Cindy

The Following Morning

When Rex called me at eight in the morning on a Saturday, I knew immediately that something was very wrong. Regardless of how sessions went with clients, he always waited until Monday morning and usually came to see me in person. This time he still wanted to meet face to face, but he informed me it couldn’t wait until Monday. He wanted to meet this morning, so within thirty minutes I’m walking into the coffee shop and see him sitting at the far end of the room, next to the fireplace.

“Have you been up all night?” I ask, seeing that he’s in rough shape.

“Hi. Yeah, I was at the bar until two. Then I had breakfast at the five point and came here at five when it opened. I’ve been searching for a place outside the city. There are a couple nice places on Camano Island that I’m going to check out.” He looks up from his phone with dead eyes. I’ve never seen him like this. Not even after he was injured and had no direction in life.

“You’re scaring me. What’s wrong?” I take the seat adjacent to him and place my hand on his knee.

“Jessica is pregnant and she says it’s mine,” he replies, biting his lip and shaking his head as if his best friend had just died. “I was so careful with her. I don’t get it.”

“Oh my god, Rex. We talked about this.”

“I know. I’ve been reading about professional athletes that get targeted by this type of thing. I never gave my used condoms a second thought. I just threw them in the trash next to her bed.” He continues to shake his head in disbelief. “That was so fucking stupid.”

“So you think she impregnated herself?” I gasp at the thought of it.

“I don’t see any other way. Like I said I’ve been very careful with her.” His eyes stare intently into mine. “I’ve been pulling out besides wearing spermicidal condoms. It just doesn’t make any sense.”

“Well, with her family history, I guess I wouldn’t put it past her,” I reply, not able to imagine how much anguish this is causing Rex. “I’m so sorry. I debated for several days before referring her to you. I should’ve followed my gut.” I close my eyes and lay my head against the backrest. “I can’t believe she did this to you.” Even though my mind is saying, of course she did this to him. It’s exactly what you feared would happen. “I’m so sorry.”

“The moment she told me felt very similar to the moment I realized I would never play football again. I guess this is strike two,” he says, closing his laptop and setting it down on the side table. “If it turns out to be mine, I’ll just have to deal with it. The courts always side with the woman in these cases, so she’s got me by the balls. I guess that explains why she wasn’t all that worried about her online store anymore.”

“I’m sure she figured out how much money you were making when she went in and bid for spots on your calendar.” Another reason why he shouldn’t have made everything so transparent. “How many times have you seen her?”

“Seven or eight.” He rubs his face with his hands and runs them through his hair. “I was wondering why she followed through with all those appointments. There has been so much tension between us, that it didn’t make much sense. Then last night, the tension was gone. She had a nice dinner waiting for me.” His voice trails off as it all comes together in a neat little package.

“Did you have a session last night?”

“Yes. I made sure it was great, because I thought it was our last.” He shakes his head and chuckles. “I didn’t want her bashing me online, so I was extra good. I was so fucking clueless.”

“Well, it sounds to me like you just need to move on with life and in eight weeks you’ll have to make a decision,” I offer, trying to get him to think about the rest of his future instead of wallowing in self pity.

“There’s no decision to make. I’ll pay the child support if I have to, but I’m not going to completely ruin my life over this. There is no way in hell I can be in a long term relationship with her. There’s just no way.” He has absolutely no uncertainty in his eyes. This is a done deal.

“Then you’ll just have to cross that bridge after the baby is born.” I reach out and pat him on the knee. “You’ve got nine months to figure things out.”

“Yes, I do. The problem is I don’t know if I can handle this gig anymore. My calendar is booked solid and it makes me wonder if I can even go through with it.” He gives me a look that reminds me of our first therapy session. “But if I quit, then I’m back to square one.”

“You’ll never be back to square one,” I tell him, realizing just how much he’s grown in the past nine and a half years. “You could write bestsellers based on your experiences.”

“Yeah, like the night Elsa tried to get me to suck her stinky toes.” A sad smile crosses his face as he picks out that experience from all the others.

“Elsa tells me to pass on her apologies every time I meet with her,” I tell him. “She felt bad after I told her you were a little traumatized by her strange behavior.”

“I wasn’t traumatized,” he scoffs, closing his eyes and shaking his head. “But yeah, it’s going to stick with me for awhile. I’m glad you talked to her about it. She’ll probably have a little more luck dating if she cuts out that bullshit. I still laugh every time I think of throwing her sandals off the balcony. You should’ve seen her face.”

“Some people have twisted ideas of what it means to exhibit power over others.” I totally get why she was doing it. “She’s doing a lot better now. I think you helped her, even though it was only one session.”

“I never told her I didn’t want to see her again.” He sits up in his chair looking defensive. “I just told her I wasn’t really into sucking toes. I would fuck her again, but none of that other bullshit,” he says too loudly for a coffee shop. A small group of women sitting at a big table in the corner all crane their necks to see who is talking about such a topic. “Sorry…” He nods their way and several of them giggle before going back to their prior conversations.

“You helped me too,” I tell him, wanting him to realize how much good he’s done.

“How?” He narrows his eyes and glares at me. “You’ve never given me a chance.” That sly grin of his settles on his lips.

“I had my third date with Ken last night,” I admit, even though I wanted to keep it quiet. “I didn’t want to say anything until I knew there was some potential.”

“So he passed?” He lets out a small chuckle, so I know exactly what he’s referring to.

