I can’t believe I’ve got Lo right here in my arms. I can’t believe how good it feels to hold her again, how good she smells. Just having her here short-circuits my brain. I grind up against her, pushing closer, as she holds onto me. The closet smells like paints and other art supplies, and they’re mingling with her scent. Fuck.

I kiss a line up her neck, her delicate pale neck, and then I reach her jaw. There is still a small part that’s scared she’ll run away, but I’m squashing that part of my brain, instead focusing on making this the best I can make it. It’s like a dream come true, and you know the thing with dreams—they never last for long. We both know that all too well. I slide my lips down her beautiful jaw until I reach her lips. I pull back for a moment, looking at her, looking at the girl of my dreams.

Lo runs her teeth over her bottom lip, her azure eyes darkened and pulling me in. She slides her arms up, wrapping them around my neck, and pulls me closer again, crashing her lips to mine. The sensation is sudden and a little unexpected. It’s rough, hard and full of need.

I push her against the hard shelves, pinning her between them and me, then I wrap one arm around her back, the other hand on the back of her head, and I angle her so I can deepen the kiss. I run the tip of my tongue over her lips, and she gasps as she lets me in again. I dive in, sliding my tongue against hers, exploring her, tasting her, teasing her. And, like always, she’s just as much teasing me, sucking on my tongue in a way that makes my dick crave her even more. Pushing in more and fighting my tongue until she’s overtaking me and she’s getting the upper hand in this kiss.

Then she pulls back, her breathing irregular, just like mine. Her eyes are on my lips, but then rove down to the shirt I’m wearing and she slides her hands down too, to the bottom of the shirt. I grip her arms, holding them. Her eyes shoot up again, surprised.

“Not yet.” My voice is rough, low, and I push her hands up over her head, pushing back against her, making her feel just how much I want her. I don’t think I’ve ever wanted anything or anyone as much as I want Lo...

She pushes her hips back against mine, letting out a small sound, keeping grinding. Fuck. She’s always been way too sexy for me, making me lose my mind. And to have her here...

I let out a growl and lift her up a little. She immediately wraps her legs around me, seating right over my hard dick, increasing the pressure. I take a couple of steps so that I can lean her back on a table, allowing me a little more freedom to use my hands.

I easily find the zipper on her dress and open it, then slide the top of her dress down, revealing a sexy lace bra. Her lush boobs are spilling from the cups, the fabric straining to keep them contained, and I put my mouth on one, kissing, tasting, feeling. Her amazing body, I need her so badly.

The next moment I hear a small sound, and suddenly her boobs are free, fully exposed. I pull the straps from her shoulders, throwing the bra aside, then I take one of her big tempting nipples in my mouth, sucking on it a little as I take her other boob in my hand, kneading it.

Lo lets out little sounds as she tightens her hips around me. “Fuck. More. Please...” Her voice is all breathy, and I’m very happy to comply with her wishes. There is nothing in the world I’d like to do more.

I lick her nipple, running the length of my tongue over the hardening bud, enjoying every sound she makes. Then I move to the other one, sucking on it, teasing it. I love how she feels.

Her hands start to wander over my body again, sliding down and grabbing me. I quickly lean back, pulling my shirt off. I need her hands on me. When I look back, Lo holds her boobs with her hands, her dress pooling around her waist, the sight sexy, erotic, making me wish for a moment that I had the skills to draw or paint well enough to replicate this. To be able to forever remember this moment.

I lean back in, meeting her open lips in a hard kiss with teeth and tongue as I grab her boobs and she runs her hands over me.

“New ones,” she whispers against my lips, and it takes me a moment to realize she means the tattoos. She trails her fingers over some, playing patterns on my skin, and I take her nipples between my fingers.

“Still no piercings.” I squeeze her nipples, pulling a soft yelp from her. “Still empty.”

Lo lets out a throaty laugh, full of desire and lust. “Don’t see any on you either...” She runs her fingers over my chest and squeezes my nipples in return.

I let out a groan, grabbing her hands and pushing them down, dangerously close to my rock-hard dick, straining in my jeans. “If you want to squeeze something, I’ve got a better idea for you.”

She cups my cock in her hands, rubbing, kneading.

I lean against her for a moment, then I run my hands over her soft skin, down her belly, until I reach the dress, sliding my fingers under it, touching places still hidden from me. I need more, I need to touch more of her.

I pull my hand back and instead run my hands up over her legs, which are still wrapped around me. I slide my hands under her skirt, over her beautiful legs, over her thighs, sliding up and up and I feel Lo’s hands on me falter a little.

When I look at her, her breasts move fast and her eyes are focused on where her hands are. The next moment my jeans open and she pushes one of her hands into my boxer briefs.

I can’t help the moan that escapes me, both from being freed and from her fingers on me, from Lo touching me. Fuck. Double fuck. I slide my hands up higher, grabbing her ass and pushing against her.

