“Are you trying to sneak out?” Luke’s groggy voice slices through the quiet room.
“Um.” I bite my lip, standing beside the bed with a blank expression. “Yes.”
He stares at me, mirroring the same look minus the lip bitting.
It should be obvious by now that I am not pulling the embarrassing morning after stunt. This far in to our relationship would not be embarrassing, but just plain wrong. Yet I am trying to sneak out.
If Luke’s face did not portray enmity it would be too tempting to even try to keep leaving. His tan chest on full display in the morning sunlight. The navy blue covers riding low on his hips. His thick, messy head of hair propped up on a pillow and turned my way.
As I admire the view, I bite down on my lip too hard, drawing blood and tasting the tang of iron.
C’mon. Who woke up looking that good? I’m sure if I were to look in a mirror I would find smudges from my eyeliner and flakes from my mascara darkening my eyes like Jack Sparrow rising to the surface after being thrown overboard.
I didn’t sleep well all night long. Toss and turned so much even Luke stopped reaching out for me to keep spooning with. And when I woke up from two hours of sleep, at the most, my first thought was of Brady. He ruined my night, and I refused to let him ruin my day.
“Have you ever snuck out before? Because you’re not very good at it.”
“No, I haven’t,” I reply with attitude. “There wasn’t much opportunity for one night stands in the last six years.”
“Glad to hear it,” Luke growls. “Why are you sneaking out?”
“I thought I’d go get Brielle and go see my dad. Give you time with Brady without me being here. He’s more of ass than usual when you and I are together.”
“Liv, come back to bed.” Luke runs a hand over his face, scrubbing up and down his morning shadow of a beard.
I’m really like the look.
But that’s not the point right now.
I stay put.
Luke rises to his elbows. “If you wanted to sneak out why did I catch you standing frozen in the same spot you’re still in?”
“Because my bag is in my car. Because the only clothes I walked in with are strung all over your kitchen, twenty feet from your stupid brother.”
I may never have attempted the walk of shame, but I know what it entails. And I have the option to not leave in the same racy clothes I came in with. That’s what I was figuring out when he woke up.
“My stupid brother is probably passed out and not going to wake up unless I dump a bucket of ice water on him.”
“Oh, so you want me to sneak out half naked with the hopes that I don’t wake up Brady?” I cross my arms over my chest. “Your brother. The father of my child. The guy you threw against a wall last night for leering at my bare legs.”
I’m picking a fight, I know, but it’s too early and I had too little sleep and I’m edgy. And dear Lord in heaven this is too much conversation to be had before coffee!
“Christ, woman,” Luke grumbles, sitting all the way up. The final remnants of sleep have worn off completely. “I don’t want you to sneak out at all. If you wanted to leave so bad then wake me up to go get your things.”
“That’s what I was trying to figure out when you woke up.”
“Let me help you then. I’m not going to get your clothes or your bag, so get back in bed.”
Very. Close. To. Harming. Him.
“Why would you say to wake you if you weren’t going to actually do it?” I speak slowly, ready to snap.
“‘Cause,” Luke says, getting out of bed. I’m so agitated his bare butt cheeks do nothing for me. He prowls around the end of the mattress, coming right at me. Welp. Ass didn’t do it, but that dick… It swings low as he crosses the short space. Twitching and growing hard right before my eyes. “I have ways to make you forget about leaving me.”
Lifting my hot gaze to his, I mutter, “Those ways are not happening with your brother in this house.”
“We’ll see about that,” he smiles, but it is far from friendly.
“Luke.” I hold a hand out to stop him. It doesn’t do any good. “I’m serious.”
I’m seriously going to cave.
His firm, warm skin presses into my open palm.
My phone rings.
Brielle heavy on my mind, I immediately turn from the display of Luke’s glorious body. Giving him my back doesn’t keep him from his priorities, though.
As I pick up my phone from the night stand and flip it over, Luke sweeps his arms around my middle, tucking my ass comfortably in to his phallic groin. An eager hand slips beneath my shirt.
“It’s Janice,” I say curiously, and somewhat distracted.
He doesn’t respond, only begins to nibble on the spot behind my ear.
Arousal hits me stronger than a shot of adrenaline.
“Hello,” I answer in a rough edge.
“Olivia, it’s Janice.”
“Mm-hm.”
“Sorry if I woke you, but I’m at the hospital…with your dad.”
I stiffen with realization. Luke dropping his hand from where it played between my legs when he heard what Janice said.
“What happened? Is he okay?” I ask in a hurry.
