chapter 17
Anouk was cautiously glad to see Iván with me when we came in on Monday. He frowned when she lit a cigarette and she frowned back, then she very deliberately extinguished it against a crusty soup can lid on her desk and opened a pack of gum.
“We talked about smoking around you,” he explained to me. “Around everyone in the studio.”
Anouk rolled her eyes. “He has an idea about everything.” She snapped her gum rudely. “But I don’t mind him too much.”
I had an idea or two myself. I had spent a few hours before my class typing up all of Iván’s notes from the plane when we had discussed possible changes to the studio, and I had come up with about 20 new thoughts as well. I sat down across from her and held up my hands.
“What do you think, Anouk?” I asked her. “It’s going to be hard for you. I know you like things as they are, but you know it’s not working. Are you ready to make some changes?”
She looked between Iván and me. “With Toby in the pokey, I think you’re my last resort.”
“Is that a yes?” I prompted.
She sighed. “It’s a yes. But I’m still smoking.” Iván’s eyebrows went up. “Outside,” she concluded glumly.
We worked for hours that morning. I wanted to introduce some adult classes right away to start bringing in more money. “One thing that would be great would be to provide childcare for moms while they’re here dancing or working out,” I said. “I noticed that the spider store moved out over the weekend.”
“I think he got bitten,” Anouk explained, and I shuddered.
“Maybe Joana could work here,” I suggested. “We could make sure all the spiders are gone and convert the storefront to a kids’ area. And when I say ‘we,’ please understand that I will not be involved in spider removal.”
Anouk nodded slowly. “That might work,” she said. “Maybe.”
Iván was nodding too. “We need to talk to my lawyer.”
“And there’s the insurance,” I added.
Anouk rolled her eyes more. “This is the boring stuff I never had to deal with.”
“Yes,” Iván told her. “You did almost everything wrong.”
Iván wanted to head to the pool and I walked him out, unlocking the glass door to the street. “I’ll be home early,” I said.
“Why don’t you come swim…” He looked over my shoulder. “¿Qué coño haces aquí, cabrón?”
I turned. Oh, glory. My mouth dropped open. “Robin? What are you doing here?” I asked.
Robin looked terrible, sloppy and dirty, his eyes red-rimmed. “Hi, Maura.” He whined instead of speaking. “I left you all those messages, you never called me back. I really wanted to see you but my mom wouldn’t let me. I drove up in her car and she’s going to be really pissed. I’ve been looking for you for hours.” He screwed up his face. “For a long time, anyway.”
I felt Iván move behind me and held my arm in front of him. “I don’t want to see you, Robin. We don’t have anything to say to each other.”
His eyes flicked to Iván. “Can’t we talk, alone?” he whispered, as if Iván couldn’t hear him. “I made a big, big mistake, Maura. We need to discuss it.”
Iván made a threatening noise in his throat and Robin’s eyes bugged a little. I turned to Iván. “I can handle him. Can you just give me a second?” I asked. He stepped about an inch away and I looked back at Robin. “No, I don’t want to talk,” I told him. “You did make a mistake. You made a lot of them. You treated me terribly, and I hope you’re sorry, and I hope you never do any of that again, not to anyone else. But there’s no discussion, not now, not ever. You need to get back in your mom’s car and leave.”
“I miss you so much,” Robin told me. “I’m so lonely.” His voice dropped again. “Maura, you’re just as hot as I remember.” He was staring at my breasts. “Maybe one last time, just for old time’s sake—”
The words hadn’t finished leaving his mouth when Iván had him by the neck. “You perverted piece of shit,” Iván hissed. “Don’t even look at her!”
Robin was flailing his arms. He kicked his legs and knocked over a folding chair with a clatter, and Anouk came running in. “Let him go!” I said, my voice shrill. “Iván, let him go!” I grabbed his arms. His muscles were like iron. Iván dropped him and Robin fell hard to the floor.
“You attacked me,” Robin gasped. He pointed to Anouk. “You saw him! I’m calling the police.”
“I didn’t see shit,” Anouk answered, just as Iván made another move toward him. I wrapped my arms around his waist to try to hold him back. “No! Robin, put down that phone.”
