- LOGAN -
“She’s cute, Logan.” My brother’s eyes follow Allie and Hannah as they filter into the line to meet the Buckeye Princess. “I like her. So, you’re dating her now, I take it?”
“No,” I respond quickly. Almost too quickly. “I told you. Too young.”
“Great. I’ll ask her out then.”
“Like hell you will.” Hadn’t we settled this already?
“Why can’t I? If you’re not interested in her.”
“If she’s too young for me, why the hell isn’t she too young for you?”
“Because some of us don’t live by your absurd rules, Logan. I look at her and I see a smart, fun, capable woman who’s cute as hell and really good with my daughter. I’d be a damn fool to not chase after her.”
I see the same thing he does, but I don’t jump to the same conclusion. And I hate that he’s right. There’s nothing wrong about the age difference when it’s my brother. He hasn’t seen what I’ve seen, done what I’ve done. He’s worked hard at JLS Heartland, but there’s no mistaking that he comes from a life of privilege. She’d be good for him and Hannah. But I’m not about to tell him that.
“I don’t want Allie to get her heart broken by you. She’s been through a lot. And your track record hasn’t been that great with women.”
“Only because the women I date never take a shine to Hannah. If they don’t see her for the jewel she is, to hell with them.”
I tend to agree, and I’ve heard it from him plenty. Hannah is sweet as pie, but can be a little hard to handle sometimes—impulsive, dramatic, and headstrong.
I can’t imagine where the headstrong part of her comes from.
A lot of people don’t really “get” Hannah like Allie seems to. I watch them from a distance in the crowd as they play Rock, Paper, Scissors in line. Allie tosses her head back, laughing when she either wins or loses; I can’t tell. They’re both smiling broad enough that it warms my heart even from this distance.
No wonder my brother wants her.
But so do I. I just don’t want to admit it because it breaks every vow I made to myself after my last relationship.
“You can date anyone you like,” I finally say, pulling my eyes from the sight of them. “Just not Allie.”
“Hell with that. If you’re not going to date her, then I am. What the hell’s with you these days?”
“What the hell is with you, Ryan? You’re the acting CEO of a multi-billion dollar company. You think you can’t find someone else to date?”
“I need someone right. I need someone now.” His words seem weighty and he bites back a curse.
I can tell there’s more to his statement than him just wanting to get laid. I take a slow sip of my drink and set it down in front of me. “What’s the sudden rush?”
He shakes his head and reaches for his drink, looking like he’s wishing for something a lot stronger. “Adriana is getting married.”
I suppress a scowl at the sound of his ex-wife’s name. At first, I can’t imagine why he cares. But then I start wondering about the man she’s suddenly bringing into my precious niece’s life. “Who’s the lucky guy?” I ask, my tone dripping with sarcasm.
“Some orthodontist. I’ve never met him.”
“Are you going to?”
“Probably not. She says it’s not my business.”
“It is too your business if he’s going to be allowed around Hannah.”
Inhaling deeply, his shoulders rise and fall as his gaze drifts off in the direction of his daughter. “He won’t be around her much. She wants me to take Hannah.”
A feeling of elation creeps up in me, and I try to hammer it down because obviously there’s more to this than he’s telling me. “That’s great. I mean, isn’t it?”
“Maybe. Could be. Adriana says she wants to start fresh. Have a family with this guy. She feels like Hannah would be in the way.”
“Are you sh—” I stop myself, remembering we’re in a family environment. “Are you kidding me?” I shake my head. “She didn’t tell Hannah that, did she?”
“No. And I’m pissed off that I actually had to specify to her not to. She says she’s tired of dealing with the schools, the doctors, all the complaints from the teachers. Told me it’s my turn to try to figure my daughter out.”
I know Hannah’s been in and out of the doctor a lot trying to find the right medicine for her ADHD. They all seem to cause her some pretty bad side effects. The pills might work wonders for some kids, but they definitely weren’t doing the trick for Hannah.
My eyes narrow. “So she pops out one kid, decides she’s not perfect enough, and decides to get rid of her and try again? Bitch,” I utter the last word quietly, even though I doubt anyone can hear us. “When are you going to tell Hannah?”
