I’m not sure when I realized it, but at some point during my walks through the forest, I saw that people had been at this tree at night. The tree that inspired so many of my early stories, with its strength, its size, the safe space under it. It was my magical place. And then, a couple of weeks ago, I found something under the tree. At first I was confused, but then I realized it was a window with something on it. Exactly like I’d written about in my stories. I put it into my pocket, just curious and surprised by it. But as time passed, I knew who it belonged to, who made it.

B.

I had no idea how to talk to him. What to ask. How to even tell him what I found. But, most of all, I had no idea if I was ever going to return it to him. It was egotistical, but I felt like it was mine and mine alone.

When the weather was so pleasant today, I had to come here. Because I knew that I couldn’t survive today on my own.

But here I wasn’t alone—I was protected by stories, by the fairies. And by the knowledge that this was where B had been before, also having seen some of that magic for himself.

So when he showed up, I wasn’t surprised, not really. I knew that no matter what had happened between us, I needed him today. I needed him at my side.

I couldn’t do another anniversary on my own, hiding my pain, not being with people who understood me.

I have no idea what B went through that night, but I know that it was horrible, if only because of the cryptic words from H. That what happened that night was someone else’s story to tell, and that everyone had been scared to lose someone they loved.

But I don’t know more than that. It can be anything. And the way he trailed his fingers over the scar, I’m pretty sure that I’m not going to like any of it.

“Did H tell you that we fought that night?”

I blink. “What?”

“They were in the parking lot when I left. We fought. The black eye I sported at graduation came from him. That moment, or maybe in the days after.” His voice trails away.

I remember seeing it, wondering for a moment, but both B and H regularly had bruises. They had a habit of getting into trouble, and into fights. Seeing bruises on them didn’t really make me question much, especially since I’d been upset with both of them.

Then he looks up at me. “I’m not even sure where to start. I did horrible things that night, and the nights after.”

“B...”

He puts his fingers to my lips. “I spent all the wedding and baby money. All of it. That night and the nights after.”

What? I’d forgotten that we had money put aside for our wedding and the baby. We saved for years, putting small amounts of money aside. “How?” It must have been a sizable amount too.

“Booze. Hotel costs. And the rest, and more, went into paying for damage I’d made at the hotel.” He keeps looking down. “I’m so sorry. I was stupid. I’d gotten it in my head that it didn’t matter anymore anyway. I’d lost you, we’d lost the baby. So what use was it to have all that money? I threw away all of it. Just... drained the account.”

I thought I’d be angry, but I don’t know how I feel about it. Empty, indifferent. We had lost everything already, and I’d forgotten the money existed. It had been a stupid idea anyway.

“I...” He opens my hand, sliding his fingers over my palm, and then he pulls a card from his pocket. “I put everything back, and more.” He puts the card into my hand. It’s still the same card we had back then, our names on it, together. “Every time I have a gig or sell some art, I put money into that account.”

I can’t believe this. I’m stunned for a moment. How much faith he must have had. “What if we’d never met again?” I close my hand around the card, emotional now. At how much thought B put into all of this while I’d been trying my hardest to forget.

“Someone would have been able to pay for a very expensive funeral in eighty years.” There is a smile to his words, but I can also hear the pain. Hope. He’d hoped that that would never be the case. He’d hoped that we’d meet again before that. B puts his hand over mine. “I want you to have it. It’s yours.”

“But you... It’s your money.”

He shakes his head. “No. I gave up that right when I spent it all in a fit of teenage rage. This is yours.”

What? “Why?”

He looks up, his eyes watery. “Because I love you. I’ve never loved anyone like I love you.” He takes a deep breath. “Lo... I almost killed myself that night. Losing you... I couldn’t handle it. I tried to kill myself. And if it wasn’t for H, I might not be here anymore.”

I gasp, my heart hurting, and I launch myself up, wrapping my arms around his neck, pulling him close. Sobs shake my body, and I feel B’s arms around me too, holding me tightly.

No. No. This... This can’t be true.

“The scar.” My voice is barely there.

“Yeah. With a broken bottle. I tried to end my pain, because I couldn’t do it without you. I never could. Seeing you that evening, I thought I really had lost you. That everything was over.” The tension in his voice, the way he keeps holding me.

“I was alive.” I was there, in the hospital, wishing every moment that he’d come back.

“Yeah, you were. But I couldn’t face seeing you like that ever again. I couldn’t lose you for real.”

“So you decided to end your life?” I can’t imagine the pain he must have been in to make that choice, to really plan to go through with it. How desperate he must have been. It breaks something in me knowing that the only way out for him was suicide.

“Yes.” He pulls at me, and we slide onto the grass, side by side, arms around each other. “I’d rather not live than never see you again. Than face the rest of my life alone knowing you’re gone.”

“And now?” I can barely speak, too overwhelmed.

“I’d rather live with you in my life. I know that a lot has happened. And the things I’ve just told you... I know that it won’t be easy to forgive me. But I don’t want to lose you again.”

“But... I said horrible things too. I did...” I caused him to feel like I’d turned him away. I made him feel like he wasn’t welcome anymore, like I didn’t love him anymore.

“I don’t care.” There is a strength behind his words. “I knew you were lashing out. I knew you long enough to know that you didn’t mean those words, not that night. Your words only gave me an excuse to flee, to believe that it would really be better if I weren’t there.”

