Chapter 13

A full week had passed since Shay had spent the night with Jaxson. Every morning she did her run faithfully along the river in hopes of seeing him. As the days passed, with no sign of him, she got a little desperate. She even went as far as walking the private trail that led to his property. She would knock on the door, but no one would answer.

The house was as silent as a tomb as if it had been a deserted house. She even went to the extent of trying to peak in the windows, but the place looked empty. At night she would spend some time with Sue, having a bay breeze on the front porch and just talking. And then she would either read a book or watch a movie to pass the time. She slept poorly most nights.

The next day, she sat on Jaxson’s porch steps wondering where he could have gone to. It’s not like he could abandon his property. Where else would he go? Who would take care of the horses? And that’s when it hit her. The horses. She hopped off the steps with excitement as she made her way to the horse stables that were in the field beyond his house. She hadn’t thought to check there until now because the horse barn was set apart from the house beyond a grove of trees. Out of side out of mind.

When she reached the stables, she slid open the heavy wooden door and stepped into the dark barn. “Is there anyone here?” She said taking another step inside. She blinked a few times to allow her eyes to adjust to the dim light. Eventually, dark shadows formed shapes, and she could make out the tools and tack hanging on the wall and the doors of the horse stalls. It was a decent size horse barn with a ladder on the far wall that must have led to the loft.

Her eyes roamed to the left and the right as she counted five horse stables on either side. All 10 were full except one. Curious at the visitor, the horses had stuck their heads over the gates and began to whine in unison. She ignored them and headed to the back of the barn where the ladder was. Stepping up to ladder she gave it a little shake to make sure that it was secure. It didn’t budge. “Hello?” She called out as she began to climb the ladder.

She had only climbed a few rungs when a noise behind her that caught her attention. She halted and waited as the noise became louder. It sounded like a horse. A few moments later she saw the horse trot in with Jaxson on his back. The horse came to an abrupt stop as Jaxson pulled on his reigns. She watched him ease off the horse. He turned and looked at her his eyes again were like ice. Cold.

“What are you doing here Shay?” He said in a low tone.

Shay carefully climbed down off the ladder. “I was looking for you. Where have you been all week? Why are you avoiding me?” She asked, unperturbed by his standoffish manner. Now that she’d had a chance to get to know him better, she knew his surliness was a defense mechanism. But she wasn’t afraid.

“I’ve been busy. Besides, I told you not to come back. What part of that didn’t you understand?” He said walking past her guiding the horse to its stall. Shay stood there waiting impatiently as he studiously stripped the saddle and tack from his horse and then proceeded to brush him down. She could appreciate a man that took care of his animals, but she was pretty sure that he dragged out the chore longer than it really needed to be. Once he was done, he closed the door and latched it before walking away from her in long, fluid strides.

Shay watched him walk out of the stable and followed him. She nearly had to run just to catch up. “Hey.” She called, but he didn’t stop. “Now, wait just a damn minute.” She yelled and then grabbed his forearm. He stopped and whipped around glaring at her. Shay immediately regretted grabbing him, but still refused to let up. She released his arm and raised her hands in a silent apology. “Look, I want some answers. I think you at least owe me that.” She waited for Jaxson to say something, anything, but he just stared at her with his jaw clenched. “What did Jake mean by what he said? Was he talking about Jillian?”

“It’s none of your damn fucking business. Go home, Shay.” He said in a harsh tone and started walking towards his house again.

“What the hell is your problem?” She yelled running after him. “You sleep with me, we spend an amazing day and night together, and now you want me to just disappear and pretend like it never happened? I don’t think so.” She hissed.

“Besides, it is my fucking business whether you like it or not. He threatened me, and that wasn’t the first time.” She yelled at his back. That seemed to get his attention because he stopped in his tracks. “What do you mean ‘that wasn’t the first time’?” He asked, looking back over his shoulder.

Shay debated whether or not to tell him about the night with Lucas and Alex. Truth be told; she didn’t know him well enough to know if he was the jealous type. And even though, he may be pretending indifference to her now, who knows how he would feel finding out she’d been out with his brothers. Granted she hadn’t really ‘been out’ with them, but he wouldn’t know that.

She decided to just keep it simple. “I had a run-in with him, Sherry, her red-headed sidekick, and another goon up at Whitepoint when I was visiting Dee on her shift. Let’s just say he made it clear what he thought of me.” She didn’t say anything else on the matter.

Jaxson just stopped and stared at her like he was contemplating on something to say, but then he thought better of it and turned and continued to walk away from her.

“Jaxson! God dammit!”

“What?!” He yelled whipping around to face her.

“Don’t be like this! You know we had something special, and you want to pretend like it didn’t mean anything to you. I know that’s not true.” She pleaded. She hated the vulnerability in her voice, but she couldn’t stop. She wasn’t going to let him walk away from this.

They just stared at each other, chests heaving with emotion. Something flickered across Jaxson’s face, but Shay couldn’t read him. Frustrated she yelled, “What? Say something damn you!”

“You fucking think I’m your little project now. Someone you can help or fix? Hmmm? Is that it?” Shay just stared at him dumbfounded. “Answer me!” He growled as he looked down at her with menace. His eyes began to glow golden around the edges, and the intensity made her body shiver.

“I didn’t say that.” She said as her lips trembled. He wasn’t her charity case. That’s not how she felt, but he didn’t give her the chance to explain.

“Shay, go home. You can’t help me; you couldn’t possibly understand what I’ve been through!” He said and started walking.

She could feel the anger in her come to the surface. Like a soup coming to a boil and she finally erupted. She ran up to him again and grabbed his arm, this time forcing him to turn and look at her.

“You don’t fucking think I understand?!” She hissed through her teeth. If she was bigger, she would have ripped his head off. “I’ve been through fucking hell and back, you asshole! Have you ever lost a child Jaxson? Hmm?” Shay yelled and released his arm. His expression turned from anger to shock, but Shay didn’t notice. She was too busy pacing back and forth like a caged animal rife with grief, anger, and pain all in one.

She whirled around and faced him again and shoved him hard in the chest. “Have you ever received a phone call saying that your child has been abducted? And realized that there isn’t anything you can do. You have to wait and hope and pray that they are okay, knowing that at the very least they are scared shitless, and at the very worst they are being hurt by someone.”

Shay didn’t bother to try to hold back the tears. She didn’t care if he saw them. “And you go insane with worry, trying to convince yourself that she’s okay, knowing full well that statistics are not on your side. Then a week after searching day and night, you get another phone call delivering the news— the news that your child has been lying in a field dead for more than a day? And your mind goes to all the terrible thoughts of how scared she must have been? Calling for her mother to help her? Only to have her mother not save her!” Shay screamed at him as the tears spilled down her cheeks and she fell to her knees. She let her head sag into her hands as she sobbed uncontrollably. She felt Jaxson reach for her and then say, “I’m so sorry Shay. I had no idea.”

She flinched away from his touch. “Fuck you Jaxson!” She cried out looking up at him with tear stained cheeks. “You’re not the only one who has gone through hell or feels dead inside. The only difference is at least I’m not fucking hiding from the world, or from the people who want to help. I’m facing my shit head on.” Shay stood up slowly, ignoring his outstretched hand. She wiped her face with the back of her hand and looked him straight in the eye. “You want to wallow in your misery. Fine! I don’t give a fuck. Go on and be a coward. I don’t care.” With nothing left to say, she turned and started walking away towards the dirt road back to her cabin. He didn’t say anything or try to go after her as she continued to walk. Maybe this was for the best she thought as she continued home.