Felicia

After another night of broken sleep, I sip my cup of matcha tea. Rex is out on the deck talking to someone on the phone. Since it’s only sixty degrees out, I assume it’s Jessica and he didn’t want to wake us when it turns into a screaming match. My eyes feel like they have gravel in them, my nipples are still sore, and yet, I’m happier than I’ve ever been in my entire life. I look down at the ring on my finger and enjoy the sparkles as I rotate it beneath the light. I don’t need a big wedding. What I told Rex was the truth. As long as Mom is there and he’s there, nothing else matters. Big Sur would really be nice though.

After hanging up one call, he immediately makes another. Maybe he’s returning business calls, but that’s something that can wait until Monday. Maybe he’s checking in with Brix. I can’t believe that Richard guy turned out to be such a creep. He’s good-looking and wealthy, kind of reminded me of Tom Selleck at that age, but I guess that doesn’t mean anything. Anyone can have a twisted perversion, even if they’re rich and good-looking. My mind begins to reflect upon the crazy ride I’ve taken with Rex since May. I’ve done things that I never dreamed I would do and experienced things that have completely blown my mind. Now, I’m nursing and raising a baby who was mothered by a woman who my fiancé can’t stand to be in the same room with. The first couple of decades of my life were pretty much a complete bore, but this summer has more than made up for it. I’m sure we’ll still be talking about it twenty years from now.

I pick up my phone and glance at the fact that I have dozens of unreturned text and Facebook messages. I’m going to craft a nice little message and send it to all of them. A lot of these people have been good friends at various times in my life, and I would actually like to reconnect with some of them. If some of them want to judge me for things that Rex and I have done, so be it. Maybe this will be the perfect chance to find out which ones are my real friends. I would like to have a little get-together sometime this fall. Not a formal wedding reception, just a little party of some kind. I think I’ll add that to the message. I’m suddenly startled by a text message coming in. I need to find a gentler ringtone for those. I glance down and the message is longer than my screen. It’s from Dad.

Dad: Sorry I haven’t called or replied to your text until now. I recently went through quite a scare, having a heart attack on a remote island. It was life-changing. There were only three people I thought about as I patiently waited for help to arrive—you, your brother, and your mother. I was discharged this morning, and now, I’m sitting on a runway at the Fallbrook airport, heading back home to Seattle. I’ve talked to your mother and we’re having dinner tonight. I would like to reconnect with you tomorrow or sometime this week, if that’s possible. You don’t owe me a thing, and I won’t blame you if you don’t want to see me. I just want you to know that the biggest mistake I’ve made in my entire life was walking away from you kids and your mother. I hope that in time, you’ll be able to forgive me, because I’m certain I’ll never be able to forgive myself for what I’ve missed. I’ve done some crazy things, and honestly, I have no rational explanation for them. I’m just hoping it’s not too late to make amends. I Love You! Dad

A flurry of mixed emotions floods my mind and a strange sensation stirs in my gut. Part of me is thrilled to hear from him after all this time, but another part feels as if a big old wound has just reopened. I stare at his message, my fingers frozen and my mind racing. What do you say to someone who hurt you so badly and simply dropped out of your life? My fingers feel numb as I begin to type an intentionally unemotional reply.

Me: Hi, Dad. Give me a call tomorrow and let me know how dinner went with Mom. I’m glad you’re okay.

Tears stream down my face, making me second-guess whether to press the Send button. I press it anyway. I’ve always wondered how I would feel if I never heard from him again. If he died without ever reaching out. I know lots of people are messed up by those types of things, and I always promised myself that I wouldn’t be one of them. Mom did a good job of talking me through all the emotions that a teenage girl has growing up without a father. But when it comes down to it, a girl just does better knowing that her father loves her. A parent and child should always share that special bond of unconditional love. It’s one of those things that’s irreplaceable. I glance down at his message and reread the last four words. I Love You! Dad

He capitalized all four of them and used an exclamation point. It doesn’t make up for what he’s done, but at least it’s a start. I reread the sentence where he talks about not having a rational explanation. That’s something I wouldn’t have understood a year ago, but I have no rational explanation for why I didn’t run from Rex’s house that first night. I knew full well that I was walking into a seriously messed up situation that was going to be painful, but I couldn’t stop myself. As human beings, our emotions often override any rational thoughts, and I know Dad was filled with emotion the last time I saw him. I click to call Mom’s number, anxious to hear her reaction to this crazy turn of events.

