Wednesday 21st November
Tom
Last night I made love to Alice. For the first time, actually made love. And damn it, I’m pretty sure I am in fucking love with her. Not that it can continue. After yesterday it’s ruined either way.
Either I choose to give in and sleep with my boss, meaning I’ve cheated and would have to confess. Or I refuse and lose my job and any hope of working in Brighton. I’ll have to move back to Peterborough. Sure, we might fool ourselves for a few weeks, but we all know long-distance relationships don’t work.
So last night I held her extra tight, marvelled in how soft her skin was, how sweet and innocent she looks when she smiles up at me naked. At how her cheeks flush when she orgasms. God, just thinking about losing her has me clutching my chest, as if I’m having a heart attack. Can you get heartburn from heartbreak? Or is this just what it feels like to lose someone?
I considered telling her how much I’ve fallen head over heels in love with her last night, but what’s the point? It’ll only hurt her more when we don’t work. Best to just cut my losses, nip it in the bud before it hurts too bad. Who am I kidding? I haven’t even done it yet and already I feel sick to the stomach.
I walk as slowly as possible into the office, still undecided of what I’m going to do. I suppose the third option is to sleep with her, keep my job and just ensure Alice never finds out. But God, I don’t think I could look her in the eye again, knowing I’d cheated on her. She deserves so much better than that. In truth she deserves better than me, but I’m selfish and I want her.
‘Tom.’ I look up to see her. The dreaded boss smiling at me like I’m the last slice of pizza. ‘Can I see you for a moment?’ She licks her lips discreetly enough for no-one else to notice but me.
I drag myself unwittingly into her office and quietly shut the door behind me.
She sits herself down behind her desk, shuffling papers like she’s busy and about to talk about actual work. A clear power move on her part.
‘I’ve booked a table for us tonight. Eight pm at La Rochealla’s and then a room at Premier Inn, so make sure to pack your overnight bag.’
My mouth drops open. How can she just assume that’s the decision I’ve come to? The bitch hasn’t even asked me. It gives me the guts to stand up to her, but not before pressing what I hope is record on my phone.
‘So, let me get this straight. You want me to sleep with you in order to keep my job? There’s no other option?’
She rolls her eyes. ‘Tom, I honestly don’t know why you keep fighting this. Many men would be honoured to sleep with me. Stop being such a baby.’
‘But I have a girlfriend. Isn’t there another option?’
‘Yes,’ she snaps. ‘The other option is that you find another job.’
I hope to God it’s recorded that.
‘You know what? Stuff your job. I don’t care if you badmouth me. I’d rather that than sleep with you, you old whore.’
‘How dare you!’ she shouts, standing up, her face contorted in rage.
‘No! How dare you?’ I snap back. ‘This is sexual harassment and I intend to take it further.’
She sits back down and laughs. ‘Good luck there, Tommy boy. My record here is pristine clean. Besides, who’s going to believe that little old me sexually harassed the huge hunk? I don’t think so.’
She’s right.
‘Whatever. I’m out of here. I quit.’
I open the door and slam it behind me. Fuck her and fuck this job. Everyone in the open plan office turns to stare at me.
I head straight to the HR department and stroll into the main woman’s office.
‘Mr Maddens,’ she says, taken aback. ‘Hi. What can I help you with?’
I press play on my voice recording. Her mouth drops open as she listens to boss bitch confess all.
‘Oh my goodness.’ she shrieks.
‘Tell me she’ll be fired?’ I beg.
‘Well,’ she hesitates, ‘there will have to be an investigation.’
‘Don’t fob me off,’ I bark. ‘Do you think this is enough to have her fired or not?’
She grimaces. ‘She’ll definitely get a written formal warning, possibly a suspension, but...’
‘But with her having been here so long its most probable she’ll be back?’ I finish for her.
She doesn’t have to say anything. Her face says it all.
* * *
Alice
A friend I went to uni with passed on my details to a small up and coming jewellery company, so I’m scheduled to do their whole catalogue shoot. It just proves that sending all of those cringey networking emails on Facebook does work sometimes.
I’m just about to leave for the shoot when my phone rings. It’s an unknown local number so I answer it cautiously.
‘Hello?’
‘Hi, can I speak to Alice Watts?’
I clear my throat. ‘Speaking.’
‘Hi, this is the family planning clinic. I’ve got the results of your recent STI check.’
‘Oh...’ I say, my voice clearly strangled. With everything, I’d actually forgotten I was waiting for my results.
‘I’m afraid to inform you that your tests came back positive for Chlamydia.’
My mouth drops open and I nearly drop the phone.
‘WHAT? Sorry, is this a joke? Has Brooke put you up to this?’
There’s a pause at the end of the line. I wait for the person to burst out laughing.
