Chapter 4
When it was time to check on Kenny later, she looked his charts over to see what changes, if any, had occurred. He’d had a few visitors, which was nice. All were male and none had the last name Boyer, so she guessed they weren’t family, but more likely friends or teammates. She also saw that the hospital psychologist had been to give him an assessment and found him to be depressed, but hadn’t prescribed any medication. Therapy was recommended for now. She also saw a note that saddened her.
A doctor had reviewed his injury, and after checking his leg functionality, determined that it was unlikely he’d be able to play football again. She wondered how he had taken that news and if the psychologist had visited before or after. That seemed like news that might warrant a more serious diagnosis when it came to depression. She’d seen many patients face depression when something major happened that prevented them from resuming their life. If Kenny was already down before, this might push him over the edge.
Reading his chart before going to see him helped. Her compassion level was high, which made it easier to overlook the rudeness that was sure to come from him. She put on her brightest smile and entered the room.
He looked over when she walked in and rolled his eyes. “Oh great, it’s the jolly happy nurse.”
“Would you rather I be sad and gloomy?”
“I’d rather you leave me alone altogether.”
She put her hand on her hip and smiled again. “Well now, I wouldn’t be doing my job if I did that.”
“Like you do it so well anyway.”
“Some people think so.” She went about taking his vitals and marking them on his chart.
“Were you the one who said I needed to see a shrink?”
“Yep.” His blood pressure was a little high, which might be from pain or his aggravation, but it was nothing major. Everything looked good. He was healing right on schedule.
“Thanks a lot. Now they’re watching me. I needed that.”
“Maybe you do. There’s no shame in needed a little help. Medication and therapy help a lot of people.”
“You must think I’m a real whack job,” he said, shaking his head.
“No. I think you’ve been through a lot. It would be a lot for anyone to take. Most people would be depressed if they were in your situation.”
“Oh gee, you’re right,” he said with heavy sarcasm. “Gosh, why didn’t I think about how other people would react in this situation? You’re such a bright and shining source of encouragement. Whatever would I do without you?”
“Good,” she said, acting like he’d given her a real compliment. “I’m glad I can help.”
“I guess you don’t have a choice but to be nice to me. The media would have a field day on this place if I told them I was treated badly.”
“Why is that, because you’re so famous?”
“Obviously.”
“So you think we don’t treat the rest of our patients well because they’re not famous?”
He crossed his arms over his chest. “I always get special treatment now. That’s just how it works when you’re someone like me. People just have to take my bad attitude because they know what will happen if they don’t. It’s convenient.”
“Wow. You know what the biggest shame in all of this is? That you’re so talented and good looking, so lucky to have made it, yet you’re such a huge jerk. You could be a nice guy. You could be actually loved by everyone, instead of riding on your fame.”
He dropped his arms and narrowed his eyes at her. “What?”
“Don’t act like you didn’t hear me. God. You’re really that big of a jerk that it’s unfathomable that anyone would give your bad attitude back to you? Well, I got news for you. I do my job well because it’s what I love to do. I treat all my patients the same, and I try my best to be cheerful and encouraging because I know it’s hard to be here and be in pain. But I’ve met people in a lot worst shape than you, and they didn’t have half the bad attitude you do. What a waste.” She made a disgusted face and picked up her clipboard.
His mouth dropped open.
“Oh, you have nothing to say to all that?” she said. “Tell me. What exactly are you going to do when you can’t play football next season and don’t have your fame to ride on? Then what? Are you just going to keep going around like a privileged asshole and milk your short-lived fame for all it’s worth?”
His expression turned to shock. “What do you mean when I can’t play football next season?”
“Did you not believe the doctor when he said it was unlikely that you’d ever play football again?”
She watched the color fade from his face. He swallowed hard and his eyes widened.
“What,” he said in a near whisper.
Her heart jumped at his reaction. She looked down at the clipboard again. Oh no. No, no, no. There was a note on the next page that she had missed. The psychologist was to come back tomorrow with the doctor to give him the news and provide counsel. She’d just broken protocol and done a horrible thing.
“I’m so sorry,” she whispered. “I thought the doctor told you when he came to see you today.”
“Where does it say that I won’t be able to play?”
“On your chart. I didn’t see this note that they hadn’t told you yet. The psychologist was supposed to be there when they told you.”
“Why, so I wouldn’t kill myself?”
“Well, to help you take the news, yes. I’m so sorry.”
His face hardened. “So, I guess you’re in big trouble now, huh?”
She swallowed and nodded. “I could be. I broke a very important protocol, but it was an accident, and I’m very sorry.”
“And calling me a jerk isn’t breaking protocol?”
“For difficult patients, it’s surprisingly not.” She chuckled. “It’s not encouraged or anything, but they usually recognize that some patients need to be handled differently.”
“And that’s me. I’m marked down as difficult?”
She shook her head. “You’re not. You’re rude, sure, but I know you’ve been through a lot. Really, I was just trying to find anything I could to make things better for you.”
“By yelling at me and telling me I have to give up my dream?”
“Well no, not exactly.”
He covered his eyes with his hand and breathed faster. “Isn’t there a surgery or something they can do?”
“Well,” she sat in the chair closest to him. “There’s a surgery scheduled and they’ve already done one. They took out the bullet and repaired the muscle the best they could. The next one will be for more repair. But some traumas are worse than others. In your case, the damage was so severe that the muscle is much weaker. And there’s no way to get it all back. Not really. It’ll always be weaker, but if you work really hard in physical therapy, you might be able to get there one day.”
“All this for something I didn’t even do.”
“What do you mean?”
“Don’t you go online? Don’t you know how I was shot?”