“He’s stable. I found him passed out in the kitchen. I wasn’t even scheduled to check in today, but I decided to pop in before driving out to the craft store. Glad I did, because he hit his head pretty hard. Doctors say he has a concussion.”
“Okay. I’m on my way. I’ll be there soon.”
“Alright, dear.”
We hang up, and I turn to look at Luke.
“I’m gonna go to the hospital, but I’m not telling Bri. I’ll send Della a text to see if she minds keeping her a little while longer.”
“Of course she will, babe. Let’s get dressed. I’ll drive you.” He walks to the dresser, pulling out a clean pair of boxers and shorts. “Where’d you leave your keys? I’ll go get your bag.”
“Luke, you don’t have to go. Brady’s still here and you have to deal with him—”
“My brother will have one hell of a hangover, but it’s daylight. He can walk his ass home now.”
Luke steps inside his closest, and I find myself leaning sideways trying to peek inside. It’s huge. He said he was tweaking it this past week, but damn. I lose sight of him since he didn’t bother turning on an inside light.
He comes back out with his head emerging from a solid white t-shirt he paired with khaki shorts.
Placing a quick kiss on my lips, he asks, “Keys?”
I tell him where I placed them in the pocket of my coat last night.
Not wanting to stand idle, I discard my shirt and hop in the shower to wash my body. When I’m toweling off Luke comes in with my bag. I wash my face with my own products, brush my teeth, and throw on a solid white tee and distressed jean shorts. With a bare face free of makeup, I step out of Luke’s room and walk down to the kitchen, ready to go.
Luke made a pot of coffee and is filling two tumblers for us to go. Brady sits at the island, hanging his head over a steaming cup.
“Ready?” I ask when I step out of the hallway.
“Yep. Want to make sure I got your cream and sugar portions right?”
“No,” I smile, stepping up beside him, wrapping my hand around his bicep. “It always tastes better when you make it.”
“That’s your way of getting me to make you a cup every morning isn’t it?”
“Maybe,” I say as my lips sip the brew through the lid. “Mmm. So good.”
“I just realized you do that with food too. We’ve had the same meal, but you say mine taste better.”
“You make everything better,” I shrug.
“Y’all are going to make me puke,” Brady groans.
“Take it outside then. ‘Cause we’re leaving.”
“I need a little time. I’ll lock up behind me.”
“No,” Luke retorts. “You’re leaving now.”
“Give me a ride home at least,” he whines like a child.
“Sorry, bro. Gonna have to walk. We have to hurry it out of here.”
“Desperate to go pick up my daughter so you can shove it in my face how perfect you think this crap with you two is?”
“I don’t have to shove it in your face.” Luke reaches across the counter, snagging Brady’s half empty coffee cup out from under him and dumping it in the sink. “And Walt’s in the hospital, you ass. We have to get going.”
Brady lifts his head. “Is he okay?”
To my surprise, he asks with real concern.
“He fell and hit his head.”
“Damn. Hope he’s all right.”
“Thanks,” I reply.
Brady nods, sobering slightly and saying nothing further until we are all outside. I almost suggest Luke to drive him home, but my will wins out. He deserves to walk it off. Think about his actions and consequences.
“If you’re in town all weekend, think I can see Brielle some time?” he calls out.
Luke and I are at my car. He insists on driving, although, I’m curious to see how he plans on squeezing his long legs behind the wheel.
Brady’s a good ten yards away down the drive. I glance over at Luke, unsure what to say. He was incredibly nasty to us last night, and I know all about alcohol speaking for you when under the influence, but with my dad in the hospital I don’t know how much more family drama I can take for one weekend.
“We’ll see how Walt turns out, and if Bri needs to go visit him or not,” Luke answers for me.
I love him all the more for understanding without me needing to say a word.
“But if you do see her, you better be sober,” he finishes.
Brady nods, turns and treks down the long driveway.
We pass him as we leave. I take Luke’s hand in mine as he drives us to the hospital, admiring his profile, strong jaw, and mirrored sunglasses.
Nerves settle in over my dad’s current situation like I’ve never felt before. When he told me he was sick I was shocked and scared because I didn’t know what to feel for a man that was barely present in my life growing up. But I’ve grown used to talking with him almost daily on the phone. He’s been more of a dad to me than ever before.
There’s a guilt weighing heavy on my conscience that I wasn’t there to find him instead of Janice. Yes, she’s his nurse, but I’m his only family. He’s all alone. I left him alone.