Robin slowly got up, dusted himself off, and pulled down his shirt over his white belly. His eyes narrowed as he looked at me, running his gaze up and down my body. “I won’t report him. But you’ll owe me, Maura. You’ll have to make it up to me.”
Suddenly I saw him. I really saw him for what he was. “You’re so pathetic,” I said, my voice filled with disgust. “You could manipulate me when I was fifteen, and you’re still trying to do it now. I’m not going to sleep with you, Robin. Not ever again.”
“Fifteen? You have to be fucking with me.” Anouk’s voice was pure New Jersey. “If you hold him, I’ll hit him,” she told Iván.
“No, he’s not worth it,” I said. “I’ll tell you what, Robin. If you go to the police, I will, too.”
He looked nervous. “For what? Marijuana is legal now…”
“No, not because of drugs. I’ll go to the police and tell them about you luring me when I was a teenager. How you somehow worked the system and I ended up living with you, a predator.”
“It wasn’t like that,” Robin said. “That was a long time ago, anyway.”
“Maybe it won’t matter to the police how long ago it happened.” My voice rose. “I know that it won’t matter when I start calling reporters. Bloggers. Everybody! How do you think your parents would like it? How do you think their friends would react if I told everyone that they knew? They knew I was living with you, and they let it happen!” My voice had risen more. “You were an adult. I thought you were helping me! I thought you saved me. All this time, I thought I owed you!” Now I was almost screaming.
“Get the fuck out of here,” Anouk told him. “I have a gun and my neighbor doesn’t have any issues about composting red meat.”
Robin backed away. “Don’t tell, ok, Maura? Don’t tell anyone.” He bumped against the door and pulled it open. “I’ll leave you alone. Don’t tell, promise?”
Anouk locked the door behind him and we watched him shuffle-run down the street. “What a piece of shit. I’m liking the new one even more now,” she added, pointing at Iván.
Iván just held out his arms, and I walked into them. Anouk left us, and I cried against his chest for a long time.
“I’m glad he came,” I said finally, trying to wipe off my face. “It was like I finally understood.”
“I wish I had hurt him more. I wish I had killed him.” Iván looked so angry that I knew he could have.
“No. Let’s let the authorities handle it.” I nodded. “Tonight I’m going to call the police. Maybe it’s really too late, but maybe they can do something. Something so he can’t do that to anyone else.”
Iván nodded too. “I’m proud of you. I think it’s the right thing, what you’re doing. But I still wish I had…” His eyes went to the door. “I don’t want to leave you here, even if Anouk really has a gun.” He winced. “Do you think she does?”
“I think we need to clean out the office very thoroughly and look. It’s a definite maybe, and that line about putting him in the compost really freaked me out.”
We were very quiet in the car. Iván waited for me directly outside the ladies’ locker room while I changed and held my hand when we walked across to the pool, his face still wearing an angry scowl. I felt jumpy and nervous, but the water helped. It didn’t scare me anymore; it calmed me. I let it lap against me gently and I took deep breaths.
Iván swam next to me in the lane, his long body graceful like a fish, while I slapped away at the water. Then I kicked slowly and watched him as he swam off his anger for many, many laps, until his scowl was gone. When he was done, he floated next to me for a while on his back, the way he told me he liked to do to think about things.
He picked up his head. “Maura?”
“Yes?”
He stood. His eyes looked dark. “I have to tell you something. I probably should have told you a long time ago.”
My fingers gripped the kickboard. “Ok. Go ahead.”
Iván reached for my hands, removed them from the kickboard, and pulled me through the water to him. He put his arms around me, holding me close. “You know, I think you know, already.” He bent his head to mine. “I love you.”
My smile bloomed across my face. “I do know that you love me. You show me in everything that you do. But I’m glad you told me, that you said the words. Do you know how I feel about you?”
“Maybe you could say the words too,” he suggested.
“I trust you. I believe you. I love you, Iván.” I hugged him as hard as I could. “I love you.”
The water lapped around us. I thought of the first time I saw the ocean, the splendor and the boundless possibility of it. I remembered feeling wonder and awe.
I felt the same way, all over again. “I love you.”