Running into B today was so not the plan. That first time, when he was on the phone, I could just feel the way he was looking at me. The way his eyes roved all over my body, making me feel all exposed and at the same time so hot. And then the second time... He was so close. Way too close. I almost reached out to touch him, almost held him. I can’t believe myself.

After bleaching my hair last night, Hanna insisted that we go shopping today. She was all about ‘the new you’, whatever that may mean. I’m wearing skinny jeans. I’ve never worn skinny jeans before. They’re tight, and hard to put on and take off. But Hanna insisted that they would look really good on me and that I would ‘get all the boys so that you can stop moping’, although she didn’t put that in air quotes, she was being serious. I wish it was that easy though. I wish I could forget all about B, but that’s just not possible when I see him all the time.

I was in desperate need of new clothes anyway, so this was as good a moment to go shopping as any. I’ve got a couple of pairs of jeans, new shoes, boots with little heels, shirts, and even a leather jacket. Apparently, this is appropriate clothing when you bleach your hair. It just makes me feel like a female version of Hunter right now: the hair, the jacket, the jeans. Though I’m pretty sure he doesn’t wear skinny jeans, just ones that look tight on him.

But, as a reward for shopping all day, I was getting myself a new notebook, something pretty. And then, of course, B walked in and threw off my whole plan. The lust in his eyes, in his voice. It does things to me. It makes me feel like I’m the only one in this world. It makes my skin burn, my whole body burn, and the only one who can put out that fire is B.

As he disappears from view, I slowly lower my hand, my heart finally calming down a little. I can’t face him out of nowhere, not now.

“Lola?” Hanna is standing behind me, her hands on her hips. “Did you pick a notebook yet?”

I shake my head, looking at the display with notebooks. B was right. I want the black one. I do prefer the sturdy cover. But I don’t want it anymore. It’s ruined because B said that I would choose it, because he knows me too well.

“Did something happen?” She steps closer, her stance worried.

“No. Let’s go.” I just need to get out of here.

I grab my bags and leave the store. Suddenly, I’m tired and just want to go home, nothing else. Seeing Blaze drained me of all my energy.

Monday morning, everyone is staring at me. I know that I look different, but not enough for this amount of staring. Right? Mom and Dad were surprised when they saw me and Lizzy made a comment about us now being the light and dark twins. Seeing myself in the mirror like this is still something I have to get used to. But I feel that the staring of the others in the group is more about something else and less about my hair.

“Did anyone have problems with the script over the weekend? Are you on track for finishing the pieces for this week?” I look at the rest of the writing group.

“Yeah, everything was fine.” Madison shrugs. “But I have a question.” The change in tone tells me that it’s likely not about the project.

Of course. “Yes?”

“Is there a reason you did like... a one-eighty on your look?” She looks at the rest, who nod.

“Is there a reason why the way I look is more important than this project?” I suppress a sigh. She may be a good writer but her priorities are the wrong way around. This project we’re working on is definitely not at the top and my looks and actions are.

“You’re our leader, everything you do is important.” She flashes me a grin.

“I’m...” This time I can’t help the sigh. “No. It’s not important. Please, get back to work.”

“And how are things going here?” Tamara steps next to me. “Is everything going according to plan? If you have any questions, you can always come to me.” She smiles, then her eyes fall on me. “Can I talk to you for a moment?”

“Sure.” I stand up, following her to the hallway. Best excuse to get away from the stares ever. “What’s wrong?”

“Ehm...” Tamara shrugs a little. “Lizzy told me about your other writing projects, the ones you’re not doing for classes.”

Uh-oh. “Yes?”

“I read them.”

I nod. “They’re not... They’re not that good.”

“What?” I look up at Tamara, at the surprise in her voice. “Who told you that? They’re really good. So good that I showed them to a friend of mine. She’s a published author.”

Dread settles in my stomach. I’m not sure I like the direction this is taking. My work isn’t good enough to publish. It just isn’t.

“Jo will probably email you in the next couple of days, but I wanted to tell you this myself before she reached out to you.”