“Not until the legal paperwork is done. I keep thinking Adriana will change her mind.”
“I hope not. I’d sleep a lot better with Hannah at your place than at Adriana’s with some new guy playing ‘Dad.’ It’s not like Adriana has the best judgment when it comes to men. No offense.”
He nods, unoffended. “It’s not that easy, though. I’m taking over so much work for Dad at the company. My hours are crap. I can’t remember the last time I made it home before 9:00. Plus, all the traveling. And if dealing with the schools and the doctors takes as much time as Adriana says, I really don’t know how I’m going to do it.”
I feel the pinch of guilt for not helping him at JLS. “You have family to support you,” I offer, knowing I’d much rather be picking up Hannah every day from school than trapped behind a desk at JLS.
“Yeah, well, what I need is a wife.”
I scoff. “That’s the last thing you need. Look what’s happening with your last wife. What you need is a nanny.”
“Maybe.” He presses his lips together, his gaze following Allie and Hannah as their line curves and they disappear. His eyes narrow suddenly and meet mine. “I’ll give you a month to figure it out with Allie, Logan. After that, I’m asking her out. If she says no, then fine. But you’ve can’t stop me from asking.”
I bite my tongue. I don’t have a damn thing to use against him for ammunition. If I’m not interested in Allie, then maybe she would be good for him.
But the thing is, I’m damn interested.
Standing, I scrunch my empty cup in my fist and toss it into the recycle bin. “Looks like they’re getting close to the front of the line. Maybe we should get their hot dogs.” I step away from him without looking back. I don’t want him to see how defeated I feel.
***
“Do you have a party tonight?” I reach for Allie’s hand as I help her out of my car. She seems flustered by the gesture, a blush touching her cheeks as my fingers wrap around hers.
“Nope,” she answers, her eyes barely able to meet mine. Her hair is tousled, probably from riding the Buckeye Brawler one too many times, and I fight the urge to pull it out of the ponytail and watch it fall around her shoulders. What is this woman doing to me?
“How about we let the dogs out for a bit and then grab dinner?”
Her eyes widen. “You mean go out?”
“Unless you’d rather eat in.”
“Umm, I’m kind of on a budget right now. How about we make dinner instead?”
I try to keep myself from rolling my eyes. What kind of a guy does she think I am? “I’m buying, Allie. I wouldn’t have asked if I weren’t.”
Shaking her head, she reaches into her purse for her key. “Oh, no, that’s not right. It’s enough you’re letting me live here rent-free.”
As she digs in her purse, her eyes glance upwards to me. Most of her makeup washed away during the day after getting drenched on the log ride, and I’m stunned by how gorgeous her eyes are without any of that paint to muck up the sight of them.
If she looks at me like that any longer, I’ll be offering to do a lot more than just buy her dinner.
“Of course it’s right,” I finally respond, pulling my eyes from hers as she opens her door. “You got us in for free, remember? Least I can do.” I see the hesitation. “Come on. Let’s go to that new place on Anders Street.”
“Francesca’s? The one with the Zagat rating?” She seems intrigued.
“Yeah. I haven’t had a chance to try it. How about it?”
“Okay,” she finally says. “Just give me a few minutes to change.”
When she shuts the door behind herself, I can’t help but appreciate the fact that she can get ready for dinner in a few minutes. Most women I’ve dated tend to take forever to get ready. For me, the only thing that needs to get ready to eat is my mouth.
That said, I probably should change too, I decide as I look down at my t-shirt and shorts. Francesca’s seems like a pretty casual place despite the great reviews, but my mother would scold me if I took a woman out to dinner wearing a shirt that has a chocolate ice cream smear on it.
I’m greeted by Kosmo at the door and it always makes me smile. “How you doing, boy?” I ask, giving him a good petting before I lead him to the backyard. While he hangs out there, I charge upstairs to change into a polo shirt and some khakis.
I brush my teeth at the feel of cotton candy and frozen cheesecake on a stick coating the inside of my mouth. It has nothing to do with the prospect of kissing Allie again. Nothing.
Really.
But as I swish the mouthwash in my mouth, I’m wondering if I’m feeding myself a load of crap.
