” Turning to look to her right, I follow suit and see Saylor standing there.
“It was, honey. Eons at this point. And besides, there isn’t anybody my big brother is thinking about or wanting but you.” Her voice is soft, meant to reassure me because she knows how fragile I am. As much as I hate to admit it.
“Exactly!” Daisy interjects. “And I just meant that giant hulk of handsome has finally fallen.” She smiles gently. “And I’m so glad it’s with you.”
I laugh lightly at her description of Rhett. “He is handsome, huh?” Trying to joke and play, too. Not wanting her earlier words to affect me. Daisy’s a nice girl; I know she meant no harm. And really, how could I be surprised that she tried her charms on Rhett? I’m sure the whole dang town of Sunvale and the next three counties have tried to snag him. The girls are plenty; even now they’re always hanging around him and near him, but he never gives them the time of day. When he’s at the bar, he always keeps his focus solely on me.
“Of course he is,” Saylor answers, trying to lighten the moment. “He’s my big bro. Our genes are bomb.”
For the next hour, we all go about our business throughout the bar. Taking orders, clearing tables, restocking anything low. Daisy and Saylor go on as if our conversation never happened, while I can’t help but think of nothing else.
Needing to get away and clear my head, and admittedly wanting to see Rhett more than ever right now and knowing he’ll be at the shop though it’s still the afternoon, I let Saylor know I’m taking my break so I can venture across the street to see him. Hoping that my unexpected visit doesn’t upset him.
Her eyes tell me she knows I’m not as okay as I’m trying to be, but she lets me go without one of her usual Saylor lectures I’ve come to know.
My feet take me across the street while my heart still aches at the knowledge that Daisy tried to sleep with Rhett. I know she said he denied her, so it shouldn’t matter, but that doesn’t mean he didn’t want to. He just knew well enough that turning his usual tricks with her wouldn’t be smart since she works at the bar with his sister.
I know this shouldn’t bother me so much, but I can’t help but let my insecurities take over. Especially since we’re so new and especially because one of my greatest fears is being taken advantage of yet again.
What about your truth?
I’ve never wanted anything more than I want you.
I need to trust that he means it.
The buzzing of Rhett’s tattoo gun fills the inside of Inked Souls as soon as I walk through the door. It brings a small smile to my face knowing he’s hard at work, doing something he’s so passionate about, despite the heavy thoughts still running through my head. Because I can picture him back there, dark eyes intense as he concentrates on his craft, his big body leaned over his client as his hand steadily creates perfection on skin.
“Hey, what up, girl?”
Looking up, I see Nash hunched over the front desk. His large, tattooed hands clasped together as he leans on his forearms, big smile stretched through his dark blond beard.
If I had to describe Nash McKinley, I’d say he’s like a tattooed Viking. With his blond hair twisted up into a man bun at the top of his skull and dark blond beard thick and full covering his jaw and neck, add in the piercing, sky blue eyes fringed in dark blond lashes and towering height, and you’ve got yourself a modern-day Viking.
“Hey, Nash.” I reply, my voice quiet.
His brows drop down over his blue eyes, sensing my somber mood. “All good, sweetheart?”
“Yeah.” I nod my head. “All good.” Playing off the worry still swimming through me.
Nodding his head, he lets it go before that huge grin is taking over his face yet again. “Now, unfortunately for me, I know you aren’t here to see my sexy ass.”
I chuckle at his over-the-top nature as I watch him stand to his full height and puff his wide chest. “I can hear he’s busy back there; I’ll just wait out here.” I gesture to the row of cushioned seats that make up the waiting room.
“He’s gonna wanna know you’re here, sweetheart.” Raising an eyebrow to prove his point.
“I don’t want to interrupt. I’ve got a little bit of time; I don’t mind waiting.”
“Suit yourself, girl. But if he goes off on a Rhett Shaw tantrum, don’t tell me I didn’t warn ya.”
I chuckle again as I take a seat and pick up a magazine to browse, letting my mind wander. It bounces between not only the last week of Rhett and me trying, but it also goes over my last few weeks here in Sunvale before settling on my conversation with Daisy.
I just can’t shake it.
Then after what can only be a few minutes, I hear heavy footfalls from the back where all the magic happens.
“Angel?” I look up from the tattoo magazine I was browsing to see Rhett walking from the back. His handsome face all smiles at finding me waiting on him.
I don’t even notice his client, too focused on Rhett coming toward me.
“Hey,” I whisper softly, shyly. A small smile on my face as I stand from my seat.
