Sydney
A week after that horrible day, when Sydney had been forced to break Emi’s heart as he had, he finally returned Lynn’s calls. That whole week he’d responded with vague texts. He wasn’t ready to talk about this yet even now. The only reason he was calling her now was because he’d gotten a call from Isaiah, which he didn’t answer, then a text asking if Emi was with him. She wasn’t answering her phone or returning anyone’s texts, and they were getting worried. It worried Sydney, but not too much. He’d heard from her that day for the first time since the day he’d ended their relationship, and she’d been drunk.
It wasn’t unheard of to get drunk when you were depressed. His ass had the night he got back from breaking things off with her and several more times since. Stone cold drunk. He told himself it was the only reason why he’d cried each time. Sydney had never been a crier. Even when his dad passed, he’d shed a few bitter tears, but mostly he kept it together for his mom’s sake. He’d cried so much this past week his own drunken reflection had finally told his bitch ass to man up and grow a pair already.
If this was how he was handling this, it was understandable why Emi wouldn’t want to take her siblings’ calls in that condition. Sydney hadn’t answered her calls, but she’d left a series of short messages. In each one, she’d slurred and cussed like a drunken sailor. From the sound of it, she’d likely passed out. Knowing Emi, it hadn’t even taken an entire small bottle of wine for her to get that hammered. But in between angry messages, she’d left ones where she’d sobbed, choking Sydney up in the process. It’d be a while, if ever, for him to get past feeling the dark despair himself. He’d already had his moments of weakness, but he forced himself not to call her. He hadn’t gone down to check on her when he got Isaiah’s text. He refused to give her any false hope. As heart-wrenching as this was, his mind was made up. This was for the best.
Telling her he didn’t love her had by far been the hardest thing he’d ever done, but he’d be damned if he’d ever do it again. He’d stupidly thought that would be the most difficult part about this whole thing. That after that it was all downhill and things would slowly start to feel better. She’d move on, be happy again with someone else as she deserved, and the pain would subside with time. But the pain had only gotten worse with every day that passed. This wasn’t how it was supposed to be. The immense hole he felt in his heart had gotten bigger with each day that passed. The idea that somehow this would get easier felt more impossible now than it did a week ago.
Lynn had called a few hours prior, but he’d wanted to wait until he was home to talk to her. It’d be a challenge, but he had to get through this conversation without letting Lynn in his head. He gathered himself as best as he could then, finally, called her.
“Oh, thank God!” was how Lynn answered her phone. “Are you guys okay?”
“I’m fine,” he said, closing his eyes.
“What about Emi?”
“Not sure. I haven’t talked to her in about a week.” Or slept or eaten much or felt like living.
“So it’s true?”
“That we broke up? Yeah.”
“Why? Please tell me what she suspected isn’t true. You didn’t have an affair with Mando’s widow, did you?”
“It’s not an affair,” he said, squeezing his eyes shut because like Emi he was certain Lynn would call him on his next statement. “I fell in love with her. It couldn’t be helped.”
She was quiet for a moment and then said, “Okay, so what’s the real truth?”
Sydney had to smirk, though he didn’t feel the least bit amused. He’d just known all along that if anyone would question this, it would be Lynn.
“It is the real truth. I’ve been getting closer to her for a year now, and I didn’t even realize it was happening.”
“For the last year, you’ve been hopelessly trying to deny the fact that you were falling for Emi,” she reminded him then gasped. “Did you tell her you’re in love with Cristina?”
“I did. I had to be honest with her, Lynn.”
“Oh, Jesus. She was inconsolable when I spoke with her last, and that’s when she was just suspecting you might be doing something with Cristina. How did she take it?”
“Not very well,” he said, wincing as he remembered.
“Her siblings haven’t been able to get a hold of her today. You have any idea where she might be?
“Home. She’s probably passed out,” he said simply. “She’ll be fine. She called me a few times today and left a few drunken messages.”
“What did she say?”
“I’ll spare you the details,” he said with a frown as he poured himself a glass of wine. “I’ll just tell you this. It wasn’t very Christian.”
“This isn’t funny.”
“Who’s laughing?”
He certainly wasn’t, not even when he’d listened to Emi’s drunken rant mimicking his and Cristina’s conversation about public schools vs. private schools. She’d lowered her voice extra low when she loosely quoted him, making him sound extra stupid. “You can’t just assume private schools are academically superior. Factors, demographics. Ooh, listen to me. I’m so smart. Blah, blah, blah.”
“Are you home now too?” Lynn asked.
“Yeah.” He put the wine bottle back into the refrigerator and started toward the front room.
“You’re going to have to tell me the truth eventually, Syd. But right now, I think you should either get out of there or do not open your door if someone comes knocking.”
“I am telling you the truth,” he said, sitting back in one of the lounging chairs in his front room. “And what are you talking about don’t open my door?”
