Chapter 12
Quaid
I spend most of the night doing something that I know deep down; I shouldn’t be doing. Instead of enjoying the first party that I begrudgingly accepted to attend since coming back to school, my eyes are focused on just one person. I justify it by telling myself that I’m just making sure she doesn’t get in trouble. I justify it again by remembering my promise to her father. That I’m just looking after her. But I’m lying. All the reasons I can conjure up in my mind to justify why I can't take my eyes off Jessica Silva have nothing to do with looking out for Carlos’ daughter. It's so fucking wrong that I make myself look the other way and start talking with a group of guys about football and whatever else I can come up with, but my eyes have a mind of their own, and they seek her out over and over again.
She’s still dancing with Drew and her roommate. The music is blasting now since the party is at its peak. Usually, these ragers begin PG, but by the end of the night, I’ll be lucky if it doesn’t reach the X rating. With all the alcohol and drugs that are passing through, it’ll be hard to keep this party to its mildest since most of these prima-donnas like to push things to their very limit. I guess that’s the result of having too much money and too little supervision. Most of these guys know who my grandparents are so they think that I’ve lived the same entitled life. Why wouldn’t they? They all think that I’m heir to the Steven’s conglomerate and that I have grown up with the same decadence and privileges that they have, excess included. But if they knew Craig and Taylor Stevens, then they would know how gravely mistaken they are about me.
“Dude, all you gotta do is walk up to her and ask the honey for her number. Damn, it’s not rocket science, you know.” Jason laughs at me while putting his arm over my shoulder.
“What are you talking about?” I slap his arm off and take another sip of my coke.
“I’m talking about the babe that is rocking it up with the blond hottie and that you’ve been checking out for the past hour.”
“You're imagining things, J.”
“Oh yeah? So, you’d be cool if I went and introduced myself? Even maybe give her a tour of the house?” He smiles at me with a knowing grin. I feign apathy and shrug my shoulders.
“Alright then, let me show you how it's done. Take some pointers, Q. You look like you need a refresher course on how to get some,” he continues, but before he takes a step further, I grab his arm pulling him back in place.
“Yeah, I didn’t think so,” he laughs out. “So, who is she?”
“Girl from back home,” I say, and again my eyes are fixed on Jess, moving to the beat of the music, carefree and laughing away. Jesus, that smile she’s wearing is killing me. Usually, when I’m around her, she’s wearing a scowl or trying her very best to look annoyed. But sometimes, even though I know she must hate it, she can’t control that blush that reaches her cheeks when she’s flustered. I love it when I get that reaction from her, but seeing her out there in her element surrounded by her friends where she is comfortable enough to just be herself and let go, well that image of Jess is fucking intoxicating. I always considered her a gorgeous girl, but when she smiles like she is now, the only word that comes even close to describe her is beautiful. Hell, even that word comes short of doing her justice. So much so, that it’s hard to pull my eyes away from her, and apparently, I haven’t been doing a good job at being inconspicuous if Jason also picked up on my leering.
“Homegirl, huh? Any history there?” J asks, but I don’t miss the fact that he’s also looking at her dance.
“No. Only one date, our senior year, but I was hung up on her best friend at the time.” J laughs again and knocks back the rest of the beer in his solo cup.
“Bet you're kicking yourself now, huh? The BFF must have been some looker for you not to have paid attention to that fine thing, Damn the girl has curves in all the right places!” I know he’s messing with me, but I don’t like the attention that he’s paying Jess. Hell, I don’t like the attention she’s getting at all! I counted at least three guys that moved up to her to get her to dance with them. But as soon as they got close enough to her, she sent them packing, not giving any of them a second look.
“There’s more to a girl than looks you know?”
“Oh yeah? Is that why you’re there all rigid and uptight gawking at every guy that comes into five feet of her? Because you know that they are just dying to have a meaning, intellectual conversation with her?”
My scowl is evident, and I will probably wear it the whole night if Jess continues to dance like that. Even without trying she’s seducing half of the male population at this party. Maybe some girls too, the way she’s grinding on blondie. Fuck me!
“Yeah, again I didn’t think so.” J loves it when he’s right, and for once I’m too tense to argue with him.
