The night is just like all the rest over the last few weeks, tossing and turning. Well, more like squirming and wiggling with the weight of my belly in an attempt to find a comfortable position in a not-that-soft hospital bed surrounded by my nest of pillows.

I glance outside, but all I can tell is that the moon’s down, the arc sodium lights from the parking lot eliminating any trace of the stars from my vantage point. Nic is sprawled out on the pull-out chair next to me, where he’s been every night for weeks, unwilling to leave my side lest something happen overnight and I need him. It can’t be comfortable, and I know that Ana’s pleaded with him to at least let her ‘reassign’ a bed or gurney to my room, but he refuses. God knows how he’s able to keep his body working at all, but Trey told me he sees Nic at the gym on a regular basis so he’s keeping it up somehow.

My bladder’s giving me fits, but I don’t think I need to pee just yet. Instead, I pick up my phone off the nightstand, blinking at the bright light showing me that it’s four in the morning, hours before the nurses change shifts and come in to wake me for a vitals check.

I know what my problem is, really. I’m restless, physically and mentally ready to get this show on the road since I’m technically full-term now. Dr. Stevens told us yesterday that while he’d like the baby to bake a little longer, I’m officially thirty-six weeks so if I go into labor, they’ll run with it.

The latest sonogram shows that the small separation hasn’t changed. Woohoo for bedrest. Still, I hate being able to do nothing but waddle up and down a hallway for no more than twenty minutes a day and go to the toilet. But as long as everything goes well during labor, I shouldn’t need a C-section, although Dr. Stevens warned me to never rule it out.

Trying to be quiet so I don’t wake Nic up, I rearrange myself, rolling to my back and propping the bed up higher to get some pressure off my achy lower back. Even in the bed, my belly weighs my body down, the days of a cute basketball effect long gone. As soon as I’m out of here and have Amelia safe in my arms, I’m getting to work with Trey. He can help me lose the bits of Jell-O I’m rocking now, because while a little extra badonkadonk is one thing, postpartum Jell-O isn’t. I moan, the ache in my back intensifying. Maybe he knows a chiropractor who can help get my sore back in working condition too. This bed is so awful and not doing my poor body any favors.

Halfway through my roll, a contraction shoots like a bolt of lightning across my belly, taking my breath away and obliterating all thoughts of my jiggly ass. It’s not a slow-rolling squeeze like the few I’ve had before, gradually tightening. This is instantly tight and painful.

As it subsides, I whisper to Nic, trying to wake him gently so he doesn’t freak out. “Nic . . . Nic, wake up.”

He jolts despite my gentleness, instantly on his feet and by my side. “What? What’s wrong?”

God, I love this man. A whisper, and he’s here for me. “I just had a contraction. A pretty good one. I’m gonna call the nurse, see if she thinks we should time them or something.”

Nic smiles in the dim light, leaning down and kissing my forehead. “Relax. I’ll get her.”

In a flash, he’s out the door, jogging, I bet, down the hallway to the duty nurse’s station to get someone’s attention. They’re back quickly, the nurse full of smiles and energy considering the hour. “Having some good ones?”

She flits around a bit, checking my vitals, which are all fine, and as another contraction comes on, she lays a light hand on my belly, feeling the hard tightness. “We’ll watch you for a little while, and if you get into a regular pattern, it might be baby day. But it’s still too early to tell for sure. I’ll call Dr. Stevens to let him know the update, and I’ll make sure the on-call docs are ready if you do decide to pop quickly.”

She gives Nic a piece of paper and a pen with instructions to write down the times when I have contractions and to call her immediately if we need anything. I sort of find it silly. I mean, who’s going to go ‘hey, I’m having a contraction! Is it eight fifty-seven or eight fifty-eight now?’ but I guess I’ve got enough on my mind. The nurse hurries back out, and I look at Nic, whose hands are shaking.

“Oh, my God, it might be today!” I say excitedly, and deep in my heart, there’s a well bubbling and I feel like it’s going to burst with love and joy at any second. Nic smiles back at me, but there’s a flash of uncertainty in his eyes. “Nic, you okay, honey?”

He nods, taking my hand and patting it absently, but still, I can see that his mind’s running a thousand miles a minute, everywhere but here. “Yeah, yeah, I’m fine. I’m just . . .”

