I screwed up another piece of paper and threw it across the dining room. Bluey bounded after it, galloped back to me, dropped it at my feet and gave me a dopey grin.
Despite the way I was feeling, I laughed. ‘We’re not playing fetch, you big boofhead.’
I picked up a fresh piece of paper. He whined and curled up on the floor next to me when he realised I meant what I said.
I hadn’t written a letter since I could remember. Had I ever written a personal letter? Maybe not. I knew what I would say to her if she was standing in front of me, but I just couldn’t articulate it in writing. So I pretended that Anna was standing in front of me and I started talking out loud. I felt like an idiot but it worked. When I was done I’d filled two pages, front and back. I read over it once and then, without giving myself time to change my mind, I shoved it in an envelope and walked out to her car.
It smelt like her inside the Mini. Her perfume penetrated the upholstery. If she didn’t take me back, I honestly didn’t know how I’d ever get over her.
It was cold and dark when I pulled up outside Masri’s. The lights were on in her bedroom and there was movement behind the curtains. It took all my self-control to stay away from her window and walk up the drive to the front of the restaurant, stuff the car keys inside the envelope marked ‘Anna – please read’ and push it into the letterbox.
I sent Joel a text. He pulled up a few minutes later.
‘What are you doing here too?’ I tapped the top of Bruce’s head as I squeezed myself into the back of Joel’s Porsche.
‘Intervention!’ Bruce shouted.
‘Intervention!’ Joel laughed as he spun the wheels and the car took off like a bullet up South Terrace.
‘What intervention? What the hell are you talking about?’ I scrambled for my seatbelt. ‘Slow down, mate, you’ll kill someone!’
Joel looked over his shoulder, grinning at me. ‘It’s about time you chilled out, Harding. Remember the days when you used to just fucking chill out? Before you turned into a complicated miserable prick?’
‘You’re telling me to chill out and you’ve just been done for punching someone at a pub.’ I laughed. ‘Where are we going anyway?’
‘Back to mine,’ Bruce said. ‘The missus would crack the shits if I’m out again tonight after Saturday.’
Joel made the whipping sound and action he always made when Bruce talked about his wife.
Ten minutes later, we were sprawled on Bruce’s lounge, a repeat of a weekend game between Brisbane and the Swans on mute on his cinema-sized screen, and a bottle of water each in our hands.
‘We know how to party, don’t we?’ Joel shook his head in disgust as he unscrewed the lid of his water.
Bruce tilted the neck of his bottle towards me with a nod. ‘Cheers, Harding. Welcome back. I put my balls on the line for you yesterday so don’t fuck up again, all right?’ He winked but it was obvious he was dead serious.
‘Hey, I just want to say thanks to you two for having my back,’ I said. ‘I know you guys were pissed off about me supporting Anna at the march.’
Bruce shook his head. ‘It wasn’t about you supporting Anna, it was about you not giving a shit about the team. All that mattered to you was the march.’ He had a gulp of water. ‘It felt like “Harding versus the rest of the Rangers” ever since you screwed your foot up at the start of the year. And then you pretty much told Max Dawson to bugger off and went and marched without worrying about how that could affect the rest of us. You didn’t care about what happened to the Rangers. That’s what pissed me off.’
‘I’m sorry.’ I couldn’t look at either of them. ‘I’ve had my head up my own arse for a long time.’
‘Yeah, you big nob. You have, but then you finally did pull your head out yesterday.’
I looked up. ‘Huh? What did I do yesterday?’
‘What? Are you serious? How can you not know?’ Bruce screwed his face up at me. ‘When we walked out together from the disciplinary hearing – what you said at the press conference.’
‘What about it?’
He laughed. ‘It was bloody inspiring, mate. Thought I was going to break down and cry like a baby standing next to you!’
‘Really? I can’t even remember what I said. I was just so relieved I still had a job.’ I reached across and slapped his shoulder. ‘Thanks for batting for me in there. I owe you big.’
‘You should watch the footage of your press conference yesterday – you’ll be that inspired, you’ll cheer for yourself!’ Joel said.
‘Is it on the Facebook page?’ I already had the Facebook app open on my phone and was entering a search for the Rangers.
‘Don’t look at it on your phone. Wait, watch it on this.’ Bruce brought YouTube up on his television and found the clip. ‘It’s worthy of the big screen, mate.’
I watched myself emerge from the hearing room flanked by Craig and Bruce. The Head of Media ushered us to the press conference desk and we took our seats.
‘Do I look nervous or what?’ I was surprised by how wide my eyes were, like a deer caught in headlights.
‘Shh. It’s starting,’ Joel hushed.
My cheeks were flushed on the video and I loosened my tie while Craig read off a sheet of paper that I was found to have done no wrongdoing and that the club president wouldn’t be taking the matter any further.
Then he told the gathered press that we’d be taking only three questions. Almost every journalist shouted my name at the same time. Craig pointed at one of them.
‘Nick, certain sections of the press have pointed out that you marched with Asylum Assist knowing that you were jeopardising the relationship between the team sponsor, SafeXone, and the Western Rangers. What’s your response to the accusation that you marched knowing it could harm the future of the team?’