“Tell me what?” I’m getting confused now. This sounds like it could be a good thing, but still... Writing and publishing aren’t supposed to be this easy.

“She said that she’d be happy to mentor you, get your work polished and out into the world. She thinks that you’re really good and that you could cut it as an author.”

What? I try to wrap my head around that. “Mentor me?”

Tamara nods. “Yeah. Help you with your craft, stuff like that. I don’t know exactly. I’m not that well-versed in the publishing world. I work with visual artists mostly. My knowledge is expositions and sales, not publishing.” She shrugs a little. “I just wanted to give you a heads up.”

“Thanks.” I blink.

What just happened? Did Tamara just find me someone who will be able to help me? Guide me? And then the question is... do I want it?

“You can think about it. Don’t worry. Jo was really excited after reading everything and she just wanted to talk to you.”

I nod. “Thanks.”

“You’re welcome. I may not be able to help you myself, but I can at least connect you to people who can help you.” She reaches out, putting her hand on my shoulder. “It would be a shame if you didn’t do anything with that talent of yours.” She lowers her hand, then grins. “I also like the new look. That’s quite a change from what I’ve seen before.”

I shrug a little. What is it with everyone and the way I look? “Thanks?”

“No worries. You look stronger this way, more assertive. It suits you.” She smiles. Then she looks at the classroom. “I’m going back in, gotta ask the other groups how they’re doing. Honestly, it sometimes looks like your group and Blaze’s group are the only ones on track in all of this.” She opens the door and gets back inside.

I let out a deep breath, leaning against the wall, staring into nothing. I’m going to be talking to a published author. Someone who knows things about books. Someone who makes a living writing and selling books. It still hasn’t sunk in. I’ve wanted this for so long—I’ve wanted someone to guide me through this crazy world of words. Someone to help me through the scary and confusing business of publication.

And now it may actually happen.

Yikes!

As soon as class is over, I go to the workshop. I need to talk to Lizzy, and this is the most likely place to find her at any time. As soon as I open the door to the workshop, I’m assaulted by loud noises and I cover my ears as I step inside.

In the middle of the room, Hunter is sawing wood and, a little to the side, Damon is screwing something together. They’re really focused on what they’re doing and haven’t even spotted me.

Then Lizzy waves at me from the doorway at the other side of the room, the door outside. I walk in a wide circle around the boys as I make my way over to her.

As soon as I step outside, Lizzy closes the door behind me, trapping the noise inside. Hanna is sitting on one of the couches, a blanket wrapped around her to keep her warm.

“What are they doing?” I’m trying not to yell after my eardrums were nearly shredded.

“They need a frame to do some art and light and photography in, or something.” Lizzy shrugs. “I didn’t exactly get all the details this morning.”

“This morning?” I look back. “They did that in one morning?” Now that she mentions that it’s going to be a frame for a larger project, I can see how the pieces will fit together, especially with the pieces still on the floor.

“Those two, really.” Lizzy rolls her eyes. “Yes. Once they get something in their head...” She sits down on a chair. “Anyway, you here for a reason or just to hang out?”

“Ehm.” I shoot a level look at her. “You told Tamara about my online name?”

Lizzy pulls a face. “Yes?”

“Why?”

“Because I was bragging...” She looks away. “Sorry.”

I sigh, also sitting down. “I guess it’s fine.”

“Hm?” Hanna turns to me. “Something good came out of it?”

“What?” Lizzy also leans in. “Tell us.”

“It’s nothing much.” I shrug. “She read it, and then showed it to a friend.”

“And?” Lizzy is so impatient.

I grit my teeth. “That friend is a published author, and she’s going to email me and maybe mentor me.” I close my eyes and still flinch as both Lizzy and Hanna let out shrieks of excitement.

“Oh. My. God!” Lizzy starts jumping up and down. “That’s so cool! Tamara knows the best people!” She grins.

“It’s not official yet...” I try to shrug it off, but I can’t help grinning too.

