Paul is the master at killing any awkwardness in a room full of people.
From the moment we arrived, Della’s fiancé has done nothing but entertain all of us. It all makes sense after having met Ethan this morning.
Expectation gnawed at me in the time awaiting this dinner. Finding out Luke wasn’t engaged to Della—or anyone else according to my dad—sparked a fuse that’s been cut for a long time. As each minute ticked by, it became harder and harder to put myself in check.
Along with old flames resurfacing, I wrecked myself with the inevitable strain between Della and I. I didn’t get any vibes of blame coming from her this morning. We had such a strong friendship once, and I knew it would take time and effort to repair as long as we were both willing. But my dad left me believing she was a different person than I remembered six years ago.
As I watched her with her fiancé and son, the reality of that is true.
We were both different people.
We are adults and moms and lived vastly different lifestyles. Sure, I could see the “high horse” persona my dad declared her to have, but it’s more than that. As kids, I always felt as Della’s equal. Sitting here in her fancy kitchen, drinking a bottle of wine that couldn’t be picked up at your local grocery store because they have it shipped straight from the vineyard, did not leave me feeling comfy-cozy. Doubt crept up a couple of times. What worked for us as kids, may not work for us as adults.
But then we would share a laugh. We would find common ground while retelling a story from our good ol’ days. Her wide mouth smile and deep belly laughter would ring in my ears and I recognized my friend. I missed her so, so much.
Her fiancé is awesome. Shorter than her tall frame, but they fit well together. In more ways than looks alone. Watching them interact led quickly to forgetting there ever was a Luke and Della duo. There was a strong presence of real, true love between them.
Paul’s that nerdy-hot kind of guy. The one who sits behind a computer or gaming system or comic books, and just spits out random nerdy shit that it’s too adorable not to love. I’m convinced he could make the most morbid person laugh uncontrollably.
Paul stood in the kitchen preparing food for the grill. I wasn’t surprised at Della not helping with even the simplest task, she never cooked well when her mom asked for our assistance on certain holiday occasions. Not one to sit idle—downfall to being a single parent, you don’t actually enjoy quiet time to yourself when it’s rarely given—I forged ahead of Paul’s insistent refusal of me helping out.
Besides, dicing up carrots and mushrooms helps alleviate the sharp pain cutting through me at the fact that Luke hasn’t showed up yet.
Well in to the first hour of being here, Brielle (thank god, because I was too chicken shit to ask myself) came charging into the kitchen with Ethan hot on her heels. She wanted to know when her uncle would be getting here.
I learned Paul and Luke owned a business together. They didn’t always work weekends, but their office in the center of town is new to them, and as coincidence may have it, Brielle and I most likely walked right by it this morning.
By the time Della got there for lunch today, Luke had already taken off. She left multiple voice mails and text messages, but he took his boat out to go fishing. Something he was known to do for long periods of time.
The sun would be setting within an hour. I held out hope for him receiving the missed messages before we left to go back to our hotel.
In the mean time, I drank wine and goofed off with Della and Paul.
Well, Paul goofed off. We just laughed at him.
“You trying to show me up over there, Liv?” Paul asks, eyeing my chopping skills from the opposite end of the counter.
He wore an apron of military camo tied around his neck and waist. On the front, in the center of his chest, were the words Eye Dee Ten Tango. Obviously some military lingo, but I didn’t ask what it meant.
“I’m multitasking. I bet I can hold an entire conversation and chop all this up before you.”
“Challenge accepted!” He thrusts his large, sharp knife in the air.
“Paul, honey, please don’t chop off any fingers. I like your fingers,” Della preens.
“Yeah, you do.” He wiggles his brows up and down.
“Gross. You two live in that honeymoon phase don’t you?” I ask.
They answered by swapping dirty yet loving gesticulations at each other.
“What about you, Liv? Seeing anyone?”
“Meh. Sort of.”
“Spoiler alert: they are not in the honeymoon phase anymore,” Paul speaks through the side of his mouth.
“He’s kind of my boss.”
“Kinky.”
“Not at all,” I laugh.
“How is he ‘kind of’ your boss?” Della asks.