‘The Rangers are in my bloodstream. The fact that anyone would think I’d ever wilfully hurt the Rangers is a joke. I marched against a human rights violation. That was all. It had absolutely nothing to do with SafeXone.’
And then: ‘Nick, will it be awkward for you to wear the SafeXone jersey the next time you play?’
‘I just said that I have no issue with SafeXone. So why would it be awkward to wear my jersey? I’m sure SafeXone are doing a great job with security on the island and I’m proud to wear their logo on my shirt. What I have an issue with is offshore detention for asylum-seeker children.’
‘The best bit is coming up now,’ Joel leaned forward towards the TV.
We listened to the third and final question from the press.
‘Nick, do you feel like you have to prove your commitment to the club and to the Rangers’ fans after this morning’s disciplinary hearing?’
‘Finding out about the disciplinary hearing from my coach on Saturday was the worst news I’ve had in my whole life, bar finding out my dad had passed away. Because what matters most to me in life are the people I love and this football club. If anyone thinks I’m not committed to the Rangers, the only way I can show you how much this club means to me is by making every Rangers member and fan a promise right here, right now, that I’ll train harder than I’ve ever trained before and that at every single game, I’ll play four quarters of football like my life depended on it.’ And then I tipped my head forwards a little and looked right into the camera and pointed, saying, ‘Don’t edit the press conference this time.’
The next clip started to play on YouTube.
Bruce slow clapped and Joel joined in.
I blew out hard, lifting the hair off my forehead. ‘I can’t believe I said that.’
‘Neither can I.’ Joel laughed. ‘You usually give one word answers and do your wanky double thumbs up shit.’
‘It’s okay, mate, don’t be jealous that you don’t have a trademark.’ I grinned.
‘Yeah, Harding, you totally invented the thumbs up sign,’ Joel guffawed. ‘And here I was thinking you’d gone all mature and stuff after that press conference. Good to know you’re still the same douchebag you always were.’
It was after one in the morning when Bruce asked me about Anna. ‘So you’re pretty serious about her, yeah?’
I played with the sticker label on the water bottle, peeling it from one corner. ‘I am. But she won’t have a bar of me.’
‘Is that since her mum topped herself?’ he asked.
I nodded.
‘She’s probably just messed up over it, mate, and needs some time to come around.’ Bruce patted my shoulder. ‘Don’t stress.’
‘Yeah, losing your mum is massive,’ Joel added. ‘Especially one like hers. They put this photo online of Leila Hayati with Princess Diana at the pyramids in 1995. Leila was a human rights lawyer, not even a politician then, but she was already famous. It said ‘The women who are changing the world.’ Freaky, hey?’
‘Hmm, it is.’ I thought about the woman who wanted to change the world and ended up hanging herself in the bathroom out the back of a restaurant on a cold Saturday morning in Fremantle.
‘Have you seen Ricky?’ Bruce asked.
‘No, she won’t let me anywhere near him.’
‘Why?’
I sighed a deep sigh. ‘Because she’s convinced herself that she’s bad for my career and that she’s burdening me with a child – she’s Ricky’s guardian now.’
‘But she knows how much you love that kid. Everyone knows how much you love that kid. You turned your house into a virtual play centre for him.’
‘I know,’ I groaned. ‘I wish she could see that she’s hurting me more by staying away from me than she ever could by being with me.’
‘She’ll come around,’ Bruce said confidently.
‘I think she will too.’ Joel nodded.
I stared at my feet. ‘Who knows.’
Joel threw a plastic bottle top in my direction and it hit me right between the eyes. ‘Mate, tonight’s about you chilling the fuck out and having fun, not being the miserable prick you’ve been all year. That was the whole point of the intervention!’
I threw it back at him. ‘It’s hard to be chilled when Anna’s doing my head in.’
‘Anna, Anna, Anna,’ Joel moaned. ‘First him,’ he pointed at Bruce, ‘and now you. It sucks being friends with you losers when all you talk about are your bloody women.’
‘She’s not my woman,’ I said under my breath.
‘You’ll get her back, Nick,’ Bruce tapped my leg with his foot. ‘You’ve got the power of television. Make yourself irresistible to her on TV. You keep doing shit like that press conference yesterday and she’ll be putty in your hands, guaranteed.’
‘Hell, I would’ve fucked you after that!’ Joel laughed.
‘Like I’d let you within ten feet of my privates.’
He pointed at me. ‘Hey, I could have had you if I wanted you. I think we both know that, Harding. I’ve seen the way you look at me when you think nobody’s watching.’
I laughed a real laugh for the first time since last Friday.
‘Don’t stalk her.’ Bruce warned. ‘Play smart, mate. Win her over by being Nick Harding – the man no woman can resist. See out the season being your charming self whenever cameras are on you, and then try approaching her again after she’s had enough time to actually miss you. And for God’s sake, don’t get caught hooking up with other girls in the meantime!’
‘Do you really think she’ll be watching me on TV?’ I asked.
‘Oh, hundred per cent.’ Bruce nodded decisively. ‘She’ll be glued to the TV, mate.’
I nodded slowly as a plan began to hatch in my head.