“This is a damn fine surprise.” He beams. And a surprise it is because after the last few weeks of knowing Rhett, I’ve never made any move to initiate anything. No matter how small the gesture.
Then my world comes crashing down.
“Ain’t you a little sweet thing,” a gruff voice salaciously drawls from behind Rhett.
The smile I had for him dies from my face, and the air gets trapped in my lungs.
Sweet thing.
Memories of my past come swirling back like an F5 tornado at those two words. Ripping and roaring and demolishing every good thing in its path.
Just when I think I’ve escaped its wrath, it comes crashing back over me like a tidal wave of fear, anger, and regret.
Before I can catch my breath, I’m slammed into that night head-on. As if I’m back in that bedroom, in that bed, being crowded by a man who was meant to serve as a father figure to me.
His stale, beer breath. His yellow-stained shirt. His beefy hands reaching and grabbing and touching.
I feel myself cringe as tears begin to fall down my cheeks before it all goes black.
“Kennedy, baby, it’s okay. Deep breaths for me, angel. That’s it. With me. Breathe in…then out. That’s good, baby. Real good.”
At Rhett’s strong voice, I come back to to feel him cradling me in his arms and to see Nash looking on with worry.
“She okay, man?” The worry also evident in his tone.
Oh gosh. “What happened?” I whisper hoarsely. My eyes only cracked open enough to see it’s just the three of us left in the shop.
I breathe deeply at that realization, a feeling of safety returning at not only being in Rhett’s arms but at knowing that man is no longer near me or…looking at me.
“Fuck, angel. I think you had a panic attack,” Rhett answers, sounding out of breath himself, as if he just ran a marathon.
His arms wrap tighter around me, cocooning me in his warmth and protection. “What the fuck happened there, angel? One minute you were smiling bright for me and then the next you damn near passed out. Wrapped you up before you could go down.”
I close my eyes, trying to think of something to say, mortified at what just happened. My heart racing and pulse beating wildly.
“You scared the shit outta me.” His deep voice mutters against the top of my head, sounding devastated.
“I’m sorry,” I whisper back into his broad chest.
“Don’t.” He emphasizes and grinds out like sandpaper, reluctantly pulling back to look down at my face. I immediately miss his warmth, especially when I see the hard, cold look in his eyes. “Don’t you dare apologize. Just tell me what the fuck happened before I say to hell with it and leave to tear that motherfucker apart.”
Nash must have quietly slipped out back at some point because I don’t see him in the room when I look away to gather my thoughts.
“Kennedy, tell me,” Rhett pleads, using a balled fist to gently lift my chin so I meet his eyes. “Do you know him? Did he hurt you?” Rage and malice swim in the dark depths, ready to inflict pain on my behalf if needed.
Swallowing harshly, my voice is heavy and gruff, laden with embarrassment and shame. I shake my head. “No,” I whisper. “I’ve never seen him before. H-he just said something that…that brought me back to a time in my life that I hate to remember.”
Rhett’s nostrils flare, as if he’s breathing fire. “What was it, angel? Tell me so I can fix it.” His eyes are back to pleading again as I’m pulled back into his strong arms. “Tell me so I can help make that look on your face, those tears in your eyes, and that fear trembling through you go away.”
Oh my, this man.
Despite feeling like my heart is going to beat from my chest in fear. Despite my skin crawling at those two words that put me in a tailspin. Despite feeling dirty and used and broken often times beyond repair. Despite it all, this strong, tattooed, rough and tumble man has the ability to make me melt and forget myself. He has the ability to make me believe for a moment that I deserve his kindness and warmth. That I’m not hopeless and beyond saving.
“Rhett…I…just not here. I’ll tell you but without the chance of anyone hearing or walking in. Please.” Pleading as I wipe the tears from my cheeks.
Leaning away from me to look into my eyes, I see the moment he gives in and decides not to push. “Alright, but let me walk you up to your place—”
“No—”
“Angel—”
“No, Rhett. I’m fine,” I demand. Breathing a deep inhale before letting it out, I continue. “I’m not going to let my reaction dictate my life. Just give me a few more minutes to calm down, I’ll finish the last couple hours of my shift, and then tonight I’ll tell you what happened.”
Despite my meltdown I’m proud of my backbone. Though I wish I had an ounce of that strength moments ago when I fell apart.
“Fine.” He relents. “Go back to work, but as soon as your shift’s over, you walk that pretty little ass back over here because we’re talking at my place. Tonight, angel. And not a moment later.”