“Okay, well, he is my boss, but when I started working for the company his mom and dad ran things. He took over earlier this year.”
“So you’ve been dating him awhile.” Della puts together.
“Yeah. It’s just a very slow progressing relationship.” I spoke with no enthusiasm about Connor and I, and they picked up on it.
“Sounds boring,” Paul’s blurts out, complete honesty.
I couldn’t talk to anyone at work about our relationship—office politics and all—and that was the only place I even remotely considered people as my friends. Although, I held that term quite loosely.
So I found this a safe zone to share a little. Out of practice with giving any piece of myself to others, but I was in a awkwardly comfortable space here.
“I don’t have time to date, and Connor’s a nice guy,” I shrug.
“Hope he’s good in bed at least,” Della says.
“Meh.”
Della bustles with laughter and I wind up joining her even though it’s at my own expense.
“If meh is the sum of your relationship, that’s telling you something,” Paul says, eyeing my cutting board and seeing how far ahead I really am. He kicks at the back of my knee, weakening my stance.
I reach over, using my knife to swipe uncut vegetables off his board.
“Does Brielle like him?” Della asks, putting a pause on our cheating schemes.
“Yes and no.”
“I smell a story there.”
“Even though it’s important your kid likes the guy you’re dating,” Della starts, “that can’t be the only reason you keep him around.”
“Of course not,” I reply. Grabbing my last carrot before moving onto the few mushrooms that will take me no time at all, I ponder out loud my thoughts on Connor and what draws me to him. Or that’s what I try to do, anyway. “He’s…Connor is…”
“Meh?” Paul finishes for me.
Della spits wine all across the counter in front of her, choking on laughter. I take a chunk of chopped carrot and throw it at Paul’s head. He grins back at me as it bounces off his cropped hair.
“I would say let’s hook her up with Luke, babe, but she already knows him so that ruins any chance he could have had.”
Della’s choking on laughter turns into actual choking.
My smile freezes then falters.
Paul never looks back up, cutting and munching on raw carrots.
If Paul doesn’t know about Luke and I… No. It’s fine. Why would he? Della obviously moved on to a healthy and stable relationship, and Brady lied about everything he had me believing these past six years. My brief mess up with kissing my best friend’s boyfriend was too insignificant to mention.
That’s why I remained keeping my head down, avoiding contact with a recovering Della, and ignored the sting of hurt I felt that Luke never brought up what I thought was mutual affection to his supposedly best friend.
It’s fine.
I’m fine.
You guys were nineteen. Get over it, Liv. He did.
“Done!” I shout, louder than anticipated considering the wave of emotions unsettling me.
“Dammit, I was so close.”
An entire onion remains to be sliced up.
I wind up taking the onion from Paul to help him out. Afterward, we put some skewers together with veggies, potatoes, and steak. He takes them, and hot dogs for the kids, outside to grill. I offered to make a pasta salad since he bought those ingredients as well, and then mac and cheese for the little ones. Inside their large, walk-in pantry I found cans of baked beans and decided to whip up an alternate concoction with those while I was at.
Della sipped wine and watched me get familiar and comfortable in her kitchen. From the outside looking in, anyone would be convinced I do this kind of act all the time.
The new contentment provides bravery to take the next step and talk about something other than the past. The future.
“You mentioned the wedding’s in May,” I say, glancing over my shoulder as I stand at their stove. “How’s that coming along?”
“Good. We’re keeping it small. Doing it here in the back yard.”
That surprises me. In the short time I’ve spent with Della and Paul today they’ve perceived to be… flashy.
“Paul doesn’t speak with his family, and his only friends are Luke and a couple clients he deals with on the regular, but some old friends are coming down from New York. We’re basically married in all the ways that apply. I don’t need the big wedding.”
“That’s great. I’m really happy for you, Della. Paul’s fantastic.”
“He’s everything to me. I couldn’t live without him.”
I send her a serene smile, grateful that good people in this world can find everlasting love.
