Our mother-daughter shopping trips typically consist of Brielle and I waiting for a department store to have a massive blowout sale, and then getting ice cream before returning home to paint each others nails with one of the four colors we own to choose from. This weekend, however, is breaking all of my budget friendly ways.
Della’s come up to Tampa to shop at International Mall for bridal dresses. When she said it was a small wedding I thought I would get away with a simple dress—her color of choice—from Target. But she’s planned a whole day around the three of us shopping the mall, and even though my wallet may catch fire, I’m really happy she’s chosen to come and spend a girls day with Brielle and I.
After our mini vacation I never felt more alone than when Luke dropped us off at home. It was back to the grind of work and every day life. In a city full of eccentricity, and yet I feel like the odd woman out.
I missed my friends. Work seemed more dull when I tried interacting with the same people I’m used to seeing day in and day out. I thought our life here was better than it would have been in Calusa. Coming out here bettered my self, but at what cost and what have I been missing?
Regardless of my excitement to be out shopping with a friend, I’m still scanning the sale racks. We found an adorable blue dress for Brielle within minutes of walking in, and now we’re searching something for me. Della has her sights set on the more expensive stores. She’s come across a few things where we’re at now, but it’s nothing she absolutely loves. Like her wedding she’s keeping it simple; no flashy, poofy white wedding dress.
Della didn’t have a color scheme planned out, but since I let Brielle pick her dress we’re going with blue. There’s about seven different types of blue dresses draped over my arm when I cave to go try them on.
The three of us grab the largest fitting room and all pile inside. Brielle hops up on the long bench, swinging her legs back and forth as she waits for me to undress. Shopping and cramming into the same fitting room is making me sentimental. I missed the small things like this with my friend.
“Did that guy ever call?” Della asks as I stand in my underwear about to put on the first dress.
“What guy?”
“The one you met on vacation. At the pool.”
“Oh, him. No.” I shake my head as my arms slip through the open sleeves of the lace straps. This one is a dark blue, not quite navy but close. It’s all lace with a silky slip built in underneath. I turn and silently ask for Della to zip me up. “I forgot about him, actually.”
For the last two weeks I’ve been obsessing over the almost kiss with Luke—the very hot encounter we had the day before we left. Two weeks and I haven’t heard from him. Not even a text. It’s not like he said he would call. I guess I assumed he would after that near kiss. After admitting he wanted things with us to happen.
Who makes a promise to basically devour me and doesn’t do a follow up?!
We’re both tilting our heads as we examine this first dress in the mirror. Then shaking no at the same time.
Undressing, and on to the next.
“He was older, but he was still really hot.”
“A single dad, too,” I add, remembering what I liked about him right away. There’s something about sharing that single parenthood quality that can boost your attractiveness.
“And you shared an interest in books.”
I sigh. “Too bad he hasn’t called.”
“I like Uncle Luke.”
I’m stuck in the second dress with my arms stretched above me when Brielle spits that little bit of information at us. Finding the holes where my arms are supposed to go is the least of my problems. I grunt as I try to shimmy and squeeze the damn dress over my boobs.
“Need help?” Della asks.
“You should date him.”
“No,” I start by answering Della, but then Brielle’s words register a second later. “Wait, what?”
I must look like a complete fool. I’m stuck in this too small dress with my arms in the air and standing still as a statue as my daughter tells me I should date her uncle.
Della goes absolutely quiet. I’m cursing this stupid waste of silk that’s keeping me from witnessing her reaction to Brielle’s comment.
“He’s your uncle, Brielle.” I state that like there is some law on dating a non-blood relative.
“I know. I like him.”
Brielle sounds a little too pleased with her suggestion.
“Can someone get me out of this dress? I’m stuck.”
Della chuckles, then I feel her hands pulling the garment off me. Once I’m free my hair does the annoying static cling thing that has it crackling and standing in all directions. I immediately look at Della’s amusing face.
“He didn’t like that guy you were talking to by the pool.”
I whip my gaze to Brielle.
“How do you know that?”
“Because he said so.”
“I knew it,” Della says almost to herself.
“Why am I the only one who doesn’t know about this? That was weeks ago.”
“Uncle Luke used a bad word and told me not to tell you.”
Della bursts out laughing and I have to bite my lip as my own smile twitches.
“Did he now,” I murmur.
“I got sick and forgot about it anyway.”
