- LOGAN -
I walk back down the stairs to the living room and gaze at the mass of fur slumbering on my couch. Kosmo is out like a light, the pain killers obviously doing the trick. Standing in the middle of the room, I gaze up the staircase to where I left Allie to get dressed.
It hadn’t felt right leaving her side, but I really did want to check on Kosmo. And catch my breath. I really need to catch my breath.
I sit down beside Kosmo and lightly touch his fur. I don’t want to wake him, but somehow I need a little reassurance.
I was her second lover? That terrifies me. Makes me feel like I should have listened to my instincts where she was concerned. Stayed away. Far, far away.
But it also makes me glad as hell that I didn’t sleep with her that night in the hotel. I saw tears in her eyes after we had sex. I can’t imagine how a one-night-stand would have torn her apart.
I rise from the sofa and head to the kitchen, seeing the photograph of Torres’s son on the counter. It doesn’t cripple me now like it did before. The shock of looking at him, seeing his dad’s eyes staring back at me, had dragged out the demons in my soul.
And unleashed them on Allie. Oh, God, what have I done?
Fuck that. What’s done is done. But what do I do now?
I hear the stairs creak behind me, and when I look at her, it’s like all the answers come flooding to my senses. I’ve never considered myself an overly emotional guy. But somehow when I’m with her, I feel warmth in a part of me I had thought was long dead.
I love my family, and they held in their grasp the small part of my heart that still insisted on beating in my chest. The rest I thought was necrotic—dead tissue that would never be resuscitated.
As Allie moves closer to me, that’s the part of me that comes alive.
She glances down at the photo that I must have picked up at some point. I don’t recall.
“He’s a handsome kid,” she says.
I nod.
“Have you ever met him?”
I nod again, and take a few moments before I answer. “A couple times. I visited him with my SEAL brothers from the Team shortly after we returned from the mission. And we were at the funeral.” I shake my head slowly, remembering. “You’ve never seen anything till you’ve seen a military funeral when it involves kids, Allie. It brings pain to a whole new level. His son, Lucas, was fifteen when it happened, young enough to not really be consoled by that flag we drape on a casket as though that’s supposed to take away some of the pain.”
“It doesn’t?” Her question doesn’t seem like a question. More like something she’s just saying to keep me talking.
“No, it doesn’t.”
“Did Crosby have kids?”
I shake my head. “Single. His parents and sister were at the funeral and a legion of family.” I crack a smile. “Funny, meeting all of them after I’ve listened to Crosby talking shit about them for two years. I wished I could have told him that he was right—his Aunt Lois really does smell like mothballs and his Uncle Lou has interminable gas.” I laugh, and it somehow eases the pain to bring up a good memory.
I slip the photo and the card back into the envelope. “My SEAL brothers and I promised ourselves we’d keep tabs on Torres’s kid as time went on. I’ve failed at that.”
Even though I’m not looking at her, I can feel her eyes on me.
She takes my hand. “Is that why you’ve stayed away?”
“Hmm?”
“From San Diego. You said yourself that your family is doing well without you. So why did you decide to stay here if you still call San Diego home?”
My eyes meet hers and I realize I can’t hold anything from her. She seems to have found the pathway to all my secrets, to my very soul, if I have one. “Yeah. I’m a coward.”
“You’re not a coward.”
“Hell, yeah, I am. A band of terrorists could burst through that door and my heart rate wouldn’t even speed up, but I can’t find the balls to just look at this kid in the eyes knowing what my choice cost him and his mom.” I pause, pressing my palms to the cool granite. “I send checks on the holidays and birthdays, though, if that counts for anything.”
She smiles. “It probably counts for a lot.” She takes the announcement from me. “Was that your last mission with the SEALs?”
“Second to last. My last one got me the Silver Star.” There’s bitterness in my tone and I don’t hide it. “Torres should have gotten that. He should have been with us.” I shake my head, freeing myself from the clutches of memory, and stalk toward the fridge. “Are you hungry? I’d like to think I made you work up an appetite.”
She shakes her head. “I really should check on my dogs next door. Cass dog-sat last night, but I’m not sure what time she left for work this morning.”
“I’ll go with you.”
“You don’t have to.”
“I want to.”
We step into the sunshine and I realize I don’t even know what time it is. I didn’t think to put my watch back on after the bath. I feel a rumbling in my stomach that tells me it’s past lunch, though it could be later than that.
Slipping her key into her lock, she turns to me. “You don’t have to… stick around, you know. I’m sure you have work to do.”
“I don’t have anything more important than you right now.”
Her eyes sparkle at my remark and I see her shoulders lift and fall in a sigh. I know she’s feeling uneasy about this, and it’s the last thing I want. I don’t know where this is going, but I can’t ignore that everything has changed between us.
“My family is having their usual Sunday dinner next week. Want to come?” I don’t want her to think that this was a one-time-thing, and it’s the best way I can think of to show her.
“Oh, that’s not necessary.”
“I know it’s not necessary, but I’d like it if you came. You already know Ryan, and Hannah would love to see you again.”
“Okay, thanks,” she answers. There’s a light pink hue to her cheeks as she turns the knob and we step inside.
And we see her two friends sitting on her futon drinking coffee, both with meaningful looks in their eyes.
“Helloooo,” Cass croons.
“Cass,” Allie gasps. “I thought you’d be at work by now.”
She shrugs. “I called in sick. I don’t get a chance to hang out in luxury without a drunken roommate passed out on my couch very often. Thought I’d enjoy it while it lasted. Kim swung by on her way to pick up Connor from pre-K.”
Kim’s eyes are like daggers on me. She hates me, I can tell. I could sense it if I were twenty miles away from her. “Hey,” she greets us, her voice an octave lower than it usually is.
“I didn’t see your cars,” Allie says.
“We parked along the side in case Logan was still working on the pavers and needed the space.” A grin sweeps across her face as she looks at me. “But I guess you’re probably too tired for that now, huh?” Cass snorts as she raises her coffee cup to her mouth darting her eyes from Allie to me to Allie and back to me again.
Shit. I really need to put more insulation in these walls or something.
“Oh, no,” I hear Allie murmur next to me.
“Yeah. Funny. It was a peaceful morning till the neighbors started up. All that screaming.” Shaking her head, Cass raises her eyebrows at that last word, focusing her gaze on Allie.
Allie’s shoulders slump forward and she looks at me, mortified. I can’t help laughing. There’s not much that embarrasses me, and if these women think I can make Allie scream like that, then that’s nothing for me to be ashamed of.
Allie sputters, “You didn’t—”
“Hear the show? Oh, yes, every minute of it. And Kim here showed up in time for the second act.”
Cass cracks me up with her directness. I like Allie’s friends. Even Kim, because there is something to be said for a woman who can stare down a former Navy SEAL like she is now.
“I need some coffee,” Allie mutters, suddenly eyeing the coffeemaker in the kitchen. She looks at me. “You want some?”
“No, I’ll just head back to my place and keep an eye on Kosmo. Dinner tonight?”
She brightens at the suggestion. “’Kay.”
I lean in and kiss her chastely. I think Cass would love to see a show from me right now, but Kim looks like she’s going to pull out a .357 Magnum and blow me into the next life.
I watch Allie walk toward the kitchen and give a nod to her friends. “Ladies.” I turn my back and hear someone rise from the futon.
Kim opens the door for me and her eyes meet mine, dark and fiery. “If you hurt her, I will dismember you.”
I try not to crack a smile, because the threat just seems out of character from a woman who looks like your stereotypical carpool mom. But she seems dead serious.
Still waters run deep.
“Understood,” I acknowledge, giving her a nod.