Chapter 23
Claire
“Was this room always this small, Angry Cat?” I stared at the once glow-in-the-dark stars that lined the ceiling of my old bedroom. I was too exhausted to sleep. My whole apartment in NYC was basically one big bedroom. Maybe it was the lack of a kitchen in here that made this room look tiny.
Angry Cat didn't reply.
After everything that had happened these last six months with Chance, then with Maynard and now with the baby I almost expected the stuffed animal to give me a response. My plushy cat was the only thing other than clothes and my laptop that I brought with me to my parents’ house.
I couldn't be in that apartment any longer, there were too many memories. It was crazy how many big moments in my life happened between those walls. They weren't all bad experiences. I did have some good times with that jerk, Chance; and it was in that apartment that I hooked up with Maynard for the first time.
But the bad times were really hard. I had both Jonas and Lucy on the lookout for unwanted Billionaires trying to get in. I still hadn't recovered from knowing that Anthony could break in whenever he wanted.
And now with the release of these pictures of Maynard going back to his old ways... I needed to escape before I lost my mind. The flight home was a cheap standby seat. I hadn't even told my parents I was showing up but I had nowhere else to go.
I told school that there was a family emergency and that I needed to go home for a few days. I wasn't lying. This baby is my family now, and I'd say finding out about him or her was a goddam emergency.
To their credit my parents only went nuclear after I told them I was pregnant. That was a two hour conversation that took ten years off the end of my life. My parents weren't Luddites, they had seen the pictures of Maynard with the two women online. Any leeway they might have given him evaporated.
It didn't help that I tried to defend him through most of it. I still had such mixed feelings about the whole thing. I had trouble accepting the pictures as being real. I really felt like I knew him. Maynard wasn't a bad person. He had his flaws, but this event that he went to seemed to fly in the face of everything he was trying to accomplish. I wish I knew what was going on with him.
Him? I was the one having a baby!
I pressed my palms into my forehead. This couldn't have happened at a worst time. I did the math in my head I'd be taking my final exams toward the end of my second trimester. Was it even possible to study with “baby brain”? These next few months were going to seriously suck.
I was so angry at everything! Maynard had obviously moved on if he was already sleeping with other women. Thinking of him being touched by anyone else made me feel sick. It didn't matter that I dumped him, I still hated it. I didn't want to leave him, it just seemed like that was the only way to accomplish my goals.
Now I wasn't so sure it was the right decision.
It was more than just anger, the thought of giving birth all alone made me sad and afraid. How was I going to do this all by myself? I would have to move back in with my parents and lose the freedom I was so proud of. One of the happiest pre-Maynard moments in my life was the day I left home.
My parents were very strict: their house, their rules. I liked not having a curfew. I liked playing my music loud and eating whatever I wanted. If I decided to go out drinking all night there was no one at my apartment to judge me. Moving back here, even if it was with a diploma, felt like I had failed.
Oh, God, what was I going to do?
A tap at the window near my headboard startled me. The wind was picking up. A small piece of ice probably dislodged from a tree and— another tap, then another.
What the hell?
I got out of bed and pushed aside the curtains. I looked out my second story window into an unnatural darkness. Usually there were diffused lights through the trees from the neighbor's house or some moonlight or something.
Then the darkness shifted and I realized I was staring directly at a person's shirt. Someone was nearly pressed up against my bedroom window.
“Hi,” the muffled voice said through the glass.
“Ahh!” I screamed and fell backward. I was freaking out that Anthony had come for me or sent some sort of assassin! I needed a weapon to defend myself so I grabbed the flashlight that I kept on my nightstand.
“It's me,” Maynard whispered, calmingly. He tugged down the scarf that he wore over most of his face and lit himself with his cellphone light. “I'm not going to hurt you.”
I had to read the words on his lips because all I could hear was the thunder of blood pumping in my ears. My heart strained against my ribs, threatening to explode. I struggled to my feet with a hand over my chest. I don't think I’d ever been that scared before.
As soon as I unlocked the window, Maynard had it open. I shivered against the cold gust of wind that followed him. It felt arctic to me because I only wore a sleeveless shirt and flannel pants. Maynard saw my discomfort and closed the window right after.
“Are you out of your mind?!” I shouted at the top of my angry whisper. “Coming in here like Batman? What is wrong with you? You nearly gave me a fucking heart attack!”
“Sorry. But knowing how your parents feel about me, I knew this was the only way I was going to get to see you.” Maynard unraveled his scarf and pulled back his knitted cap.
