Chapter Twelve

After retrieving my luggage from the airline carousel and getting through customs, I finally wheeled my bag toward the last doors. I was officially back in the States.

A frothy excitement at seeing my family tamped down the weighty jet leg and residue of my hangover. I didn’t sleep a wink on the way home, full of sudden doubt at the way I left things with Luca. I missed him and wondered if I made a mistake. After I packed up, I texted him, telling him I wanted to see him again before I left, but I received no response. Colleen snatched the opportunity to spend the last night with me, and we got pretty drunk.

When I reached the automatic doors, I sucked in my nervous excitement, ready to hold my family in the tightest hug. I took five steps out and stopped. A huge sign in neon pink danced at the railing.

 

“Welcome Home From Rehab, Jayme!

Porn IS A Real Addiction.”

 

I burst out laughing, my hand going to my mouth as I bent over with humor, knowing only one person who would do that.

“Jay-Jay!” My sister’s voice jerked my head to the little girl with milk chocolate eyes and a huge smile lighting up her entire face. I swooped her up, her legs and arms wrapping around me like a monkey. “I’ve missed you so much!”

“I’ve missed you to the moon and back, Squirt.” I crushed her to me. She had grown tall even since Christmas.

“Well, I’ve missed you to infinity and beyond.” She wrapped around me tighter.

“Jayme.” Mom and Dad moved in, hugging me around Reece, tears already running down Mom’s face.

“So good to see you, Jay-Jay.” Dad kissed my head, pulling me into his arms. It had been five months since they headed home from their visit to Italy. That was a long time for our little family. After another hug and kiss from my mom, I set down Reece, wiggling through my parents to see the girl with blonde-and-teal-striped hair behind them holding the bright sign.

“Now, I promised your mom I’d keep you porn-free for at least six days.” She tucked some hair behind her ear, looking bored. “The things I do for you, Whiskey.”

“Please.” I rolled my eyes. “You couldn’t even do it for six hours.”

“Try six minutes.” A slow smile turned up her face. A grin broke over my mine, and we ran for each other, colliding in a heap of arms and cries of joy. We had texted and Facetimed, but I hadn’t seen her for a year, and I didn’t realize how badly I missed her until she was in front of me. We held on to each other, half laughing and half crying. A piece of my heart snapped back into place.

“Fuck, I’ve missed you, Whiskey,” she whispered in my ear. “You just…” She trailed off, but I didn’t need her to finish, I understood. If friends could be soul mates, she was mine. As different as we were, we got each other like no one else did.

“Thanks to Stevie, we had a very awkward car ride.” Mom stepped behind me, glaring humorously at Stevie.

“Why?”

“Try figuring out how to dodge explaining to a six-year-old what porn is.” Mom shook her head at the sign Stevie held. Funny, Stevie seemed to be the only one who could do stuff like that and my mom would just laugh. Dad found her antics a little much but seemed to like her otherwise.

“Grandma Penny, Grandma Nessa, and Grandpa T are waiting at home. I know they are all anxious to see you.” Mom kissed my cheek again, taking Reece’s hand. Dad grabbed my luggage as our group headed to our Subaru. Reece sat between Stevie and me, holding both our hands, rambling on and on about school and life in her six-year-old world, excited about going to first grade in the fall. Mom caught me up on things, but really nothing much in this town had happened. The familiar streets felt so strange. It was almost as though I’d never left, but at the same time, like I didn’t belong. The girl who boarded the plane almost a year ago was vastly different from the girl who had returned. The town felt small. As much as I loved my parents, this was not my home. I didn’t know where it was yet, but my future was no longer here. Traveling around the EU opened my eyes, and I never wanted go back to being the same person I was when I left.

“Look! Look!” Reece ran to our new pool, jumping up and down. “Come swimming with me Jay-Jay!” It was a kidney shape, taking up a lot of our small backyard, but it brought pure happiness to Reece. Grandma Nessa looked very pleased with herself.

