Emilia
Two entire days passed after the only text Sydney had bothered to send Emi and no call—not that day or the next. Emi had done so much crying she didn’t understand how she could still have any tears left. But she did. She had plenty.
All she kept thinking was how could this be? How could he be so cruel so out of the blue? After reading the stupid auto response so many times, she did just what it said to do. She called his secretary. Emi already knew. The text Sydney had sent was clear enough. She just didn’t understand how it could be true. And yet hearing it from his secretary had still been earth-shattering.
Emi wasn’t sure what she’d been expecting. Maybe it was because, even after all the facts she’d gathered in the past forty-eight hours, she still didn’t believe it. Until she heard it directly from him, her heart refused to.
The conversations she’d had in the past two days with key people in Sydney’s life played out in her head over and over. First his secretary.
“4B Global. You’ve reached the office of Sydney Maricopa. This is Kendra speaking. May I ask who’s calling?”
“Emi,” she’d managed to whisper. “I’ve been trying to reach him on the phone and haven’t been able to. It’s urgent that I speak with him.”
“I’m afraid Mr. Maricopa will be out of the office for a few days, but I can see that your message gets to him as soon as possible.”
“Is there any way to reach him where he’s at?”
“No, I’m afraid not.”
“You mean to tell me there are no phones where his meeting is?”
“No ma’am. Mr. Maricopa is not in a meeting. He’s taking a few personal days off. But I’d be happy to take a mess—”
“Personal days?” Emi’s heart nearly stopped. “Did he say for what?”
Even as prepared as she thought she’d been, it was still a slap in the face. Emi had practically crushed her phone in her hand as the secretary had once again regretfully informed her she wasn’t at liberty to say why he’d taken the personal time off.
Emi didn’t even remember if she’d said good-bye before hanging up. It was at that point that the festering anger began to bubble over. The resentment from what he was putting her through had begun to replace the heartache and taken front and center. She welcomed the anger; it was much easier to deal with than the pain. Though her emotions had since gone back and forth as the whole nightmare played out.
Not ten minutes after getting off the phone with Sydney’s secretary, Emi had scrolled through her phone furiously and called Sarah. “Have you heard from Sydney?”
Sarah had been quiet at first, giving Emi hope she might have. It turned out it just took Sarah that long to figure out who she was speaking to. “Um, no,” she said, deflating Emi’s hope instantly. “Not since last week. Why? What’s going on?”
“Has he ever mentioned anything to you about him and Cristina?” Infuriatingly, her voice had broken from just saying her name.
“Cristina?” Sarah asked, sounding confused and a bit alarmed.
“Yes,” Emi’s voice squeaked. “Mando’s widow. I think he’s having an affair with her.”
Emi had gone on to explain first through helpless tears, but soon she was spitting out the angry words about Sydney’s lying. How he said he was going on a business trip but she now knew there was no such business trip. The texts and call logs she’d found between him and Cristina. How, for weeks, she’d thought maybe she was just being paranoid and what his response was when she left the voicemail calling him out on it.
“It’s the only response I’ve had from him since he left yesterday morning. He’s ignored all my other calls and texts.”
Sarah had been stunned silent for a moment; then she finally spoke. “I don’t even know what to say except that’s so not like him. Emi, I’ve known him almost my whole life, and I can tell you with all certainty I’ve never known him to be a cheater or condone cheating. Most importantly, I’ve never seen him or heard him so happy since the two of you got together.”
“Do you have Cristina’s phone number?”
“I don’t think so, but I could get it.”
“Can you please?” Once again she’d turned into a blubbering mess. “And maybe call him or text him. He might answer your calls. Tell him I desperately need to talk to him.”
“I will,” Sarah said quickly. “Oh, honey, I’m so sorry this is happening. Please stay strong. Sydney’s a good guy. I just can’t imagine him doing something so hurtful.”
“I can’t either,” Emi said, sniffling as the pesky hope lingered in her heart again just hearing Sarah—the only other person that knew Sydney as well as she did—wasn’t buying this either.
Sarah had called back a few minutes later only to tell her Sydney hadn’t answered her calls either. “I texted him too. I’ll let you know as soon as I hear from him. But I did get Cristina’s number.”
Of course, Cristina hadn’t answered either, and Emi hadn’t left any voicemails, nor had she texted her. It was morning three and Emi felt like a zombie. Her throat was raw, her stomach rumbled from lack of food, but the last thing she could think about was eating anything, and she was completely sleep-deprived. The only other person whom she’d spoken to throughout this was Livi. She’d made her promise, even throughout all the sobbing, to please not tell her brothers what was going on. Emi knew they hadn’t been thrilled about the idea of her and Sydney to begin with. They were skeptical about the age difference but had eventually given in, especially given how happy Emi sounded every time she’d spoken to them since. She knew now not only would they say they told her so, if they saw how this was destroying her, they’d be out to kill Sydney.