“I need some air,” I tell him, and start making my way to the back of the house to get a much-deserved breather.
“Oh you need something alright brother and it ain’t air that’s for sure. A cold shower might do the trick though,” he yells out to me.
With my back to him, I flip him off and continue to make my way to our patio. It’s just as crowded as the inside of the house, but the cool air does me good. Winter in New York has a certain taste to it. The air is different from back home. It’s alive with some sort of promise that anything can happen. Back home, when the snow would lightly fall like it is now, it gave me a sense of peace. I guess it’s the best way that I can describe what silence looks like. I would love it when my mom would wake me early in the morning with the first snowflakes of the year and just stroll down the beach hand and in hand. How the snow would fall onto the water and silently melt itself into the vast ocean. It's one of my most valued memories growing up. One of the few I let myself recall from time to time. They ease my anxiousness. They soothe me from within when I feel that I can't control my feelings or thoughts. The sound of the waves crashing onto the sand. My warm gloved hand linked to my mother’s as she looks down at me with nothing but love in her eyes. That warm feeling that fills your whole body from the inside, when the outside is being brushed by the cold wind, and snowflake kisses. This is the image I summon to my consciousness, and my shoulders start to relax as I bring in the cold air to my lungs.
“Yo, Q!” The shout takes me off guard, as apparently, I had drifted off home, but I’m not back at my parent's house. I’m at my frat, running away from feelings that a 5 foot something girl somehow manage to bring out of me. Confusing as they might be, they shouldn’t affect me this way. Taking another breath, I stroll over to one of my frat brothers that is also in some of my classes, and for the next hour, I try my hardest to forget the brunette that has grabbed my attention since Christmas break.
I’m able to lose track of time and see that I’ve been out here on the patio for a little over an hour. My fingers are starting to feel like icicles, so I decide to go back in. Not to check up on Jess, but just to get some feeling back in my bones. Thankfully, lying to myself has always been a gift of mine. The house is more than warm; it’s blazing with all the human heat blasting of the crowd. It’s hard to make out where anyone is with the sea of kids in the hallway and main room, but my eyes still find themselves searching for wavy brown hair. I come up with nothing, but see Jess’s roommate Izzy still dancing it up but now with two guys instead of Drew and Jess. Drew is nowhere to be seen and neither is Jess. A pang of something that I’m not sure how to describe grips my lungs and my anxiety comes back to me tenfold. I maneuver myself within the crowd, ignoring anyone that calls out to me. When I finally see Drew with a couple of guys goofing off, I breathe a little bit easier, but still not enough to ease my apprehension. I don’t see Jason either and all of a sudden his threat of showing Jess around the house hits me. I try to remove that thought from my mind, recalling that even though I haven’t been friends with Jason as long as I have been with the guys back in high school, no way would he break bro code. Right? My feet suddenly have a mind of their own and are rushing up the stairs to the second floor, where our bedrooms are.
As soon as I step into the landing, and fix my eyes on the dark hallway, I feel sick to my stomach. I have to blink twice before I understand what I’m seeing and in the exact minute it registers, I’m blinded by rage.
“What the fuck do you think you’re doing?” I yell while closing the distance between me and a very inebriated Jess and one of my so-called brothers. He’s got one of his hands up her thigh and the other trying to lift up her shirt. Jess is sitting on the floor next to our bathroom pushing him off her, but too out of it to have any real force behind her jabs.
“Get your fucking hands off her or I swear I’ll break every bone in your body!”
When she hears my voice, I swear I see her face fall as she tries even harder to lift herself from the floor to no avail since the asshole that was trying to cop a feel not two seconds ago, brutally pushes her away from him, so violently that she is knocked back hitting the wall hard. I want to break this guy’s face for that alone. I grab his collar with both hands and swing him to the wall giving him a little taste of his own medicine. Let's see how he likes being thrown around like a ragdoll. His head hits the wall twice before he grabs my wrists trying to break free from my grasp. I don't recall his name, but I know he’s a freshman like me since he was one of the guys that I rushed with, but right now, I wouldn’t care if he was my flesh and blood. What this asshole was trying to do in my eyes makes him scum.
“Quaid, dude. Easy, ok? I didn’t know that she was yours.” The fucker has the nerve to say to me.