I lift a hand, using a finger to swipe away a single tear falling from my eye. Adjusting my view out the window.
Luke clutches his palm around my hand tighter, but says nothing. Always knowing what I need the most. And right now that’s only his comfort.
At the hospital we meet Janice on the third floor in the waiting room. She waited for us to arrive before taking off.
Luke and I walk down the sterile hallway to his room. The air cold. The halls eerily quiet, only shuffles and beep beep beep-ing from inside each room we pass until they fade into the next. The smell is fresh and purified and almost as if they keep mist sprayers every ten feet spritzing out antiseptic spray.
“Hi, dad,” I say in a soft tone at the door.
“Hey, darlin’.” He shifts, trying to sit up higher. “You didn’t need to come out here. Just a concussion. They’ll release me tomorrow.”
“Of course I came. How are you? Do you need anything?”
“Nah. Unless you know a way of getting me out of here sooner.”
“Not funny.” I pull the chair to the right of his bed closer, and sit down.
“Luke,” my dad greets.
“Hey there, Walt.”
“Where’s my granddaughter?” he asks.
“She spent the night at Della’s. I’m not picking her up until later.”
“Good.” He nods. “Best she stay away from hospitals as long as possible. I prefer her not seeing me on the real bad days.”
“She’s gonna find out sometime, Dad.”
At his request, we haven’t told her about his cancer yet. He wanted to give her as much filtered time as he could before the she learns the sad truth to that word, and its meaning.
“I’m not breaking the little heart she handed me that afternoon y’all walked in my door. That’ll send me to the grave sooner.”
“Why do you have to talk like that,” I grumble.
“We all die, Livvie,” he brushes off.
“Have you been taking your medicine?”
“Yes.”
“Why’d you pass out then?”
“Because I’m filled with cancer, Liv.”
“Dad.”
He sighs. “Fine. I take the meds. They just aren’t working anymore. Doc says my only option now is chemo.”
“Okay. When are you starting that?”
“I’m not.”
Luke places a sturdy palm on my shoulder.
“You’re joking.”
“I’m too far gone. Those chemicals are only going to make me feel worse sooner than I planned to. No point in leaving a large bill behind after my death for something that ain’t going to work.”
“You cannot be serious right now,” I ground out, disbelief stricken across my face.
Luke likes to remind me how stubborn I am, but this is a whole new level of Benson stubbornness.
“I’m gonna let y’all talk. Want anything from the cafeteria, babe?” Luke asks behind me.
I shake my head no.
“Chicken shit,” Dad whispers.
“You’re the one about to get an earful, old man, not me.”
Luke steps out of the room. I never take my eyes off my dad.
His weakness is Brielle. And I planned on using my daughter as leverage.
“Bri deserves to have you longer than you’re going to give her.”
We had our issues aplenty, but we had our time together and screwed it up. He could have so much more with Brielle.
“Don’t do that, Liv.”
“It’s the truth. She just met you, and she loves you. Refusing treatment will only result in a more rapid decline.”
“I’m dying, Livvie.” Hearing my childhood nickname from him again kicks me in the gut. “The timing doesn’t matter. I wish I had more memories to give her than the few she’ll be left with, but the ending is all the same.”
I grit my teeth, refraining from snapping at an old, sick man.
Before I can jump down his throat some more, he interrupts.
“I thought about finding y’all,” his gravelly voice carries around the stationary patient room. Looking beyond him, I stare at the empty, made bed on the other side. “It only crossed my mind on the days I was sober enough. When I had two weeks on the road, and only my heavy thoughts in the rig with me.”
“I’m sorry I didn’t come back sooner.”
“Nothing to be sorry for. I was the one to give that final push when you thought about leaving.”
“Still. You’re my dad. I should have come back.” My gaze dips.
“I shouldn’t have turned you out.”
“I would have left at some point, Dad. My friends were doing things to move forward with their lives. Luke was with my best friend and I had strong feelings for him. I thought if I stayed I would’ve had to watch them be together. Raise a baby alone or with Brady’s help, but Luke would’ve never wanted me had I stayed.”
“Y’all were nineteen. You’re lives shouldn’t have revolved around each other anyway. Besides, it all worked out.”
“I know that now,” I smile. “But you don’t know as much as you think you do at nineteen.”
“When you told me you were pregnant I was afraid of one thing.”
“What’s that?”
“You becoming your momma. Not in the sense of leaving your kid, but being trapped like she was. I stopped your Mom from the things she wanted out of life. It was my fault she took off on us.”