“Hello, dear,” she answers, sounding like she normally does after only one cup of morning coffee. “How’s it going with Michael?”

“Great! He’s adjusting. How are you?” I ask, amazed by the fact that she might not even mention hearing from Dad. “Anything new?”

“Oh, not much. I was planning on calling you this morning. I was out shopping yesterday and found some of the cutest outfits.” She pauses and I hear rummaging through shopping bags. “Have you heard of The Land of Nod?”

“No, but that’s a cute name,” I reply, still not yet up to speed on all the baby stores. “Sounds trendy.”

“They have the cutest clothes! Michael’s going to love them,” she says, as if Michael will have a clue what he’s wearing. “I got him four blue outfits. He’s going to look darling in them.”

“Great! Do you want to come over for dinner tonight?” I ask, trying to get her to spill the beans about Dad. “We have a new grill. It’s one of those that burns wood, so it makes everything taste amazing.”

“Actually, I have plans tonight,” she replies, not offering any details. “I thought we could get together for lunch tomorrow. My treat.”

“So, you aren’t going to tell me?” I pause, putting her on the spot.

“Tell you what?”

“Who you’re having dinner with.” I smile into the phone as I continue my pursuit of a confession. “Is it someone I know?”

“Just an old friend who’s coming to town,” she replies wistfully. “Someone I haven’t seen in a long time.”

“I got a text from Dad,” I reply, picturing her suddenly squirming in her chair.

“So you thought it would be fun to torture me?” she asks, her tone instantly turning resentful. “I didn’t want to bring him up until I knew what the hell he’s up to. I haven’t heard from him in four years, and suddenly, he wants to have dinner? What kind of bullshit is that?”

“He didn’t mention the heart attack?” I ask, since he told me all about it in a simple text message. “What did he tell you?”

“He had a heart attack too?” she asks, causing me to come to the realization that I’d better take good care of myself. “When did he have his?”

“It sounds like he just got out of the hospital this morning and got on a plane to Seattle,” I inform her. “Is that even safe?”

“They told me not to fly for at least a week after I had my stint put in,” she replies, sounding puzzled. “It couldn’t have been a serious one.”

“He apparently had it on an island and had to wait for help to arrive. I’ll forward you the text.” I put her on speaker so I can go into my text messages. “I had texted him a few days ago but hadn’t heard back.”

“I don’t think his phone even works on that rinky-dink little island he bought.” She scoffs. “What about his little girlfriend? Is she with him?”

“He didn’t mention her. I just sent you his text.” I click to go back to the phone and take it off speaker. I had wondered the same thing. “He said when he was waiting for help, all he thought about was the three of us.”

“People often have regrets when they think they’re dying,” she adds dryly. “I thought I would listen to what he has to say. But honestly, I don’t really miss him anymore. I’ve gotten pretty comfortable with my life the way it is.”

“Well, you don’t have to rush to take him back,” I reply bluntly. “I’d make him grovel and keep him hanging for a while… four, maybe five years.” That gets a laugh out of her.

“Yeah, there will be lots and lots of groveling. That I can guarantee.” She clears her throat as if she’s chasing away her emotions. “I’d better get going. So do you guys want to meet me for lunch tomorrow?”

“Sure. Then you can give me the scoop on Dad too.” I get up from the table and go to check on Michael. “I’m not sure what Rex has planned, but Michael and I will be able to meet you for sure. Just let me know where you want to eat. And have fun on your date tonight!”

“I’ll send you a text in the morning,” she says with a sigh. “And this is far, far from a date.”