“Maybe tomorrow, Squirt.” I rubbed her head, she had grown at least two inches while I was gone.

Grandpa T grilled hamburgers and Grandma Nessa set the outside table like we had guests coming over, though it was just me, jet lagged and in desperate need of a shower. Grandma Penny lay on a deck chair under a floppy hat, clutching a glass of lemonade with her leg in a cast propped on a pillow. It was good to see her.

“Even since Christmas, you look different.” Grandma Penny brushed my hair away from my face, taking me in.

“Really?”

“Yeah, more grown up. Sure of yourself. A woman.” She winked at me. “Did we fall in love with a sexy Italian? Please say yes.”

“He was certainly Italian.”

“That’s my girl.” She patted my hand, but her lids narrowed, studying me. “Don’t be afraid to love, Jayme. Take an old lady’s advice: It’s the only thing worth anything in the end.”

I jerked my gaze away, feeling like she saw through my response like water. I loved Luca, so why didn’t I just say so?

It was a lovely dinner, everyone laughing and joking as I shared my latest stories, but I’d forgotten about the southern heat and the humidity gluing my clothes to my skin, beads of sweat trickling down my back.

Dad lifted his beer. “To Jaymerson being home. We are glad to have you back.” Everyone followed suit. “And we are so proud of you. I don’t need to tell you I didn’t think there was a career in art, and not only did you prove me wrong, but you excelled in it.” My father changed his tune when Colleen sent a recommendation letter to the art program at the Smithsonian. He got their magazines monthly, and I think that was what finally made him take me seriously.

“To Jaymerson,” everyone yelled, cheering me, glasses clinking. I looked around and realized how lucky I was. In that moment I was glad to be home.

 

 

“Does it feel weird to be back?” Stevie stretched out on my bed, picking at the beads on a decorative pillow.

“Yeah. It does. Surreal,” I finished, transferring all my clothes from my luggage to the laundry, not caring what was actually clean or dirty.

“That’s how I feel every time I step back into this town.” She went up on her elbows. “So, tell me all about how you left things with the Italian stud.”

My eyes darted to my open door, which I strolled over and shut. Reece was in bed, and my grandparents had left, but my parents were still up. They didn’t know I had lived with Luca. They thought I moved in with a fellow associate at the museum. They never even considered it wasn’t a girl, and I didn’t sway them to believe differently.

“You’re nineteen, girl.” Stevie laughed, sitting up.

“I know, but you know my dad. He’d rather not deal with it, especially because it’s over and I can’t change anything.”

“Is it over?” She lifted an eyebrow. Stevie was the only one who got the full truth of the situation. Colleen was so happy in her relationship that she couldn’t seem to understand my doubts. All she saw, like everyone else, was that he was perfect and loved me, and we seemed happy and perfectly suited for each other.

“I don’t know.” I rubbed my head, still doubting my feelings. After a while when everyone is telling you you’re an idiot, including yourself, you start to think you might be. “He asked me to marry him.”

“WHAT. THE. HELL?” Stevie shrieked, bouncing up on her knees.

“Shhhhh.” I put my finger to my lips, nervously watching my door.

“Oh. My. God.” She moved closer to me. “Are you kidding me right now?”

“Funny, that was exactly what I asked him.” I snorted, shoving my suitcase in my closet.

“He really asked you to marry him?”

“Yes. He said even if it was for me to just get a visa and stay, but… it meant more. He wanted more.”

“He does realize you’re nineteen, right?” Stevie sat back on her heels. “How could you keep this from me?”

“It just happened. The day before I left.”

“It was right after sex, wasn’t it?” She tilted her head.

A slow smile curved my face.

“Damn, Whiskey, you make me proud.” She grasped her heart. “You must be exceptional in bed. I should know; I’ve gotten my fair share of proposals after sex.” She shrugged. “It’s a blessing and a curse.”

I jumped on the bed next to her, laughing. “Crap, I’ve missed you.”

