Nine
“How could you do this to me?”
Antonie inwardly groaned as she faced Patricia. With so little time left to the evening, she had hoped that this was one confrontation she would be able to avoid. If nothing else, she was not really sober enough to handle it all that well.
“Do what to you, chica? I have not seen you all night, eh?”
“You know what I mean, Antonie. I’m talking about you and Oro.”
“Me and Oro?”
“Oh, Antonie, you have Royal. What do you need Oro for?”
“I will always need Oro.”
“But you knew I wanted him. You knew it.”
“We cannot always have what we want.”
“It was bad enough watching him run to the saloon all the time. Now you’re going to make me watch him with you every day?”
“Don’t look.”
When Patricia gave a convulsive sob and raced off, Antonie sighed. She was really getting tired of making the girl cry. Even listing all the reasons for doing what she had done did not make her feel any better about it. She heartily wished that there was another way to handle the matter.
“What did you do to Patricia?”
“Ay Dios mio,” Antonie groaned as she found herself face to face with an angry and protective Maria. “Nothing.”
“Nothing does not make the niña run to her room to cry her eyes out.”
After studying the outraged Maria for a moment, Antonie inwardly nodded as she came to a decision. Maria was a Mexican. The woman had a comfortable place in the Bancroft home, but Antonie knew that Maria had tasted prejudice, if only at Marilyn’s hands. The woman would understand what was going on and why. Maria could prove a useful ally.
“Patricia wants Oro,” Antonie said flatly and nodded at the horrified look on Maria’s face.
“Madre de Dios. If that boy even touches her, he is a dead boy.”
“I’ve tried to tell her that, Maria, but she does not hear me. She says her brothers are not like that.”
“Well, I’ve not seen it in them. They are good men and they are fair. But Patricia is the only daughter, the only girl in the family.”
“And their goodness and fairness might not reach so far, eh?”
“Sí. Oro is a fine boy. I have seen this. I think that they have, too. Still, he has Yaqui blood and his papa was a bandido. Too many things the Anglos hate all in one boy. Sí, it could be asking too much.”
“And, even if it was not, there are all the neighbors, the people in town. Many who would no longer speak to her. Her brothers would face the trouble, too, for they would have let her do it. She does not see it, Maria. I have talked and talked and Oro has tried to drive her away but—” Antonie shrugged.
“But now you must try to make her think there is another. I see it now. Ah, chica, they have put you in a very bad place.”
“Better that than Oro hanging from some tree.”
“Sí. He would take her, eh?”
“In an instant, Maria. She does not see it, I think, but he is hurting. He knows all the trouble it could bring, and not just for him. He fights to stay away, but she will not leave him be.”
“I will talk to her.”
“Please. Try to make her understand. She is very young and has seen little of the ugliness of the world.”
“Which is why she cannot understand what you tell her but, still, I will try. A shame,” Maria sighed as she started toward the house, “for they would have such pretty babies.”
“And, Maria?”
“Sí?”
“Do not tell her how Oro feels.”
“Ah, no, no. I will not. That could be much trouble. I see that.”
Antonie decided she needed another drink. Just pretending to be the other woman was exhausting. She did not know how any woman could manage being in such an awkward, tension-ridden position for any length of time. Grimacing slightly, Antonie recognized that a lot of people probably saw her in that role with Royal. She hoped she was right in believing she was not.
When Tomás made his way to her side, she had to smile. He was walking with great care, a sure sign that he was far from sober. His actions and words always became very precise when he drank too much. She supposed he deserved to let loose for a while, as he had worked very hard. Antonie just hoped he would not suffer too much on the morrow.
“I am drunk,” he announced as he leaned up against the tree she stood next to.
She laughed. “Sí. Very drunk. Ah, well, many are.”
“Sí. They start to stagger home.”
“Perhaps you should start to stagger to your bed.”
“I think you and Oro are going to have to help me, eh?”
“Sí, I think so too. You will pay for this tomorrow.”
“Ah, sí, sí. It is good tomorrow is a day of rest before this cattle drive.”
“There look to be many who will be needing it.” She nodded toward where Jed Thayer was being carried off to the bunkhouse by two less than sober companions.
“I drank him under the table.”
“He just had the good sense to fall down sooner.”
“That is all that matters, querida.”
“If you say so, amigo.”
“The Bancroft niña gives you trouble?”
“Some, sí. I have talked to Maria. She will try to make the girl see how it is.”
“Try, sí, but I wonder if she can. I was thinking of how your lover, he sees all this. He watches you.”
“I know, but there is nothing I can do about it. I will tell Royal that Oro and I are not lovers. If that is not enough,” she shrugged, “then it is over. I will face that when it happens.”
