Crazy Train
Demi
Pink walls so soft you could bounce off them all day long. Iron bars that pull back from the windows a good three feet to keep all thoughts of leaping to my death at bay. Nothing but a bed nailed to the floor in the center of the room and a Bible next to it. I used to believe that was all I needed at the end of the day, but without Gavin life is colorless, bland, a single note devoid of emotion. I found that out the hard way when I left him, and now that he’s found me again, the world has exploded to life like a marching band. But here we are, playing with the fire that is Nora and Josh. It’s like I couldn’t leave well enough alone. I had to sabotage my short-lived happiness in the most dramatic way I knew how. It was Caleb’s stupid idea. I should have given him the finger and fired him on the spot. At the end of the day, all I really needed was Gavin, and instead of being content with that I’ve plunged us deeper into this special brand of hell. I swallowed a grenade, and now we’ll all have to suffer the consequences.
“Pink walls,” I whisper to myself for old times sake. I give a dead stare out at the ghostlike landscape, so gray and cold. It’s true—the sun never shines on Winter Haven. My mother took all the light from my world, and that of my father’s, because she was too damn selfish to leave it.
I shake my head at the absurdity. I’m not angry with my mother. Not anymore at least. I don’t know who I’m angry with. My father for dragging a viper like Nora into my life? Josh for showering me with his twisted affection? Or Gavin for giving me so much damn hope.
The door rattles, and I spin fully expecting Dr. Lundgreen, or one of his nurses, but instead I see the most beautiful sight in the world—a gorgeous man with eyes the color of freedom—Gavin.
I land in his arms without the memory of how I got there. My fingers dig into his flesh confirming he’s real, not some trumped up figment of my imagination. I’ve had my fair share of mental escapes while locked up in this isolative hell, but I could never dream up something as wonderful as him.
“Baby.” He drags long wet kisses from one end of my face to the other. My mouth finds his, and my tongue dives in hot and needy. He hikes my hips over his, and he’s spinning me, kissing me, making me feel like the queen of the world, of his world, all at once.
“All right,” a deep voice rumbles from behind. “Keep it G. I’m not in a voyeuristic mood tonight.”
I bounce down from Gavin’s hips. And turn to find Caleb standing there looking older, fatigued as hell.
“Get me out,” I demand.
“Not so fast.” Caleb motions for us to take a seat, and we do. I fall into Gavin’s lap and lock his arms over me like a seatbelt. I haven’t felt this safe since the time of my father. “I talked to your psychiatrist. I asked if we could have an open discussion with him. He said it would be fine, but only if you agreed.”
“What good would that do?” I ransack my mind, riffling through the filing cabinet of the past to see if I could have said anything to him of value. Most of the time I was so doped up I grunted. Nora not only had me caged like an animal, she had my mind rinsed clean with enough barbiturates to qualify me as one.
“I didn’t get a lot out of Nora”—Caleb lifts his chin—“but look where it landed us?”
Gavin groans. “With me on aggravated assault charges and Demi locked in a makeshift dungeon?” He whispers into my ear, “We should have checked his credentials.”
Caleb offers a dry smile that comes and goes. “Mock me all you want, but what happened today might just have been the miracle we needed. The meeting is in the morning. He’ll be here at nine.” He leans into me. “I want you to try and think of anything at all that could prove beyond a reasonable doubt that Nora purposefully tormented you. If we can prove neglect and abuse, we’re in.”
The truth tries to cork its way out, but I fill in the dam before it can breach. No use in spilling it all now. I might as well give them something to chew on for breakfast.
“He says you agreed to stay the night in order to prove you were of sound mind. There are cameras, three nurses outside.” Caleb shuffles his gaze from me to Gavin. “Are you going to be okay alone here?”
“I’m not leaving.” Gavin is defiant in his stance. Not that I was willing to let him go.
“I thought so,” he says. “You have clearance to stay since her hold is voluntary.” He nods at me. “Did you know, had you refused, he would have legally been able to extend your stay by—”
“Seventy-two hours.” I nod. “I’m familiar with the routine.” I know all the loopholes—every single one of them. I’ve played this game before and lost every time.
“I’ll get a room at a hotel in the next town over.”
“You’re welcome to stay at Winter Haven,” I call out after him.
“No offense but this place gives me the creeps.”
My cheeks twitch with the idea of a smile. A part of me feels sorry for my parents and the pretentious dream home they planned to saddle with a small army of children. Under Nora’s charge, Winter Haven has become profane, a haunt for pagans. Nora and Josh conducted a reverse exorcism and drove away everything that was holy and right.
Caleb takes off, and the latch clicks slowly behind him like the loading of a shotgun. A nurse peers in through the slanted window in the door before disappearing again.
