There really wasn’t much Merk could do. Not really. Not in his condition. Not yet. He looked down at his leg. The lower half of his leg, around the shin area, was barely attached to the rest of his leg. RJ had torn into him and shredded his leg. That had happened hours ago, it had been daylight then. He had led the Wolf RJ as far away from the school and people as possible. RJ was young and faster than he had expected, and so several times RJ bested him, leaping on him and sinking his canines into him; they would tussle and then Merk would shake free and take off in a sprint again, pushing his limits, trying to get to a safe clearing. Merk hadn’t wanted to hurt RJ, unfortunately, the notion wasn’t reciprocated: RJ was ravenous for Merk’s flesh, as a human or panther, any flesh really. But he couldn’t hold it against the young man, it was his first shift and it had come by force, something that would affect and send any shifter into a wild bloodthirsty rage. Because of this, Merk knew that RJ wasn’t in his right mind.

Merk had tried to spare the boy as much as possible, which ultimately had been to his detriment. RJ had finally gotten the best of him and with a violent and dreadful bite, tore into his leg while he was still a panther. Thankfully, they were in this forest, away from everyone. Merk had to fight feverishly to save his own life for once RJ had incapacitated him, the Wolf would sense the kill. It was a vicious fight, Merk and RJ both in their shifter form – panther versus wolf.

RJ had clawed and bit, Merk did the same, but also grappled with him, putting him in holds, tiring him out until he could shift back into human for better maneuver: when Merk had done that, he had slammed RJ’s head down hard on the ground, enough to jar the teen. Merk followed with blunt force with fists to the wolf’s face until RJ was unconscious. And that’s how they had been since earlier. RJ in wolf form unconscious and Merk in human form severely hurt.

This wasn’t what Merk wanted for the young man. Sitting there, leaning against a tree, trying to rest his body so that he would be able to heal, he thought about his past and everything and everyone he had left. RJ lying in front of him, sprawled out, although in wolf form, reminded him of the boy, the one he had watched die. It was all harrowing. Burdening. Merk had failed that boy too and here he was again, with another boy in front of him, hurt.

At least RJ wasn’t dead. He didn’t know how much damage he had done in stopping him, concussion for sure, but he wasn’t dead. Still, it bothered Merk that once again that he was party to something horrible happening to a kid, even if he was a shifter, which was a benefit, the other boy didn’t and never stood a chance.

“Fuck you!” Merk exclaimed, banging his hands against the ground as he sat. “Fuck you! Fuck you! Fuck you!”

Tears streamed down his face. He closed his eyes tight and leaned back against the tree.

“Fuck you, Mason… And damn you for what you did to that kid… Damn, you… He didn’t have to die – you didn’t have too…”

RJ had begun to stir. His body gyrated, and then convulsed some; RJ shifted back to human form.

Merk cried. Merk banged his fists against the ground some more. Merk beat his head against the tree. He wanted the pain. He needed the pain. He had run from it for so long and he couldn’t run anymore. That’s what this was about – literally he couldn’t run anymore. Merk looked down at his leg. Mangled. It probably would never be the same, even in shifting, and that was good. He was tired of running, tired of it all. He faced the truth about what he had done, what he had been a part of: a crew of Panther Shifters that didn’t give a shit about others, especially not regular humans.

They had abused their power. Did what they wanted. Used their power and abilities as shifters to wreak havoc on the less fortunate. He had always been conflicted about it, but did what he thought he was supposed to do, shifters had crews and you stayed loyal to your crew. But when their last bullshit job went foul and he shifted back to a human to save Kay from a gunshot blast, the son, the little boy of the man they were robbing, saw him and that created a problem.

“Coa – Coach…?” RJ sat up, trying to gather himself, obviously still disoriented. 

“You should have just let him alone, Mason. Who the fuck cared if he saw us? Huh? Who?” Merk had turned to RJ, his eyes were filled with tears.

“That’s how it should have began and ended, Mason! Fuck!” Merk was pointing angrily at RJ, his eyes wild and lost. You knew better, you were our fuckin’ crew leader’s brother and right-hand man… You fuckin’ went rogue and killed the boy. Killed him!”

Merk banged his fist against the ground hard, then his chest, last his head.

He pointed at RJ again: “Just because he had seen me shift.  No one voted, Mason! No one talked about it – that’s not how our crew worked! Levi hadn’t ruled yet on what was to happen next, he was still mulling over options when you…”

Merk trailed off and closed his eye tight.

“… You decided to take matters into your own hands – you had no regard for human life, not over shifters’, and I knew that about you and that’s why I… When he found out that you were going after the boy, I had tried to stop you, Mason…. I had to but I was too late. And then I had to… I had to kill – kill you… You fuckin’ idiot!”

Merk opened his eyes. He looked over to Mason – but it wasn’t Mason – it was RJ. Merk tried to understand… He felt sick in his head and body… Had he told RJ everything? At this point though, he didn’t care. Merk knew how much regret he lived with, the burden of what he had done.