“I am thinking it will happen tonight.”
Sighing, Antonie nodded in sad agreement. “I am thinking it will, too. Everyone else has chased me down to talk to me, lecture me, warn me, and accuse me. He is the only one left.”
Draping his arm around her shoulders, Tomás said sympathetically, “Poor chica. So unfair.”
“Well, some of it, maybe. Tomás, you are getting very heavy.”
“I am forgetting how to stand up.”
Laughing softly, she put an arm around him to support him better and signaled to Oro. When Oro arrived she was not sure that he was in any better shape. However, he did look well enough to get Tomás to bed at least. Calling good night to the men who still lingered, she helped Oro tow Tomás into the house.
When they dropped Tomás onto his bed, Oro then flopped down on his. Antonie began to tug off the now unconscious Tomás’s clothes. She suspected she would have to do the same for Oro. He had not really passed out, but he looked pretty helpless.
“What a sorry pair you are,” she said, laughing.
“And you are sober, querida?”
“No, Oro, but I am not as sorry as you two.”
“I felt like getting sorry.”
She tucked Tomás beneath his covers and moved to start undressing Oro. “It will not help you in the morning.”
“Sí, it will. I will be too sick to care about anything or anyone, eh?”
“I am sorry, Oro.”
“No, I am sorry. I am sorry I am so weak that I must lean on you. It is my trouble but I make it yours, and that is not fair but I can think of nothing else.”
“Certainly not now. Your brain is dead, eh?”
He laughed sleepily, but then sighed. “I wish my heart was dead, too. Maybe soon it will be.”
“No. You may wish it, but you will see that it can heal, that you will want it to.”
“Is that what you will do, how you will feel?”
“Sí. I know it will hurt. Already it has hurt. I cannot stop it. I think I do not want to. There is a lot of good, too, even if it will be over. I thought about all this before I said sí to Royal. Foolishly, I thought I could keep my heart protected, but I suspected it would not be. I prefer my position to yours. I need only accept that it will end. You must accept that it can never begin.”
His hand moved over her backside. “Maybe we can console each other, eh?”
Removing his hand, she tucked it under his covers as she pulled them over him. “I think that would solve nothing and help neither of us, at least not now. Besides, amigo, I think you are too drunk to be much good tonight.”
“Sí.” He laughed and closed his eyes. “Much too drunk. Sleep well, querida.”
She watched him for a little while. It was not fair that his parentage should be held against him. Perhaps it was even cowardly to run from the prejudice, to succumb to the unfairness of it. Perhaps they should try to fight it.
Cursing softly, she shook her head and started out of the room. The odds were too great and to buck them was recklessness. All that would be accomplished was Oro’s death. It was better to try to avoid such a confrontation at this time.
Quietly shutting the door behind her as she stepped into the hall, Antonie saw Royal coming toward her. Inwardly, she sighed, for he looked angry. It occurred to her that what was supposed to have been a celebration was rapidly becoming a total disaster.
Royal saw Antonie step out of the twins’ room and cursed softly. He had watched Oro and her all night, as they had carried on while he had been unable to do a thing about it. Noting her tousled appearance, he could not stop himself from wondering if the pair had carried on far more intimately in private. There had been enough time for it since he had watched her and Oro lead Tomás away.
Grasping her none too gently by the wrist, he dragged her into his room. She had looked especially pretty at the fiesta, softly feminine and seductive, yet he had not even gotten a chance to dance with her. Every other male had seemed to, even his brothers, he thought angrily as he shut the door and turned to her.
There was a great deal he wanted to say but, as he looked at her, her hair loose and her breasts softly outlined by her lacy blouse, he decided talking could wait. Every time he had watched her during the fiesta his desire had grown a little more. All the other things he was feeling simply did not seem important for the moment.
As he pulled her into his arms, he studied her flushed cheeks and bright eyes. “I think you’re drunk, Antonie.”
“Sí. I think I am a bit, too.”
“You looked very pretty tonight.” He undid the tie on the neckline of her blouse.
“But you are tired of the dress?”
“Yes, real tired of it. I’ve spent half the night thinking about how damn fine you look under it.” He tugged her blouse off.
She made a soft sound of pleasure as he cupped her breast in his hand and teased the tip with his tongue. “And the other half of the night, mi vida?”
“Thinking about all I wanted to do to you when I got you all alone.”
“And now you are going to do all of these things?”
“Oh, yes, all of them.”
Her hands burrowed into his thick hair when he drew the hard tip of her breast into his mouth. As his mouth and hands played over her breasts with a tantalizing greed, she felt her knees weaken. Passion cleared all thought from her mind and she was glad of it. If everything was soon to fall apart, she would at least have this moment with him.