Hanging up, I peek in on my little boy fast asleep in the crib. Even though he’s sleeping, I can’t resist picking him up and cuddling him. “You come with Momma and we’ll snuggle on the couch until Daddy’s done with his calls.” He cracks his eyelids, revealing those gorgeous blue eyes, and lets out a cute little yawn. “Sorry for waking you,” I whisper, kissing him on the forehead.

Settling onto the couch, I position myself so that I can keep an eye on Rex. I prop little man up so he can see him as well. “What’s Daddy doing?” He’s holding his phone up as if he’s doing a selfie, but he’s talking. “I think he’s making a video.” We sit back and watch him talking into his phone. “Maybe he’s shooting a video for us,” I whisper. After he wraps up his recording, he continues to work on his phone for several minutes before slipping it into his pocket. Rising from the chair, he turns toward the patio door. “Here he comes.”

“What are you two doing?” he asks, a smile breaking across his lips.

“We’ve been watching you,” I reply for both of us. “A better question is what have you been doing out there?”

“Solving all the world’s problems.” He sits down next to us with a smug look. “At the least the ones that directly affect us.”

“Jessica?” I literally cringe at the mention of her name.

“We talked for a good half hour.” He sighs and the smile dims. “She wants to be his Godmother. In exchange, she’ll drop everything.”

“His Godmother?” My stomach immediately does a flip-flop. “Why?”

“I don’t know, but she’s insisting. I told her I would talk to you and I didn’t think it would be a problem.” He simply stares at me, probably hoping that I’ll concede.

I look down at Michael resting peacefully in my arms and take a deep breath. “Only if she promises to take down those stupid posts and never mentions either of our names again… on anything!” It feels repulsive to hear myself agreeing to her demands, but I really do want to put all of this crap behind us. “If she doesn’t follow through, she’ll never see him again,” I add, just to be clear.

“Agreed.” He picks up his phone and sends her a text. “That’s all she wants, to be included in some small way.”

“I’m sorry,” I tell Michael, even though he won’t understand why for several years. Regardless of what I might think of her, she is his birth mother and there’s no way of changing that. “You tell her that I want everything taken down by the end of the day.”

“That’s exactly what I just said,” he says, showing me the message.

“What were you recording?” I ask, still curious about what else he was doing out there.

“A message to everyone who has run across these stupid videos of ours out there, explaining what happened.”

“What happened?” I know a lot of things have happened, but it’s a little hard to pick out one thing that he could be talking about.

“An innocent, straight-laced young woman walked into my office last May looking for a job, and I was smitten,” he begins, recalling the story. “She was so different from me that I couldn’t resist trying to corrupt her a little. Unfortunately, I was a bit too successful. I’m an incredibly persuasive individual. Now several months later, I’m in love and we’re starting a family. Even though it appears that she might be a bit promiscuous, that’s not the case. She has merely succumbed to my temptations, and going forward, there will be no more similar incidents. The student has blossomed and is now marrying the teacher. Shortly, we will ride off into the sunset.” He gives me a smile and slides his phone back into his pocket.

“Really? Innocent and straight-laced?” I feel my cheeks getting warm just thinking about how I’ve blown those traits out of the water.

“You were about as naïve as anyone I’ve ever met, but that’s a good thing,” he says, stroking my thigh with his warm hand. “I love the fact that I was the one who got to liberate you. It’s been amazing to witness the changes in you. But I want everyone to know that for the most part, you haven’t changed. You’ve simply grown.”

“You recorded all of that?”

“And more.” He gives me a sly grin. “I love you with an intensity that literally burns inside me. Last night, when we made love and I thought about the fact that you’re going to be my wife, it felt like my heart was going to explode. It’s indescribable.”

“I feel it too,” I reply, looking down at the baby. “I think that’s why I love him so much already, because he’s a little piece of you.”

“And one day, there’ll be three more who are little pieces of both of us,” he adds, leaning in to give me a kiss. “I think he’s ready for a nap.”

“Yeah, he seems pretty tired.” I giggle, getting up to put him back into the crib. Hopefully, there is never a machine that can recall what happened in these early days. He’ll think that his parents were a couple of sex-crazed lovers who couldn’t keep their hands off each other. That’s ironic, because that’s basically what we are.