WILL
Tess glanced up at me from her place at the table. “You look like shit,” she stated flatly. If it wasn’t for the slight flex of her jaw, I probably wouldn’t even know she was still mad at all.
“You shouldn’t swear,” I told her, trying to make it sound like I cared that she cussed.
This time the jaw flex was more than slight. “I’m sixteen, and you’re not my dad. If Mom were alive, she’d let me go.”
“You’re not sixteen for another six months. And I know exactly what happens at those parties. No way would Mom have said yes. And no fucking way will I. Final answer.”
She opened her mouth, looking like she was planning to mount another argument. Her cheeks flamed and she made a fist. But I wasn’t budging on this one—the Sand and Slam was off limits.
Good. Yell at me, I willed. At least then I’d know what’s going on inside that head of yours.
Then she just . . . sighed as she wilted. “Whatever. Dinner’s on the stove.”
Despite knowing I was right, guilt stabbed at me, and I wondered if this would ever get any easier. If I’d ever have the right answers when it came to Tess. I turned away so she couldn’t see me wince. “Thanks,” I mumbled, grabbing a paper plate—the only kind we used—and filling it with scrambled eggs and pancakes—pretty much the only food she ever made. I doused both the pancakes and the eggs in syrup.
I hated this. I hated that I was here, with Tess, and still thinking about Lauren.
What was it about that chick that got to me, anyway? And what was she trying to pull with that towel move? Was she trying to fuck with my head or was she really as naive as she acted?
Not a chance. No girl was that clueless.
I probably shouldn’t have gone over there in the first place, especially not without an appointment. I damn sure shouldn’t have let Lucas let me in. But who the fuck walks around half-naked like that when they’re not alone?
Jesus fuck!
“What’s up your ass?” Tess asked, eyeing me suspiciously.
“Nothing,” I snapped, and when her face fell, I was reminded that she was just a kid. I ran my hand through my hair. I needed to get myself under control. “Crap, sorry, Tess. It’s nothing. Really.” This was exactly the reason I needed to keep a clear head.
Tess had enough of her own shit to deal with; she deserved me not to be a total dick.
It was strange being back here after so much time had passed. I’d felt like a stranger that first day, when I’d walked through the door and realized I barely knew my baby sister.
And I doubted I was the only one of us who felt that way.
Five years was a long time to be away, especially for a ten-year-old you’d almost never noticed and barely ever spoken to.
Tess had changed so much in that time. Fifteen now, and frankly, looking more like twenty. She was too damn pretty for her own good—nothing at all like the gawky preteen I’d hardly known before. I couldn’t even remember saying good-bye to her when I’d left.
She was right. I wasn’t her dad and she didn’t need me acting the part.
And it wasn’t like I’d rushed home when Tess needed me most. I’d been too busy feeling sorry for myself, holed up in some shithole motel and trying to drink myself into oblivion. By the time news of our mom’s death had reached me almost a year ago, nearly three weeks had passed. A lifetime to a grieving teenager.
I still wasn’t sure she’d forgiven me, but I definitely didn’t think I’d ever forgive myself.
I’d missed my chance to say good-bye to our mom. I’d missed her funeral. And I’d missed the part where my own mother had decided I was too irresponsible to take care of my baby sister, and signed guardianship over to our deadbeat uncle.
Suddenly my washed-up career hadn’t seemed so important.
It had taken me two whole days after getting word just to sober up all the way, and another two to haul my ass home. But when I did, and realized our uncle was the same piece of shit he’d always been, trying to figure out how to sell our mom’s jewelry on eBay and Craigslist, I’d booted him out. I swore right there and then—to myself and to Tess—I’d figure out a way to make things right.
Tess wrinkled her nose at the food in front of me. “That’s disgusting. I don’t know how you eat it like that.”
I glanced at her syrup-free eggs and grinned, forgetting all about Brown Eyes and the way she’d gotten under my skin. “I don’t know how you can eat yours like that.” I slid into the chair across from her.
“Seriously, I know you’re mad about the party and all, but I’ll try to start carrying my weight around here. You know, maybe fix you a decent meal once in a while,” I said.
She lifted her eyebrows critically. “Except you probably won’t.”
I grinned. “Yeah, I probably won’t. I swear, sometimes I feel like you’re the grown-up around here.”
Her eyebrows rose a little higher. “One of us has to be.”
“Ouch,” I said, pretending to be insulted as I stabbed a mouthful of eggs with my fork.
Tess’s mood turned serious as she pushed her food around her plate.
“What is it?” I asked, knowing she was beating around the bush in her own way.
“Camden stopped by again yesterday. While you were . . . out.”
I sighed. “Tess, I’m sorry.” I reached over and squeezed her hand, wondering if I’d ever get this shit right. “I’ll take care of him. It won’t happen again.”
“He said he’s coming back tomorrow night, and that you better be here.”
I couldn’t stand the worry in her face. “I will be,” I told her, inwardly I steeled myself because I knew what I had to do. It wasn’t fair to Tess, but neither was putting her through the constant stress of facing that asshole.
“So we’re gonna be okay?” She looked at me, trusting me, begging me to tell her the truth.
I did, then, when I nodded. “It will be. I got it all under control.”