“So, what you’re saying is that it’s ok to get your rocks off at the expense of a vulnerable girl, as long as she’s not mine? Is that what you're saying, asshole?” I shake him again, constantly pounding his back to the wall, and I don't have to see it know that he’s about a couple of inches of the floor, trying badly to get his footing back on solid ground to find a way to escape this mess. I continue to have one hand on his collar, but I need that extra grip to his neck to make sure this prick isn’t going anywhere. The moment he feels my fingers curl on his neck, his eyes bug out in desperation looking to the stairs hoping that someone will come up soon to help him. I smirk at his reasoning since I bet that if I didn’t come up when I did, he would probably be hoping not to be disturbed while he thoroughly examined all the places in Jess’s body that he had no right to touch in the first place. Yeah, then he didn’t want anyone coming up those steps to disturb his little fucking party, but now that it’s my turn to play, he wants someone, anyone to come to his aid.
The bathroom door behind me opens and I hear a feminine voice and another brother laugh at something she said, probably still in the midst of euphoria brought by their make-out session in the bathroom, but soon enough the laughter dies. Guess this piece of shit is luckier than he deserves.
“What the hell, Quaid? What’s going on? Dave, dude what gives?” Jason asks already by my side trying to help “Dave” back to his feet. Yeah, that’s not happening. I lunge him higher while making sure that he sees the look on my face that screams out that I’ll only put him down after inducing the level of pain that fits his crime.
“Yeah, Dave, explain why I’m about to kick the shit out you?” I snark. Dave’s eyes are full of fear running back and forth from my face asking for mercy and to Jason’s, pleading for help. He’ll get neither if I have anything to say about it.
“Jason, he’s gone nuts man, you gotta help me! I didn’t do anything, man! I was just helping out his girl and he went ballistic on me!”
The shit!
“Helping?? Is that what you were trying to do, huh?! Or were you about to assault a drunk girl that couldn’t fight you off?! The only one I saw you helping out was yourself, by putting your filthy hands on a girl too out of it to fight you off.” Jason looks over at his hook-up, that is now helping Jess off the floor and is getting the whole picture without me having to go into further detail.
“Is this true?” Jason’s voice is cold, and he’s staring at Dave with the same revulsion that I feel.
“J, I was just helping her I swear. I had no idea she was Quaid’s.” His words come out slurred, and I see some blood coming from his lips. The fucker must have bit his tongue, but it's too little blood for me to be satisfied.
“Stop saying that! She doesn’t belong to anyone but to herself! She’s a girl for fuck's sake, not someone’s property!” I yell at his face now just inches away from me.
“But if that’s what prevents you from manhandling any unwilling girl from this moment on, then listen closely, fucker, they all belong to someone. They are all someone’s daughter, or sister, or girlfriend, so keep your filthy hands away from them, or I swear to god, that next time, I’ll break more than your fucking nose.” His eyes register confusion and dread at my remark, and Jason also looks at me warily as if he’s trying to defuse a bomb and doesn’t know if he should choose the red wire or the blue one. Either way, he sees that this is a fucked-up situation. I’m usually the guy in this house that breaks fights up, not instigate them, so if I’m this pissed, then he knows that I must be on the right here.
“Make yourself scarce Dave, but keep your phone near. I’m calling a meeting and the brothers will deal with you as they see fit.” Dave’s face pales at Jason’s comment, and it sickens me that he’s more concerned about the fraternity’s actions against him, than to show remorse or shame about his own.
“Quaid,” Jess’s soft voice reaches me and my chest aches something fierce at the idea that I might not have found her in time. “Quaid, take me home.” I can’t look at her yet. If I do then I know I’ll lose it even more. The rage in me is still violently burning in my veins, and one look at her and I know that it’ll be the tipping point that will make me lose the small rational thread that I’m clinging onto now. It’s the only thing that is preventing me from doing real damage to ‘Dave’. Not that he’s not leaving with a little memento of our run in together though. I put him down, and the prick has the nerve to look relieved. He looks over at Jason and then to me trying to establish the right time he can make a run for it. Jason looks over at him in disgust and points to the stairs.