“That man has been hung up on you since we were nineteen,” Della shares. “I really thought he’d make his move on vacation. Seems he’s being more patient than I gave him credit for.”
“He’s still your ex. No matter how old we were, or how much time has passed, he’s still your ex-boyfriend. Your first love.”
“Pshh. Girl, I don’t care about that. I get that that’s girl-code, but it shouldn’t stop you from admitting your real feelings for Luke. You and I both know he’s never been a passing moment for you. Stop looking for new excuses.”
Is that what I’m doing? Luke told me I was as well.
“Okay, next dress.” I grab another dress. This one satin and in an ice blue color. The front dips at a decent level above my chest, not giving away too much of my cleavage. But as for the back…there isn’t one. I step into the silk, pulling it up and over my hips before gliding my arms through the thin sleeves that rest over my shoulders. This one has a side zipper. The moment I get it zipped all the way up, I feel the dress clench to my body in the most satisfying way. The bodice tugs tightly and doesn’t loosen until it reaches my hips, flowing in silky waves to right above my knees.
The comfortableness alone has me already in love with it, but when I turn to face the mirror and see this beautiful color against my skin, I’m sold. Similar to the bikini purchase four years ago, I feel confident and sexy and brave. I want to show it off to the world. More accurately, I want to stun a certain gorgeous, brown eyed man.
“Whoa,” I whisper.
“You look beautiful, Mommy.”
“I think I get why the brides pick ugly dress for their bridesmaids now. You’re going to show me up,” Della teases.
“There’s still four more to try on,” I say absentmindedly. Not that I really want to waste the time doing that. Maybe I will pick one of the others for Della’s wedding day, but I’d be stupid not to buy this one, even with nowhere to ever wear it to. And Della just said so herself. I cannot wear this as a bridesmaid dress.
“Not anymore.” I snap my gaze up to hers through the mirror, meeting them over my shoulder. She’s smiling as if this is my big day we’re talking about and not hers. “That’s the one.”
“Isn’t that supposed to be the line we say for your dress,” I toss at her.
She gives me a one shoulder shrug. “Already a non-traditional bride, so what does it matter?”
I chuckle.
“Uncle Luke says you look good in blue,” Brielle says offhandedly. She’s smiling ear to ear on the bench behind me.
“Sounds like Uncle Luke tells you a lot of things.”
“Kinda.”
Della laughs. “He’s good. Sneaky, but good.”
Spinning on my heel, I face Della with a quizzical brow. “He’s trying to get to me by using his niece.”
“Or through your daughter. Depending on how you look at it.”
Della is finding all this new intel very amusing.
“That’s why I picked blue.” Brielle beams down at her dress sitting next to her. “I knew he would see how pretty you are if you wore a blue dress to the wedding.”
“I think your daughter is playing matchmaker,” Della leans closer and whispers.
“When did he tell you that, Bri?”
“Spring Break. You were wearing your blue bathing suit. I was in the pool with him, Ethan, and Paul. He told Paul you were killing him, which I didn’t understand so I asked.” Brielle explains with such innocence. “He said it was a figure of speech, but what he meant was that he loved you in the color blue.”
My bikini. The one I wore on that day. I remember that exact moment because I felt his eyes on me the entire time I striped down to just my bathing suit and laid out to read by the pool. Can’t deny the satisfaction that gives me knowing I was “killing him.”
“That’s when Uncle Luke cursed too. That guy had started talking to you.”
Della’s lips twitch.
I try holding back my smile as I speak to Brielle. “And so you decided we should wear blue because Uncle Luke likes it. Are you trying to set Mommy up with your uncle?”
Brielle blushes a pretty pink shade and dips her chin. “He makes you laugh, and we had a lot of fun together in the car ride. I like when he’s around.”
My smile wipes away as I bite the inside of my cheek. Tears build up and burn my eyes but I don’t let them spill over. She is trying to set me up with Luke not only because she thinks he likes me, but because she likes the three of us together. Unlike how she feels about Connor. Who’s had more than enough time with her. But a few days with Luke, and Brielle is ready to make him a permanent fixture in our lives.
She doesn’t speak much about not having a father in her life. This is the first hint I’ve seen of her deprived in some way by not having a male figure at home. As much as I want to be everything she needs, I see in times like this what she’s missing out on.
Luke is great with her. He devoted so much time to her in those four days. Maybe he was trying to show me how he feels by getting close to her. And not just because she is his niece. But because she is my daughter. Exactly how Della said it.