‘No, I’m afraid this is really the clinic. If you could please arrange to come in as soon as possible so we can sort you out with some antibiotics. We’ll also need you to contact all sexual partners you’ve had unprotected sex with.’
Oh my god. He’s given me a disease. The man I’m supposed to trust most in the world.
Just then the front door opens and in walks Tom.
‘It’s only fucking one,’ I say coldly down the phone, staring at him.
I hang up the phone, more furious than I’ve ever been in my life. The dickhead lied to me. He said he was clean. I’ve got fucking Chlamydia because of him! I feel violated.
He stares back at me, his eyes heavy with some kind of emotion. Maybe he got tested too, and he’s waiting to tell me.
‘I cannot fucking believe you!’ I scream, throwing my phone at him.
He ducks out of the way causing it to smash against the wall. ‘What the fuck are you talking about?’
‘You lied to me!’
His face falls. That’s when I realise he already knows. The bastard already knows he gave me a disease.
‘You weren’t supposed to find out.’ He runs his hand down his face. ‘It doesn’t mean anything.’
‘I cannot believe you! Everything we have is based on a total lie.’
He sighs. ‘Alice, it was a stupid bet between two idiots. I didn’t realise I was going to actually fall for you.’
I frown. Bet? What’s he going on about?
‘You’ve lost me?’
He purses his lips, his chin wrinkling. ‘Wait, you mean… you don’t know about the bet?’
‘What bet?’ That’s when it all falls into place in my mind. He made a bet with one of the boys. A bet that he’d get into my bed. This whole time he’s just been trying to get into my pants.
‘Wait, if you’re not shouting about the bet, what are you shouting at?’ he asks.
‘You gave me fucking Chlamydia!’ I scream. ‘You said you’d been tested. You absolute bastard!’ I cry, bursting into tears.
He comes closer and tries to hold my arms down, clearly scared of another attack. I struggle against him.
‘Are you for real?’ he asks, his eyes weary.
‘Yes, you fucker!’ I smack him on his chest. ‘I trusted you and you gave me a fucking disease! I don’t even know if this will affect me long term.’
Shit, isn’t there one that stops you having babies in the future? Is that Chlamydia?
‘Alice...’ he looks around, dragging his hand through his hair. ‘I... I don’t know what to say.’
I take a deep breath, a barrage of traitorous tears running down my cheek. Why am I crying? I’m not upset, I’m pissed off.
‘You don’t have to say anything, Tom. God knows I wouldn’t believe a thing you tell me now.’
He looks down at the floor, all fight in him gone. That’s it. He’s given up on us.
‘I want you to move out.’
He nods, already resigned to my suggestion. What? Not even one little fight for our relationship?
‘For what it’s worth,’ he says, locking broken eyes with me, ‘I’m sorry.’
Then he turns and leaves. Just like that, we’re over.
* * *
Tom
The drive home to Peterborough is rough. Being left alone with just my thoughts is dangerous right now. I’ve lost her; the one girl in this world that I’m actually capable of loving. I was going to lose her anyway, but now I’ve never got a chance of winning her back. No distant possibility somewhere in the future of us finding each other again.
I gave her an STD for fuck’s sake. I’m such a dick. Why did I have to lie about being tested? I mean, I have been tested, but... well, when I think about it that’s probably about four women ago. Shit. I guess I figured I’d used condoms. I mean, when I think about it it’s kind of hard to remember. With some of them I was so wasted it’s all kind of blurry, but I’ve always used condoms. It’s just second nature to me.
I’ll have to get tested as soon as I get home, even though I’m sure I have it. Shit, I’ll have to call all of the women and tell them to get tested too. God, that’s humiliating.
Another call from Mum flashes up on my phone. I divert it to voicemail again. Her and Jack have been calling me the last half hour. Alice obviously told Erica which means that Jack knows. He must have rung my mum trying to get hold of me and now she’s all worried. Just what I need.
I finally pull into our road and park up on the drive. I take a deep breath, leaning my head against the steering wheel. I need to brace myself for my dad. I’m hoping he’s at work, so I have a few hours to come up with something plausible. Some reason why I’m back with no job, just like he predicted.
I drag myself out of the car and walk towards the door.
‘Tom!’ I turn to see my next-door neighbour Geoff. ‘They’re already at the hospital.’
I stare back at him. Has he developed dementia since I’ve been gone? What the hell is he talking about?
I frown back at him. ‘Sorry? Who’s at the hospital?’
‘Your mum and dad,’ he answers, as if I’m the crazy one.
‘Why, who’s sick? Is it my nan?’ Shit, I knew I should have visited her more. The woman’s in her eighties. She’s not going to live forever.
His face visibly pales in front of me. ‘Oh, Tom. Do you not know?’