“There’s a bathroom over there.” I kick my foot straight ahead. “I’m sorry I dragged you into this, Gavin. And you can’t say you don’t hate me. A part of you has to.”
He chuckles as he pulls me down over the bed.
“I can’t hate you. Besides, I think we’re going to have one hell of a story to tell our grandchildren.”
“You’re an optimist.” I touch my lips to his cheek. “Thank you for that.”
“And you are strong as steel. It’s in your blood.” He combs my hair back, looking at me with an affection in his eyes reserved just for me. “I’m sorry life has brought you so much misery, Demi. I’m going to make it up to you. I’m going to make sure every day after this is filled with sunshine and rainbows.”
“Sunshine and rainbows, huh? Didn’t anyone ever tell you that those things are strictly relegated to fairytales?”
“It’s hard not to believe in fairytales when I’m holding a princess in my arms.”
Gavin pulls me into a kiss then stops midflight. “Did he rape you?”
“Yes.” I close my eyes. “He invaded my body with his sick hand, and I want him to boil in oil for it. I won’t let you take the fall, Gavin. Don’t incriminate yourself any further. I don’t want you to lie.”
“I kicked him on the way out. I wasn’t lying.”
His warm breath falls over my neck, and I nuzzle into him. I want to burrow in, infiltrate his cellular structure, so we’ll never be apart.
“What are your plans tomorrow at the meeting?” He pulls back to get a better look at me. “Do you think you can remember something that can slam the lid on Nora and Josh?”
“Yes,” it comes out in a desperate hiss. “I know exactly how to seal them both in one casket.” That rickety clinic Nora raced me off to comes back to me. An image of silver medical tools flash through my mind. A gloved hand picks up something akin to salad tongs, and I blink back into the room.
He gives my shoulder a squeeze, letting me know it’s okay to let him in on it.
“Tomorrow.” I land my lips over his, and we explore one another’s mouths slowly at first, careful as navigating a sea of broken glass. Then the floodgates open, and I want Gavin. I want to pretend we’re at the cabin, loving each other safe in his bed—our bed. My fingers play with the button on his jeans. Sex has always been the greatest escape. Thinking of it, having it with Josh, breaking free from this prison and throwing myself at boys at parties, men at the beach—I was addicted to empty love. I needed my father’s words whispered to me again, and it seemed no one was familiar with that lost verse, with the exception of Gavin. I wish I never started in on filling the hole my father left behind in the worst possible way. It was easy to mistake sex for genuine affection when I needed to. But with Gavin, I have the real deal. “You still packing?” I feel for a condom and strike gold.
His grin lights up the room as he cocks his head to the side. “I believe Caleb mentioned this place was outfitted with cameras.”
“Well then, we’ll just have to give them something interesting to see.” I sink my hand into his boxers and feel him grow for me.
“Demi,” he says as if he’s on the fence.
“For so long this room, this place was a trap, a thing of horror. I want to take my power back and make it beautiful. Give me a new memory, Gavin. Take away the darkness, and bring back the light.”
Gavin cups my face. His brilliant blue eyes lock over mine as he holds back the tears.
“As you wish.”
Gavin makes love to me sweetly, tenderly. He pulls out all the stops, showing off the fact he’s fully capable of producing sunshine and rainbows as he pushes deep inside me with heated intent. His tongue darts over mine, wrestling, loving me in the most erotic manner. His butter-soft kisses, his demon’s dance—his tongue brings all of its greatest hits to the party. I trace his spine as he thrusts into me. I glance down and memorize the flex of his shin as he pushes his body into mine. Gavin thrusts in as if he were ramming down a barrier. We make love unabashedly for hours, taking back everything Nora tried to steal—starting with my sanity.
Love had come to Winter Haven for the first time since before my mother had died. The light is so bright, even the night can’t deny its beauty.
The pink walls pulsate in and out around us as if this very room were the heart of the overgrown house.
And tonight, it is.
Morning comes like a scourge with the sun laying its fiery lips over my lids, and I give several hard blinks trying to figure out who the hell is holding a flashlight to my eyes. But its no flashlight, it’s a beam of light shooting through the dusty attic window.
I shake Gavin awake. “What is that?” I point over to the candescent river pouring into the room, flooding my senses, lighting up the dust like a parade of floating stars.
“I believe they call that the sun.” He pushes his palm into his eye before stretching like a lion. My hand glides over his chest, appreciating each ridge, each chiseled, rock hard muscle as if he were one of his own sculptures.
The sun. I marvel for a moment. All my life I’ve yet to see it so crisp and pure, invading Winter Haven as if it were taking it back, claiming it in the name of righteousness and all that was good. The cavalry had arrived. I was safe.