From his cargo pants to his insulated coat to the turtleneck beneath that, Maynard wore all black. The only color on him was his crisp blue eyes; they were little pools of Caribbean water. I always felt like I could escape in those eyes.
“I didn't mean to interrupt anything.”
“Interrupt?” I asked. It was nearly four in the morning. What could he possibly be interrupting besides sleep, and I wasn't getting that anyways. Maynard's eyes flicked down to the weapon in my hand. My face flushed in horror when I realized I wasn't holding my flashlight.
Really, Claire? I cursed myself and my flashlight, which still laid innocuously on the nightstand. I sprang backward like I was pulled by a wire and stuffed my veiny blue dildo beneath my pillow. I was so embarrassed.
“Or were you waiting for me?” Maynard's stupid handsome face creased in a wickedly playful smile.
“No!” I blushed. My face and chest were scalding with so much embarrassed heat that it made me wish for that window to still be open. Awkwardness aside, I was still angry at him and I wasn't about to let this silliness distract me. “Don't change the subject. What the hell are you doing here?”
“I came to explain. I had to see you.” Maynard's signature mischievous smile wilted into an appeal. He looked me over almost mournfully.
My God. Had he really missed me as much as I missed him?
Maynard opened his mouth to continue, but the footfalls in the hallway silenced both of us. There was a knock on my bedroom door. In a panic, I pointed under the bed and Maynard gracefully dropped and rolled. By the time the door cracked open Maynard was fortunately gone.
“Are you alright, Claire?” My mother asked, groggily wiping the sleep from her eyes. “I heard you scream.”
“Sorry. I was having a nightmare.” Was I really that loud? My father became a lumberjack in his sleep and sawed wood so loudly that my mother had to wear earplugs.
“Is your stomach alright?”
“Yes, I'm just a little stressed out that's all. I didn't mean to wake you. I'm alright now.” I started to close the door but Mom caught it and opened it wider.
“Let's talk for a minute, Honey.” Mom walked into my room and turned on my bedside lamp.
Crap crap crap!
She went to sit down at the head of my bed, dangerously close to my dildo, but I was able to slip by her and sit there first. With Maynard hiding under my bed I couldn't deal with the added stress if her accidentally stumbling across my vibrator too.
What a surreal night.
“I want to apologize for earlier,” Mom said. She took a moment, then continued. This wasn't like Mom. She always made me feel loved, but Dad was the big softy of the two. “Your father and I came off harsher than we meant too. We know that you're going through a very difficult time right now.”
Oh, if she only knew...
“Mom, it's okay.”
“No it's not.” She frowned. “We've always been a little hard on you, but that was only because we knew that we couldn't always be there to protect you. It's a mean world out there, and we wanted you to be tough enough to survive, to thrive even. But,” Mom sighed and placed a hand on my stomach. “You're our only daughter and we want you to know that despite whatever happens we are here for you if you need us.”
“Thanks, Mom.” I didn't expect such emotion from her, and it made me tear up.
“I love you, Honey,” Mom's lips pressed together into a white line and she fought back tears of her own.
“I love you too,” I hugged her tighter than I had in years.
“Okay,” Mom wiped the tears from her eyes and stood up. “You need your rest. We'll talk more in the morning.”
I nodded as she closed the door behind her. I exhaled, trying to compose myself. Everything was crazy now, but I felt so much better knowing my parents weren't mad at me. I always knew they loved me, but it was really nice hearing it out loud every once in a while.
Maynard soundlessly crawled out from under the bed. I was so lost in the moment with Mom that I briefly forgot he was still beneath the bed. Maynard showing up like this reminded me of a fantasy I had growing up where the boy I had a crush on in high school would show up in the middle of the night and tap on my window.
In retrospect I'm glad he never did, that guy turned out to be such an asshole.
“What was that you and your Mom were talking about?” Maynard asked softly.
Oh shit. Of course he heard everything, he was literally a few feet away!
I thought over the conversation. Did we say anything about the baby? I was too caught up in the conversation to remember the exact words. I didn't want Maynard to find out about my pregnancy by overhearing it; I wanted to be the one to tell him directly.
It was such big news that I didn't know how to even form the sentences. A worry stabbed me in the side. What if I told him and he abandoned me or wanted me to have an abortion?
“There's another reason you came home, isn't there?” his words hung ominously.
“I—” I hesitated, choking on the words. “There's something I need to tell you.”