I spent a good half hour searching for myself in the reflection of a dirty mirror in Jules and Tallis’ room. The unfamiliar girl staring back at me had long, straight hair that hit my lower back. The sleekness of it had me baffled. I’d always been at war with my curls, but these unfamiliar new tresses had me missing my wild mane. Jules applied some cream to it, lightening the shiny strands to match my white roots.

A plumping serum took my already cushioned lips and made them even more voluptuous. I found myself making facial expressions in the mirror and staring at the red lipstick Jules so carefully painted on me.

My skin was tanned from being in the sun the last five months, and Louis brought eye drops which temporarily changed the color of my irises to grey. I’d have to add drops every morning, but the overall look was...haunting.

It was me, I knew that much, but the woman in my reflection was cold. Was this what my men saw when they looked at me? The numb, unfeeling woman just scratching the surface of existence?

“Ash?” Kemper’s voice called out from behind me. I sucked in a deep breath before turning to face him.

“You might want to get used to calling me Shade,” I said with a half-grin. I wasn’t sure how I felt about it. The new name Louis assigned me in the database felt foreign on my lips. I’d have to practice introducing myself as such if I wanted to survive. It felt like each step closer to revenge I got, the less of myself I had.

“Shade? That's an interesting choice,” Kemper mused while walking forward. He pinched my lightened hair between his fingertips. “I miss your curls,” he whispered.

“As much as I’m happy that you like my curls, I’ll admit that the maintenance of the straight hair will be a relief. Jules said the chemical she used will last for a month! Can you believe this magic serum to tame my hair has been around all this time?” I asked incredulously, joking to hide that I felt like a foreigner in my own skin. Jules was efficient and well-versed in the arts of pampering and appearance. It was jarring almost. She went from cleaning her knife to discussing the proper tint of red for a Companion to wear. She transitioned through her personalities efficiently. I wondered if I’d be able to go from Shade to Ash as quickly.

“I think you could shave your hair off, and I’ll still find you addicting,” Kemper said before leaning forward to kiss my forehead. “Madam B wants you to come down and meet the other Companions.”

“Okay,” I replied nervously. Madam’s words still echoed in my mind. I felt inadequate in this role. Jules could dress me up, but my inexperience was in the way I carried myself.

Kemper must have seen the unease in my expression because he immediately went to fix-it mode. “What's wrong, sweetheart?” he asked while gripping the bathroom countertop, caging me between his arms.

“I’m not as experienced…”

I could feel Kemper’s eyes boring into me as I stood there; he looked me over, pausing at my chest where the dress Jules picked was draped dangerously low. The see-through material had gained all of his attention.

“Everything about you is sexy. I want you to be the first thing I touch in the morning,” Kemper said in a hoarse voice before kissing my neck. “And at night? I want you to be the last thing I taste.”

Kemper kissed my collarbone while teasing my hardened nipples through the thin material of my dress. “I love your heart. I love how honest you are. I love the way you treat others. I love how you dive into your passions and sacrifice yourself. But don’t doubt for one second that I don’t find you completely, fucking, ridiculously sexy. I think I’ve been perpetually hard since meeting you,” he said with a chuckle.

“Oh really?” I asked. My voice was low and raspy as he continued to massage my skin.

Kemper grabbed my hand and forced me to drag my touch down his trim chest and stomach, traveling lower until I could feel how hard he was.

“Feel what you do to me, Ash. Own it. You make my cock ache."

I let out a gasp as I stroked him, begging to dip inside his pants to feel him without the barrier of clothes, but before my fingers could travel beneath his waistband, he stopped me.

“We don’t have time, sweetheart. But believe me, if I could—I would. I’ll happily remind you for the rest of your life how desired you are. I might not like this plan, but I definitely don’t want these people to shake your confidence.”

I pulled my hand back, and Kemper crashed his lips to mine, infusing his confidence and attraction into our kiss. My plump lips seemed more sensitive, and when he bit my bottom lip, I gasped at the sharp yet pleasurable sensation.