Gavin rides his hands up my bare thighs and buries a kiss in my hair. He warms me from head to toe like a ray of light straight from that giant orb itself.
“I can’t believe you’re mine,” I whisper, mostly to myself.
“And you’re mine.” He gently pulls my chin up until I’m lost in those eyes that give homage to the morning’s glory. “You are my family, Demi. I know that there is tragedy in our past that’s so intricately related it hurts to think about. But I want you to know something beautiful has come from something so horrific. All of those twisted, thorny roads led us to each other.” He presses my hand to his lips. “Let me love you. Let’s build a future together.” Gavin pulls me up until we’re both on our knees on this tiny bed. The sun washes his skin in a powdered haze. “I want you to be my wife, Demi. There’s not a day I want to spend on this planet without you by my side.” He motions around us. “I was going to take you to the overlook. I wasn’t planning on asking you here.” Tears well up in my eyes until the room gives a hard wobble. “But I want to give you all the power in the world to turn every nightmare you’ve ever had into a dream. I would do anything for the final memory you have of this hellhole to be a good one. I want to give you the power to change your perspective. You own this house, this room, your happiness. And you own me in the very best way. You stole my heart as soon as I laid eyes on you. You had me right then. There’s nobody else for me out there—never will be. Demitria Brookhurst”—he kisses both my hands in turn—“will you be my wife?”
“Yes. A thousand times yes.” I launch my arms over his back and pull him in like I was plucking him out of a fire. Gavin and I had found our way to one another, and now we would never be apart.
A brisk knock comes over the door before it cracks open. “You kids awake?” Caleb peers in then quickly shields his eyes. “Geez. Get some clothes on and meet me downstairs.” The door clicks shut again, and I revert all of my attention to this beautiful man, my future husband.
“I can’t wait to be your wife—your family.”
“You’re already both in God’s eyes and mine.” He lands a lingering kiss on my lips, hot and wet and pressed hard with passion. In a round about way, all of my prayers were answered in the very room that I pleaded them with tears. “We just need some paperwork to finalize the details.”
“I love you.” I smile through the words. I hadn’t uttered that sentiment in this house since, well, for far too long.
Gavin and I take a quick shower, and I can’t help climbing him like a pole, trying to dive down his throat and live inside him until this entire nightmare is over. We dress and make ourselves presentable before heading downstairs.
Winter Haven is bathed in gold. The mirrors refract the light in a spray of luminescent stars all over the walls, the ceiling. I take a breath and hold it as I experience the rebirth of my childhood home. The long cruel winter that began after my mother’s death has finally lifted. Spring has come at last. The padded attic room, Nora’s presence, they were simply scar tissue. The healing hour had arrived. It was time for the wages of Nora’s sins to be paid in full.
Gavin and I find Caleb and Dr. Lundgreen in the dining room. A pair of statues, blinged out in suits of armor, ensconce the long marble table. They’re better suited for a garish banquet hall than a cozy family home. My mother had a round mahogany table that sat ten. She had it imported from the Amazon, and now we’re here with Nora’s faux bodyguards that she won in an eBay auction. Nora always knew how to bring the faux-class to the table, literally. My mother’s table was relegated to the library, which was fine by me since it’s my favorite room in the house. When I lived at Winter Haven, there was no better way to pass the time than surrounded by books while seated at the table my mother loved. I stroked the wood for hours as if it were her skin.
“Good morning,” I say to them both as I take a seat.
Dr. Lundgreen is situated across from Gavin and me with Caleb at the head of the table. I’m sure there’s some psychological reason Caleb took the helm. Little does he know that the good doctor doesn’t mind being emasculated when there’s some good old US currency to comfort him in the end.
“Demitria.” Dr. Lundgreen, leans in until his dark glasses slope to the edge of his nose. He’s tall and lanky with a head full of graying curls, and he’s always held the underlying scent of spiced cologne. I get a whiff, and it takes me right back down memory lane like a scratch and sniff sticker. I want to tell him I hate that smell and the years of torment it represented.
“How are you feeling this morning?” He bleeds a placid smile.
“Fine. I’m not the person I was over three years ago. I have no intention of harming myself. In fact”—I pull Gavin’s hand over—“I’m recently engaged. So you see, I have everything to live for.” I rattle the words out a little too quick. My nerves are getting the better of me. Even with Gavin and Caleb here, I can feel Nora’s fingers tightening over my throat.
His eyes graze over me before falling back into my chart. “You look well.”