Gently he maneuvered her so that she sat on the edge of the bed. As he knelt to remove her shoes and stockings and then his own, Antonie struggled to get him out of his shirt. When she was finally successful, she gave a soft murmur of delight, she moved her hands over his smooth torso with obvious pleasure.
Kneeling before her, he put his arm around her neck and tugged her mouth down to his. Antonie fully returned his hungry, fierce kiss, her tongue eagerly fencing with his.
She gripped his shoulders tightly when he cupped her breasts in his hands and pleasured them with his mouth and tongue. When his hands left her breasts he began to gently, steadily suckle, she was not really aware of how he was removing the rest of her clothes until his kisses moved to her abdomen.
With passion in full control of her, she cared little about how completely she was exposed to his eyes. As his kisses moved down her slim legs she clung to him for support. Feeling as if all her bones had melted away, she fell back onto the bed. There was no resistance from her as he gently parted her thighs so that his mouth could play more freely over her inner thighs.
Then his lips touched the soft curls adorning her womanhood. Antonie gave a convulsive jerk but he gripped her a little harder around her hips, holding her still. She protested but even as the words left her lips, she was no longer fighting the intimacy, but was welcoming it, crying out her pleasure and arching into his caress. When she felt herself cresting, she called to him, tried to reach for him, but he ignored her, crying out with her as her release shook her and he savored it.
Still reeling, Antonie opened her eyes to find him standing. Her gaze moved lovingly over his naked body as he loomed over her. He pulled her up into his arms, then tumbled them both onto the bed to begin another assault upon her senses. This time he heeded her pleas when her passion began to mount, driving into her fiercely when she called out her need for him. He joined her in finding the culmination of their desire, and Antonie clung to him weakly as they both shook with the force of it for long delicious moments after it had passed.
Royal flopped over onto his back and tugged her into his arms. He did not want to think about anything but sleep and the pleasant satiation of his body, but disturbing thoughts began to intrude upon his euphoria. Although he felt sure she had not lain with Oro tonight, there was no ignoring how the pair had behaved. Every one of their actions had been that of lovers or of ones seriously contemplating such a relationship. The mere thought of it brought back the anger he had nursed all night.
“You’re mine, Antonie.”
Very slowly, she sat up to look at him. There was anger in his voice, nearly a threat. She knew the time of peace had passed. For a little while, she had hoped that he would simply ignore what seemed to be going on between herself and Oro, but knew that had been a foolish hope. A perverse part of her was rather glad that he was unable to ignore it.
“I am my own person, but I think you say more than that,” she said, fighting to keep all emotion out of her voice.
“Yes, I do. I watched you and Oro tonight.”
“Ah, was poor Marilyn unable to keep you entertained?”
“Leave Marilyn out of this. She has nothing to do with it. I want to know what’s going on between you and Oro.”
“Going on? We were at the fiesta. We were celebrating.”
“There was a hell of a lot more than celebrating going on, Antonie. You are mine. Oh, don’t start that speech about only belonging to yourself. You know what I’m talking about. You’re my lover, and I damn well don’t like sharing.”
“You are not sharing.”
“Dammit, Antonie, I’m not a fool. I saw you tonight, the two of you. If you aren’t lovers now, you’re damn well thinking about it.”
He was not going to believe her. She could see that clearly. Even though she felt sure she was going to be hurting herself far more than she would hurt him by such a move, Antonie knew that she had to leave his bed. She rose and tugged on her blouse and skirt, then started to collect the rest of her clothes.
“What the hell are you doing?”
“Going to my room.”
“Your room?” He grabbed her by the wrist. “You sure?”
“Sí, I am sure.” She neatly twisted free of his hold. “I go to my room and my bed. Alone.”
“Now wait a minute, Antonie. Let’s discuss this.”
“We do not discuss it. You say what you think and when I answer, you say no, that is not right. You are unreasonable.”
“For Christ’s sake, Antonie, it’s not unreasonable for a man not to want to share his lover.”
“I told you, you are not sharing me.”
“I’m not blind, Antonie.”
“Sí. You are some.” She stared at him and said precisely, “Oro is not my lover.”
“Maybe not now but—”
“Bah. Keep your buts.”
“Antonie, get back here.”
“No. I will not lie beneath a man who thinks I am a liar.” Clutching her clothes she left the room.
Royal winced when she slammed the door after her, then he cursed fluently. He had handled that all wrong. Jealous anger was not the way to keep her at his side. Briefly, he contemplated going after her, but then decided that would not be for the best either. They were both too angry to solve anything tonight. Some time was needed to cool off, to regain some sense of calm reason so that they could talk without the discussion becoming an argument.