Kemper wrapped one hand around my neck and the other through my hair. I felt treasured and divine. His kisses were primal. Adoring. He poured his conviction into me with every flick of his tongue and press of his lips. Abruptly, he ended the kiss and pulled away with a small smile. I watched as he slipped back into his usual passive persona, but it took a moment for his fiery eyes to calm.

Knowing I had the power to obliterate his restraint gave me such a thrill. He might be perfect and collected for everyone else, but with me, he embodied a pure, unfiltered, uninhibited chaos.

In the main sitting room, the others were waiting patiently. Jules and Tallis had left to collect supplies from a carrier in the tunnels. I adjusted my dress and hair once more, feeling uncomfortable under the stares of my men.

Huxley rested his eyes on my legs. They were exposed through the high slit in my white dress, and he looked at them like they were taunting him. Then, he traveled his eyes up my body with longing, but when he saw my face, his relaxed lips went hard with disapproval. I wasn’t sure how to take that. Did he not like this disguise? “You look beautiful,” Patrick said. “But you always have,” he quickly added while glaring at Huxley from the corner of his eye, as if daring him to say otherwise.

“What’s on your face?” Huxley asked. Jacob elbowed him then began digging in his pockets.

“Makeup?” I replied.

He looked like he didn’t know how to respond. Luckily, Jacob intervened. “You don’t just ask a girl what’s on her face!” the mindspeak blurted out. “Have I taught you nothing? Ash, Jules did a fantastic job disguising your appearance. The makeup is tasteful, but I’m thankful I get to see your beauty underneath. It’s like a mask almost. They see your war paint, and we get to see the real you.”

I smiled at Jacob’s comments then giggled when his mindspeak continued rambling, against his wishes. “See, you idiots? That's how you woo a girl. Take some fucking notes on how to make her feel beautiful for fuck’s sake!” Kemper chuckled beside me. I understood that this was an uncomfortable situation. I decided to take a page from Patrick’s personality and lighten the mood.

“I’m just thankful Jules didn’t follow through with her original plan to shave my eyebrows. I might not be a fashion expert, but her lie about that being a new trend was too transparent.”

The guys all laughed, and I took a seat by Jacob. Checking his ears, I noticed that he had removed his mindspeak translator, so I made a mental note not to ask him too many questions or engage him in conversation. I didn’t want him to feel inadequate, embarrassed, or upset. So instead, I didn’t use words. I only grabbed his hand and smiled, thankful that I was with him. I hoped that soon we would have time one on one to catch up, but for now, I was determined to fulfill my duties for Madam B.

The kitchen doors opened, and the crass Companion manager walked in, munching on a cupcake. When her eyes landed on me, her chocolate-covered mouth widened into a broad grin.

“I hardly recognized you! Jules does good work.” Madam B then shoved the rest of the chocolate cupcake in her mouth before licking the frosting from her fingertips.

Plopping on one of the chairs, she rested her feet up on the coffee table. She was utterly relaxed and in her element. “The girls should be here any moment. They had rounds at Cavil’s estate this morning for a diplomacy meeting. Cavil sure does enjoy using them to convince leaders,” she joked. “I’m sure they’ve aided in at least seven trade deals since he arrived here. The other brothels in the Zone are pissed that I’ve got all the good immune Companions.”

At her words, the front door slammed open, and chatter erupted through the hallways. “I’m telling you,” a bright voice said, “the man had a stuffed animal! He wanted to watch while I—”

I looked at the entryway as four women stood staring at us.

The first girl on the right had long blond hair, a pointed nose, and green eyes. She was beautiful, but her features were sharp. She wore an analytical expression as she openly observed our group, lingering a moment longer than I’d like on Kemper before looking at me.

The girl next to her had short black hair and full lips that were a bright red shade without the aid of lipstick. Her dark eyes were framed by thick lashes, and her shorter stature still felt imposing with her unamused posture.

“Is this the girl?” the dark-haired woman asked while nodding towards me.

Madam B rolled her eyes. “Yes, Lowe. This is Ash, or should I say Shade?”