“I’ve missed you too.” Stevie’s black-rimmed eyes turned serious. “And I don’t miss people.”

“I feel honored.”

“You should.” She folded her legs, facing me. “So, I’m figuring you said no.”

“Yeah.” I took a deep breath. “Why do I feel like something’s wrong with me? Like I’m broken or something?” I shook my head. “Not for not wanting to marry him; I’m way too young. But shouldn’t I have been excited he wanted me to stay? That he loved me?”

“What did you feel instead?”

My eyes lifted connecting with hers. “Crippling fear. Confusion. I think I love him… but…”

“Oh.” She grimaced, her shoulders drooping, and I knew she understood. Probably better than anyone. “That’s not good.”

Exhaling, I collapsed onto my pillows. “What’s wrong with me? You saw him! He’s the epitome of what every girl fantasizes when they dream about a love affair with an Italian man.”

“Pretty much, but I’d think one of those Italian women would be even better.”

“Same ol’ Stevie.”

“Yeah, poor me. I have even more gorgeous people to sleep with.”

I chuckled but felt exhaustion prick at my lids.

“And you’re not broken. He just wasn’t the one for you.”

“What if he was? I was happy, Stevie… I don’t understand myself. Our time together was amazing. Perfect!” I exclaimed. “I miss him. So what’s the problem? What’s wrong with me?”

“Nothing.”

“Doesn’t feel that way.” I rubbed my face, my uncertainty only growing. “I hate this.”

“You’re about to really not like me.” Her fingers thumbed the beads on the pillow again, apprehension tensing her shoulders. “Because of what I have to say next.”

I pushed up, dread bleeding into my stomach. “What?”

“I hate being the one to tell you this, but I’d rather you hear it from me. Plus, in this town, you’re gonna find out soon enough.”

“What… Stevie?” I gritted my teeth.

She huffed, rolling her shoulders back, her gaze meeting mine.

“He’s here.”

I knew who she was talking about but hoped I was wrong. “What are you talking about?”

“Hunter.” She said his name like it was a bomb. “I saw him the other day at his job. You know, he’s no longer doing supercross.”

“Oh.” Acid filled my stomach, and every emotion I had blocked away came boiling up, sizzling through my skin. I sucked in through my nose, shoved off my bed, and tried to ignore the instantaneous reaction just his name had on me. “That’s nice.” I folded a shirt that was on the floor, busying myself.

“Whiskey, I thought you should know, and that’s not all.” Stevie was blunt and forward, not caring who she ran over, and yet I could see how nervous she was to tell me this. She nibbled on her bottom lip, her fingers absently tugging at the pillow beads, her gaze not quite meeting mine.

“He and Krista—”

My gut already knew where this was going. “No,” I practically shouted, gulping back. “I don’t care. I closed that door on my life. Moved on.”

“Have you?”

“Have you from Chris?” I snapped, anger rushing up my throat. Stevie sat back, her eyes widening. Crap. Look how fast a simple name could make me lose it. “I’m sorry.”

“I’m not like you, Whiskey. You have an open heart. I never did,” she said quietly. “I’m open to everything else, especially sex, but not love. I wasn’t built for it. You are. And you loved him.”

I knew her; she could lie to me, to herself, but I knew she was capable of great love. Her heart was enormous, but she had walled it up a long time ago. Something told me there was more to Stevie’s past than losing her father. Something she buried deep, not allowing me or even herself to recognize.

“Loved him. Past tense.”

“You know I always liked you and Hunter together. When everyone else was against you two, I could see how perfect you were. I truly believed you two were meant for each other, but now?” She clicked her tongue. “The faster you can leave this town, head to college… I think it’s for the best.”

I held my tongue, the plea for her to tell me what she knew, but nothing good would come of it. Hunter and I only caused each other pain. We always had.

I was home for a few months, then going back to college. If I could keep clear of him, it would be better for all. And deep down, I already knew what she was going to tell me about him and Krista. I just couldn’t handle hearing it.

Was she his fiancée… or his wife?