Kissing Allie again is all I’ve been able to think about today. Every time I see her lush lips curve upward in a smile, I can remember what it felt like to have her mouth against mine. Then when Ryan dared to say he was interested in her? Well, I just about went territorial alpha wolf on him.
For a guy who swore she was too young for me, I’m having a damn hard time remembering that. As I pull my polo shirt over my head, my phone buzzes in my pocket. I glance at the display and see a text from Maeve come in.
“Where’s your RSVP saying you’ll come to the wedding?” she wrote.
I frown, typing, “I sent it last week. Didn’t you get it?”
“I got one from you saying you can’t come. I’m still waiting for the one that says you can.”
I expel a breath. There is no saying “no” to Maeve.
Another text comes in. “Come on. Bess really needs more peeps. And there will be lots of single women there. LOL”
“All the more reason to not go,” I text back.
“Sigh,” she writes, “Just think about it more, K? You can’t tell me you wouldn’t like a weekend back on the coast. Check us out.” She attaches a photo of her and Jack in the tandem kayak I gave them last year rowing somewhere alongside a sandy beach, probably near Little Creek, where Jack is stationed now.
I feel a tug at my heart at the sight of blue water stretching out to the horizon.
“I’ll think about it,” I write and turn off my phone before I can see her reply.
I knock on Allie’s door about fifteen minutes later and my breath catches at the sight of her in a tank dress, tight-fitting at the bodice and flaring out just above her knees in a way that catches the breeze even as she steps out onto the small stoop outside her doorway.
“You look great,” I say, unable to resist.
She glances over her shoulder as she locks her door, completely unaware how seductive her stance is right now. “Thanks. So do you.”
Opening the car door for her, I’m met with an eyeful of leg as she slides into the passenger seat. God, she’s got incredible legs. Not long, but curvy and strong from all those walks she takes with her dogs.
24, I remind myself as I get in the car.
I have to remind myself because she’s just not 24 like Vanessa was. In fact, it suddenly seems insulting to Allie to even compare her to my ex-girlfriend. Vanessa had made it to her 24th year unscathed by life, completely oblivious that sometimes there might be some bumps in the road, and that some people, even though they look strong and invulnerable, might actually have a few chinks in their armor.
Allie’s not like that, I’m realizing. She doesn’t seem like the type of woman to scare away at the first sign of imperfection in a man.
Holding the door open for her, I smell a hint of cherry as she walks by me. She always smells like something sweet. Chocolate, cherry, vanilla, honey. Always something mouth-watering.
Conversation flows easily on the way to Anders Street, as it always does when I’m around her. When we arrive, we settle into a window seat and watch the light foot traffic in downtown Newton’s Creek. It’s a sleepy town by comparison to any others I’ve lived in. But it does have its own brand of charm.
“So, have you heard anything about that foreclosure?” I ask her, closing my menu after deciding on the salmon for my entrée.
She smiles. “Anxious for me to move out?”
“Hardly. I’m actually getting pretty used to having someone next door now. Especially now that I’ve seen your painting skills.” I send her a wink.
“I haven’t heard anything yet. And God knows I’ve been touching base with my real estate agent so often I think she’s considered filing a restraining order.”
“Figures. Banks are slow to move. I take it the house is vacant now?”
“Oh, it’s not a house.”
My eyebrows hike up an inch. “Not a house. Well, what is it?”
“It’s an old boarding kennel. It went out of business a while back and has just been sitting around abandoned.”
“A kennel?”
Her smile is exuberant. “You can see why I wanted to jump on it now, huh?”
I can see why she would have run away from it, actually. If it’s been abandoned for a while it will come with a hotbed of problems. And where does she plan to live in this kennel?
She must have read my mind. “There’s an office inside and a small kitchen. I figured I could turn that into my living quarters for a while.”
“Sounds a little sparse.”
She shrugs. “Can’t be worse than dorm life.”
Actually, it can be worse, I want to tell her. I’ve fixed up enough homes during my down time in the military to know first-hand. “Did you get it inspected?”
Nodding, she glances up from her menu and orders after the waitress approaches. I order too, hoping that I’ll still get more details from her after our server leaves.
“It’s got a lot of problems. But Nancy helped me get a nonprofit loan to fix it up. 3200 square feet all on one level. It’ll house 35 dogs,” she volunteers.