She shook her head, lying again.
“I almost slept with the wife of the guy who shot me. Worst part is, I didn’t even sleep with her. If I had, it might be justified.”
“Why didn’t you?”
“He came home.”
“So, you were about to sleep with her?”
He nodded and held up his thumb and forefinger an inch apart. “Was this close. Literally.”
“Well… Don’t you think that’s really the same thing?”
“I didn’t fuck her,” he said forcefully.
“But only because he shot you. So whether you got shot for doing it or to stop you from doing it, there’s not much difference. The intention was the same. And I’m sure if you were that close, then plenty happened before that would have been enough to piss the husband off. Even kissing another man’s wife is pretty messed up, let alone almost having sex with her.”
“Well. I didn’t know she was married. I really didn’t. I’m not like that.”
“That really sucks then. She wasn’t honest and you got shot because of it. You thought you were just going to get laid, and instead you were injured for committing adultery unknowingly.”
“Exactly. I should kill them both.” He punched a fist into his open palm.
“That would guarantee you’d never play football again. Unless there’s a prison team or something.”
His shoulders slumped. “What am I going to do, Audrey? Being a pro ball player is the only thing I have going for me. I don’t have a girlfriend or wife or family. I have nothing.”
“What about your parents? Do you have siblings?”
“My mom and sisters are across the country. My dad died a long time ago. I moved out east to play ball.”
“Maybe you can move back to where your family is. Then you’d have them at least.”
He was quiet for a few moments. Then he looked at her, tears filling his eyes, but not spilling over. “I didn’t think my life would be like this. I thought I’d finish college and play ball, meet a wonderful woman and marry her. Have kids and build a family. Have a real life. And now what? My best option is to move home so I’m not all alone with no job? That’s no life at all. There’s no point.”
Audrey reached over and put her hand on his. “Don’t give up before you even start. Shifters always have the advantage when it comes to this sort of thing. With physical therapy—”
“But there’s no guarantee, and it’ll never be the same.”
“Maybe. But don’t give up yet. You don’t know what will happen. You don’t even start therapy for another week, until after you’ve recovered from your next surgery. It might go really well and you could prove all the doctors wrong and walk out on that field next season like nothing ever happened.”
“And in your medical expertise, how likely is that to happen? How many times have you seen it happen?”
She paused for a moment to collect her words before responding. “I’ve never treated a professional athlete who was shot, so no, I’ve never personally seen it. But that doesn’t mean it doesn’t happen. People make miraculous recoveries all the time.”
“And you think miracles happen often? If they were common, they wouldn’t be thought of as miracles.”
She looked down at her hands. “No. You’re right.”
“So, my chances aren’t good.”
“One thing I can say for certain, Kenny. The patients I’ve treated who are more determined and have a better attitude are always the ones with the best outcomes. It’s the ones who get depressed and give up that don’t recover well. Or at all.”
“Then I’m screwed.”
“You have the ability to change your attitude in a second. You can right now make your chances better. It’s up to you, though. You have to set your mind on healing and recovering. You have to be willing to do the hard work to get there.”
He was quiet again and she wasn’t sure what else to say. Finally, she asked, “What do you want most out of life?”
He considered, then answered, “I want a family. I want a wife who loves me and kids. And I want to play ball.”
“Okay then. There are lots of ways to make all of that happen. Even if you can’t play professionally, you could coach your kid’s team. Not sure about finding love, but lots of people manage it. And once you have love and are married, the kids part should be easy.”
“You make it sound so simple. If it were that easy, I would have it all already. I’ve tried. She didn’t pick me.”
“Do you mean Carolyn?”
He creased his brow. “How do you know about her?”
“I get online sometimes. I might have looked you up.”
“And there were stories about Carolyn on there?”
She shrugged.
“What did it say?”
“Well, there was a photo that honestly could have been fake where that other guy on the team was attacking you and she was there, watching. Something about a paternity test.”
He closed his eyes and ran his fingers through his hair. “Savages, all of them. It wasn’t a fake photo.”
“Oh. I’m sorry. You haven’t had the best luck with other men in your relationships, huh?”
“That’s an understatement. One steals my woman. Even if it was Gabe’s baby, I wanted to be with her and give her a life. I proposed and everything. Then he fights me for it. But that wasn’t as bad as getting shot for almost screwing someone’s wife. If anyone had a right to shoot me, it was Gabe. And he only used fists.”
“I don’t think anyone has a right to shoot you. But do you think…”
“What?”
“I don’t know. Some people sabotage themselves. Maybe you’re subconsciously choosing women who are unattainable. It’s a thing. It happens all the time.”
“Why in the world would I do that?”
“I’m not a psychologist.”
“But that’s not stoping you from acting like one.”
“I was just trying to give you something to think about. That’s all. If something is causing you to do that, then you can look at that and fix it, and move forward.”
“Just like I can fix my leg. Got it. The magical power of mental healing, is that it?”
“It’s not as magical as you’d think. Our minds are powerful things.”
“Well, my mind is powerfully jacked up. So, what am I meant to do with that?”
“Heal from the inside out, Kenny. We have resources to help you do that.”
“Yeah.” He huffed. “Your shrinks and mental meds. Right.”
“They help a lot of people.”
“You know what really helps me?” He was starting to grow agitated again. “A strong drink and people staying out of my business. Don’t you have other patients to see?”
“Yes, but I wanted to spend time with you today to make sure you were doing okay.”
“Well, I’m just peachy. Go off and see the other loons, why don’t you? Leave me alone. And stop looking me up online.”
She stood and patted his hand. “Okay, Kenny. I’ll see you tomorrow.”