“Sydney Maricopa, if you think for a second I believe that you just up and left Emi for another woman when just weeks ago you told me you had no idea life could be this good, you are out of your mind.”
Sydney took a deep breath. “I did her a favor, Lynn. She’s probably better off with Sabian. He’d take care of her, give her a good life. They could grow old together.”
“And she can’t do that with you?”
He took a drink of his wine but didn’t respond to that.
“What is going on with you, Sydney? I can only imagine the pain she’s feeling right now, but what I can’t for the life of me understand is why you’d so coldly do something like this. This isn’t you.”
Sydney pinched the rim of his nose, letting his head fall back. “God damn it,” he muttered.
“What?” she demanded.
“This is exactly why I hadn’t wanted to talk to you. Why I hadn’t returned your calls.”
“Why?” she asked with just as much conviction. “Because you knew I’d call you on your bullshit.”
“Yes!”
“I knew it! So what is it? Why are you doing this, Sydney? Why are you breaking that poor girl’s heart?”
“Because I had to,” he said then added something he knew Lynn would believe. “I had to do the honorable thing.
“Sydney,” she said, her voice going a bit cautious. “Did . . . did you get Cristina pregnant?”
The loud knock at his door startled him, and he remembered Lynn’s earlier warning. “Someone’s at my door,” he said, setting his wine glass down on the coffee table.
“Don’t open it!” she said too alarmed.
“Open up, Syd!” A guy yelled from the other side. “I wanna talk to you.”
“I think it’s A.J.”
“Oh, my God!” she gasped. “Do not open that door.”
Sydney rolled his eyes, standing up. He got that Em’s brother would likely be pissed that he’d broken his sister’s heart, but what was he going to do? Come at him for not wanting to be with her anymore? They were both adults. They could talk this out.
He walked to the door as Lynni continued to urge him not to and reminded him of A.J.’s reputation of being a hothead. How all of her siblings had been going nuts that day trying to get a hold of her.
“Relax,” he said as he unlocked the deadbolt and reached for the doorknob. “He said he wants to talk.”
He’d barely turned the knob when the door was pushed open, and A.J. grabbed him by his shirt. “What the fuck did you do to my sister?”
Sydney stumbled back as her other two brothers rushed in behind A.J. and attempted to pull him off Sydney. Chaos ensued for a moment as Sydney tried to get loose from A.J.’s death grip on his shirt and the brothers yelled and cussed at each other to calm the fuck down while A.J. continued to demand what he’d done to Emi.
When he was able to pull free, he took a step back as Isaiah and Nathan struggled to hold A.J. back.
“I didn’t do anything but break things off,” Sydney said calmly. “It just wasn’t working out.”
“So just like that?” A.J. asked, trying even harder to break free from his brothers. “You tell her you love her, have your way with her for a few months, and then just dump her?”
“That’s not—”
Isaiah spun around and charged Sydney this time, backing him up against the wall. Sydney didn’t try to fight him because, unlike A.J., Isaiah didn’t look like he was out for blood. Isaiah looked pissed, but he also looked like he had more on his mind than just murder. He held one menacing hand up to his youngest brother, so A.J. stopped and waited.
“I don’t know what’s going on,” Isaiah said, right in Sydney’s face. “All I know is that my baby sister is downstairs so drunk she can barely talk. She won’t stop crying, and the one thing she keeps saying is your fucking name. I’m a reasonable man, and I’ve been told you’re a good guy, Syd. If all this drama is over a breakup, then we’ll deal with it—deal with her. But God help you if I find out you willfully set out to hurt my sister.” He gripped Sydney’s shirt even tighter. “If I find out you played with her heart just to get what you wanted when all along you knew you’d be tossing her aside once you were done, I’m coming back for you.”
Sydney nodded, staring right back into Isaiah’s eyes, and then turned to her other two brothers. “Fair enough.” Isaiah stared at him a moment longer before releasing his shirt. “Look. I’m sorry she’s hurting, but I can assure you this was in no way planned. Emi’s a sweet girl. I do care about her, and I’d never willfully hurt her. It was why I broke things off when I realized things weren’t working out.”
Isaiah motioned to his brothers to start back to the door. As fast as they blew in, they were blowing out. Isaiah stopped at the door and turned back to him. “One thing. I know a thing or two about breakups and heartache. Only this is a first for her. Clearly, she’s not taking it well, but you’re old enough to know better. Do not dick her around and go back and forth, getting her hopes up for no reason—”
“No, fuck that!” A.J. said, turning back in a flash. “He’s done. Look at him.” A.J. stabbed a finger in Sydney’s direction. “Does he look broken up to you?” He motioned to the front room. “Over here enjoying a glass of wine and shit?” He glanced down at Sydney’s phone still in his hand with a look so disgusted, for a moment, Sydney thought he might spit. “He’s probably already talking it up with his new chick. Hell no!” Isaiah placed a cautious hand on his brother’s chest as A.J. continued. “I better not find out you’re sniffing around her again. You don’t want her anymore? That’s fine, Syd. She don’t need your ass. But that’s it. You had your chance. You’re cut off. Done. Consider yourself warned, asshole.”
