CHAPTER FIFTEEN
Mathias stared at her. After a moment, his manner cooled dramatically. “You will explain.”
Cathlina could see, in that instance, that her honesty had not been well-met and she struggled to explain to him in a way that wouldn’t send him into a rage. In fact, she started to tremble, now very sorry that she had opened up to him. It had been a mistake.
“I was very young,” she said, struggling not to cry from the expression on his face. “I was around fourteen years of age and… at Lincoln where I fostered… the servants and soldiers constantly coupled. As young girls, we used to spy on them. When the lady of the castle explained the ways of men and women to the young women in her charge… the way she told us of coupling made it seem so… she spoke of it as if it was nothing precious or unusual. She spoke of it in little detail and told us that we must discover for ourselves one day what a curious and detestable act it was. We decided that one of us would find out what she meant and tell the others and… oh, Mathias, I was stupid and irresponsible. I was so young… I did not know at the time that my virginity belonged to my husband. My foolish companions at Lincoln never told me that part of it and when I found out, I swore never to tell my parents. I could have very easily not told you but… well, you said we must have honesty in this marriage so I told you. I am sorry if I disappointed you.”
Mathias continued to stand there, staring at her. He truthfully had no idea how to feel. Cheated crossed his mind, as did deception, but she had made it clear deception was not the case. She had told him something she very well didn’t have to. She could have explained away the lack of blood on the marital sheets a number of different ways and that, of course, would have been deception. More than anything, he realized he felt vastly hurt and disappointed. Someone had touched his sweet Cathlina first. It was his own fault really. He married her so swiftly he never discovered such things. Now it was too late. But truth be told, even if he had known, he would have married her anyway. He felt too strongly about her not to.
With a heavy sigh, he planted himself on the bed, pondering her revelation. His expression was like stone until he looked up and saw the tears in her eyes. He could feel himself ease somewhat, understanding the fear and regret she was feeling. He could see it in her face.
“You will tell me in exact detail what happened,” he said quietly.
She sniffled, nodded, and quickly wiped the tears that were starting to spill. “I was in the great hall and he was….”
“Nay,” he cut her off. “The act itself. Tell me what he did to you.”
She blinked at the request but dutifully recalled the event in as much detail as she could. “He…,” she said, swallowed hard, then began again. “It happened so fast. He put his hand up my shift and his fingers… he put them inside me. I could not see very much because my skirts were up around my neck but he lay atop me and… are you sure you want to hear this?”
“Go on.”
She reluctantly obliged. “Very well,” she said quietly. “He lay atop me and I felt something… you know, like his fingers, only it seemed bigger, but then he groaned and climbed off of me. He told me how beautiful I was, kissed my cheek, and that was the end of it. When I tried to put my skirts down, there was a big wet spot on them. My friends said it was where he spilled his seed.”
“Then he did not penetrate you?”
She shrugged. “His fingers did,” she said softly. “I do not really know if anything else did.”
“Did you feel pain? Was there blood?”
She shook her head. “There was no real pain at all,” she said honestly. “To be truthful, I do not recall seeing any blood.”
Mathias thought on that, realizing he felt marginally better about the situation. He was coming to see a very clumsy attempt that evidently went nowhere. From what she described, it was barely anything at all but she had bared her soul as if she had wildly fornicated. That seemed not to be the case at all and as much as he found it rather shocking that a well-bred lady should have behaved so, he realized he was fighting off a smile. His little Cathlina was a bit of a foolish rebel, which oddly pleased him. He was starting to feel rather inadequate against her perfection.
“Then I would wager to say that you are still virgin,” he said. “From what you have told me, it does not seem as if he completed the deed.”
Cathlina stared at him, shocked to hear words of understanding coming out his mouth. It was not what she had expected at all. She nearly collapsed with emotion, with relief.
“Mathias, I am so sorry,” she whimpered, squeezing her eyes shut as she put her face in her hands. “I was so young and stupid. I had no idea how serious it was until later. You must understand that I am truly and deeply sorry. I pray you will forgive me.”
He looked at her lowered head a moment before reaching out a hand to touch her silky hair. “I suppose we have all been foolish in our life,” he said. “You have been truthful with me and I appreciate it. But I will say this, coupling between a husband and wife is sacred. If no one has told you that before, I will tell you now. We are married now and I am the only man you can have relations with. Is this clear?”
She nodded before he even finished his sentence. “You do not need to even say such things,” she said. “I understand it all too well and I would be true and faithful to you in any case.”
“Just so we understand one another.”
“We do indeed,” she assured him. “Even if I did not adore you, you are still my husband and I would never so much as look at another man. You are the only man in my world, now and ever more. What I did those years ago… as I said, I was very young and very foolish. I did not understand the gravity of it. I have grown up since then.”
“Say it again.”
“Say what?”
“That you adore me.”
Cathlina smiled, her eyes glimmering. “I do adore you,” she said confidently. “Did you not realize that?”
He smiled in return, a genuine smile, somehow feeling closer to her after her heartfelt and astonishing confession. He’d never felt so close to a woman and as the moments passed, he could feel himself being sucked deeper and deeper into her world. Leaning forward, he captured her face in his big hands and his lips slanted hungrily over hers.
By the light of the fire, Mathias kissed Cathlina as passionately as he had ever kissed a woman in his life. She was so very soft and sweet, pliable to his whims, and soon enough he picked her up and set her on his lap. It was a rough movement but one of extreme excitement. She ended up straddling him, still in her shift and hose. But other than those items, she wore nothing underneath.