“RJ…” Merk said out loud, knowing who he was speaking to this time. “There had been too much blood. Too much pain. That’s why I left. That’s why I came here, to this place – this new home and school and job was supposed to be my new start. But here I am again, same shit just different toilet, dealing with more shifter mess, and another hurt kid – you.”

 

***

 

Merk woke to the sound of RJ’s voice. It was a dry gasp. Merk’s face brightened some hearing RJ. Merk had passed out and in doing so, the rest had been good for him, his leg had healed a little. He didn’t look too bad. A lot of abrasions, cuts, bruising, especially around his temple, but he was alive and cognizant. This made Merk happy. This wasn’t going to end like it had before.

“Coach?” RJ looked at him.

Merk could see the worry on his face, the memories of what he had become and done had come back to him, RJ eyes told everything.              

“RJ… It’s okay – breathe – breathe, son… Just breathe. It’s okay, ” Merk spoke softly too him.

RJ heard him and tried to listen, but it all was too fresh in his mind. Merk could see it in RJ’s eyes as he looked over his human body and he remembered what he had done in his wolf form. Merk could empathize, he remembered how that felt for him as a panther, how he had lost his shit, even knowing what he was and that it was supposed to happen. He truly empathized with RJ. He wished that Ratty had done a better job of preparing him, especially if football was going to be an active part of the boy’s life.  Ratty should have known better. It’s a gladiator sport, force and action, violent and volatile, most shifters were aware of how fragile the layer between the shifter nature and the human form can be, enough to guard themselves and at least prepare those younger like offspring and siblings. RJ hadn’t been afforded that and it was going to cost him severely.

“What – What’s going… On?” he asked.

“Breathe,” Merk said again.

RJ did as he was told. He took deep breaths and then exhaled. Merk coached him. Merk could see the calm coming over him. And then his eyes fell on Merk’s leg and all the blood and claw marks.

“Oh my God… I – I did…”

“Stop. Focus. It’s okay… I’ll heal – I’m fine and you’re fine,” Merk spoke in a very methodical manner to him.

RJ nodded, trying to believe that what Merk was saying was true. RJ tried to stand to but he was still too disoriented. He was definitely concussed.

“Look. You’re gonna have to take it easy. Okay? I had to beat your head against the ground pretty hard to get you to go out – that’s gonna hurt for a while and you most likely have a concussion.”

“You did –? Okay, okay…” RJ answered, his words were slow and slurring some.

RJ was on all fours crawling over to Merk. There was fear on his face, worry. Merk wondered how much he actually remembered. He wasn’t sure how much he remembered – had he been talking to Mason? Did RJ hear him? RJ, thought Merk, sighing. It was going to be hard for the young man to live with. He could see that already just like it was still hard for him to live with what he had done. RJ wasn’t like his father and uncles. He seemed to have a kind heart, tender, it was a shame that he was born to a son of a bitch as a father and was part of a Fairweather bunch that were seriously blights of creation. Fuck. Merk cursed silently to himself.

“RJ… I need you to listen to me, okay?” Merk started.

RJ nodded.

“Things are going to change for you now. A lot of things. And you’re going to be very powerful… Very powerful. But you have to respect that power, son, you can’t be like… Like…”

“My dad,” RJ finished Merk’s sentence.

Merk nodded: “Right.”

RJ and Merk sat there for several moments silent after that. There really wasn’t much more to say. Merk tried to imagine how this all was going to play out once they got back to town and back to the school. He wondered how many people were hurt? How many people had seen RJ shift? Would the police and authorities try to take RJ in? Was that even a thing? Ratty basically ran the town but did his breadth of power reach even to law enforcement? There were a lot of questions that needed to be answered and it would only happen in time. Right now it was about healing and to do that they both needed to rest. Merk looked over at RJ, he was already beginning to doze off. He started to wake him, thinking about the possible concussion, but decided to just let the boy be – shifting for the first time took a lot out of you – and hopefully whatever healing power he had as a Wolf Shifter would help with him with his concussion.

It was quiet out in the woods. Nice. Still. Merk felt strangely at peace despite his injuries and the mayhem that he was sure waited for him and RJ back in town. He hoped Kara was okay and wasn’t worried about him too much. He wanted to see her. Needed to see her. Thinking about her, he could suddenly feel her, as if she was close by. Nostalgia? He could even smell her, although slightly, her scent faint and distant. What he wouldn’t give to just have her in his arms one more time…  That was something to look forward to and more reason to rest and heal so he could get back to her. Those were his thoughts as he began to drift off to sleep…

 

***

 

Merk awoke to a hard blow to the face. It was deafening and passed jarring. His jaw ached immediately afterwards. He peered up to see what had happened, who had slapped him. Surely it wasn’t RJ… Nope. Ratty. And standing behind him were his two brothers and several other men. Merk knew that trouble had found them and that this wasn’t going to end well for him.