“Fuck, Dave, what are you waiting for? Need a red carpet or something? Go!” Jason yells at him like he’s insane sticking around a moment longer after I placed him on the floor. Dave looks at Jason one more time wide-eyed and back again at me, uncertain if he should take a step towards his much-wanted exit. When he sees that no one’s moving out of his way, he moves toward Jason, thinking he’s the safest choice to push his way through.
Yeah, I don't think so.
“Hey Dave, just one more thing,” I say, trying to sound calm and collected. It must do the trick because the idiot turns around to face me. It's just too easy with this prick. Before he knows what hit him, I head butt the fucker with enough force that all four of us hear his nasal bone break. He falls to the floor whimpering covering his bloody nose and in tears. I kneel beside him and coldly whisper, “If I ever see you anywhere near Jessica again, believe me, that a broken nose will be the least of your troubles.” He’s too blinded by the pain, but his body closing in on itself is response enough for me to know he got the message. I stand and look over at Jason, whose giving me the ‘You happy now?’ face. No, not nearly, but it’ll have to do.
“You’re going to have to teach me that move,” Jess says her voice trying to lighten the moment. I gain the courage to move my head in her direction, and in that second, I know this prick got off easy. Jess’s hair is a mess, her clothes are disheveled, and there are unshed tears in her eyes. The blond that Jason was hooking up with is doing her best to steady Jess on her feet, but she also looks petrified at what she just witnessed, shivering more than Jess. I lean into her, attempting to take over for the unsteady girl, and Jess willingly throws her arms over me. Dave is still on the ground crying like the bitch he is, but Jess doesn’t even give him another look. Her walk is uncoordinated, and I hold her close to my side, wrapping my arm around her back to steady her as we reach the stairs.
“Never figured you for a lightweight,” I say trying to ease her discomfort. Her head leans over to my chest, and she smells like a strawberry field. Innocently sweet. So unlike Jess and yet I can't think of any other scent that fits her to a T. Vibrant, bright and uniquely different. She tries to take another step, but her legs wobble each attempt that she makes to hold herself up straight. A nagging feeling that her inebriation is a result of something much stronger than alcohol creeps up on me. Once she’s back to her snarky self, I’ll have to investigate this suspicion further. She misses another step and grunts out her exasperation at not having control over her body. I stop and lower my face to look at her. Her eyes are red, and her face is strained due to the alteration, and I wish I could make her smile that infectious smile that takes my breath away.
“Do you trust me?” I ask softly while moving her hair away from her face. Soft brown goodness that feels like heaven to touch. I make a mental note to use any excuse I can come up with to touch her hair again. Those caramel eyes look up at me staring back into my eyes and something that I'm not used to spring free from them. Vulnerability and uncertainty.
“No,” she hushes out and why that pierces my heart like a jagged knife, I don't know, but it does.
“Well, we need to do something about that, don't we?” My smile is small, but that small hint of hope in her eyes breaks me more than her initial reply. Jesus this girl is getting under my skin in more ways than one. I press my lips to her forehead and linger there just a little longer to savor the feeling of her soft skin on my lips. My chest tightens, and I close my eyes, wishing that I could prolong the moment just a little further, but as soon as I think that, I force myself to move away. Even though she looks out of it, her puzzlement to my kiss still registers on her face. I lower my arm under her knees and bring her body up onto my chest. Her initial shock of me carrying her in my arms is short-lived, since I feel her pull herself closer to me by wrapping both arms around my neck. Again I am bombarded with her sweet scent, and it's doing things to me that have no business happening now. I slowly walk down the stairs and pick up that the party is still in full bloom. I grab my coat from the closet next to the main door. I place Jess back on the floor and carefully wrap her in my coat. Once it's nice and secure, I pick her up again. Not that she needs me to. We could have probably made it to the car, both of us on foot with her leaning on me if I’m honest with myself. But right now, I’m not being honest. If I were, then I would have to confess that having her cradled in my arms feels right somehow. Having her arms touching my chest, my neck, brushing my hair so lightly that she thinks I can't feel it, feels too fucking right to me.
