The guys hovered as I got ready, vetoing three of the outfits Jules picked out because they revealed too much skin. “I don’t like this at all,” Huxley barked. In the last three hours, he kept repeating the same three phrases:

“No.”

“She’s not wearing that.”

And my personal favorite, “I don’t like this.”

What if Maverick or Cyler weren’t there? What if Cavil recognized me? What if I had to…

“Here, keep this in your pocket,” Jules said while slapping a small blue pill in my palm.

“What is it?” I didn’t want to come across as ungrateful or melodramatic, but last time Jules gave me medicine, I died. I was a bit hesitant to accept anything from her now.

“Just one more way we’re going to insure that Cavil and his men don’t claim you for the night. If Maverick or Cyler can’t get you, take this pill.”

“What does it do?”

Jules laughed, a sadistic grin covering her face that made Huxley growl. Jacob had to take his mindspeak back out of his ear so that she couldn’t hear his insults.

“Let’s just say it’ll make you so sick that no one will find you appealing. They’ll practically beg you to leave,” she laughed. “You’ll throw up for the next 24 hours, but it’s a small price to pay, in my opinion.”

“Are you sure that’s safe? I think I need to come up with another backup plan,” Kemper said while scrolling through his tablet, looking at the blueprints for Cavil’s tower in Galla. “There aren’t many ways in and out. It’s like he’s built a fortress.”

Jules rolled her eyes and leaned over me, lining my lids with black makeup. “You think we haven’t already exhausted all of our options? The only way in and out is as a guard, Elite, Walker servant, or Companion. They saw her, they want her. The only way we aren’t going to raise any suspicions is if we continue as normal.”

“I don’t like it,” Huxley growled for the fourteenth time. Neither did I, but I didn’t say it. This was what I wanted, right? A chance to avenge Josiah, save Cyler and Maverick?

“You don’t really have a choice. If she decided not to go, they’d snoop around. Pretentious assholes,” Jules lined my lips with red, the bold shade complimenting my tan skin. Despite the destination, I smiled at my reflection. I didn’t feel like myself, but the effect of Jules’ skill almost convinced me that I could handle this. Maybe if I accepted my new persona, pretended to be this Shade person for a night, I could survive. She sprayed me with perfume, making me cough on the citrus scent.

“You look gorgeous,” Jacob’s mindspeak said from behind me. “I agree with Huxley. I don’t want her anywhere near those dicks, I want her home with us.”

Kemper continued to scroll through his tablet. I looked in the mirror, and in the reflection, my eyes connected with Patrick’s. Pale and jaw clenched, he looked wild with worry. I had to convince him that this was nothing more than an evening out. That I’d come home and slip into bed with him like I’ve done so many nights before. I spun around in my chair and stood. Patrick reached his hands out to me, and I nuzzled into him for a hug, burrowing my face against his chest and letting him steal some comfort from our hug.

“Maybe you should just plan on taking that pill the second you walk through the doors? I’ll nurse you back to health.”

I giggled against him. “Will you sing me more nursery rhymes and cradle me?” I asked. He began rocking me slowly as he hummed a quiet song meant just for us. The soothing dance warmed me from within, filling me with peace before the wave of reality crashed back along the shore.

“I’ll do whatever you want me to, Ash,” he murmured into my sleek, straight hair while cupping my neck. He began spinning me around the small bathroom, chuckling some when we bumped into Jacob who let out a curse and clutched his groin.

“Watch where you’re going, for fuck’s sake,” his mindspeak said as he growled through gritted teeth. That earned a laugh from Huxley, and soon we were all enjoying ourselves, even Jules.

Kemper tapped Patrick on the shoulder then held out a box to me. “It’s the fake fetter,” he said with a frown. I stared at the foreboding box, trying to think of another way around it, but ultimately opened the creaky wood and slipped on the brass fetter without a second glance. I wanted the chance to prove myself, I couldn’t back out now over a piece of fake jewelry. Kemper backed away, his hands wrapped around his middle, and Patrick resumed swaying with me.