Back in my own clothes, we leave the fitting room after Della snatched the remaining four dresses away before I could try them on. We check out and I pay for mine and Brielle’s dresses. She’s skipping a few feet ahead of us down the shiny floors of the mall as we walk to the store Della wants to check out. As easy as she is with the rest of her wedding, I don’t think it will take us long to find her a wedding dress.
“Are you ready to talk about you and Luke now?” Della asks. I can tell she’s been waiting to start this conversation for awhile, but wanting to keep it from a child’s ears.
“We’ve been talking about Luke. This is your day so let’s talk about Paul.”
“That’s a no then,” she laughs, but my response doesn’t sway her. “Paul is fantastic, we’re fantastic, and I’m unbelievably happy. You on the other hand have been running away from admitting your feelings for Luke for six years. I say it’s your turn to find some happyiness.”
I look over at her, stunned she pegged me so well. When I face forward again and watch Brielle hop with glee I smile. “I am happy.”
~~~
“Let’s get a snack before heading to our appointment.” Della takes Brielle’s hand, as they wonder off ahead of me.
Since the fitting room it’s been eating at me why Luke hasn’t contacted me in the two weeks that’s passed. I remain behind as Della and Brielle enter the pretzel store.
We’ve had a ton of fun today with just us girls. Della more than anyone. She’s already talking about another trip up without the boys again.
I pull my phone from my back pocket and open the text thread for Luke. I bite on my bottom lip as my fingers tap out what I hope is a cavalier greeting.
Me: We have a cuss jar policy in our house. I hear you owe it some money.
I’m not completely expecting him to respond back immediately, he could be doing a million things on a Saturday. Especially if he’s out on the boat, as I’ve already learned. But that doesn’t keep me from holding my breath in anticipation, waiting for a response. Not even a minute later my phone vibrates with a an alert.
Luke: Did she mention I paid her not to tell you?
Me: You did not!
Luke: I pay Ethan all the time.
Luke: How’s dress shopping going? Della still abnormally cool about it all?
Me: So I’m not the only one who finds it odd how laid back she is with her wedding details. I would have pegged her for a bridezilla.
Luke: Paul’s good for her.
Biting my nail, I look up to see where Della and Brielle are at in line. They are ordering at the counter so I don’t have much longer before I have to put a hold on our conversation.
Me: My dress is blue. Can you take a guess why Brielle was convinced I should wear blue to the wedding?
Me: Btw you should know nothing is safe around a child’s ears.
Luke: I recall a comment about your blue bikini.
Me: Yes, the one that was “killing you.”
Luke: Fuck. Nothing really is safe to say around a kid.
Me: She ratted you out lol. And then admitted to basically playing match-maker. The blue was chosen for you.
Luke: Okay she’s forgiven.
Me: Lmao. We’re off to mani-pedis. Ttyl.
Luke: Have fun.
Della and Bri walk out of the pretzel shop with filled hands. I stand up from the cushioned bench outside the store. My phone chimes again right before Della hands off my pretzel and drink.
Luke: Really glad you texted me. I’m sure you’ll be busy for a while, but can we talk more later? Tonight maybe?
Me: Yes.
Luke: Great. But I’m calling. I want to hear your voice.
Me: After Brielle goes to bed okay? It may be late but that’s the easiest, uninterrupted time I have.
Luke: Don’t care how late, Liv. I just want to talk to you.
Me: Talk soon, Luke.
Sliding my phone back in my pocket, I grab my food out of her hands. “Sorry.”
“It’s fine.” Brielle walks in front of us as we head down the mall at a leisurely pace. “That was a pretty big smile you were trying to hide back there. Someone important on that phone?”
“Luke,” I reply, and then take a big bite of the salted bread, delaying further explanation. She waits patiently. “You were right. There’s still something between us. It caught me off guard. Six years ago I spent every day telling myself it could never happen. Then I’ve spent all this time believing he married you. Come to find out he didn’t. It’s an emotional overload.”
Della sips her soda as we walk, nodding. “It’s not like he’s been waiting around for you, Liv. Luke’s dated plenty. I’ve had to help run quite a few off.”
“I’m not saying I’m his one and only,” I say, defensively. My ears burn red when she mentions Luke’s conquests, but that’s not the only reason I was irked. “I just want to see if he feels like I do.”
“I’ll be waiting for the verdict, then.” Della winks.