“How much is the loan for?”
I nearly cough when she tells me the figure, barely enough to cover a modest kitchen renovation. She must see my hesitation because she quickly adds, “I’ll just fix it up room by room. The roof needs replacing first, then…”
She continues talking, but my mind is crunching numbers. With 3200 square feet on one level, that new roof she mentioned is going to eat up her entire loan. And since she seems pretty smart, I’m betting she knows it.
What she doesn’t know is that there’s no way I’m letting her leave my townhome till that place is deemed safe to live in.
“Sounds like a good plan,” I force out of my mouth. “A nonprofit loan,” I say, taking a sip of my beer as soon as the waitress sets it in front of me. “Nancy sounds like a handy kind of boss to have.”
“She is. She’s been through all this before, you know, when she started her nonprofit. I’ve learned so much from her. I’d actually like to go back to school one day and get my Master’s in Nonprofit Management.”
“That’s great.” Looking at her, I see such ambition. She has a mission and is focused on it. It’s how I used to be. It’s what I miss most about myself since I left the SEALs.
But most of all, as I look at her right now, I can’t quite feel that brotherly feeling I’ve been trying out when it comes to her. I feel attraction. Even worse, I feel respect. Women I respect are sexier than hell to me.
“So what about you, Logan? What are your plans for the future?”
It is a completely natural question considering the way our conversation has been headed. But she couldn’t have asked me anything that could make me more uncomfortable right now. I take another sip of my beer. “Just to get these townhomes fixed up and move on to another project.”
“Do you have your eye on anything?”
Just you, I feel the urge to say, a harmless flirtation to change the subject. But I think of something more to the point. “There’s an old kennel that might need some help.”
She laughs.
“I’m dead serious, Allie. I’ll do it for a lot less than anyone else. I’ve got nothing better to do with my time.”
Shaking her head, she reaches for her wine. “Sure you do. Like maybe moving on to a project that can pay you what you’re worth. You really do incredible work. How is it that you know so much about renovation when you’ve been in the Navy?”
“My family’s worked in construction for three generations now.”
Her mouth tilts to the side as she considers. “I’ve met your brother and I can’t really picture him hauling a bunch of 2 x 4s off a truck. He just doesn’t seem the type.”
I laugh, a little louder than I should in the quiet restaurant. “And what type do you think he is?”
“I picture him sitting behind a fancy desk in a slick office with a pretty assistant who runs to get him coffee every morning.”
“You nailed him completely. But he definitely gets his own coffee. He’s the acting CEO of JLS Heartland.”
“Seriously? That’s that big development company that puts up cookie cutter mansions with no backyards, right?”
Ouch. Glad my family’s not around to hear that. “Yes, that’s the one.”
“No kidding. I actually applied for a job there when I first moved here. Got turned down.”
“You’ll have to yell at Ryan about that.”
“Never. It turned out for the best. It’s a lot easier taking on my dogs with a job that isn’t standard nine to five.”
“Well, seriously, talk to him about it. He could probably find you something that’s more flexible.”
She shakes her head. “I could never leave Nancy. She’s been a great boss. And it’s really giving me the insight into running a nonprofit that I need. I write all her direct mail pieces and grant proposals. I even write her speeches sometimes.”
My mouth hitches upward. “Yeah, but if you made more at JLS, you could stop selling sex toys at night.”
Her eyes narrow, but she’s still smiling. “Maybe I like that job, Logan. It’s nice giving these poor neglected women some way to satisfy themselves.” Her voice is low and she’s leaning slightly over the table toward me, giving me a glance at some cleavage that has my temperature heating up a notch.
Pulling her head back again, she giggles behind her glass of wine as it touches her lips. “Seriously, though, it’s actually fun. I essentially get paid to go to parties and hear about everyone else’s sordid sex lives.”
“My last girlfriend got invited to one once. They’re really popular these days, I guess.”
She waggles her eyebrows. “And I’m riding that wave all the way to the bank.”
Our conversation quiets as the waitress brings our meals.
“So, did she buy anything?” Allie asks when we’re alone again.