‘Know what?’ I squawk, my voice breaking from the panic. ‘You better tell me quickly what the hell is going on or I’m going to lose it. I’ve already had the day from hell.’
‘It’s not going to get any better,’ he says with a sad smile. ‘It’s your dad. He was rushed off in an ambulance. Suspected stroke.’
Fuck. And just like that, when you think your life has already hit rock bottom it goes and shows you there’s a basement.
* * *
Alice
I call Erica, crying down the phone. Apparently so badly that she decided to tell work there had been an emergency. I walked to her flat, needing the fresh air. It only stung my teary eyes. I can’t believe this has happened. It’s all my own stupid fault for falling for a manwhore like Tom.
She’s opening her door when I arrive. She spots me and her face falls.
‘Oh, babe. Come here.’
I shamelessly run into her arms and sob onto her shoulder. My breath is hitched, and snot is running down into my mouth. I’ve never cried this hard before.
‘Come on, take a breath. I’ll put the kettle on and you can tell me all about it.’
* * *
Well to say Erica is a calming influence is an understatement. She managed to calm me down enough I could relay the whole story. Then she took me back to the clinic to talk through everything with the nurse. I’ve got antibiotics, and they told me that although Chlamydia can affect future fertility, the fact that I’ve caught it so quickly stands in my favour. I should hopefully be fine. Tom will have to call all of the girls he’s slept with though. I wouldn’t want to be receiving that phone call.
We’ve just got back to my flat after collecting Pickles, when Erica’s phone rings. Her face lights up. Must be Jack. She only has that reaction for him.
‘Hey, babe,’ she says into the phone. ‘I’m just getting Alice settled and then I’ll be home.’
Great. That means she’s already told him about my Tom drama. Her face suddenly pales as she listens to whatever he’s saying.
‘Shit.’
‘What is it?’ I whisper, trying to get close enough to hear him.
She turns away from me. ‘Okay, I’ll tell her. Okay.’ She closes the call and turns to me, fidgeting with her necklace. ‘Its bad news, Alice.’
‘Right...’ I stare at her, pleading with my eyes for her to just get it over and done with. ‘What’s happened?’
‘It’s Tom’s dad. He’s died.’
My entire body prickles with cold; goose-pimples appearing on my arms. I sink down, my legs suddenly like jelly. Tom’s dad... dead? This can’t be happening.
‘Are you sure?’ I know it’s a stupid question, but it’s all I can think of right now.
‘I’m sure,’ she nods. ‘Jack’s mum rang.’
‘I… I can’t believe it,’ I stammer. ‘How’s Tom?’
She bites her lip. ‘He doesn’t know. He’s been trying to call him all afternoon, but he’s not answering. Nicholas and Charlie are going to try to find him. Jack’s driving up there now.’
‘Shit.’ I can’t even imagine how devastated Tom will be. I know they never got on great, but he’s still his Dad. Was he civil the last time he spoke to him? Did they argue? Did he tell him he loved him? God, we’re too young to be losing parents.
‘Apparently it was a stroke. There we were, all worried about Nic’s dad having another heart attack and then this happens.’
‘Yeah, I bet it’s scared the shit out of him.’ I need Tom to know I’m thinking of him. ‘Would it be weird for me to text him?’
Erica smiles sadly. ‘I don’t think it’ll hurt.’
‘This doesn’t mean I forgive him,’ I clarify, already unlocking my phone. ‘I know it’s awful, but I just... I can’t take him back just because of this.’
‘Alice, that doesn’t make you a monster. He gave you an STD. You have every right to still be angry at him. Its’s possible to be angry and sad at the same time.’
I get my phone out and send a message.
Tom, I’m so sorry to hear about your dad. Thinking of you x
My phone starts ringing almost immediately. I look down at it, sure it’ll be Tom, but it’s not.
‘Hello?’ I answer cautiously.
‘Hi, have I reached an Alice Watts?’
‘Speaking,’ I confirm in my poshest telephone voice.
‘Alice, this is Veronica from Glamour magazine. Our photographer for this month’s fashion shoot has come down with the flu. We tried to get our fill in photographer Karen Clarke, but she’s on holiday. She recommended you.’
‘You’re joking,’ I blurt out. ‘I mean... really? Are you serious?’
‘I am,’ she says. ‘But the shoot is Wednesday 5th December. Are you available?’
Am I available? I’d chew off my arm to attend.
‘Yes, I’m free that day,’ I answer coolly.
She takes my email address and promises to send all the details over later tonight. I can’t believe it! My bad case of networking has actually worked! I’ve got a job at a fashion magazine. This could be the start of my career. The career I actually want.
I accept the job later that night not knowing it would prove to be the date of Tom’s dad’s funeral.