“Am I terrible for saying I want to see Maverick and Cyler? I’m actually pretty excited about that,” I finally said.

I’d walk through hell to see my men. I’d kiss the devil for a lifetime with them. No cost was too great. Strength came in many forms. Love was messy. I’d once chosen myself. I’d learned how to prioritize self-love over something toxic, it’s what led me to Dormas in the first place. But now? Now, I had to learn how to navigate the all-consuming self-sacrificing kind of love. The love that forced you to step outside of your comfort zone. The love that made danger seem inconsequential compared to a life without them.

And that’s what I felt for all my men.

Huxley burst out in another series of laughter, startling us all. I slowly turned to face him, keeping Patrick close. Huxley was bent over, clutching his stomach as he shook. Was this it? Was this how Huxley finally lost his mind? We all stared worriedly as he stood to wipe his juniper eyes.

“Oh man,” he said as a couple more chuckles escaped. “I just realized you’re gonna see Cyler and Maverick. You know what they’re gonna do once they realize you willingly walked into Cavil’s home?”

Suddenly, Jacob’s mindspeak said “oh fuck” while Patrick cursed and Kemper frantically flipped through his tablet once more.

“Cyler’s into spanking, isn’t he?” Patrick asked while wrapping his arms tighter around me.

“I think so. You shouldn’t worry as much about Cavil, and worry more about what Maverick and Cyler are going to do once they see you,” Kemper said with a smirk.

I blushed, realizing they were right. Cyler and Maverick were going to be furious—and I couldn’t wait.

During the transport ride to Cavil’s tower the girls chatted amongst themselves, completely ignoring me. Blythe, at least, seemed less smug now that I was joining them. Her outfit was definitely more risque than before, too. It was practically lingerie with a sheer, white overlay. She was beautiful. Applying her lipstick, Jade smacked her lips at a compact mirror before looking at me, “You look good, Walker Queen.” I rolled my eyes at the sarcastic nickname. Ever since Madam B called me that at the meeting, all the Companions had taken up addressing me as such.

“Thanks,” I whispered.

I imagined what my reunion with Cyler and Maverick would be like. Would they kiss me? Would they recognize me? With shaky fingers, I pulled out the compact mirror in my purse and frowned at the grey eyes and light hair. My plumped lips and harsh cheekbones looked foreign on my face.

Kaye looked with sad eyes out the window as Lowe, Jade, and Blythe chatted excitedly about a diamond necklace one of the men gifted earlier today. I leaned forward to whisper, “Got any advice?” to Kaye. She stiffened then turned her gaze towards me, a sadness penetrating my soul with such fierceness that I clutched my chest and had to catch my breath.

“Advice?” she asked. I watched as her hand with red-painted nails dug up the slit in her dress and pulled out a shiny flask. She took a small sip before continuing. “Do you have a survival instinct, little Walker Queen?” she asked. “Do you lean on your instinct?”

“I’m not sure what you’re asking,” I replied. The others had gone quiet and were leaning closer to hear what Kaye had to say. It was rare that she spoke, so they were just as intrigued as I was.

“Of course you don’t understand. My advice is to cling to that innate, primal part of you that screams for you to run when you find yourself in a dark place. Listen to that voice that warns you of danger. Take your adversity, take your differences, your resilience, and use it to your advantage.”

“Well damn, Kaye,” Lowe said with a laugh. “I think the girl just wanted to know what fork to use at the dinner table. We’re not going to war.”

“Every day is war,” Kaye replied in a curt tone before staring out the window once more.

The tower where Cavil lived was quite easily the tallest in Galla. As advertisements for fetters and videos of Cavil kissing babies scrolled along the exterior, I felt my stomach drop. Guards patrolled out front, and the transport didn’t stop outside, it traveled through a revolving garage door, stopping inside a brightly lit lobby.

