Chapter 12

Shay had left Jaxson’s house shortly after he had gotten into the fight with Jake and almost killed him. She had so many questions she wanted to ask him, but in an instant, he had shut down on her. Any progress she had made getting him to open up was gone. He changed back to the angry and cold man that she had first met. He told her he felt it was better if she just left and not come back. That what they had done was a mistake. She was furious and hurt, but she didn’t want to press the matter any further while he was still upset. They had already had a crazy morning, and she figured she would try and talk to him again the next day when he had time to think and calm down.

The walk back from Jaxson’s had been the longest. Now that she was alone, she kept looking over her shoulder fearfully, thinking Jake would come after her. But, he never showed up. She breathed a sigh of relief when she made it inside her cabin. She made sure to lock the door and added the chain for added measure, though she knew if Jake wanted to break in he could. But, the little extra security made her feel better.

She took a hot shower, got dressed, and gave Dee a quick call letting her know she was fine. Dee was off that evening so Shay invited her over for a quiet supper which would give them a chance to catch up. Shay decided to make lasagna for dinner since it would be a bit before Dee arrived.

She found fresh tomatoes, basil, garlic, and onions in the fridge and began to chop them up. She let them simmer in a pot, while she prepared the pasta. Once she had the pasta boiling, she set about cooking the meat. She liked to use a mixture of ground beef and Italian sausage to give it a little kick.

She let the meat drain in a colander, while she pureed her tomatoes and vegetables into a sauce. Now that she had all the ingredients prepared, she setup building her famous lasagna. Once it was ready, she placed it in the oven and set the timer. She had about 45 minutes before she would need to uncover it to let it get crispy.

As the lasagna cooked, she went outside to sit down on her front porch swing. When she stepped outside, she heard Susan call over.

“Hi, Shay.” The old woman smiled at her.

“Hey, Sue.”

“Waiting for someone?”

“Yes, Dee. She’s coming over for a supper date.”

“Nice. Why don’t you come over until she arrives? I made some fresh coffee.” Susan said.

Shay looked down at her watch. She still had over half an hour before Dee would arrive and the lasagna was in the oven cooking. “Sure, why not,” Shay said getting up and walking over to her neighbor’s porch. She really liked Susan and their talks. She reminded Shay of her mother in so many ways.

“What do you take in your coffee dear?”

“Black with a hint of cream please,” Shay said smiling. She watched Susan go into her house and then return. She took the hot cup from Sue and let the aroma of the brew hit her nostrils. They both sat quietly for a few moments before Sue said, “I don’t mean to pry Shay, but because we live so close, I can pretty much hear through these thin walls. Did I hear you crying the other day? Before you took off for the river?” Susan asked looking at her with a worried expression.

Shay looked down at her cup and didn’t respond. A moment later she finally looked at Sue and said, “I’m sorry. I didn’t think you would be able to hear me or the fact that we are almost wall to wall.”

“Don’t be sorry child. You can talk about it you know. If you like? I’m a good listener.” Sue smiled at her encouragingly.

Shay hadn’t spoken to anyone about Ana in a long time, other than Dee. Shay hadn’t expected to spend the first anniversary of Ana’s death alone. She and Dee were supposed to spend the day together, but Dee got called into work unexpectedly. “I really don’t want to burden you with my problems Sue.” She said lifting the cup and taking a drink. She noticed Sue looking at her wrist, at her tattoo and then said, “It’s my daughter’s name?”

“It’s a beautiful name, Ana. She’s not with you?”

Shay took a deep breath and looked out through the forest. “I lost her a year ago. That’s why I was crying. It was just a really rough and emotional day for me.” She said taking another sip and then laid her cup on the little end table beside her. She felt Sue’s hand on her arm when she turned and saw the old woman staring at her with empathy in her eyes.

“I’m so sorry honey. I had no idea.” Sue said giving Shay’s hand a tight squeeze. “Can I ask how old she was?”

“She had just turned eight years old.” Shay’s voice cracked as she stared ahead. She could feel the tears starting to pool in her eyes, so she blinked rapidly to keep them at bay. She smiled and then turned to Sue saying, “I’m sorry.”

“No, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have asked. It’s none of my business. I didn’t mean to upset you.”

Shay could see the sincerity in Sue’s eyes, and she knew that the woman meant no harm, but rather asked out of curiosity and just wanted to be there for her. Shay picked up her coffee mug again and stared down at it. Even a year later the memories were still raw. “She was taken from the school yard during recess. They found her body a week later outside of the town where I used to live.” Shay said in a broken whisper. Her hands were shaking so badly that Sue grabbed her mug and placed it on the end table and then pulled her to her chest hugging her tightly. “I’m so, so sorry Shay. I can’t even imagine what you went through.”

