Everyone I need is busy right now.
Everyone.
Ashley and Marilyn are both on dates. And I’m happy for them. I really am.
Jenna? She’s getting laid. She hasn’t responded to my text but I know her. There’s no way she isn’t.
My heart races. My hands are sweating. I’m pacing back in forth in the small lounge area of my dorm room, my body thrumming with violence.
And it’s violence. I won’t deny it.
I’m fucking pissed.
I tried to be cool. Tried to go on about my day as if Brayden leaving the way he did doesn’t matter.
Why is he treating me like this? Does he think I’m stupid? That I wasn’t going to notice he’s hiding something?
I’ve known for a while now that he is. And I ignored it long enough. At first, the signs were few and far between.
Now? The red flags are all up in my face, telling me I’m six different types of fool for trusting him.
I tug on my hair. That’s not fair to him. He’s been trying so hard to change. I know he has. I give him all the credit in the world for it.
But is it fair to me that I have to live knowing how he once was and now I have to deal with him lying to me about things?
I need to talk to someone about this. It’s too much to keep locked up inside myself. I can’t sift through all this on my own.
There’s only one person that might be available right now.
If she isn’t giving my brother head at the moment.
I cringe at my own stupid thought. What a way to traumatize myself. I head back into the room area to text Dana.
Picking up my phone, I can’t help the way my stomach drops at the lack of text notifications.
Brayden text me once this morning to tell me he was pulling up to his mom’s. I replied. After that, he didn’t.
All day. It’s been nine hours since he last text me.
Any other girlfriend would be blowing up his phone by now. It’s my right as his girl.
I don’t feel like his girl. I’m not being treated as such. If ignoring the girl he’s with is the way a boyfriend acts, I don’t want part in any of this.
So I haven’t reached out to him. I’ve left it alone. If I’m not important enough for him to keep in mind during his trip, then I won’t bother him. I’ll give him his space.
It’s better than blowing up on him. I’ll just deal with my shit on my own.
Dear God, this hurts. I don’t mean to be untrusting of him, I really don’t. He isn’t making trusting him easy, though.
Dana responds to my text. Hey! No, I’m not busy. What’s up?
Maybe it’s wrong to reach out to my brother’s girl for relationship advice but what choice do I have? I have no one at this moment, and besides, she’s been there for me before.
I was wondering if you have time to go out for some drinks. I kind of need someone to talk to.
Her next text comes through within seconds of me sending mine. I’ll take the car and will be there in less than 30.
Damn, man. Even if she did slice my brother up in her quest for vengeance against him, the girl has a side to her that is just too awesome.
I hurry to change my clothes and make myself look at least semi-human.
“So . . . He’s hiding his laptop when you walk into the room. Set up a pin on it and on his phone?”
I stare into my beer and nod. “The only reason I found out is when I went to use both. The phone pin is recent. It happened right before he left. The computer? That was two weeks ago.”
Dana runs her hand through her hair. “Did you ask him about it?”
“Why should I? He locked me out of his devices. I doubt he’s going to tell me why.”
She pounds back her drink like a pro. “God damn it, Brayden. What are you doing?”
At least now I know I’m not going crazy. I’ve asked myself that question at least fifty times since he left yesterday morning.
“Text him.” Dana waves the waitress back over to us.
“What? No!”
Dana ignores me and orders us shots of tequila.
My eyes go wide. “No to that as well woman!”
She waves me away like my two refusals are ridiculous. “Trust me. You need them. Now text him.”
I finish my beer and resign myself to the shots. The text, however? “No. He hasn’t reached out to me all day. Why should I bother him?” I can’t hide the bitterness in my tone.
“I want to see how long it takes him to get back to you.”
“What if he doesn’t get back to me at all?” I ask in a small voice. Fuck, I’m pathetic and weak, but I’m pretty sure I’ll cry in the middle of this bar.
Dana raises her eyebrow and for the first time, I see that merciless, vindictive side of her shining through. “I hope the boy isn’t actually that stupid. Especially since you and I are starting to get close.”
Our shots arrive.
I slam mine back for courage and send him that text. I tell myself before typing it out not to come off as bitchy or petty.
I fail.
I guess you’ve been too busy to call or text.
“Let me see.”
I turn the phone around so Dana can read it. “Was it wrong of me to say that?”
She scoffs. “Girl, you were so much nicer than I would’ve been. How does this sound? ‘Useless motherfucker, get back to me now or you can kiss my fine ass on its way to the next dick.’”
I want to both laugh and cry at that. “I don’t know what to do. I feel guilty for not trusting him. What if he’s just hanging with his mom as he said?” I place the phone face up on the table so I won’t miss his text if it comes through.
“Well, has he ignored you like this while with his mom before?”
My response is quick. “Never.”
Her eyebrows raise high. “Combine that with his recent behavior . . . Listen, I’m praying with you. Hard. And there’s a part of me that keeps insisting Brayden adores you and he wouldn’t do anything stupid to ruin what you two have.”
I nod because there’s a big part of me that feels the same way.
“But it’s not your fault you’re panicking. Kira, you’re human, and he hoe’d his ass all over the place back in the day. That’s not something you forget. How you feel is understandable.” She reaches across the table and grabs my hand.
I smile at her although I feel like going home and curling into a ball. Stupid, since the last thing I needed was to be alone, and that’s why I called her.
“He hasn’t gotten back to you, yet. Has he?”
I would have seen my phone light up if he had. Still, I pick it up and double check.
Nothing.
The urge to call him chokes me.
If I do, I’m going to end up cursing him out. I know myself. I might go ahead and use Dana’s line after all.