“Hey!! Hey!! What the hell is going on?” Drew yells out. I see him shuffle over the sway of all the bodies in the main room, trying his best to reach us. Instinctively I tighten my hold on Jess and am amazed when I feel her do the same by linking her hands together tighter around my neck. “What the hell is going on here?” Drew asks, this time reaching us and resting his hand on Jess’s face, which is responded to by a weak smile from Jess. I know I shouldn’t feel jealousy over her friend making sure that Jess is alright, but I have to fight hard for my growl not to escape my lips.
“I need to take Jess home. She drank a bit too much tonight.”
“Like hell she has! She’s only drunk a couple of beers. Jess can usually drink me under the table in a heartbeat.” Drew scowls and his hands are examining Jess’s body for any injuries. Each touch only pisses me off further and him confirming my earlier suspicion that Jess took something that she wouldn’t willingly take just amps my wrath.
“Well as you can see, she’s not her usual self, now is she?” This time my growl is nice and clear and Drew finally is wise enough to take his hands off of Jess. He still ignores me though and holds Jess’s face in his hands.
“Hey there my little grasshopper, how are you doing?” Seriously this guy is really getting on my last nerves with his nickname and stroking Jess’s cheek with his thumb shit. I hold her closer which only gets me a smirky roll of the eyes from Drew.
“You okay, with this big gorilla taking you home, babe?” he teases, but his eyes are focused on Jess’s face, showing that he’s more worried than he wants to let on. Jess gives him a reassuring smile and nods. She leans her head closer to my chest, nestling into me and I can't help but feel victorious.
“Okay, grasshopper. You call me first thing in the morning okay? First thing, Jess, okay?” His assertive tone is probably more directed at me than at Jess, but she nods again and closes her eyes.
“You know where she lives?” Drew asks, but his voice is cold and completely lucid for a guy that’s been drinking the night away. I nod and make my way to the door ending this conversation. But before I can even put my hand on the door knob, Drew is already opening the door for us. Before I pass through, he puts his hand on my shoulder and leans into me, his face next to mine.
“Now Quaid, I peg you for one of the good guys. If I’m wrong and Jess tells me something that I don’t want to hear tomorrow morning about how you were less than gentlemanly with her tonight, then I guarantee that you’ll be seeing me sooner rather than later. Trust me when I tell you that I’m not the forgiving type. We clear?” I turn to face him, eye to eye. His familiarity with Jess pissed me to no end, but him trying to protect her, just raised the bar for him in my book.
“I promised her father that I would look after her, that’s what I’m doing. I’ll make sure that she calls you in the morning.” My confession takes him by surprise, but it must reassure him since he pats my shoulder and makes his way back to the party. Luckily my car is still across the street since I haven’t had the heart to put it back in the garage. I walk over to the passenger door and slide Jess onto the seat. I lean in to secure her with the seat belt when I feel her hand graze my left cheek. I squat down to give her full access to my face. This is the first time she’s touched me knowingly, so I find myself keeping still, letting her take full advantage. Her touch is soft fire, burning me from the inside out.
“So, you promised my father. Is that why you won't leave me alone?” her eyes are cloudy, and her voice is laced with wants of drifting off to her much-desired slumber. I want to give her that peace of sleep, but selfishly I want to hold onto this moment too.
“There may be other reasons, too.” It comes out a whisper because at the exact time my words come out, she sweeps her thumb across my lower lip. My own eyes drop and follow her finger, wondering where else will she be brave enough to touch. My chest tightens again for the hundredth time tonight.
“When I was younger, I used to think that you were the prettiest boy I had ever seen,” she confesses. I smile even though she’s just shocked me in more ways than one.
“Pretty? As always, you insult me and compliment me with just one word. So I’m no longer pretty, is that what you're saying?” Her eyes sag a little more, definitely losing the battle with her stupor that she so bravely fought off until now.
“No, now I know that you’re the most beautiful man that I will ever meet.”
But true to Jess fashion, as soon as I feel my ego soar through the roof with her revelation of how she sees me, she breaks me with her last whispered words before she succumbing to sleep. Words that end up breaking me in places long forgotten. Places that have been so closed off and hidden in the shadows, so far away from my thoughts this night that when she utters them, it's like they have always been right there, on the surface. Visible enough that Jess can touch them and make them bleed with just three little words.
“A beautiful lie.”