Shay sat there in Sue’s embrace and let the tears run freely down her cheeks. She felt as though her heart would break at any moment. This was one emotion she knew she would never be able to get over or control. Shay finally sat up and wiped her tears away and again said, “I’m sorry Sue.”

Sue got up and knelt down in front of Shay. She grabbed both her arms and looked her in the eyes and said, “Don’t you apologize. I can’t even imagine the pain you must have experienced and still are. No parent should ever have to bury their child. It should be the other way around.” She said with a somber smile. “Honey, you are strong and will get through this. I want you to know that I am here for you and if you ever want to talk more about this, I’m here for you. Ok?” She said.

Shay smiled and gulped back another set of tears and said, “Ok. Thank you. I really appreciate that.”

They sat together in silence, Sue clasping one of Shay’s hands in her own. After a bit, Sue finally spoke.

“Did they ever catch who did it?”

“Yes. Eventually, but it took several months. At first, we all thought it was my ex-husband. Kane was very abusive and was always drunk or on drugs. I divorced him when Ana turned 5, and he pretty much dropped out of our lives. But, he always seemed to show back up and start trouble.” Shay looked down as Sue patted her hand gently. “Kane had shown up at my house that week, and we’d gotten into a fight. He wanted to see Ana, but I wouldn’t let him because he was drunk. He turned violent, and the police were called. I got an emergency restraining order against him that day. Later that week, Ana was taken, and Kane was nowhere to be found. The police thought he had taken her out of spite. But then he showed up a few days later. Claimed he’d gone to a buddy’s house. His friend backed up his story, and the police had nothing to hold him with. Ana’s body was found a week later after that in an abandoned barn just outside of Riverside.”

Shay took a steadying breath before she continued. Despite the pain of remembering, it felt good to get it out. “The coroner had determined that she had been strangled, but not before she had been assaulted— sexually.” A single tear rolled down Shay’s cheek, and she just let it fall.

“They were able to gather DNA samples from the site, and they compared them to Kane’s and a few other subjects, but it was not a match. They sent it to a more sophisticated lab in Anchorage, Alaska and they ran it through CODIS, the national DNA database for criminals. It came back with a match to a Daniel Whitmeier.”

“We learned he was a convicted pedophile and he had just been released from prison a few months prior to her abduction. He wasn’t even from Riverside. He was just passing through town on his way to Landford to live with his mother.”

“Despite the DNA evidence, he pleaded not guilty. We were forced to sit through a lengthy trial and hear all the evidence in explicit detail and see the pictures of the damage he had caused. He sat in the courtroom with his hand me down suit, trying to maintain the picture of innocence as the evidence piled up. And when it was time for him to take the stand in his defense, he took the stand…”

Shay paused, flashing back to the day in the courtroom when Daniel Whitmeier had taken the stand. “I’ll never forget it. He took the stand, and after being sworn in, he was asked if he took the child. He looked dead at me and smiled, the coldest, most heartless smile, and proudly said yes. He had denied it all through his arrest, even going as far as to say how he had been framed and that he was a reformed man. But, in truth, all he wanted was his day in court. His day to grandstand in front of me and the entire world. He showed absolutely no remorse.”

“My god!” Sue said and then embraced Shay again.

“He was found guilty and sentenced to life in prison. But, nothing will bring her back, and nothing can make me forget what he did to her. I can’t even imagine the fear and pain she felt at his hands. It is something I will hold with me forever.”

The two women hugged for a few moments and then sat quietly until a familiar buzz sounded from her cabin. “I guess that’s my cue. The lasagna is ready.” Shay set her coffee cup down and got up to leave. She took the last step to Sue’s porch and turned around looking at the woman and said, “Thank you for coffee, Sue and for the shoulder to cry on.”

“Anytime honey,” Sue said smiling. “Remember, I’m always here Shay.”

Shay walked into her cottage and turned off the oven timer. She quickly removed the tinfoil and put it back in for ten more minutes to crisp up the top. As soon as the lasagna was back in the oven, she went straight to the bathroom. She washed her face and stared at herself in the mirror trying to get the memories of that horrible week to go away. They hurt too much. It wasn’t that she didn’t want to remember Ana, she would always remember her beautiful Ana. But she wanted to erase the image of that vile man and to forget all the evil things that he had put her daughter through.

