I don’t know if I’ve ever felt this vulnerable before, sitting in the doctor’s office waiting for my first prenatal exam. I’m wearing a barely-there sanitary gown that peekaboos my ass no matter how many times I wrap and rewrap it around myself. To top it off, the cold is making my nipples ache they’re so goddamn tight, and my ass and thighs seem to be coated in superglue as much as they’re sticking to this paper-lined bed. Examination? More like the goddamn Spanish Inquisition.

Finally, there’s a soft knock and Dr. Stevens walks in. While Dr. Eldritch is going to monitor me and still be my main physician, he referred me to his friend for the baby itself. He’s young, and I wonder how someone his age could have finished all of his training already. He looks like he should barely be old enough to shave, and if it wasn’t that the hair’s way too light, he’d be a perfect stand-in for Sheldon Cooper. “Uh, Dr. Stevens? How old are you?”

He chuckles as he sets his clipboard aside. “I’m thirty-four. I know, I know. My mother kept getting carded for drinks up until I was in junior high school. Even now, she gets men half her age giving her compliments. Hope I get that when I’m sixty.”

I nod, relaxing a micrometer. “Okay. Sorry if I offended you.”

“Not at all. Now let me go get Julie, and you get yourself arranged for the exam.” He leaves, returning a moment later with one of the nurses I saw up front, a pleasant motherly-looking woman who puts me at ease with her seen-it-all demeanor. “All right, Rose. Let’s check you out, see how everything’s going.”

I scoot down, letting my ass hang off the table, and lift my heels to the stirrups for the exam. Dr. Stevens wants to do a full workup, make sure I don’t have anything brewing downstairs that might give rise to complications later. I feel the chilly air between my legs and shiver. Okay, I was wrong . . . forget five minutes ago. This is the most vulnerable I’ve ever felt.

“Relax,” Dr. Stevens says as he pulls on rubber gloves. “This part only takes about two minutes . . . and then we can do the ultrasound to see if we can get a view of your baby.”

At the mention of the sonogram, my heart starts pounding, excited to see the baby. My baby. I’m still in shock, have been since I got the phone call a few weeks ago, but the reality is starting to sink in. “O–okay.”

“So have you started following the advice Dr. Eldrich gave you?” Stevens asks as he swabs me. I know what he’s doing, trying to distract me, but it still helps.

“I went right to the store and started the vitamins he suggested, and I’m getting forty-five minutes of exercise in every day,” I reply, shifting my butt a little. “How much can you tell on the ultrasound?”

“Depends on your date of conception,” he replies in between giving orders to Julie the nurse. “If you’re more than six or seven weeks pregnant, we might be able to detect a heartbeat. We’ll see what we can see.”

I relax as best I can as Dr. Stevens begins the sonogram and starts scanning for my baby.

My eyes lock on the monitor screen as Dr. Stevens takes measurements, but all I see are swatches of grey static and an occasional black orb. He makes a few comments to Julie, but nothing I can understand. “Uhh . . . doctor?” I ask nervously. “So does everything look okay?”

Dr. Stevens smiles and looks me in the eye. “Yep, perfectly fine. I’d make an estimate that from the size of your baby and some of the other things I’m seeing, you’re about two months along now. Now let’s see if I can get an audio for you on the heartbeat.”

He clicks a few buttons on the machine, maneuvering his sensor around some more, and a few moments later, I hear the most glorious music I’ve ever heard as the sound of my baby’s heartbeat fills the room. My eyes fill with tears of joy, overflowing down my cheeks as I sniffle. Just like that, in a simple pulsing sound that sounds like an electronic bass drum beat, it’s real.

I’m a mom, just like I wanted.

Maybe not how I’d planned, but Ana was right, the result is the same. “Okay, Rose, I’ll leave you to it to clean up and get dressed. Meanwhile, I’m going to get you some printouts of the pictures we took.”

Five minutes later, I’m cleaned up with my casual clothes back on, and Dr. Stevens hands me a few tiny pictures. I can feel the smile overwhelming my face as I look at the pictures in one hand and rub my belly with the other. “Wow.”

Dr. Stevens nods in appreciation. “Congratulations again, Rose. Your blood levels look great and sonogram looks great, so we’ll get your labs done and set up all your routine appointments for the next few months. If you need to wait to check your schedule or the father’s schedule for the appointments, that’s fine, of course. We just want to get them on the books ASAP.”