The last thing she wanted was to send A.J. or either of her other two brothers, who were just as bad, into a rage that would likely land them in jail. Her sister had predictably been beyond concerned and equally outraged on Emi’s behalf but, at the same time, like Sarah and Emi, was as baffled as they were about this whole thing. It just didn’t make sense.
Emi’s summer classes were over. She hadn’t told Liv she blew off her finals for this, but her sister knew the next few weeks before the fall semester started were wide open for her. Livi begged her to come home. She hated to hear her so heartbroken and know she was alone. Technically, she wasn’t all alone. Oliver had been sharing her sleeping or crying area for the past two days. She’d even gone up to check on Homer a few times, but as soon as she had his food and water ready and cleaned out his litter box, she left. Just being in Sydney’s apartment now hurt too much.
She’d refused to leave Cristina a voicemail because she wasn’t ready to say, “You can have him,” as she knew more mature and stronger-minded women would’ve already done. She was ready to get a few things off her chest, so she called again, expecting to get her voicemail.
Hearing her say hello had taken her so completely by surprise she almost hung up. But she gathered herself quickly enough and sat up on her sofa.
“Cristina?”
“Yes?”
The thought that Sydney might be there sitting near her listening to her take Emi’s call made her chest heavy, but she swallowed hard and forced herself to speak. “Is Sydney with you?”
“No. He should be home soon.”
“Was he with you these last few days?”
“Emi, honey, I think—”
“Don’t call me that. Don’t you dare call me that,” Emi said, glad the pain was taking a backseat to the anger. “Just answer the question. Was he with you all this time?”
Emi heard her take a deep breath. “I really think he should be the one—”
“I thought you were my friend!”
“I am,” Cristina said firmly.
Emi scoffed loudly, gripping her phone, but she refused to cry. She wouldn’t give the bitch taking her man the pleasure of hearing her cry. “Then if you’re such a friend, Cristina,” she said through her teeth, “be honest. Were you with my boyfriend these last couple of days?”
Silence.
“Were you?” she asked loudly but mindful not to work herself up so much she’d be crying angry tears again.
“I only answered so that I could let you know he’ll be home any minute now. I spoke with him about a half hour ago. He said he was almost there.”
“Is that a yes?” Emi squeezed her eyes, already knowing the answer.
“Yes,” Cristina whispered.
“Did you sleep with him?” Fuck, she was crying again!
“I’m not answering that,” Cristina said, sucking what little air was left in Emi’s lungs out. “I think you and him have a lot to discuss.”
Emi didn’t even realize she’d stopped breathing and just stood there staring into space until she heard the knock at her door. She sucked a big chunk of air into her lungs, feeling like a fish out of water minutes away from death then clicked the end button on her phone.
“Emi, it’s me,” Sydney said from outside her door. “We need to talk.”
As painful as it was to hear Cristina confirm what she’d been dreading, she was glad she’d spoken to her. There was strength in anger, and she knew now she was going to need all the strength in the world to get through this next conversation.
Feeling strangely calm, she approached the door. After a long deep breath, she reached for the doorknob and turned it. The moment she opened it and saw his beautiful face looking down at her so repentantly, she was overcome with a mixture of rage and excruciating pain.
Before he could say a word, she slapped him so hard the pain shot right down to her elbow, but she welcomed the pain. She needed something to drown out the crushing blow to her heart.
“You bastard!” she cried. “You lying, cheating, fucking bastard! How could you!”
The moment he took a step forward, she practically jumped back, not wanting him anywhere near her. Sydney stepped in quickly, closing the door behind him.
“What is it you want to talk about?” she screamed through her tears, her voice completely hoarse now. “How you’ve been having an affair with her all this time? How many times you fucked her these past few days?”
“I didn’t,” he said, and for all the hysterical crying she was doing, she believed him.
“Then what were you doing with her?’
“I just needed time.”
“For what?” she demanded.
“I’m sorry, Em. I should’ve done this sooner. I just didn’t think—”
“Do what?” she asked, feeling a complete panic sear through her.
She’d just slapped him, called him a lying, cheating bastard and accused him of fucking someone else, yet her heart was still holding out hope this could somehow be fixed? What the hell was wrong with her? Why wasn’t she telling him to go to hell?
Searching his equally tormented eyes, she knew why. He loved her. Despite everything that had happened in the past two days, the adoration in his eyes, the same one she saw when he kissed her, held her, made love to her, was still there. It was full of pain, but he hadn’t stopped loving her just like that, gotten over her like she’d begun to fear. It was as impossible as it would be for her to get over him.