But that day she received the phone call from the school, the search parties that scoured so much land for days, and then finding Ana’s body was just too much for her. She had already come close to breaking, to just giving up and ending it all. It was just too hard. But, she wasn’t a quitter, and she didn’t want to give Daniel Whitmeier the satisfaction of knowing he’d broken her. Even though it hurt more than anything that she’d ever experienced or probably would ever experience in her lifetime, she would always just try to tuck that week aside and only remember the wonderful things, the happy times that made her smile. She splashed cold water on her face and then dried her face with a towel. She knew Dee would be arriving shortly and the lasagna was almost ready to be pulled out.

**

“There she is,” Shay said from the kitchen fifteen minutes later when she heard her best friend’s car pull up. She watched Dee walk in the front door waving a bottle of wine in her hands.

“I brought the goods girl,” Dee said smiling and gave Shay a hug and an exaggerated kiss on the cheek. She sat the bottle on the counter and sniffed the air. “It smells delicious. What did you cook?”

“Lasagna. Your favorite. Why don’t you pour us a glass while I get our plates ready?”

Shay pulled the lasagna out of the oven and was pleased with the crispy golden top. Just how she wanted it. She put the dish on the cutting board that was on the counter. She grabbed the salad from the fridge that she had prepared earlier and quickly poured a bit of Caesar dressing on top before tossing it gently with some tongs. She prepped two plates with a full serving of lasagna and a good helping of the Caesar salad for each of them.

“Do you want to be fancy and formal and sit at the dining room table, or do you want to be casual and sit on the sofa.” She called out to Dee.

“Let’s do the casual thing tonight,” Dee responded.

So, Shay carried the plates over to the coffee table and picked a spot on the corner of the couch, curling her legs under her. Dee brought the glasses of wine and handed one to Shay before taking the opposite end of the couch.

“Thank you,” Shay said smiling and took a sip. Cabernet was one of her favorites and Dee hadn’t skimped out on the quality. This one was a full-bodied red with a peppery after note. It was a bit sharp, but it would pair nicely with the lasagna.

“Is everything ok? I haven’t seen you in a week, and you haven’t answered your phone in the last 24 hours.” Dee asked. “I’m really sorry I wasn’t here for you yesterday. Are you doing ok?”

“Yes. It’s ok. I’m okay, Dee. You can’t be here for me all the time. You have your own life, and I have to learn how to deal with it on my own.” She said. “It was a difficult day, but I got through it. Now let’s eat before the pasta gets cold.” She wasn’t sure exactly what or how much to tell Dee about the last two days, so she decided deflection was the best option.

If Dee noticed the quick change in subject, she didn’t say anything. She just reached for her plate of food and dug in. Shay watched Dee take a bite of her lasagna and then roll her eyes and say, “Oh my god Shay. So good.” She said with her mouth full of food. Shay couldn’t help but laugh.

“So what exactly did you do yesterday or all week for that matter?”

Shay wasn’t surprised that her friend wouldn’t be distracted for long. Sometimes she could be like a dog with a bone. She wasn’t sure how much she should tell Dee. She thought it would be best to not tell her about Jake and Jaxson’s fight. “Oh, not much really. I’ve been doing a lot of hiking, running, and putting a woman’s touch into the house. You know, just trying to keep myself busy” She looked down at her plate, trying not to make eye contact with Dee. Her best friend could read her like a book, and if she looked at her, Shay was sure she would know there was more to the story.

Shay ate a few bites of food waiting for Dee to say something, but she was unusually quiet. The silence stretched uncomfortable for a minute before she looked up. She watched Dee stare her down and then a grin appeared on either side of her lips.

“Spill it, Shay. I know there’s more to it than just running and hiking and putting your girly touch in the cabin.” She waved her hand around the room and then cocked an eyebrow at her. “I’ve known you since grade school. You couldn’t lie then, and you still suck at it now.

“I’m not lying.” Shay tried to contend, but Dee was right. She had always been a horrible liar, and nothing had changed.

Shay could feel her cheeks burn within seconds and she just sat there unable to think of anything else to say. She jumped and almost dumped her lasagna in her lap when Dee slapped the table and shouted, “You got laid! Didn’t you?”

She never understood Dee. She just had this uncanny intuition and could read her like a book. It was frustrating because she could never hide anything from her. Since the cat was out of the bag, Shay saw no reason to try to continue the lie. Dee wouldn’t believe her anyways. Besides, it would be nice to share her big secret with someone and why not her best friend. “Maybe,” Shay said smirking and then took a huge bite so she wouldn’t have to say anymore.

Dee continued to try to pump her for information, but Shay held her off by telling her that she would share all the sordid and intimate details after they had finished eating and she’d had another glass of wine. Dee reluctantly relented, and so the two women chatted idly while they finished their dinner. When both women had finally finished supper, Dee helped Shay do the dishes. While they cleaned up, Shay gave her the rundown of everything that had happened over the last few days. She began with the part about what happened at the river, him shifting and her falling into the river. She left out the part about her bawling her eyes out over Ana. Shay didn’t want Dee to feel guilty for not being able to be there for her.