At his mention of ‘the father’, my smile falters a bit. Julie catches it and looks like she’s about to say something when I take the bull by the horns. “Uhm, Dr. Stevens . . . this is kinda embarrassing to say, but does it matter if I don’t know who the father is? Does that make a difference in the tests you need to run? I had an encounter and we used protection, but—”

His face doesn’t even flinch. He’s a consummate professional and I’m suddenly glad that Dr. Eldrich referred me to him. “But stuff happens and very few things in life are 100%. Unknown father . . . okay. Just in case, we’ll add some extra screenings to your labs, but it shouldn’t matter medically. Dr. Eldrich already ran a full screen with the blood he took when you found out you were pregnant, and you’re clear. If you can get some health information from the dad, that’d be helpful but not really necessary.”

“Okay,” I stammer, my mind whirling at ‘helpful but not really necessary’. What the hell sort of ‘helpful but not really necessary’ information could he be thinking of? “I just wanted to make sure. I mean, I know who the father is. I just don’t know him all that well. You know?”

Dr. Stevens smiles at me and makes a note on his clipboard. “Rose, it’s fine. While I might look like I just stepped off the high school cross-country team, I’ve been running a practice on my own for going on six years, and you’re not the first single mom who doesn’t want the father notified. My job is to keep you and the baby safe and healthy. No judgment here whatsoever.”

I sigh with relief, just now realizing that I’m kinda nervous about what people will think about a single mother who got knocked up from a one-night stand.

But he’s right, people shouldn’t judge, and I’m just so excited to be a mother. Seems like fate stepped in to help me out with my dream, and I’m not going to question that for even a second. I’ve got good friends and what seems like a good doctor. I’ll be fine. Who needs a baby daddy when my baby’s gonna have a whole crew supporting him or her?

Walking outside, I lift my face to the sun, letting it wash over me. I’m already floating with happiness and it feels like even the world around me is celebrating as the birds sing and the wind blows softly around me.

Now that I know everything is okay with the pregnancy, I really should make an attempt to let Nic know. I really should. I don’t actually want anything from him because he certainly didn’t ask for or expect this, but he deserves to know.

What if he thinks I did this on purpose? While I certainly wanted a baby, I didn’t mean for it to happen like this.

What if he gets mad? That’s definitely possible, but if he’s a jerk about it, he can just leave us alone. That wouldn’t change anything for me.

What if he wants to be involved? That actually gives me pause, because I don’t really know Nic. Maybe he’d be an awful father? I dismiss that thought, knowing that he was so sweet with me that surely, if he chose to be an active parent, he’d be that good with a baby.

My thoughts keep swirling, question after question. But the result is the same. I need to let him know and see how the cards fall.

I sit in my car, pulling up a Google search on my phone. Typing into the search bar, I put in what I know. Sales. Nicolas. ADRENALIN. I get pages of results back and also realize that there’s like four different ways to spell Nicolas and I don’t know how he spelled it since we didn’t write anything down besides my Thank You note.

I click and search for almost an hour before I find the right number.

There . . . just ten little numbers and I can tell Nicolas that, well, I’ve got a memento of our night of passion that lasts a hell of a lot longer than a left behind handkerchief or pair of panties. I take a big breath, looking skyward for a moment searching for strength, and dial the number.

The phone rings three times before a crisp female voice answers. “ADRENALIN Sports, Nicolas Broadmoor’s office. How can I help you?”

I gulp. Shit’s hit the fan now. “Yes, can I please speak to Nic . . . I mean, Nicolas?”

“May I ask who’s calling?”

“My name is Rose Samuelson. I met Nicolas on his trip to the Mountain Spirit resort recently. I wanted to follow up about our meeting.”

My words are stilted, trying to make a hook-up sound like a professional encounter. God, I’m such a terrible liar. I’m sure this woman is seeing straight through my bullshit.

“I’m so sorry, Ms. Samuelson. Mr. Broadmoor is out of state right now, but I’d be happy to pass along a message.”

I feel the disappointment flood through me. I was ready to get this over with, but I don’t really have a choice.

“Sure. Rose Samuelson. My number is 324-952-8156, regarding our meeting.” There, that sounds reasonable and not suspect at all. She repeats the number back to me with another promise of passing the message along, and I hang up. My car’s suddenly way too warm, and I crank the engine, lowering a window to let in a drift of cool air.

Well, I might not have gotten to tell him, but this will at least be a barometer of whether he wants to talk to me again. If he doesn’t call, I guess I’ll know that he doesn’t want anything to do with me, and he certainly wouldn’t want anything to do with a baby.