“It will be. Right? This is like... your big opportunity!” Hanna takes my hand, pulling me up too as she jumps up and down. “This could be exactly what you need!” She keeps grinning. “So cool! You so deserve it!”

“Maybe.” My grin grows.

I can’t believe this is happening. I really can’t believe it!

Every time I walk into the classroom, people stare at me. It’s been a week, and it hasn’t stopped yet. They look up and even stop talking to each other, only to then talk to me. It’s a strange experience. I’ve never had this happen before, and I have no idea how to deal with it. I’ve never been popular. Blaze, Hunter, and Tessa were always popular—I was just there, somewhere near them. But it was never me people looked at.

And the way B looks my way, his eyes lingering almost more than before, his lust so obvious. It makes the promise I made to myself to not get involved with him anymore so much harder.

How is this even possible? Why do I feel changed? Not just by the different hair or the way that I dress, but by the way that B looks at me. His eyes, his gaze. That’s what changed me the most, without even meaning to. But that started the moment I saw him at Tamara’s exposition opening. I’ve been changing since then, the new look is just a result, not a trigger.

Madison giggles and shows one of the other girls something on her phone. “I totally wish some guy would do this for me.”

“Oh, definitely,” Charlotte answers as she looks at the phone. Then she takes it and holds it out to me. “Look. Don’t you think this would be so romantic?” She looks to the others. “Though where would I find a guy to do this for me on such short notice? It’s Valentine’s Day tomorrow.”

On the screen is a picture combined from four images. The first one is dinner at a fancy place, the second one is walking under trees filled with flowers, the third one is a bath filled with rose petals and the final one is a bed with crumpled sheets and rose petals scattered everywhere. Right under it is the text ‘Most romantic Valentine’s Day ever’. I can’t help but smile a little, not at the images per se, but at the idea that this is somehow romantic. “I guess. Though I prefer a home-cooked meal and a comfy couch.” I shrug, and the other girls stare at me.

“Why?” Charlotte asks. “You could get that at any time.”

“Not having to get dressed up fancy, or walk through this cold? Yeah. I prefer a meal made with love and hanging out on the couch, dressed in as little as possible.” I can’t help the grin, or the way my cheeks heat up. It’s not like I’ve not done things like that a lot in the past. It used to be one of the favorite ways for me to spend time with Blaze. And that thought just takes the smile away. Yeah. Used to. With Blaze...

“As little as possible, eh? I can see that being a good idea. True.” Madison grins too, nodding.

“And, really, flower petals in the bath? It sounds fun, until they get into places you don’t want them to go.” Why am I sharing this? Just... Why? Probably because I’m feeling a little bold right now.

Everyone at the table stares and I hold up my hands.

“Shutting up now. I know.” I lean back. “Some things are only fun when you think of them, not when you actually have to do them.”

Their staring doesn’t seem to go away, but I’m distracted by something else. B is standing on the other side of the room, staring at me as some girl is talking to him. I haven’t seen her around here before, but that doesn’t say much. This is the art department building, and I usually hang out at the literature department, so it’s not that I know many people here apart from H, Lizzy and the people in this class.

But the way she’s staring up at him, smiling broadly and chatting at him, it’s like a hot poker into my chest. The sudden fury, the anger.

I stand up. I can’t watch this, just... not. And it’s not even like he’s paying attention to her, which almost makes it worse. I walk to them, ‘accidentally’ bumping into the girl as I leave the room.

Nope. I may not be able to have him, but that doesn’t mean I should have to watch other girls flirt with him...

I stalk down the hallway and then decide that I have no idea where I’m going, since I didn’t even take my bag and jacket with me. When I step outside, needing the cool air to calm down a little, I find Damon there, smoking.

He flashes a smile when he sees me. “Morning.”

“Morning.” I lean next to him against the wall. How is it that I keep finding him outside every time I flee? Or, maybe, why isn’t he in class, like he’s supposed to be?

I wish I could fall for a guy like Damon, uncomplicated, easy to get along with, and not very serious. But, of course, I fall for a guy who is the exact opposite of that...