He takes a big breath, his eyes rolling up to the ceiling, and my heart stutters. Is he bailing on me? I’d been ready to be a single mother, but that was a long time ago, and we’ve been resolute in our relationship and our parenting for months. We’re in love and supposed to be a happy family now, together. But he definitely looks like he’s looking for a way out right now as his eyes keep darting to the door. My voice wavers, and I know this is the last thing I should be asking, but I can’t help it. “Nic? Talk to me.”

He drops his chin down to meet my eyes, a blankness on his face, and my worry becomes absolute terror. “Rose, I’m . . . terrified. I’m freaking out here. I don’t . . . what are we gonna . . .” He’s rambling, and he stands to run his fingers through his hair.

I’m breaking apart inside, and my worst fears are confirmed. He’s leaving, and at the worst possible time. Considering how this all started, I guess I shouldn’t be surprised. I knew who he was from the beginning. He’s been in Great Falls, with me, longer than he’s ever stayed in one place, and I guess I should be grateful for that, but right now, I just feel disappointed and hurt.

I should be pissed, ready to throw the TV remote next to me at him. But I have a higher priority right now, this little girl inside me who’s almost ready to come out and tackle this big world. And I’m gonna show her that she can do anything she sets her mind to, all on her own, if need be. I’ll role model that for her the best I can. I find strength from somewhere deep inside and give him a sad smile. “It’s fine, Nic. I understand. And I can do this.”

He stops his pacing, looking at me like I’m crazy, confusion written all over his face, that handsome face that I’ve loved for months now . . . and probably always will, even if he’s traipsing all over the globe and leaving me here alone with our daughter.

“Of course you can. You’re the strongest person I’ve ever met. But I’m fucking terrified. My mind keeps running a swirling list of what ifs. What if something goes wrong? What if we lose Amelia? What if I lose you? God, what if I lose both of you? I can’t handle that, Rose. God, I was so scared when I was rushing back from Oregon, more scared than I’d ever been before. But this tops that by a landslide. You’re about to do this amazing, wondrous thing, and I’m just standing here, unable to help or make it better, writing down numbers on a piece of paper. I just want to ease this for you somehow.”

It takes me a moment to process the babbling rush of words, but as they soak through my ears and into my brain, I realize what he’s trying to say. “You’re not leaving? Not running?”

Nic blinks for a moment before rushing over and grabbing both of my hands, staring deep in my eyes. “Leaving? What the hell are you talking about?” he asks before his mind rewinds what he’s been saying, and he smiles, leaning down and kissing the tip of my nose. “Babe, I’m not going anywhere unless you are. I love you, Rose. And I love our baby. Right now, I couldn’t be happier. I just wish I could do something. Anything.”

I feel tears trickling out the corners of my eyes, and I reach up, kissing him firmly on the lips. “Oh, my God, I love you too. And you are doing something. You’re here with me, experiencing this together, the birth of our family.”

He leans forward to kiss me again, his lips soft and sweet against mine. I feel the commitment, the promise of our lives together in the kiss, our breaths merging into one as he strokes my cheek with his fingertips, wiping away my tears. He presses his forehead to mine again, his eyes twinkling. “Guess what?”

“What?”

“We’re having a baby.”

We’ve known that for a while now, obviously, but as another contraction hits, the reality of the coming baby somehow seems quite a bit more real, and I smile through the pain. Breathing as Nic coaches me, gliding gentle hands across my belly to ease the discomfort, I want every moment to be like this, this mix of comfort, joy, and love, with just a hint of pain to make sure this is reality and not heaven . . . yet.

I squeeze Nic’s hand hard as my contraction reaches its peak, and I feel a gush between my legs. My mouth rounds in surprise as I gasp. “Oh, boy.”

Nic pulls back, still holding my hand but looking around again, confused. “What? What’s wrong?”

I smile back, exhaling slowly as the contraction passes. “It’s definitely baby day. My water just broke.”

He pauses for a split second, what I said sinking in before he jumps up and runs for the door, calling for the nurse before he even gets it open.