Mathias knew that and it excited him almost beyond coherency. Cathlina’s arms were around his neck as his big arms encircled her, his mouth suckling the breath from her. His hands began to roam, feeling her slender torso through her shift before moving to the flesh of her ankles. As his mouth moved to her jaw, her neck, his hands moved up her silky legs until they came to rest on her knees. He couldn’t even remember feeling anything so wonderfully soft and it fed his desire.
She didn’t flinch as his hands snaked down her thighs and came to rest on her hips, but he did feel her tense. When his fingers danced up her torso, he felt her shudder, and he couldn’t resist gently groping her breasts. When he did that, she tried to pull away purely out of embarrassment and apprehension, but he stopped her.
“Stay, stay,” he whispered, holding her fast with one big arm while his free hand very gently fondled her. “This is something you will like, I promise.”
Cathlina was torn between overwhelming sensations and natural anxiety. “But… is this what men do?”
He laughed intimately as he kissed her mouth. “This is what husbands do.”
Her eyes were open, watching him as he kissed her. When his mouth trailed down her jaw to her shoulder, she looked down to see his big hand fondling her soft, full breasts beneath her shift. Her nipples were hard and he toyed with them, causing her entire body to tremble. It was curiosity and it was fascination, watching her husband as he touched her body. She should have been very frightened by it all but she truly wasn’t. Something about Mathias’ touch made her feel warm and wriggly inside. When he finally pulled the shift over her head and latched onto a nipple, sucking tenderly, Cathlina’s reaction was to gasp and clutch his head. The sensual sensations were too much for her to contain.
Mathias could hardly believe how responsive she was to him. The harder he suckled her, the more she bucked and groaned, until a hand moved down her belly to the thatch of dark curls between her legs. Since she was straddling him, her legs were already wide apart and he stroked her, feeling her leap. In fact, she put her hands on his shoulders and tried to climb off of him but he wouldn’t let her. He suckled her breasts steadily, holding her against him with one hand while the other went to work between her legs.
She was already very wet and hot, and he carefully inserted a finger into her. Cathlina gasped at the tender intrusion but stopped trying to push away from him because he was holding her too tightly. There was nowhere to go so she sat atop his lap, her head back and eyes wide open to the ceiling, struggling to process everything he was doing to her. She knew she mostly liked it but there was natural fear there as well. It was nothing like her silly tryst with the young knight back at Lincoln Castle. This was an encounter between a man and his wife. This was an encounter between her and Mathias… her Mathias.
Therefore, she simply wrapped her arms around his neck and held on fast when he stood up and carried her over to the small rope bed. He laid her down in the soft light of the fire, pulling off his tunic and lowering his breeches between heated kisses. She was wet and ready for him, and he wouldn’t wait any longer.
Very carefully, he edged his phallus into her quivering body, feeling her tense as he gained headway. He nursed at her breasts to distract her as he recoiled and thrust again, listening to her grunt as he seated himself deep. She didn’t cry out or try to push him away, but rather seemed willing to accept all he was doing to her. He found that kind of bravery admirable, adding to his already-strong feelings for the woman.
When he was finally deeply embedded in her, he began to thrust, gently at first but with increasing power. Cathlina lay beneath him, her legs spread wide apart as she welcomed her husband into her body for the first time. He was skilled and he was gentle, and he succeeded in building an odd heat within her loins that made her want to wriggle her hips against him. She learned early on that bolts of lightning surged through her body every time they came together and she was intent to seek the lightning that seemed to grow brighter with each successive thrust.
Something was building inside of her the more he moved until finally, the thunder rolled and the lightning exploded deep within her. She began gasping so loudly as wave after wave of ecstasy rolled over her that Mathias had to put his hand over her mouth to keep her quiet. But her pleasure threw him over the edge and in one great and powerful thrust, he spilled himself deep.
Even when he was spent, he didn’t want it to be over. He wanted to remain as they were for the rest of his life. He continued to stroke in and out of her, feeling the warm wetness of what he had put in her, and utterly and incredibly happy for the first time in many years. Beneath him, Cathlina lie still and quiet. He finally lifted his head and looked at her.
“Are you well?” he asked huskily. “Did I hurt you?”
She met his gaze. “Nay,” she whispered. “You did not hurt me in the least. You were quite gentle.”
“I tried.”
“You succeeded.” She grinned at him as he smiled at her. “But… I was thinking….”
“What?”
“The lady of Lincoln was quite wrong,” she admitted. “This was not a dispassionate act at all. She must have had a terrible husband.”
Mathias laughed knowingly. “I hope to never fall into that category.”
Cathlina touched his face, inspecting the masculine lines. “I do not expect that you will,” she replied. “Already, you have proven yourself quite wonderful.”
Mathias kissed her, without all of the blazing passion now that his lust was sated but more with emotion and sentiment. It was stronger than all of the lust in the world. What he felt for her was coming from the heart, not the loins. It was both frightening and wonderful. From this moment on, they were irrevocably joined.
When Mathias finally rolled off of her and settled in for sleep, Cathlina stopped him. He had no idea why until she got up from the bed and peered closely at the linen beneath them. When she spied what she had been looking for, she pointed it out to him with a somewhat joyful expression. Mathias grinned when he saw it.
There was blood on the fabric.