“We need more drinks.” Dana twists around in her seat, looking for the waitress.
“Are you sure that’s a good idea? I tend to get stupid when I drink.”
“I won’t let you get to that point, trust me.”
So I do. She orders us one more round of shots and after that we go back to drinking beers.
Mixing different types of alcohol is a recipe for disaster, but we aren’t planning on having too many more.
To her credit, she drops the Brayden subject and tries to distract me talking about other things.
Obviously, it doesn’t work.
My life has become mostly about him lately. What more do I have to talk about? “Um, I hate that I even have to ask you this, but can you please not tell my brother? I don’t want to cause a rift between him and Brayden.”
“Of course. I mean, if Brayden ends up really fucking this up, I won’t have a choice but to tell him. However, we’re going to stick on the side of faith and believe that he has a perfectly rational explanation for this.”
I rub my face with my hands. “Now I feel like a huge bitch all over again.” How could I doubt Brayden? He’s been busting his ass to do right by me.
“Stop chastising yourself, you’re human, and you’re utterly in love with him. It’s normal.”
“It’s still not right. I owe him more faith than that.”
But an hour later, he still hasn’t responded.
“Okay. I’d be officially freaking out by now. Text him. Something along the lines of ‘Austin is coming to pick me up in five minutes. Talk to you later.’”
I laugh at Dana’s comment. She’s so bad. What the hell was my brother thinking ever going up against someone like her? I’m sure he lived to regret it. “He’s also driving back super early in the morning, so he’s probably in bed early for that.”
She nods, but the look on her face is disbelieving.
It’s only 8:30pm. Therefore, I don’t blame her for the disbelief. I’m grasping at straws here and I know it.
“Well, we agreed we weren’t going to get drunk, but . . .”
It’s a bad idea but I’m right there with her. “Another round?”
She smiles and slams her hand on the table. “My kind of girl.”
I somehow managed to shower without slipping and breaking my neck.
I’ve gotten so used to showering at Brayden’s, that using the shared showers here sucks for me now.
Jenna still isn’t back yet. I suspect she won’t be back until late tomorrow. Just in case I send her a text to make sure she’s all right.
Yeah, I’m aware I’m not her mom but I can’t help worrying for her regardless.
I almost trip getting into my bed. My promise to not get drunk went down the shitter after that last round of shots. Somehow, that turned into another three rounds.
I fall face first into the bed and within an instant I’m passed out.
My phone’s ringing incessantly. I can feel it vibrating against my face.
The last thing I want to do is wake up. Why can’t they just leave me alone?
I roll over and shut my eyes tight, determined to ignore it. Happiness floods me when the phone stops ringing seconds later. Sighing, I curl back up and go back to sleep.
It’s ringing again.
Actually, I think I heard it ringing in my dreams. Non-stop. Annoying.
Groaning, I roll onto my back. The world is pounding. My mouth is so fucking dry.
That phone won’t shut the fuck up.
I think I feel it vibrating under my pillow. Whoever is calling isn’t going to leave me alone until I answer.
I search blindly under my pillow until I find my phone and answer without looking at who’s calling.
“What?”
“Kira where have you been?”
A wave of equal parts giddiness and anger flow inside me at the sound of Brayden’s voice.
“Home. In bed.” Jesus. My voice sounds like shit.
Brayden’s silent for a few seconds. “Are you okay?”
I try swallowing to help ease the dryness in my mouth. All it does is make it worse. “I’m trying to sleep.”
“I’ve been trying to call you.”
I pull the phone away from my ear. Squinting at it, I pull up my call records to see when his calls began. “Yeah,” I say, bringing the phone back to my ear. “Three hours after I text you and over twelve hours since I last heard from you. Sorry I didn’t stay up waiting by the phone.”
“You’re angry at me. I get it.”
No. I don’t think he does. “I really need to go back to bed, if you don’t mind. My head’s pounding.”
“What were you doing?”
“Are you going to honestly answer that question if I ask you?”
“Kira . . .”
Dear God, he’s annoyingly persistent when he wants to be. “I have an issue, okay?”
“An issue?”
“Yeah. I’ve developed a bad habit of drinking my problems away.”
“Your problems . . . You’re drunk.”
I don’t like the condemnation in his tone. “I was,” I snap. “I’m coming down off it and I would like to sleep through most of it.”
“Kitty, I’m going to tell you. You know that right? When the time is right, I’ll tell you everything.”
My heart speeds up, which does nothing to help my headache. “Tell me what? Why can’t you tell me now? What’s going on Brayden?”
“I can’t tell you, yet. But I promise I will soon. As soon as it’s all sorted out.”
“You’re hurting me with your secrecy,” I whisper.
He curses softly. “I’ll hurt you a lot worse if I drag you into this.”
Despite how shitty I feel, I sit up at that, alarmed. “Are you in some kind of trouble?”
“No. Nothing like that. Just . . . You know I love you, right?”
I chew on the inside of my cheek.
“Tell me you know I love you, Kira.”
Thinking back on everything he’s done for me the last few months, all the emotional hits he endured, how hard he’s tried to change his ways, there’s only one answer I can give him. “Yes.”
“Then trust me. Please, baby. I know this isn’t easy on you, but please trust me.”
“I miss you,” I say instead, because the tone of his voice is slicing me up and all I want is to be in his arms.
“I fucking miss you so much it’s killing me.”
Yet he went twelve hours without even texting me a single word.
I bite back that comment. I’m stuck between righteous anger and guilt for not trusting him.
“Kira, please tell me you’ll trust me.”
I can’t promise that. I’d be lying. But I can promise something else truthfully. “I’ll try, Brayden. I promise I’ll try my absolute best.”