“Actually, we haven’t done it yet. But, if his kissing is any indication.” I have to smile, feeling really good about someone for the first time I can remember. “He’s a great guy, I don’t know why I procrastinated so long.”

“Human nature,” he replies. “Like everyone else, you wanted what you couldn’t have. Ken was across the hall and totally adored you. That’s way too easy.”

“I know you’re right. No one can truly have guys like Tom. He’s just not available the way I want a man to be.” My heart still hurts when I talk about it, even though I know I’m headed in a much healthier direction. “I need someone who loves me for me. I don’t want to be sitting home wondering where he is and who’s on his arm.”

“From what I’ve seen, I think Ken will be as loyal as a black lab.” He laughs, thinking he’s funny, but it’s true and it’s the biggest reason why I find Ken so attractive.

“I’m finally realizing that loyalty and honesty are much more important than charisma and wealth.” I lean back in my chair, studying Rex’s face. “You’re a good guy too. I hope you find someone who fills that hole in your heart.”

“What hole?” His intense glare confirms that he knows exactly what I’m talking about.

“That empty feeling you have when you wake up alone and have no one to share your morning coffee with,” I reply, knowing how it feels to be stuck in a single routine. “I had convinced myself that it didn’t bother me, but I was just lying to myself. I don’t want to grow old alone.”

“You’re too beautiful for that,” he says, reaching out and placing his hand on mine. “I’ve never understood why you were single.”

“That’s what I’m trying to tell you, Rex.” Tears literally burst from my eyes. I’m not sure why I’m so overcome with emotion, but it’s probably the realization of how much time I’ve wasted chasing the wrong things. “Don’t waste your life… like I did. You’re too good of a guy for that.”

“I’m apparently going to have a kid in nine months, I’ve got sex therapy clients booked for months and Jessica is crazier than either of us ever imagined,” he recaps, turning his hand and interweaving his fingers with mine. “So believe me, I’m absolutely not in the mood for anything more. My plate is pretty fucking full.”

“I know,” I whisper, wanting to get through to him. I squeeze his hand and tears continue to roll down my cheeks. “I’m just saying that if someone special comes along, don’t let the baggage get in the way. That’s exactly how you waste your life. You need to get away and reflect on everything. Put it in perspective and forgive anyone who needs to be forgiven. And that includes forgiving yourself.” His eyes turn glassy and he seems a bit choked up as he processes my words.

“I’m really glad you’re going out with Ken,” he says, squeezing my hand before letting go. “Do you want some more coffee?” He leans forward as if he’s going to get up.

“No. I’m good. I need to get back home,” I reply, looking at the time. “Ken’s going to pick me up at eleven. We’re going to the Harvest Festival. I’m going to see if I can get him to bob for apples or something out of character.” I laugh at the thought of it.

“If he does and actually gets his hair all wet, the dude really loves you.” He laughs. “I’ve never seen him with a hair out of place. He must get his hair cut every other week.”

“Yeah, I’m kind of curious to learn his secrets. He’s got better hair than me.” We both get up form our chairs and I hold out my arms, wanting a hug. “You’re going to be just fine. You’re a smart kid. I predict that you’ll land on your feet and in a year or two you’ll be more successful than ever.”

“Thanks.” He squeezes me tightly, lifting me to my tiptoes in the process. “I don’t know where I would be without you. Thanks for always being there when I needed to talk.” I get a weird sensation from his words. It’s like he’s implying that our relationship is about to change.

“Even if you decide to exit the business, you can still come see me anytime,” I tell him, looking into his sad brown eyes. “Don’t ever hesitate to call. I can meet you here if it’s more comfortable.”

“I feel like I’m going to let down lots of people if I walk away,” he replies, identifying the other source of his distress. “You’ve done so much for me.”

“We’re fine, regardless of what you do, Rex. Ours relationship has never been about business or therapy. I love you like a son.” Tears now stream from my eyes as I squeeze him tightly, feeling a bit embarrassed by this display of emotions. “Don’t disappear from my life.”

“I won’t.” The words barely audible as he chokes up as well. “I’ll call you as soon as I figure out what I’m going to do. Would you call Rebecca and Lanny for me? Just tell them I’m sick or whatever. I’m going to spend a few days out on Camano Island.”

“Do you know someone out there?”

“No. There’s a cabin for sale and they said I could rent it for the weekend, just to see how I like it,” he explains. “I need to get out of the city and clear my head. I can’t shut off my thoughts.”

“Call me if you need anything.” I wipe the tears from my cheeks, trying to collect myself. “Even if you just need someone to help you talk things out. I know Jessica is going to be tough to deal with, so I’ll try my best to diffuse her as well.”

“I appreciate it.” The sadness that I saw when I first entered the coffee shop returns to his face. “Things will work out one way or another. I’ll keep in touch.” His lips try to smile as he grabs his coffee cup and turns to leave, but his eyes are as sad as I’ve ever seen them.

I take a deep breath and watch him as he walks up to the counter for his refill. It breaks my heart, but I have to just give him some space and let him work through things. He’ll call me if needs anything, I tell myself walking toward the door. I need to go home and get ready for the day with Ken. Walking to the car, the cool, misty morning air feels good to my red, swollen eyes. I didn’t get nearly this emotional when I called things off with Tom, another reason why I’m positive that it was the right move. I glance back at the coffee shop while getting into my car. Rex will be fine.