“Dr. Lundgreen—” Caleb folds his hands and knocks them over the table. He wants to get down to the brass tacks and be done with this—me too for that matter. “Demi believes that Nora Brookhurst spitefully changed her father’s will to exclude her from the bulk share of her inheritance. Did you know Nora is in the process of selling the mill to an overseas investment firm, and that if I dig deep enough I’m betting would lead me straight back to her? Is there anything whatsoever you can recall on behalf of your patient that could lead to a reversal of the events to come?”
Dr. Lundgreen leans into the table. He massages his face, dragging his fingers down his cheeks until the whites of his eyes are overexposed.
“Yes.”
“Yes?” I blink in disbelief. For so long Dr. L was Switzerland when it came to Nora and me, so it’s taking a lot for me to believe this will be anything worthwhile.
“But you, Demitria”—his expression sours—“it’s up to you to divulge the details. Do you recall what happened around the time of your sixteenth birthday? It was summer. You were in terrible pain.”
I hold up my hand. My mind was already there. “Josh was in my room night after night, and—” it hurts to talk about it. I’m not sure why I’m slow with the details, Gavin already knows the worst of it. “Soon there was a baby coming. Nora wouldn’t hear of it. She raced me to some rundown clinic in Brody and had them give me an illegal abortion—I was well over five months.” I swallow hard at the memory. “The baby had already been moving inside me for weeks.” I lower my lashes. I fell deeply in love with my baby. “My heart was full when that child was growing inside me. I wasn’t too concerned about the disturbing manner in which it was conceived. It felt like a butterfly was trapped in my body. It was amazing—a miracle.” I flatten my hand over my stomach just the way I did in those dark, painful days and it feels natural. “The clinic was barbaric. They stuck these pins in me to open my uterus. They cut up my baby and pulled it out of me limb by limb. It was a thing of horror. I had never been in so much pain both emotionally or physically.”
Gavin tightens his grasp around me. “Shit,” he whispers.
Dr. Lundgreen nods. “How old were you?”
“Sixteen. You just said it yourself.”
“And Josh?”
“Josh?” I glance to Caleb as his lips expand, and he nods for me to lay the final pearl on the table. “Josh had just turned nineteen.”
“Statutory rape.” Caleb makes a note.
“I don’t see how this is going to get my father’s company back where it belongs.”
Caleb raises a brow. “Did Nora ever take steps to protect you from the predator who was under the same roof?”
“Are you kidding? Nora turned a blind eye to everything Josh did. Not that what she put me through was any better.” I think back to the last day of my father’s life—Josh parading around with a tool kit. The way he made it a point to let me know he needed to work on a car. He never said his car. “Oh, God.” I touch my fingers to my lips.
“What is it?” Gavin pulls me in close.
“I think I found another nail to secure the casket. You mentioned that my father’s brakes went out.” I tell them all about Josh’s lewd suggestions, how he was going to show me his screwdriver and make me his “wrench” but first he had to fix a car. “Josh never fixed so much as a sandwich in his life.”
“You think Nora put him up to rigging the brakes?” Caleb wants a connection, and for the life of me I wish I could give it to him.
Dr. Lundgreen tilts his head as if he’s just had an epiphany. “I remember the day your father died as well.”
“You do?” I wasn’t even seeing Dr. Lundgreen back then—Nora was.
“I’m not sure I should divulge anything—patient doctor confidentiality prohibits any information shared within my office to leave those walls.”
“This is your patient.” Gavin slams his palm over the table, and Dr. Lundgreen straightens in his seat. “This is who you need to be protecting.”
“I was just about to add, my session was officially over—with Nora.” He gives a dull smile my way. “It was a few days before your father passed. She was getting ready to leave the office. She never inquired much from me over the years I’ve known her, certainly she’s never asked my opinion on anything that has to do with the world outside my office, but on that day she did. She specifically asked if I knew anything about cars.” He folds his arms and scowls as if he were seeing her right before him. “She asked if I knew how to decompress the brakes on a newer model SUV. Of course, I told her no, but recommended she call a mechanic. I asked her why she wanted to know.” He takes a breath. “She simply laughed it off. She said it concerned a class project her son was taking part in.” His eyes moisten with tears. “As soon as I heard about your father’s accident, I probed a bit and found out his brakes were the reason he lost control. And I knew. I would stake my life, I knew what had happened. But, of course, I had no way of proving it. It’s eaten at my conscious ever since.”
God. I spin toward Gavin.
“Nora did it.” My chest bucks with violent pressure as I pant out the words. “She killed my father and your parents. She’s a murderer. She did this.”
And for the first time ever, I don’t feel like I’m to blame.
Sunlight pours in through the window and pierces the room with a violent shower of light.
My parents—Gavin’s parents, can almost rest in peace.
Almost.