“Holy shit Shay. You’re lucky you didn’t kill yourself. Those rapids are so dangerous especially when the water is that high. All the rain up north converges down through Greyson Falls.”

“I know. It was an accident. I was startled, lost my footing on the rocks and fell back into the river. The last thing I remember was being thrown around like I was in a washing machine. I hit my head, and everything went dark. Then when I woke up, I was lying in his living room on his couch. I just have a tiny cut on my head. No concussion or anything. It’s no big deal.” She said putting a glass away.

“So you spent the night?” Dee asked raising an eyebrow.

“Yes. I was still pretty woozy and weak when I came to, so he was nice enough to let me stay over.”

“Uh-huh.” Was all Dee said. She leaned back against the kitchen counter with her arms crossed and a skeptical look on her face. “Jaxson Avery, a man who alienates everyone including his own family, just happens to decide to let you be his houseguest for the evening— with no strings attached?”

“It wasn’t like that.” Shay knew where Dee was going with this. And yes, even though she and Jaxson ended up in bed together, that’s not how it started out. Shay found herself defending him, when before she couldn’t stand him. “It wasn’t like that Dee. Jaxson is so different. He just has a broken soul. Underneath all that anger, coldness, and misery, there is truly a good man underneath it all. He has just pushed everyone away for so long that he doesn't know how to act normal or be happy, or how to let people back in. He reminds me of an onion. You just have to peel back the layers to see what is really underneath. Ya know?” Shay said after rinsing the last dish and drying her hands on a kitchen towel.

“Yes, kind of sounds like my best friend, but not to that extreme.”

Shay just chuckled and grabbed the bottle of wine and her glass and motioned for Dee to follow her back in the living room. It had been an exhausting day, and she didn’t feel like being on her feet any longer.

Dee followed and sat down on the couch. She held out her empty wine glass, and Shay filled it. She topped off her own glass with the last of the bottle. Dee watched her over the lip of her glass as she took a sip of her wine and said. “So, tell me more about how you peeled back this onion.”

Shay laughed and took a sip of her wine. “Well, for one…he shaved.” She said smiling at the memory. She had been so shocked when he had come out of the bathroom without a stitch of hair on his face.

Dee almost choked on her drink and said, “What? I have lived here two years, and that man has always looked like a Sasquatch. What made him do it? Did you ask him too?”

“No, I didn’t ask him to shave.” Shay wasn’t comfortable revealing his reason for shaving. It was too personal and too intimate of a thing to share. If Jaxson wanted to share it with people, she would leave it up to him. “He didn’t really say anything to me about it, and I didn’t ask.” Shay shrugged her shoulders and finished her glass.

“Didn’t ask because you weren’t in a position too?” Dee asked grinning.

Shay couldn’t help but turn bright red at the innuendo.

“Ah-ha! I knew it! Dish on the details girl. Was he big? Was it amazing? He looks like he would be rough.”

Shay was a bit overwhelmed by the questions. “Oh my god Dee! That’s way too personal. I’m not telling you that!”

“Okay, okay. Was it amazing? At least tell me if he made you cum.” She looked so earnest; Shay couldn’t help but answer.

“It was beyond amazing!” She said, eyes twinkling.

“I knew it!” Dee leaned forward on her knees. “How many times? Come on you have to tell me that?”

Shay paused for effect. “It was all day long and into the night. I lost count!” Both girls fell back on the couch in squeals of laughter.

The girls spent the next hour gossiping and talking more about Jaxson and some of the cute guys that Dee has been flirting with up at the bar. They finished the rest of their wine and Dee finally got up. “Well honey, it’s past 9:00 pm and I have a very early morning.” She said grabbing her purse and heading for the door. “Supper was fantastic. Thanks again. Let’s try to get together again in a few days, ok?”

Shay smiled and kissed Dee on the cheek. “Thanks for coming. We’ll talk soon.”

She watched Dee drive away and then went back to the cottage. She was slightly buzzed from the wine, and her belly was full, but she didn’t feel like going to bed just yet. She flicked on the T.V. and started watching ‘The Proposal,’ but she couldn’t focus on the movie. Her mind kept wandering to Jaxson. To Jake’s words. Even though Jaxson tried to say what happened between them was a mistake, she knew he really didn’t believe that, and she was not going to let him get off that easy. She completely disagreed that they were a mistake; she knew they had something special. But she knew in order for them to be together that she needed answers. And she was going to get them.