I’ve bitten into my salmon and it’s everything the reviews have promised. As the flavor saturates my taste buds, I’m trying to remember what we were talking about. “Who?”
“Your girlfriend. Did she buy anything at the party?”
“I have no idea.”
She seems almost confused by my answer.
“What?” I ask her.
Giving an awkward shrug, she slices into her filet. “I thought men always liked it when women pulled out their toys.”
“What gave you that idea?”
“Oh, please. Everyone knows that’s a fact.”
I lower my chin. “Any woman sleeping with me won’t need a toy to supplement the experience.” I get some pleasure from the blush that I see creeping up her neck.
“Really?” she sputters.
“Really. Toys might be fine when a woman is alone, but when a man is there, he shouldn’t need a crutch. It’s a sign of laziness.”
“You think?”
“I know.” I smile.
“Interesting,” she ponders. “I never thought of it that way. You know, having you as a friend might give me the insight into men I need.”
“You’ve never had a male friend?”
Her brow furrows slightly, considering. “Not really.”
“Well, you do now.” Impulsively, I reach for her hand, and am struck by the charge that shoots from my fingertips straight to my dick.
Friend, huh? Who am I kidding? Quickly, I set her hand back down and change the topic to something safer. “And as your friend, you’ll have some help getting that place in shape if you get it. Can I take a look at it? We can stop by tonight before the sun sets.”
***
It’s worse than I thought.
Peering into the window of the old kennel, I smack my hand against my ear as the high-pitched buzz of a mosquito draws close to it.
I’m getting eaten alive out here. The lot obviously hasn’t been maintained at all since the owner left and the structure itself is a shambles.
I lean back a bit on my heels thoughtfully, trying to tug out some of the optimism that I must have buried in me somewhere. I look over at Allie, who is biting her fingernails nervously as I peruse the place.
With some hard work, it could probably be everything Allie is hoping for.
With a lot of hard work.
Through the window, I spot an office in the front, and a small kitchenette with beat-down appliances.
I step over an overgrown hydrangea to get back to what was once the walkway. It’s covered in moss and dirt, and still moist from heavy rains yesterday, making me slip a little as I take a few steps toward the street. My eyes fall to the sign that once greeted visitors:
Newton’s Creek Boarding Kennel
R.I.P., I can’t help adding the tagline in my head. This place has definitely seen brighter days.
I walk through the shrubbery toward another window.
“Should we really be snooping around like this?” Allie calls over my shoulder, and I hear a slap of her hand against skin, probably swatting a mosquito.
“Hell, yeah, if you’re planning on buying the place.”
“But I’ve seen it all.”
“Can’t hurt to keep looking. Listen. If you’re dating a guy, do you decide to marry him after a couple dates?”
“No.”
“Then why would you commit to buying a place until you’ve looked it over for a good long time?”
“For your information, I’ve looked plenty at this place. I’ve driven by it at least four times a week since they put the sign in front of it.”
I peek into the window and see long rows of kennels, each a pretty good size, even for the huge German shepherd Allie has now in her care.
Without thinking, I find myself nodding at the vision I now share with her. I can see why she wants this place. Anyone else would just plow it down and start fresh. Maybe build a house or even a small development of homes on this lot. There aren’t too many opportunities to actually buy a kennel like this. Even though it’s run-down, it has pretty good bones. I turn my back to the building and check out the lot. “How many acres does it come with?”
“Just two. But there are farms on either side, so it’s not like I’ll have neighbors complaining about the dogs barking.” She turns away from me and points. “I picture fencing off a couple areas over there so that the dogs can play outside a bit.”
“That’d work.”
“So you don’t think I’m crazy?”
I approach her, trying to focus on what she’s saying. It’s a challenge because somehow seeing her all excited like this has got my blood stirring.
“Crazy like a fox,” I reply. She turns to me, and she’s almost too close for comfort. Her eyes shimmer with emotion, and I’m not sure why, but the sight of it makes my hand edge across her chin and brush a lock of her hair behind her ear.
“Thanks for saying that. I know Cass and Kim think I’m nuts. Selling my condo and locking up every dime I have in an offer for this place.” Her voice is breathless, and I’m way too conscious of the way her chest rises and falls with every breath.