Sanitizing steam filled the small space, cleaning the transport before the doors opened. I patted my pocket where a tiny compartment holding my puke-pill was. It was sewn into a seam, ready for if I was claimed for the night. I didn’t necessarily want to spend my evening puking the entire contents of my stomach, but it seemed preferable to a night in a stranger’s room.

I followed the others into the lobby, stepping outside of the transport with shaky legs and a chin raised high. I willed myself to embody the personality of Shade. She wasn’t scared. She knew how to fight. She didn’t know grief or sadness. She could handle anything the world threw at her. She didn’t go numb to cope, nor did she lash out in anger. She was cool, collected, and a badass.

“A new one, huh?” a guard asked while looking me over and checking his tablet. He scanned my face, nodding once the Walker database came up.

“Grew up in Saberus. Immune. No children or family.”

Another guard walked up to me and grabbed my hand, pricking my finger with a needle and putting a drop of my blood on a test strip and grinning when the red stain turned a bright shade of green.

“Well, look at that. You’re one of the lucky two percent, Companion. Clear!”

We were guided to an elevator, and as we all rose to the top floor, I stared out the clear glass to the city below. In the distance, I could see the Zone. It stood proud with flickering lights and smog outside of Galla despite the grime and poverty.

The door slid open, revealing an ivory room full of people. “Get ready, Shade. I’m off to find Cavil,” Jade said while smiling and entering the room with a flirtatious stroll that made me feel wildly inadequate.

Lowe squeezed my hand before wrapping her arm around me with a fake giggle. “Let’s go have some fun, shall we?” She sashayed, adding an extra sway to her hips as she walked, forcing me to swerve and lean into her.

“Just stick with me, honey.”

The ivory room triggered a fear deep within me that I couldn’t hold back. My mouth was dry and my wrist throbbed as if a phantom pain was rocking through me, reminding me of the destruction that Cavil could cause.

A tall man in a white suit stopped us, grinning at Lowe like she was a prize to be won. “Master Jaquis!” she cooed while detangling herself from me and wrapping her arms around him with a grin. “Oh how I’ve missed you,” she said while nuzzling her nose against his, earning a delighted groan from him. I felt sick to my stomach but kept my face pleasant and neutral. He was a stout man with dimples and red cheeks. He smelled of stale beer and cheese.

“Who is your friend?” the man asked while giving me a slow once over.

Lowe gave me a sideways glance before responding. “That’s my new friend, Shade. She’s immune, but I’m more fun.”

The man chuckled before kissing her neck. Jade flinched, but he didn’t notice. “I do love it when you get jealous, dear,” he said while wrapping his arm around her waist and pulling her close.

“I know,” she replied with a small smile. She played the part well, but I saw past it. I quietly thanked her for steering this man away from me.

My eyes drifted across the room, and I went still when I saw long black hair and a burly frame scowling in the corner. His thick arms were crossed over his chest, and the white suit he wore accentuated his dark eyes.

It felt like someone was punching me in my gut. All air escaped me. Cyler Black.

Another Walker Companion walked by and paused when she saw me. She was wearing white too, but I didn’t recognize her. I assumed she was a Companion from one of the other brothels in the Zone. “Good luck,” she said, her voice husky and sounding older than she looked. “My brothel sends me here almost every night, and not once has he given me or anyone else a second glance.” She walked away and crashed into an Elite man that was already well too drunk to know what was happening. The Companion easily slipped to his side and maneuvered him to a nearby seat. I slowly made my way towards Cyler in the corner as he stared off to his left at a couple arguing.

Not once did he glance at me. With each step, my pulse increased. Each step closer, I wanted to run and jump into his arms, but I stayed still, slipping into the role required of me.

Once I was near enough, he still didn’t turn my way. Didn’t give me a second of his attention. “Not interested,” he said in a bored tone, still refusing to acknowledge me. I breathed in his cinnamon scent, leaning closer before whispering.

“Cy. First the train, now here? Saving you is becoming a habit.”

I watched as each of his muscles went rigid, the veins in his neck thudding with excitement and anger. Slowly, ever-so-slowly, he turned to look at me, his dark eyes hooded and hungry as he bit his lip and took in my hair, lips, and clothes.