I can barely breathe, my mind swimming. “My... I’m broken. How can you...” He doesn’t know how broken I really am. The darkness in my head. The fact that I can’t make friends, can’t keep friends. Can’t do anything.

He rolls on his side, hovering over me a little, leaning in close, his lips a fraction from mine. “I haven’t found anything to prove that.” His lips move against mine as he whispers, “The worst I’ve found is a broken heart.”

I slide my arms up, wrapping them around his neck and pulling him closer, crushing our lips together.

He’s really here. The things he told me are real.

He loves me. He’s always loved me.

When we pull apart, our breathing is hard, and I need to think for a moment, trying to remember something.

Then my eye falls on his arm, on the scar.

He tried to kill himself.

The tears start again, the sobs. The pain goes on and on. Going through me, burning my insides, cleansing so many of the bad thoughts going on.

“Shhh.” He holds me close, his heartbeat fast against my ear.

“I...” My voice squeaks, and I clear my throat. “I love you too.”

I’m not sure how we’re going to make this happen, how we’re going to manage this. But I know that I don’t ever want to lose him again. No matter what. I can’t be without him.

Without him at my side, I’m not whole.

Things are going to get complicated for a while, until we get back on our feet. But I don’t want to do it without him.

I don’t.

Never again.

After we got up from that forest floor, the ground crumpled all around us and our clothes filled with leaves and mud, we walked back to my house. Nobody was home—my parents were at work, and Lizzy was at college or with H.

B brought me inside, holding me tightly, and got me up to my bedroom. But, instead of undressing us both, he carefully put me to bed. Covering me and sitting there, looking my way, his eyes warm, though the darkness hadn’t fully lifted.

I wish I could have invited him to bed with me, but we both knew that we were too exhausted. It wasn’t going to happen today. This wasn’t about the lust that had guided our moves before, this was about caring. This was about making sure I was doing okay and promises to see each other soon. To talk to each other in the evening.

It was whispered words of love, whispered promises. Everything that we needed so much, and were now finally able to give.

I fell asleep quicker than I’d expected.

When I wake up, the room is empty, but there is a note on the pillow next to me.

I frown, sitting up. That sounds... a little ominous. I grab my laptop and open it, turning it on.

Like B said, there is an email in my inbox. The title doesn’t give anything away either: ‘For you.’

When I open the email, it’s just a link to a website. This is really getting weirder and weirder.

But as soon as I open the email, I start to smile. The page is titled ‘Fairy Kingdom’, and it’s filled with photos. A short text at the top talks about being inspired by a story from an old friend. It’s just a few lines. But what’s below it is much more important.

It starts with a shot from further away, and then closer shots from nearby the tree. The fairy kingdom is so magical. I can’t help the smile, and then my eyes fall on the little fairy window, placed on my bedside table. A fairy kingdom. Yeah.

I keep scrolling down, and with each image, I can imagine the exact scene from my story that he took his inspiration from. At the bottom is a video, and I click on it. The video shows a path as if the camera is flying towards the tree, and then it spirals around the tree once, before ending right in front of the reddish window.

I reach to my bedside table. My window. Our window.

I can’t believe he did this. I can’t believe he hid this from me.

My grin is making my cheeks ache. This is unbelievable. This is... Wow. Totally not something I expected, and it fills my heart with so much love, pushing away even more of the darkness that today carries.

Things may actually turn out okay.

I look up, letting my mind wander for a while, and then it clicks together.

I open the file with my story, reading the last couple of lines from it, and then my fingers start moving.

Yes.

This, I can do.

The words start streaming, flowing from my fingers onto the page, a calm inside me that I never expected to find again.

I know how this will end.

I’m pretty sure that everyone realizes something is different about me, but nobody at the dining table seems to want to ask about it.

Then H lets out a sigh. “How are you?”

I think for a moment. “Good.” No matter what happened today, no matter all the chaos that is still spinning inside me, I really am feeling good.

H nods, frowning. “Are you sure?”

I take a good look at him. He’s been affected by so many things in our past, and he knows the pain we’ve been through. “Yeah. Thank you. Thank you for everything. Thank you for being there for B three years ago.”

His eyes widen in surprise. “What?”

“He told me today. He told me everything. He told me what he did, he told me what happened.”

H nods, still surprised, but the others at the table only look confused. “I’d hoped that he would at some point.”

“Yeah...” I’m not even sure what else to say.

“B is Blaze, right?” Mom asks.

“Yeah.”

“You saw him today?” She looks a little worried.

“Yeah. We ran into each other in the forest. We talked.” I want to say more, but my own brain hasn’t even caught up with everything going on.

“Anything we need to know?” Dad looks my way too.

I shake my head. No, nothing yet. “I’ll tell you if there is.” Not that I think I’d be able to hide anything, not with the way B makes me feel.

“Okay.” Dad nods. “Now, should we expect him to join us at the table soon too?”

Lizzy makes a frustrated sound. “No. Not okay. I don’t want him at this table.”

I take her hand, leaning in. “It’s okay. Things have happened, but that doesn’t mean I’ll always need protection. But thank you.”

She looks my way, not sure about my words. “I will keep protecting you until I see that he deserves you.”

“I’ll tell him that.” I smile.

Yeah, people are going to be a little nervous with B being around me. But I never thought this was going to be easy. Years of pain and protection don’t just go away overnight.

But the start is there, and that’s more light in my life than I’ve had in years.