“I, ah,” she starts. Stopping to release a breathy laugh off her chest. “Having you show up today set off so many feelings I tried to bury. Paul and I weren’t going to do the whole bridal party thing since it’s just a simple “I Do” at home, but we talked, and I feel like you choosing now of all times to return was fate. Or something like that.” I can tell she’s nervous by how she continues to pause and laugh at herself. Facing her, having set the utensils aside long ago, I remain quiet as Della formulates her words. “What I’m trying to get at is I want to see more of you and Brielle. I’m afraid you’re going to leave here tomorrow and not return for another six years. So I’m using my wedding as an excuse to make sure that doesn’t happen. Will you be my maid of honor? Or bridesmaid since you’ll be the only one.”
Tears of relief spring to my eyes. We have a lot to cover, and there are a ton of issues we’ve left unsaid, but Della’s instilling that we have reasons and time to figure it all out. Because she’s right. There was always a good possibility I would have left here tomorrow and put more than physical distance between us again.
“If you want me up there beside you, then I’ll be there.”
She smiles wide. “I really do.”
“Do you have a dress yet?”
“No. But maybe I’ll drive up to you. Tampa malls will have a much better selection than what we’ve got around here.”
“Then it’s a date.”
Della runs to check on the kids since they got quiet, and that’s never a good sign.
With the beans cooking in the oven, I’m standing back at the island counter mixing the pasta together when she comes back in.
“All good?” I ask.
“Yep. Those two get along so well.” Della takes the same seat as before, refilling her wine glass, as well as mine. “Oh. I forgot to ask how it went with your dad.”
“Really good, actually. Him and Brielle instantly bonded. I still can’t get over how great he was with her. I can’t remember him ever being that devoted with me. I guess it was just luck that he was sober when chose to finally visit.”
Her brows lift. “Yeah, he shocked all of us when he finally sobered up.”
“What do you mean?”
“Well he wasn’t surprised when the rest of us figured out you left, so we all assumed he already knew. It wasn’t long after that when we started piecing it together. Mom would run into him at the grocery store, the girls that worked at the diner told me he was coming in more and more for breakfast and dinner, just things he never ever did. And all without the scent of alcohol hanging off him.”
I shook my head. “I’m confused. Are you saying he’s been sober?”
“Yes,” Della drags out, watching me carefully.
“He said he had a run to go on. I thought he was sober because of that.”
“Liv, your Dad has been sober for five years.”
“Why wouldn’t he tell me that? He let me stand there all judgy like some prude.”
“Maybe it’s his way of getting in your good graces first. You have an entire childhood of shitty moments he can’t make up for.”
“Yeah. Maybe,” I mumble.
“I’ll grab the kids. Have them wash their hands before eating. They were touching the turtle.”
I smile and nod, but my thoughts are already drifting back to my dad.
He was so different with Brielle compared to me when I was her age. With this new knowledge, I have a fresh point of view. There was no work he was getting ready for. I wouldn’t be surprised if he hasn’t had any over the road runs for a while now with the way the grass was overgrowing around the wheels. And still he let me believe the worst of him.
My heavy head falls into my palms. One day in this town and the simple life we live in Tampa seems much further away than a two hour drive.
I can’t say I regret this trip though. Brielle is happy, and that’s the number one priority.
Seeing Della again has given me a piece of myself I neglected to realize has been missing all along.
When I left everyone behind it was to start a life of my own with my baby. To find myself and who I wanted to be away from this small town life where nothing was going good for me. My friends were moving forward and I was stuck.
Fast forward six years and I have my baby girl and our wonderful little life together. But friends were missing from it. Family, whether blood related or not, weren’t a part of our lives. I had been so stuck on figuring it all out on my own that I missed the gaping hole in my chest where loved ones should have been.
Brady wasn’t at complete fault for my solitude, but I found myself cursing him anyway.
“Damn you, Brady,” I whispered to myself.
Buried in my own head, I didn’t hear Paul come in from the patio area.
“Never liked that guy.”
My head snaps up. Paul lifts an unapologetic shrug.
“Luke’s brother, but there’s not much good I can say about him. I know the Bennett brothers hold some magical charm over this town. Brady has everyone fooled.”
“They still have that going for them, huh?”
“Oh yeah.” Paul sets the plates of steaming grilled goodies along the counter, next to the pasta. “Brady’s gone often times, but I swear the women can smell him the moment he gets back. It’s like a frenzy when the brothers go out together.”