“I should’ve told you I was falling for her.”
It was happening again. Somewhere between her lungs and her mouth, her breath was stuck. When she was finally able to string a few words together, she asked, “You’re in love with her?”
“Yes,” he said, but she was staring into his eyes, and she saw the insincerity, and she shoved his chest as hard as her two hands could.
“Why are you doing this?” she yelled, shoving him again. “Why are you lying to me? Why are you trying to hurt me?”
“I’m not,” he said, making no attempt to block her still swinging hands. “I’d never want to hurt you. I just—”
“Then why are you lying!”
“I’m not lying, Em. I fell in love with her—”
“Liar!” she screamed, feeling hysterical. “Stop saying that. You can’t love her just like I can’t love anyone else. I’ll never love anyone else because I’m in love with you—just like you love me. We’re soul mates, remember? You said it yourself.”
Sydney grasped her flinging hands in an attempt to calm her. “I know I did, but shit happens, babe.”
“Shit happens?” she screamed. “Shit happens?” She tried in vain to come loose from his hold because suddenly she wanted nothing more than to slap him again. “Is that really how you’re explaining this bullshit? Shit happens!”
“I never thought I’d fall for her, Em. I didn’t think things would go this far.”
“How far?” she asked, searching his eyes.
He’d already said he hadn’t fucked Cristina; he wasn’t going to take that back too. Was he? Take it back like all the times he’d swore he’d love Emi forever.
“That I’d fall for her like I have.” He glanced away for a moment then met her eyes again “I didn’t think I’d be forced to make such a hard decision.”
Even as another knife was plunged through her heart, the jealous fury overpowered it. “You don’t have to!” she said, yanking away from him, and he finally let her go. “I’ll make it easy for you.”
Her chest heaved as she stared at him now, and even then she still saw it. It didn’t matter what he was saying to her, how many times he told her he’d fallen for someone else. She still saw what she’d seen and felt just the other night, the night before the nightmare started when he’d made love to her last. Sydney was still as hopelessly in love with her as she was with him.
She took a step forward and saw the moment of weakness when he closed his eyes. Even if he was feeling torn between two women, which Emi’s heart still refused to believe, she could not understand how he’d make such sudden decision. Why he was doing this?
As he tried reaching for her hand, she saw it again the moment he closed his eyes. He, too, was hurting about all this. But when she was close enough, she saw something else flicker in an instant. His brows furrowed and his eyes went a bit harder. It scared her, but she was still certain about one thing he wouldn’t—couldn’t—do.
“Look at me,” she said, her lips trembling as the anger drained away replaced with a sudden overwhelming terror. “Tell me you don’t love me anymore.”
Her eyes were momentarily distracted by the movement of his Adam’s apple as he, too, swallowed back emotion. “Em, don’t do this.” His words were a strained whisper.
“Say it,” she demanded. “I wanna hear you say that you don’t love me anymore.”
He glanced around uncomfortably, his hardened expression somewhat beaten down. Emi stood her ground, knowing that even if he didn’t say it, they still had a mountain of obstacles to tackle before this could be fixed. But it’d be a start.
What scared her most and what she’d been trying not to think about these last few days and weeks was the only way this would make sense: if he’d begun to fall for Cristina the amazing woman before Mando had even passed. That once Mando passed and Sydney spent so much time on the phone with her—consoling her—he’d been falling even harder. Maybe all the time he’d thought it inappropriate to pursue her because it was too soon since Mando died, and now here he was confirming just that. Emi's heart beat wildly, terrified about the possibility that he might actually say he didn’t love her.
His head lowered slowly until they were nearly forehead to forehead, and then he stopped, his red-rimmed eyes looking into hers with conviction. “I don’t love you anymore. I’m sorry.”
Her mouth fell open as her heart completely shattered. She stared into what felt like soulless eyes now. His beautiful eyes had never looked at her so coldly before, and as much as her heart didn’t want to believe it, she had to now.
“Get out,” she whispered, using every ounce of strength she could muster to not fall apart.
After everything he’d just said to her—taken from her forever—she had to hold on to the tiniest bit of dignity she had left.
“Em, I’m—”
“Get out,” she screamed, and he rushed away.
The moment he was out the door she threw herself on her sofa and cried hysterically. Never in her life had she imagined feeling the kind of pain she felt at that moment. She cried so hard it was hard to catch her breath sometimes. There were moments she feared she was having some kind of mental breakdown because she thought she might lose her mind. How in the world would she ever get over Sydney? How would she ever get over hearing him say the worst thing he could ever say to her?
As much as her sister had assured her before they’d hung up that, no matter what happened, she’d get through it—they’d get through it together—this was something Emi knew she’d never recover from. Ever.