The blond looked to Lowe then back at me before smiling. “Hey, Ash, I’m Blythe.” She immediately walked towards me and held her hand out to shake mine. “Maverick has told me so much about you,” she added in a lower voice, peering at me with an assuming look that made me want to squirm away from her. She knew Maverick? Was this the correspondent that was passing notes back and forth with him?

Next to Lowe was an older woman still just as striking as the other two, but there was a weary way in which she carried herself that made me pause. “I’m Kaye,” she said with a bored shrug.

Lastly, a woman with bright blue hair and a mischievous grin to match waved to me while saying, “I’m Jade. I’m the one that’s going to kill Cavil.”

I was shocked by the nonchalant way she had said that. Was she used to killing? “Well, it’s nice to meet you. Not going to lie, I’m a bit envious.”

After nodding in greeting to Kaye and Jade, I brought my attention back to Blythe. “You’ve spoken to Maverick?” I asked.

She smiled. “Every night almost.”

“You wish!” Jade called from the entryway while flipping her blue hair over her shoulder and adjusting her white dress. “You sit on the floor of his bedroom, pining over him while he works.”

Anger flashed in Blythe’s eyes as she turned to Jade. “Well, at least I’m not forced to sit with Master Byron and his foot fungus.” All four of the girls burst out in fits of giggles, and I felt even more out of place. They had history, stories, and experiences which bonded them. How could I possibly fit in?

“So you’re all immune?”

“Yep!” the short woman—Lowe—answered. “Jules found me in a brothel outside of Ethros. One of my regulars was a member of the Resistance. Once I passed the blood test, I was brought here.

The older woman stared at Madam B for a moment before speaking to me. She was haunting in her tone. Each word was like dancing along the cliff of grief. “I’ve been here my whole life. Grew up on the third floor of this house, actually,” she said with a forlorn frown. “Didn’t find out I was immune until Jules performed the blood test on me three weeks ago. Been working my whole life for a cure that not only has become obsolete, but I never even needed.” I felt pity for Kaye. I couldn’t imagine striving so long for something that no longer mattered. But even immunes were locked into the status we were born with.

“Well, now that we’ve all met, we have some plans to discuss. I also would like each of you to work with Ash on her...skills,” Madam B said.

Blythe looked me up and down with a scowl that made me dislike her even more. “She does look like she’ll need a lot of work.”

“Nonsense,” Jade said while walking towards me and plunking down on the couch beside Jacob and me. Unlike the others, there was nothing slow and graceful about her movements. She was a dominant presence in their group. “She’s pretty enough. Most of the time, they just want you to sit there and look pretty. Cavil often forgets I’m even there. If she can survive not talking for hours on end, she’ll do fine.”

“Well, of course! Anyone can look pretty. It's the other part of our job this little Walker looks inexperienced with,” Blythe said while throwing a pointed stare at me. I seriously didn’t like her. From the moment she arrived, she’d been trying to undermine me.

Huxley spoke up. He had been quietly observing everything with interest, and I knew that he was cataloging each woman in his mind, seeking out their threat level and if they were suitable for the mission.

“That won’t be a problem. I’ve been assured that she won’t be going to anyone’s room. Maverick or Cyler will claim her for the night.”

Madam B spoke up, “Yes yes, that's right. From what I understand, Cavil’s been eager to keep them caged but happy. He doesn’t want people thinking he’s imprisoned the Dormas leaders, but he also won’t let them go. They’re allowed to claim Companions, it’s how Blythe has been able to get notes to Maverick.” Madam B’s tone was bored, and she sipped a drink of something so strong I could smell it from across the room.

Blythe frowned and opened her mouth to speak but, after seeing Huxley’s serious scowl, decided against it.

“Huxley is right. The plan is for Maverick or Cyler to claim Ashleigh for the night should she be called upon. Besides, Cavil will die long before anyone else has a chance to claim her,” Louis said in a matter of fact tone as he descended the stairs. He was absentmindedly typing away on his tablet.

“And how do you plan on doing that?” Kemper asked.

“Jade is going to stab him,” he said nonchalantly as if it were an easy solution.

I looked to the blue-haired woman once more, this time truly assessing her. She didn’t look like someone capable of murdering. “Can you handle that?” I asked.