He frowned as he worried about the wisdom of leaving her free for the taking, then shook away that fear. In a day’s time they would head out on a long drive. There would be little chance for privacy between Antonie and Oro, and what little there would be, he felt certain he could easily prevent. While he did that he could also work to remove this sudden stumbling block. He hoped it would not take long, for his bed suddenly felt achingly empty.
* * *
Antonie threw herself facedown on her bed and indulged in a hearty cry. Her body still tingled from his lovemaking, yet, even as they had lain in each other’s arms, he had started to accuse her. Just as she had feared, he did not really have enough trust in her to take her at her word. He preferred to judge her only by what he had seen.
She was still sniffling and thinking of looking for a handkerchief when she realized she was not alone. With a soft cry, she sat up to face the intruder. When she saw Maria, she was both relieved and disappointed. While she had feared some dangerous intruder, she had also hoped that Royal had come after her. The woman set a cup of steaming, aromatic brew on the table by the bed and then sat down on the edge of the bed.
“Drink it, chica. It is good for you.”
Sitting up more comfortably, Antonie picked up the cup and gingerly tasted its contents. “Not bad. Tea?”
“Sí. With herbs.”
“It is medicine?”
“A little. It will soothe you and help you sleep. I gave some to Patricia.”
“She needed a lot of soothing?”
“Sí, the poor chica. You are right. She does not understand. She does not think we lie, but she thinks us wrong. Maybe a part of her believes, but it does not want to. She is so young and she loves. She thinks all should be happy.”
“Do you think she really loves?”
“Sí. And you. Do you love?”
“It does not matter.”
“He will not believe you.”
“No. I looked him in the eye and I said, ‘Oro is not my lover’ but he doesn’t hear me.”
“And so you leave him.”
“I could not be with a man who thinks I am a liar.”
“Sí. There must be a, how they say it?, a line drawn. With some women it is that he must not stray.”
Antonie smiled weakly. “I would not stand for that either. That is why I can understand his not wanting to share. I could not share. He will not believe me, though, when I say I am not with Oro. He believes only what he sees, and that is not really proof for he has not seen me in bed with Oro. If I say I have not been there, he should believe me. I do not lie.”
“Ah, well, he is angry. Maybe when the anger cools he will see clearer and he will listen.”
“Maybe. We will see. I will not return to him while he is thinking I lie. I ask for little from him, but there should be trust.” She handed Maria the now empty cup. “Thank you. It was good and I think I do feel a little better, that I can get some sleep.”
Maria paused at the door, sighed, and looked back at Antonie. “I thought to wait, but maybe I’d better tell you now. It will be said in the morning and you can be prepared. Patricia wants to go on the drive.”
“Dios. They will not let her. Will they?”
Shrugging, Maria replied, “After the ranch was attacked, they might agree with her that she is as safe with them as she is here. She is going to feed the patrón’s words back at him. He has told her many times that she should learn more about the running of a rancho, of the raising and the selling of the cattle. I could not talk her out of this. Buenas noches, Antonie.”
“Buenas noches, Maria,” Antonie replied distractedly. When she had gone, Antonie rose from bed to wash up and undress.
If Patricia went along on the drive, it would mean that the game would have to be played for every long mile on the trail. Antonie felt a strong urge to scream. She was not sure she could keep up the pretense for so long.
There was always the chance that her brothers would stand firm against Patricia’s plea. Antonie decided she could put her mind to better use thinking up arguments to counteract Patricia’s than in fretting over the consequences of the girl joining the drive. Even if she had no chance to intercede in the family argument that was certain to result when Patricia made her suggestion, Antonie felt sure she could get her ideas across to at least one of the brothers. She could only hope that she could come up with a few good ones.
She was honest enough to admit that it was neither Oro nor Patricia nor what was between them that really troubled her. With Patricia left behind at the ranch, Antonie had hoped to be done with the game she and Oro played. Without that going on she felt sure Royal would soon come to see reason, to believe her assertion that she and Oro were not lovers. If Patricia did join the drive, forcing her to stay close to Oro every step of the way, there would be no chance of such a reconciliation.
Crawling into bed, Antonie fought the urge to indulge in another bout of tears. She was hurt and instead of having more time to be with Royal, it was over. She wished she could just leave, but her promise to Juan and her strong sense of duty held her firm. Somehow she was going to have to endure the long months ahead being close to Royal, yet apart from him.
Slowly closing her eyes, Antonie realized that Maria’s potion really did soothe her and despite her pain and worries, she was going to sleep. As she gave in to its strong pull, she wondered wryly if Maria had a potion to cure lovesickness.