“Babe,” he said in a low voice, reaching out to touch my hip. “You’re in so much fucking trouble.”

I didn’t have a second to think or process what he was doing. Cyler Black didn’t let another moment pass before he was crashing his lips to mine in a passionate move that had my legs going numb. He spun me around, pressed me against the wall, then slid us closer to the shadows. In the dark corner, we were hidden from everyone else.

He kissed me like a starving man, and I melted. I was nothing but a tense bundle of emotions, smearing my red lipstick across his lips as I tasted his tongue, consuming him completely and gripping my dress to hike it up so I could wrap my thighs around him.

I moaned into his mouth, and the sound started a chain reaction of primal need within us. Somehow, my dress had become loose around my chest. He clutched the fabric at my breasts, keeping it up as we kissed. I opened for him, and Cyler thrust his thigh between my legs, pushing up against my core as he used his free hand to grab my hair, yanking my lips from his so he could lick and suck on my neck.

I was nothing but pleading whimpers. Desire. Hot pain and pleasure demanding more. Five months of longing finally came to an end. I didn’t see the ivory room, the Elite, the Walker Companions, or even the figure standing behind him. I just felt Cyler Black and his all consuming love for me.

“What the fuck are you doing?” a familiar voice asked as Cyler was ripped from me. “Really? Does Ash mean nothing to you? How could you do this to her?” Maverick asked while rearing back to punch Cyler before staring at me. I almost let out a scream, begging Maverick to stop, but his shocked whisper stopped me.

“A-Ash?” he asked in a deadly low whisper, as if saying my name out loud would break the spell of seeing me. I worried my disguise wasn’t enough. What if Cavil recognized me? Behind Maverick, Blythe looked at us with disgust before storming off.

“What are you doing here? Blythe said you wouldn’t be here until the end of the month party,” Maverick asked, leaning closer and pushing me even farther into the shadows. Both of them formed a tight wall around me, and I wanted nothing more than to sink my teeth into Maverick’s bottom lip. In the distance, I could see that things were heating up in the ivory room. Men and Companions had started to drift off down the many winding hallways. An Elite woman and a Walker Companion were kissing passionately on Cavil’s ivory couch, spilling wine everywhere.

“I had no choice,” I whispered. “I was called here.” I couldn’t help but feel a slight pang of insecurity at hearing Blythe’s name on Maverick’s tongue. Was he mad that I disrupted his night with her? Five months was a long time. I knew it was unreasonable, and I hated myself for even thinking it, but I needed reassurance.

“You shouldn't be here,” Cyler said. He was still close, crushing me against his body. I wrapped my arms around his waist and hugged Cyler tightly before letting go and migrating to Maverick.

He looked the same. If anything, more well-rested. His hair was a bit longer, his skin more pale. I wondered if he was allowed outside. “Mav, aren’t you happy to see me?” I asked before stepping closer.

He looked over his shoulder, staring around at the room, looking at everyone before slipping his eyes to me. “Of course I’m happy to see you, but not here. Not like this.”

I half expected this, but it didn’t mean it hurt any less to hear. I slumped in sadness, feeling rejected even though I knew I had no right to feel this way. Shade was confident, but the Ash that was in love with Maverick and Cyler wanted them to show some sort of excitement. I wanted to slap myself for being so caught up. I knew they loved me. I knew this just wasn’t an ideal situation.

“Ash, sweetheart, don’t look like that,” Maverick whispered. A familiar cadence of trumpets sounded, causing Cyler and Maverick to stiffen and stare at one another.

They made a wordless choice then, communicating only with their stares and leaving me out of the decision making process. Surprise, surprise.

“Cavil,” Cyler whispered while looking around the room.

“I’ll take her to my room,” Maverick said while gripping my wrist. Cyler seemed reluctant to let me go, but he kissed the inside of my wrist, letting me go with a glance that said this wasn’t over.