Our moans come out at the same time. She feels so good. I want her so badly. I need to be inside her.

I slide one hand around, running my thumb over her clit through the fabric of her lacy thong. Lo gasps and her legs move around me. She repays me by sliding her hand up and down over my dick, her grip perfectly tight.

“Fuck. Lo.” I look at her as I slide her thong to the side and slip my fingers under it, feeling how wet she is, how much she wants this too.

“Yes, please.” She pushes up against me, and it takes me a moment to realize what she means.

I still, and then I push one finger into her, my thumb on her clit, and Lo tightens around me, letting out sexy sounds. She pushes my jeans down further and then my boxer briefs before wrapping her hand around my dick, her fingers so good.

I slide my finger in and out of her, and she jacks me off at the same speed. My brain is quickly going to mush.

“I need you in me. Fuck me.” She lets go of my cock, instead putting both her hands on my hips, pulling me against her.

I can barely believe this is happening. I slide my finger out of her, then I grab my dick, putting the head against her wet heat. She angles her hips, trying to take me in. This pushes my self-restraint to the limit, breaking it. I grab her hips and push into her in one go, her heat engulfing me fully.

She silences our moans by kissing me hard, exchanging moan after moan as I slide into her more and more. She feels so good, makes me lose my mind.

I stop when I’m seated in her fully, feeling her tight grip around me, her heat.

“Oh. Fuck.” Lo’s breathy curses make me even hotter.

I reach between us and rub my finger over her clit, her pussy tightening around me, inciting more little curses from Lo.

I roll my hips, sliding in and out, but I know that I’m not going to last long like this. She feels too good, sounds too sexy, and I need her too much.

“B...” Lo’s arms around me tighten as her breath slides over my shoulder. “Fuck me, hard.” She tightens around me, making my thoughts falter for a moment.

I push harder into her, gaining speed, still giving her as much pleasure as I can. Frantic movements, quickening breaths, and I’m slowly losing my mind, feeling the pressure build inside me.

“Oh. Oh.” Lo’s arms tighten around me and I feel her pussy squeeze around me faster, more rhythmically. She’s getting close too. Then she lets out a hard gasp. “Blaze.” Her voice is hoarse, and she comes undone under me. Her pussy is gripping my cock, milking me.

I’m able to push into her once, twice, but then come undone too. I come hard inside her. It takes me a second to realize what went wrong, why I shouldn’t have come in her. I pull out, but it’s too late now.

My mind is hazy, unfocused, but at the edge of it, I realize that I forgot to put on a condom. I just came inside Lo without any protection.

Fuck.

I see the same realization set in Lo’s eyes, and what should have been a good moment after sex has suddenly turned bad.

No. Fuck. Fuck this.

I pull my boxer briefs and my jeans back up, suddenly aware where we are and what we did. I find Lo’s bra and give it to her, then I pull my shirt on. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”

I stumble back as Lo’s putting her bra back on, her eyes big, shocked. I open the door and leave. I flee.

Grabbing my jacket from the hooks outside in the hall, I leave, hurrying away.

Leaving Lo behind.

Again...

When I reach my apartment, I lock the door behind me, finally letting my brain go over what just happened.

I fucked Lo. I had sex with her. Without protection.

In a burst of frustration, I hit the wall, but it’s stone and instead of a dent in the wall, my knuckles are now also split and bleeding. Great. I look at my hand.

This is what happens when I give in to my instincts. I hurt myself. I break myself. I break everything and everyone around me.

I start hunting for my bandages as I leave behind a trail of little droplets of blood. I finally find them in the bathroom, and as I put my hand under the water to wash away the blood, I wince. Stings. I face myself in the mirror, my eyes wide, my mouth a thin line.

I keep messing up. I’m a danger to myself, but mostly, I’m a danger to others. I’m a danger to Lo...

After putting the bandages on, I go back to my living room and let myself fall on the couch. She tasted so good. She felt so good. Holding her, I felt the best I have in years. And I ruined it all. I got so absorbed by her, so absorbed by what was going on, that I ruined everything.

This can’t happen again. We can’t do this again. I can’t do this to her again. Because we already know how this ends. The pain I caused her, I caused myself.

Fuck.

Why did I think this was a good idea? Why did I pull her closer? Why did I kiss her? Why did I answer that longing in her eyes?

We already knew this was a bad idea. And I still did it. I still couldn’t control myself.

I go through my phone and find the picture that Damon saw this afternoon, the picture that made him look at me like I’m on the edge of insanity.

We looked so happy in the picture, we all looked so happy.

And now I want Lo back. I want her more than anything.

But I can’t have her.

I can’t.

And it’s all my own fault. Not just for leaving, that’s just the part she knows about. Even if she ever forgave me for leaving, I can’t forgive myself for the other stupid things I did that night and the days after. And those are potentially much, much worse.

Fuck.