The nurse hustles back in, looking half amused because she’s probably seen this a thousand times before. No wonder they make fathers wait outside or go boil some water or something just to distract them in the movies. “I hear you think your water broke?”

I glare at her, a little annoyed. Honestly, I either had my water break or I pissed the bed, and I haven’t pissed the bed in twenty-five years. “I know it did. I felt it, big gush. Huge. Definitely broke.”

My words are stilted as I try to breathe. These contractions are totally not cool. It’s like trying to run a wind sprint with your nose pinched shut. The nurse is a pro, ignoring my wisecrack as she moves to my bedside and lifts the sheet up after donning gloves.

As soon as she lifts my hospital-issue gown, her whole demeanor changes and she presses some light-up buttons on the wall behind me. Still, there’s tension in her voice the next time she speaks, the tired humor gone to be replaced with a crisp professionalism that’s almost terrifying.

“Okay, Rose. It is definitely baby day. I’m not sure about your water breaking yet, but you are having a bit of bleeding. Dr. Stevens is already in the hospital, actually, so you’re in good hands. We’re going to head into the OR and get you ready for a C-section.”

Neither Nic nor I have time to react or to question because three other people run in, their pink and blue scrubs decorated in ducks and bunnies. Somehow, that’s the most terrifying part. Ducks and bunnies? Do these people even know what they’re doing? This is my baby we’re talking about here!

I look at Nic, alarm and panic written across both our faces. He finds his words first, looking at one of the Bunny Patrol. “Can I come too? Please.”

The nurse doesn’t even look at him as she preps my arm for an IV, hitting the vein in the first shot before stringing two bags and hooking monitors to the bed. “Yes. Follow us.”

Without another word, we haul ass out of the room, rushing down the hallway. Vaguely, I note that the fluorescent lights really do flash by above me like they do on TV shows when they’re rushing someone to surgery. Looking around half blinded, I need the reassurance of my man. “Nic?”

He answers me, right behind my head, and I feel strength flow from his voice. “I’m here, baby. I’m right here.”

We burst through a set of doors, and I blink again. Christ, the OR is even ugly as shit green, just like on TV. Do they just film the shows in this hospital or something, and am I going to run into Ellen Pompeo sometime soon? I blink and realize I must have been given something to help with pain or something to be thinking such weird shit. Whatever it is, they’ve got me on the good stuff.

Still, the OR is freezing cold, and I hear the nurses call out for a NICU team on stand-by as rushed activity swirls all around me. Someone pulls the blankets off me, and I jerk, the cold instant. I see Nic flinch as he looks between my legs, and I wish I could see what he sees. How much blood is there? Is Amelia okay?

They shift me over to the hard table and pull this sort of half-cover up, making sure I can’t see anything. Dr. Stevens comes in, his face obscured by a big blue mask as he slips into a gown and gloves. “How’re you doing today, Rose?”

“Uh . . . I think freaked out might be an understatement,” I reply. I look around for Nic, but he’s been led out by a nurse, and I panic for a moment before I see him through a window, getting a gown on himself. “What’s going on?”

“Okay, here’s the deal, Rose. Seems like this baby is ready to come out today. You’re in good hands here. There’s no time for an epidural, so we’re going to have to put you under general anesthesia, but when you wake up, your little girl will be ready to meet you.”

I can tell that he’s smiling by the crinkles at the corners of his eyes, and his calmness helps me calm down too. It’s going to be okay. I have to believe that. Once I’m arranged the way they want, Nic is given a stool to sit on near my head. He runs his fingers through my hair, tears gathering in the corners of his eyes. “It’s okay, baby,” he says, and I’m glad he doesn’t have to wear a mask sitting up here. I want to see all of his face. “We’ve got this. I love you so much.”

I smile back, nodding. “I love you, too. Make sure you tell Amelia I’ll wake up and be there as soon as possible. I can’t wait to hold her.”

Nic leans down, planting a kiss to my forehead, and whispers in my ear. “You’re an amazing woman and already a wonderful mother. One last thing before you go to sleep. Rose . . . will you marry me? Will you be my wife? You’re giving me such a gift, our little girl. Please let me give you one too . . . our little family, just like you always dreamed.”

I smile at him, and I think I say yes, but I’m not sure as the anesthesia takes over.