“Better believe it. I’ve been buttering that man up for weeks. He’ll claim me for the night, no doubt about it. Then I’ll slice his throat. Or puncture his heart, I haven’t quite decided yet.” Something about her statement had me feeling envious again. I’d wondered what had happened to me to make me have so much bloodlust.

“I’m sorry, but that seems like a stupid idea. Guards will be watching. There’s no way you’ll get away with that,” Huxley replied in disbelief. Would guards be in the room with them when...

“Jade and the others have been training with Tallis. They’ll be prepared when the time comes.”

“So why do you need me?”

It was Jules that answered. She casually strolled into the sitting room and sat down, making sure to prop her feet up on the table. “My brothers can’t remove their fetters until the last possible moment. Because they’re in range, the moment they take the death pill—the medicine I gave you—it’ll alert Cavil. Your job is to get them in the transport, give them the medicine, and get them out of Cavil’s estate the moment their fetters pop off. They’ll be unconscious, or they would do it themselves.”

I nodded in understanding while trying to piece together more of their plan. “And why can’t one of the other girls do that?” Huxley asked.

“Because they each have dignitaries of their own to help escape. We’re having to be very strategic. Cavil hasn’t just been keeping your friends in his control. His tower in Galla is full of people forced to follow him.”

“Except me,” Kaye said. I had almost forgotten she was there. She had drifted off into a corner of the room, quietly observing us. “I’ve been tasked with poisoning members of the guard. I’ve got a sister that works in the kitchens.”

“Poison? Will that kill them?” I asked.

“Yes,” Jade replied. “Is that going to be a problem?”

I thought about her question for a moment. Could I handle knowing that I played a part in killing potentially innocent people? Certainly not all members of Cavil’s army were bad. “Don’t look so upset, dear,” Madam B said. She had abandoned her drink and leaned forward. “Every single one of them is a supporter of Cavil. They like his regime. They want him to succeed. We could kill Cavil, but another man would just slide up to take his place. In order to get past this toxic leadership, we have to kill them all. We aren’t like Cavil. We don’t kill needlessly. The idea is to save the human race.”

I felt calmed by Madam B’s words, despite the gnawing sense of dread in my chest. I wanted revenge, but I couldn’t help but feel like the price of doing this would be on my conscience. “I can handle it,” I finally whispered as Jade gave me a side hug.

Pacified, the guys leaned back as the Companions continued to fire questions at me. One by one, they gave me scenarios they'd experienced, asking what I would do.

"What if your Elite makes a joke at the expense of the emperor? Do you pacify his ego and laugh, or do you keep quiet?" Blythe asked. I opened my mouth but stuttered. I wasn't sure what the correct answer was.

"If in public, look at the ground and act like you don't have two brain cells to rub together. If in private, laugh. It's always better if you laugh at their jokes. Men like to have their big egos stroked."

"Are you a virgin? Or have you done nothing but stare longingly across the room at a man?" Blythe asked again while lifting her dress. She propped her foot on the edge of the sofa next to Patrick then slowly shimmied the garter around her thigh off right in front of him. He avoided looking at her but his cheeks were pink. She was pretty, and although I felt angry at her blatant disrespect of boundaries, I couldn’t help but feel giddy at Patrick’s politeness.

“I don’t see how this is any of your business,” Huxley growled. I appreciated the support, but I also didn’t want to feel like any more of an outsider than I already was.

“It’s our business because if she can’t pull this off, then we’re all dead. Forgive me for wanting to make sure she’s got her shit together,” Blythe said while rolling her eyes.

"I think it’s time for some rest. We’ve had a long day." He stood, jerking me up with him and waving at a nearly passed out Madam B.

We all left the Companions and Madam B to rest. I needed a moment to process everything. Upstairs, Kemper, Huxley, and Patrick kissed me goodnight and went to their respective rooms. I wished we could all room together and discuss all the learnings of this place, but when I followed Jacob, he fumbled for his mindspeak.