I shake my head, amazed and not surprised at the same time how not much changes in a small town.
Pulling the baked beans out of the oven, he watches as I stir the gooey deliciousness.
“Luke has a hard time admitting it, but he lets his big brother hold some of that charm over on him as well.”
“I don’t give a shit what he pulls on everybody else. All I care about is my daughter. If I have to protect her from him, I will at all costs.”
“Coming from someone who has selfish, shitty parents, I couldn’t agree with you more.”
Tears coat the back of my throat, but I hold them down. This has been the only downfall of this trip so far. Brady’s been out of reach in my mind since I concluded he was never coming back to help me.
I feared running in to him. Then I felt gratitude knowing he wasn’t in town. Now I had reasons, a foundation to build on again here, to return and visit my dad and friends. Along with the good, there is still the bad.
And if Brady eventually meets his daughter, only to break her heart by acting the part of daddy dearest and leaving once again, I’ll break him.
The kids and Della return downstairs, and we all sit together and eat. There’s laughter and jokes and kindness and it’s the best night I’ve had for a long time.
Brielle has made a special bond with Ethan, one I’ve never seen her have with the snooty kids from school.
I was listening intently to Paul discuss the kind of tech him and Luke run at their business, and didn’t hear Bri and Ethan until they were shouting loud enough to get every adults attention.
“Can Bri come on Spring Break with us? She’s out of school at the same time as me.” Ethan directs his question to me at first, then looks at his parents for back up.
“We haven’t made plans yet, Mommy. Can we?”
“You’re more than welcome to join,” Paul says to me, while glancing over at Della for assurance.
“Yeah. Totally,” Della nods. “We’ll have plenty of room on the RV.”
“You have an RV?” I ask.
“No. I wanted to go buy one, but someone won’t let me.” Paul eyeballs Della.
“Because you don’t need another toy,” she chuckles at him.
“We’re renting one for a week. Heading a couple hours south to a campsite. They have a huge water park minutes away.”
“Wow, that’s very generous, thank you.”
“So we can go, Mommy?” Brielle smiles brightly up at me.
“No promises yet, but we’ll try.”
I didn’t want to rely on Della and Paul to actually allow us to stay inside their RV. That meant I needed to call around to some hotels nearby. With it being Spring Break, and last minute, the nightly rates were not going to be cheap.
“There’s plenty of space for you two, I swear,” Paul says, using a persuading tone in his voice.
“I’ll get back with you on it. I took that week off, but something has supposedly come up and Connor says he needs me at work.”
“What?” Brielle nearly screeches.
“Don’t worry, Bri. I’m getting out of one way or another, but I may have to go in for just a little.”
Della informs me they are going for the entire seven days, which we’re welcome to join, but even if we go for only a few days they’d be happy to have us. My concern before committing, as usual, is the need to check my finances first. I planned on us doing something regardless, but this will undoubtedly be more than I originally planned for.
As great as the generous offer sounds, I can’t help my pride wanting to refute them. I’ve been on my own for too long, and I’m not used to accepting hand outs anymore. I need time to sit on it, alone, at home and weigh our options.
But…
It does sound like a lot of fun.
Not only for Brielle to have a friend to enjoy it with, but me as well. I’m deprived of friendships, and adult interaction in general.
We finish up dinner, it’s late, and I’ve given up all hope on Luke showing up. Brielle is extremely disappointed, but I make promises, along with Della’s help, to make sure she meets him soon.
I begin to clean up, discarding paper plates, but Della shoos me away. Her and Paul gang up on me, reiterating that I’m their guest.
Since I promised Brielle a mommy-daughter night at the hotel filled with candy and movies, we start saying our goodbyes.
Brielle gets her picture with Ethan like she wanted to. I hug Della, and then Paul. My back is to the front door. Paul is lecturing me again to go with them on Spring Break when the heavy oak swings open, causing a gust of wind to blow through my hair.
I turn around and meet a set of eyes that’s haunted my dreams for years.
Intense, molten, dark brown eyes.
“Liv,” Luke breaths my name.