Without another word, they all turned and walked out. Sydney stood there, feeling an even more profound weight on his already heavy heart. Not that he’d hoped for any kind of reconciliation between him and Emi. No way was that going to happen, but he’d at least held out hope that maybe someday they could enjoy an occasional chat. They had been best friends before anything else happened between them. This just sealed the nail in the coffin. Any kind of relationship with Emi was out of the question now.
It wasn’t until A.J.’s comment about him being on the phone with his new chick that Sydney realized he’d never hung up on Lynn. He brought the phone to his ear, surprised to hear noise on the other end. “Lynni?”
“Holy cow, Sydney.” Lynn gasped. “What’s gonna happen when they find out why you broke things off? Obviously, they still don’t know or that would’ve been so much uglier.”
“She won’t tell them.”
Seeing just how accurate her brother’s nickname really was, Sydney knew she’d never tell them the truth. Not because he thought after what he’d done to her she’d be looking to protect him, but she would want to protect her brothers, especially A.J., from doing something that would land him in jail and possibly ruin his career or even his future if he was angry enough. No doubt that guy had it in him to follow up with his threats. Sydney had seen the irrepressible fire in his eyes, in all three sets of eyes when they’d glared at him. No way would Emi fan those flames.
“Sydney, you left her for their cousin’s widow. I agree. I don’t think Emi would tell them either. If I actually believed you were in love with Cristina, I’d be more worried. You hurting her that way would be a death sentence for you and a life sentence for one or more of Emi’s brothers. Please tell me by doing the honorable thing it isn’t something completely undeniable”—she lowered her voice—“like that you had an incredibly stupid moment of indiscretion, got Cristina pregnant, and now you’re doing right by her and marrying her or something. It’s the only thing I can think of that would explain any of this.”
Sitting back in his chair, Sydney took a deep breath, knowing he should’ve never called Lynn. Of course his luck would be so fucked that her brothers would show up right in the middle of his conversation with her. That she’d hear every word of that confrontation. But who was he kidding? It didn’t matter if he’d waited months to finally return her calls. She knew him too well. She’d never believe he wasn’t still, and probably always would be, hopelessly in love with Emi.
“Listen to me, Lynn. Before I say anything, let me make something perfectly clear, okay? My mind is made up. Things are over between Emi and me. Even her brothers are going to make sure of that now. But I need you to promise me that, no matter what, this never gets back to Emi or anyone that might tell her. Understood?”
As expected, she went silent. He didn’t expect her to immediately agree. But it was a little too quiet on the other end. No usual squealing or laughing kids in the background. No Angel’s voice or kid’s music like earlier, and he wondered for a moment if their call had been dropped. “Lynn?”
“I’m here,” she said.
“It’s so quiet.”
“I’m in the garage. I don’t want anyone interrupting this.”
Squeezing his eyes shut, Sydney got back to what he was saying. “You promise? It’s the only way I’ll tell you because I know you’d never betray me. No matter what.”
“Before I promise, because you’re making me nervous and I’m not sure that I want to, can you just answer two simple yes or no questions for me?”
Lynn knew him too damn well. He knew whatever the questions were she’d likely already figured out a few things. But he was sticking to his guns. He wouldn’t tell even Lynn unless she could absolutely promise to keep this to herself. “Go ahead.”
“Do you still love her?”
“With all my heart,” he said without hesitation.
He heard her breathe a sigh of either relief or frustration, probably a little of both. She was quiet momentarily as if to take that in, before she asked the next question. “Did you cheat on her?”
“No.”
“Then why would you hurt her the way you have?”
“That’s three questions,” he pointed out as he took a deep breath. “And before I can answer that, I need you to promise this stays between us, Lynn. I mean it. This cannot get back to her or anyone that might tell her ever.”
“How can you ask me to promise that, Sydney? Obviously, if you still love her, with all your heart, my keeping my mouth shut could potentially compromise your happiness? I don’t think—”
“Lynn, you have to,” he said firmly. “All I can tell you before you promise is I need for her to hate me.”
“She’d never—”
“Are you gonna promise or not?” He leaned over, wiping his open palm down his face, exasperated because he hadn’t meant to snap at Lynn. He was done hurting people he loved. “I just . . .” he said before taking deep breath. “I need to be able to talk to you about this and know I don’t have to worry about you betraying my trust.”
“You know I’d never do that.”
“Then promise me.”
There was a moment of silence before he heard her inhale. “I promise,” she whispered.
Smiling and feeling bittersweet, Sydney sat back on his sofa because he knew he could trust Lynn to not break her promise. Still, it was little consolation. He swallowed hard, trying to think where the best place to start would be.