Walking back and forth in the hallway because they wouldn’t let me stay for the actual surgery, I keep kicking myself. I should’ve waited until after. I planned a whole fancy setup, the proposal of her dreams according to her Pinterest board. I worked it out with Brad, who was supposed to make all the arrangements, to get the setting just right in the woods and to arrange for someone to watch Amelia, the whole shebang.

But in that moment, with so many unknowns and so many questions, that was the only thing that I could think of to show her just how much she means to me and how grateful I am for the gift she is giving me, both her heart and our child. Our family.

She smiled after I asked, but whatever she tried to say came out as mumbled gibberish that sounded kinda like she said she liked hot dogs. I’d just sat there, patting her head, knowing better than to look beyond the blue curtain they’d erected at her chest before one of the nurses led me out here.

On one hand, I would love to see our baby being born. On the other hand, I know my limits, and though I’m a strong man, seeing Rose cut open like that would kill me, no matter how routine it is to everyone else in the room.

In what feels like only minutes, the door to the OR opens and a nurse waves me back in. I enter to see Dr. Stevens grinning broadly underneath his mask as he gives me a thumbs up. “It’s a girl!”

“Where?” I ask, and the nurse leads me to what looks like a plastic tub on a table against the wall. I look, and it’s love at first sight. She’s purpley-red, a little streak of blood still in her beautiful dark hair, which is plastered down. Her eyes are puffy and closed, but her mouth is working, looking for something, and I instantly know she’s hungry. “She’s the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen, next to her momma.”

The tears I’ve been fighting to hold back break through and I’m openly weeping. “She is,” the nurse says, taking a warm washcloth and cleaning the rest of the blood out of Amelia’s hair, “but we need to get her examined while Dr. Stevens takes care of Rose.”

At the mention of Rose, I turn back, going over and kissing her forehead. As I do, I hear a loud cry coming from Amelia. It’s the best sound I’ve ever heard. “Hear that?” I whisper in Rose’s ear. “You did it, baby. Amelia is here and she’s just as beautiful as we knew she’d be. Good job, Momma.”

The nurse who’s taking care of Amelia calls over to me. “Mr. Broadmoor? You coming with us?”

I glance to Dr. Stevens, unsure what I’m supposed to do here. He looks up from his work, pointing with his head. “Go ahead, Nicolas. Rose is fine and in good hands. Go with your baby and hold her, let her know who her daddy is. When Rose is close to waking up, they’ll bring you to her, and if everything looks good with Amelia, you can place your daughter on her mother’s chest right away.”

I nod, thankful for someone to tell me what to do. I might be a take-charge guy in most situations, but this is totally out of my league. I lean down for one more quick kiss to Rose’s cheek and then scurry out behind Amelia.

As we walk, the nurse gives me a rolling commentary on things. “The baby looks good. Vitals are stable. We gave her a little oxygen right at first, but she’s doing fine without it now. We’ll watch her closely, do some bloodwork, but it’s all just precautionary measures. Congrats, Daddy.”

I’m beaming, realizing that the nurse is right. I really am a Daddy now, and I’m going to be the best damn father I can be to this little girl. In the nursery, they have me wash my hands again and change gowns before directing me to sit in a rocking chair. “Would you like to hold her?” a nurse offers me. “She’s wrapped up and looking better than ever.”

I nod, terror and excitement coursing through me in equal amounts as the little blanket-wrapped bundle is lowered into my hands. She blinks up at me, looking sleepy now more than anything else as she puts a tiny little fist against her now pink cheek and yawns. I cradle her to my chest, cooing. “Well, hello, Amelia. So good to finally meet you. I’m your daddy. I’ll take you to meet your momma in a little bit, but having you kinda wore her out. You’ve gotta be nice to her, baby. She’s a real special woman, your momma.”

I don’t even know what else I say. I just chatter in a soft voice, telling her all about everything—her mom and me, how she’ll have to be careful or Auntie Brad will have her in a tiara 24/7, promising to explore the world with her, showing her all the wonders that can be found in the simplest of things.

We rock for what seems like hours, getting to know each other, and I memorize every little finger and toe, finding a tiny freckle on her earlobe and inhaling her sweet baby smell. In all honesty, it’s not quite the baby powder smell I was expecting, but then again, I guess that’s a product of Johnson & Johnson, not natural baby smell. Still, it’s enchanting, and I find myself kissing her forehead repeatedly, just trying to memorize how my daughter smells and feels.

Eventually, a nurse comes in. “Mr. Broadmoor, the recovery room called. Your wife is starting to wake up. If you want to be there when she does, you’ll want to head over. Would you like me to show you the way?”

I nod, realizing that she called Rose my wife, and while it might not be true yet, I’m definitely not going to correct her because as soon as I can, I’m going to make that a reality. “One thing,” I say, handing Amelia back to the nurse. “When does Amelia get to meet Rose?”

“She’ll be right behind you.”