“As much as I want you to stay with me...stay under me. Fuck this fucking technology. You don’t have to. I know it’s been awhile. You’re probably repulsed by this fucking scar. Goddamn, I want to kiss you. I’m just giving you an out. ’Cause it’s okay if you’ve moved on. Please say you want me as much as I want you.”

Jacob ripped the mindspeak from his ear as if to prevent any more ramblings from pouring out its monotone speaker. I made my way towards him. Part of me wanted to berate him for thinking such ridiculous things. Part of me wanted to shove him against the wall and show him just what I thought of his beautiful face and the scar that represented the sacrifices he was willing to make to be near me.

“If you thought a scar and some time apart was going to change how I feel, then you don’t know me at all,” I whispered before softly placing my lips against his. Jacob was only able to choke out one word. One single syllable of lust and longing that had me shaking with need.

“Fuck.”

I grabbed his hand and led him inside his room, pausing only to lock the door behind us. Jacob was panting as he stripped me out of the dress Jules poured me into. The sheer lace became nothing but a pile on the floor, and he traced the white lace of my lingerie with tenderness.

I reached into Jacob’s pocket, pulling out the mindspeak. I wanted to hear every unfiltered thought pouring from his mind. "Jacob," I whispered over his swollen lips, tenderly stroking the scar above his eye with my free hand. “I want to know all the things you think of me. All the things you want to do with me. You make me feel brave. Beautiful.”

I placed the mindspeak in his ear. “Okay, but only for a minute. I don’t want to fucking hear ‘yes yes, oh yes’ in this fucking ridiculous monotone voice,” it said, and I immediately burst into a fit of giggles.

Happy tears streamed down my face as I realized how ridiculous that would sound. “Oh my goodness, that's hysterical,” I said through more sputters of laughter.

“Damn, that laugh does things to me I can't even explain,” the voice said.

Wiping away tears, I turned to look at him with a smile. The intensity of the moment was disappearing, and a new sensation was taking over. Peace. Pure, unadulterated peace.

“Yeah?” I asked.

Jacob lifted his thumb to stroke my bottom lip before his mindspeak responded. “I missed you so much, Ash. So fucking much it hurts. You think I’ll ever stop thinking about you? Damn that was corny. I'm supposed to be smooth. I can say all the right things, wink and smile my life away. But with you, I’m a fumbling idiot.”

I kissed him, and the mindspeak went wild. “Fuck yes, her lips are so soft. Oh God, that thing with your tongue, do it again.” I traced my fingers along his perfect physique, claiming each crease, each crevasse for myself. I wanted to pull away before I lost myself, but his thoughts were still encouraging me. "I love you so much, can you feel it?"

“Yes, Ash,” his mindspeak said. “I love you too.”

I drifted backward, keeping my eyes closed to savor the feel of Jacob on me. “Can I just hold you? I want to hear about everything. I want to know what you’ve been up to.”

I held his hand and guided Jacob to the bed. We shuffled beneath the covers until my cheek was resting on his bare chest, and there was nothing between me and the sound of his heart.

“I trained with a healer,” I whispered before diving into tales about Lilly and Aarav. I told him about fighting with Huxley, pushing Kemper and Patrick away. I told Jacob how I refused to believe that he was hurt or in danger. I told him how I sulked and about Payne.

“I woke up here, you know. Tallis carried me out of Ethros on a transport. I just wanted to call out for you, but I couldn’t. It was like my brain could think the words, but my mouth couldn’t say it.”

I nuzzled closer to Jacob’s chest, breathing in his soapy scent. “The mindspeak helps, but I miss having control over my own voice.”

If I were being honest, I missed the sound of Jacob’s smooth voice too. Although I was thankful for whatever we could get, there was something about his warm tone that made me melt. But I’d rather miss his voice than miss him.

“I’m getting better though. Every day, I can say more.”

Jacob took the mindspeak from his ear and sat up taller. With a cough, he moved his lips before saying, “Lo-Love. Love you.” Hot tears of joy and sadness rolled down my cheeks.

“I love you too,” I whispered. We fell asleep, and although it was comforting to be in his arms, I still felt the weight of all the things still left unsaid.