“I think it’s a great idea, Allie. Don’t let the world get you jaded.”
“Like you?”
“Like me.” Watching the way the setting sun reflects on her features, I lean into her, and swear I just meant to brush my lips against her cheek. A simple kiss. A kiss from a friend. To show support.
Tell that to my cock that is suddenly perking up below my zipper.
Then I catch a whiff of her sweet breath so close to my lips and I can smell the chocolate mousse she ordered for dessert. And I want a taste. I desperately want a taste.
I feel her sharp intake of breath as my lips touch hers. Chastely at first—I can barely feel her warmth against my mouth. Her soft whimper in response rouses my hunger, smothering any control left in my body.
She draws another breath as my mouth covers hers, and I’m lost to her, my instincts taking over. Her full lips part and I trace along the ridge of her teeth, till my tongue meets hers. Her body is melting and I wrap my arms around her instinctively, wanting to protect her from falling.
But who will protect her from me?
Reason escapes me as her tongue entangles with mine, the movements both hesitant and suggestive. I feel my body harden in response, pressing against her, pinning her against the wide trunk of an oak. Her warm hands move to my shoulders, sliding upward to my neck until her fingers are tunneling into my hair. It’s only now that I realize my skin has been starved for her touch, and now that I have it, I want more.
The pads of her fingertips kneading into my scalp send shockwaves through me. And every cell of my body responds, silently demanding her caress.
Our breathing is jagged, and our mouths are searching, exploring each other as though this moment was inevitable. With her breasts pressed against me, I can feel her heart pounding behind her ribcage and its rapid-fire beat is as desperate as my own.
I want to lose myself in her right now. In all her hopes and plans and dreams. If I could just fuse my body with hers, I’d be able to silence the voices that haunt me, even for a little while.
Which is every reason I shouldn’t be with her right now.
My breath catches suddenly and I pull back from her. I stare at her for a moment, panicked at the depth of feelings that are stirring me. “Shit, Allie. I’m sorry.”
She’s breathless, frustration in her eyes. “Why? Why on earth would you be sorry?”
“I told you I wasn’t what you needed, and then I go and do this.”
“Actually that’s not what you said.”
“What?”
“Last week. That’s not what you said. If you had said that you weren’t what I needed, then I’d have told you that you don’t know what I need.”
I stare at her a moment, noticing the green flecks in her eyes. From far away, they seem brown, but standing this close to her, with her body still leaning against the overgrown foliage of an oak, they definitely look green. I force myself to step away from her, and it’s likely the hardest thing I’ve done since I left the Navy.
“What do you need?” I dare to ask.
“I need you to start treating me like an adult. Dammit, Logan. My whole life I’ve been told I’m too mature for my years. Devin even dumped me for it.”
“Devin?”
“My last boyfriend. He thought I was no fun. Too serious. ‘Stop acting like you’re forty,’ he’d say, even though it was only weeks after I buried my dad. And now here you are, treating me like I just celebrated my sweet sixteen. It’s insulting.”
I nod. “You’re right. I’m sorry.” My shoulders sag as the sunset dips below the horizon. “You never told me that. About your ex.”
Her cheeks bunch up in a grimace. “Yeah, well, we all have our stories to tell, I guess. So, what is it you need, Logan?”
“Huh?”
“I told you mine. You tell me yours.”
What do I need? My breath stills at her words and I struggle to find a response. I can still taste her on my lips and there’s a tightness in my groin right now that is telling me exactly what I need right now.
I need that woman who invited herself up to my hotel room—someone I don’t have any depth of feelings toward. Someone I can lose myself inside, who can pull me from the chaos in my head, even if it’s just for one night.
But I do have feelings for her now. And I know that when she sees a beautiful sunset, I’m picturing the darkness that will soon follow.
She sure doesn’t belong in the hell I live in.
Her green eyes are still on me as I step back another foot from her. “Your friendship,” I say lamely. “I need your friendship.”
Her eyes have something in them that I hadn’t expected. Understanding.
She reaches her hand out toward me. “Then that’s what you’ll have,” she says with a smile. I take her hand in mine and feel that same familiar charge between us. It’s not unexpected anymore. I always know it will be there when I touch her. And that scares the hell out of me.