“There are moms everywhere doing what they love while being a parent. You are not to blame for her weakness. We had a rough relationship, Dad, but you never left me.”
“Liv, let’s not sugarcoat this just because I’m dying. I may have been there physically, but I neglected you just like she did. I lost myself when she left. I wasn’t strong. I found myself too late, and it took my daughter leaving for me to realize that. And I have to live what little time I have left with those regrets. You forgive me?”
Picking up his weathered hand I lay a kiss on his knuckles, and nod. Emotion clogging my throat.
“Wish I had been there for you. To have someone to talk to like we are now, instead of pushing you away. I’m sorry, Livvie.”
“Maybe I should move back. Help take care of you.” I keep ahold of his hand in both of mine.
With everyone throwing that idea at me, maybe it’s not such a bad thing. With Dad’s withering health, I feel almost desperate to move to Calusa.
“Don’t go doing anything like that because of me,” he argues.
“You’re the perfect reason to do just that.”
He shakes his head. “I’m proud of the life you’re leading for Brielle. You can’t mess that up now.”
“It’s not going to mess anything up. I don’t know when we can move back, but I’m going to start working on it.”
“If you say so,” he grumbles.
“That was easy,” my lips twitch.
“Well, if I’m being honest I’d love to have you and Brielle living in Calusa. Not to mention that boyfriend of yours would love it too. Janice tells me he talks about you to everyone in town every chance he gets.”
“Can’t imagine how that’s received,” I reply in a dry tone.
“That boy’s considered the most eligible bachelor in Calusa. You’re definitely not a fan favorite.”
“Not sure I ever was, Dad.”
“That’s horseshit. Nobody worth their salt believed that crap Brady said.”
My mouth curls with a smile. Not sure if it’s the sobriety or the dying part of it, but his curt honesty is comical.
“Maybe. It’ll be fun showing them all Luke’s taken now, anyway.”
“Della helps you there, too. Miss Chatty Cathy sticks it to those nob-nose twins every chance she gets.”
“Twins? You mean Stephanie and Jessica?”
“Yes, them brats.”
“I didn’t know Della would stick up for me like that.”
“That girl’s had your back more than anyone, Liv. There may be some old wounds that’ll need mending, but nothing time can’t fix.”
“We do seem different these days,” I ponder, looking in to his familiar blue eyes. Fatigued with doubt over Della consumes me.
“Nothing about Della has changed, darlin’. You’re just not under her spell like you used to be. And she’s gotta learn to share the one person she never had to let go of even when she found someone new.”
“Luke,” I say beneath my breath.
He shifts around in his bed, wincing as he does. “Sometimes when people change, others around you stay along your same path, or they go their own way. You’re on two different tracks. Doesn’t mean you can’t be friends, just means you may not be as close as you once were.”
“So basically I’m worried about her and Luke still having old feelings for each other for no reason?” I wince.
“That’s what’s got you worried?” he ask. “Shoot, darlin’, if you would’ve just started there I would have told you Luke only has eyes for you. He won’t lose you again, either. Della dips her nose in everyones business. It’s her way, but she’s not after Luke anymore.”
Maybe I’ve been judging her actions too harshly. Maybe it’s not old feelings between Luke and Della I’m imagining, but a friend having to learn how to share someone that means a lot to her.
Maybe I’m not losing a best friend all over again.
It’s a lot of maybes, because I’m not too sure how much I really believe all that.
It’s my insecurities that are the problem here. At least I can recognize that.
“I love him,” I whisper. “I always have, but it’s so much more now.”
“He’s a good man.” He closes his heavy eyes, and then forces them back open. “I can rest easy knowing he’ll be protecting you and Brielle for the rest of his life.”
“Sounds like you two talk often.”
“I enjoy his visits. Don’t go telling him that, you hear?”
“Mmhmm.” I stand from my seat, leaning over him and kissing his cheek. “Get some rest, Dad. And call when they release you so I can come pick you up.”
“Alright,” he mumbles with tired speech.
“Dad,” I say in soft plea above him. “I need you longer than you’re giving me. I need more happy memories like this one. I need more time to make up with my dad.”
Tears slip down my face. He lifts a hand, poked and prodded with IVs, and wipes away the wet. Tears glistening in his own eyes. Strength still flexes in his hold to contradict his illness.
“I thought I didn’t have anything to live for,” he admits. “It may be too late, but I’ll try.”
I let go of the giant exhalation I’ve been holding. Seizing every breath in and out, hiccuping with tears and smiles and relief.