Chapter Eleven
Two hours later, and Lila felt like herself again. She’d rationalized away the paper as a coincidence. After all, she had received the paper when she lived in Charlotte, so maybe they forwarded to her new address. Or maybe . . . well, she didn’t know. But she wouldn’t let this wreck her weekend.
Going back to packing, Lila glanced down at what she had so far. While Lila would never call herself an expert at camping, she’d spent her entire childhood outside. Sure, mostly chasing after Lucas and Charlie, but still, she could do the outdoors. She didn’t need to wear makeup or have her hair done to feel like herself, and she was comfortable enough in hiking boots, breathable shorts, and a tank to get by. Which meant she packed light, and for the most part, was as low-maintenance as they came.
And yet as she stared at her backpack, she felt like she was missing something. She had sunblock, a first-aid kit, trail mix, water bottle, hand sanitizer. What was she missing? Something she should be thinking about, something about safety. Something . . . Hmm . . .
She walked over to her dresser and began opening each drawer just to look inside, hoping she would stumble on something that might trigger her memory. Nothing. Unsure of what to do, she continued on around her bedroom, opening drawers, until she stopped at the nightstand and a light bulb went off in her head. Opening the top drawer, she peered down at the box of condoms staring back at her.
It had been a long time since Lila had thought about getting close enough to someone to even consider sex. So when she’d confessed to Audrey over lunch the other day that she wasn’t on the pill—what was the point in wasting the money?—and she didn’t even own condoms, Audrey showed up at her apartment at Annie’s with a plastic bag from the drugstore and a brand-new box of condoms.
“Here,” she had said. “I know you said you don’t need them, but you never know when love might strike. Might as well be prepared.” She winked, passed over the bag, and Lila had tucked them into her nightstand, not a thought about them since, until now.
She took out the box and tapped it, then she tilted her head one way, then the other, considering. Then she read every word on the front of the box, and then flipped it over to read the back, because apparently stalling was her favorite pastime. Maybe she could just bring one just in case, but then this was Charlie. The last thing she needed around Charlie was a condom, and even if somehow a miracle happened and he did make a move, for the first time putting her and her wants on the same level as Lucas’s, then surely he would have his own. Women didn’t buy the condoms. Still . . .
Sliding open the top of the box, she reached in to take one out just as a voice from her doorway called, “Hey, Lila, I let myself in.” She turned to see Charlie coming toward her, and all of a sudden all motor function disappeared from her body. She fumbled with the box, trying desperately to hide it, but instead she ended up tossing it into the air, the condoms inside soaring like flying saucers all over her room. Her eyes went wide, her mouth open, all of it happening in slow motion, no way to stop it, and then as if the horrible scene needed a grand finale, Charlie caught the box in his hands.
He peered down at it, and then his eyebrows threaded together, before his gaze returned to her, one eyebrow cocked in question, but what could she say? What in the world could she possibly say to explain this?
Charlie shook his head slowly. “Wow, I never would have guessed that Annie would be so active at her age.” He bent down and started picking them up, all the while Lila felt sure her entire body had turned crimson red. “Since it’s her house, I’m assuming these are hers?” He eyed her, his intent clear. He was giving her an out, and God bless him for it, because right that second Lila wanted to crawl into a hole and die.
“Um, right. Yeah . . . Annie’s. I found them in the nightstand. Guess she gets it on here instead of her house.” Oh my God, she did not just say that! Annie was nearly seventy, and she was talking about her hook-up preferences. She was going to hell for this, no stops, direct path to hell. “And, um . . . we probably shouldn’t talk about this ever again. You know, respect for her privacy and all.”
“Oh, of course. Especially since she seems to prefer—” He raised a single wrapped condom closer to his face and read, “Trojan’s Double Ecstasy, which apparently lets you feel the pleasure, not the condom.”
Lila covered her face with her hands. “She’s never going to live this down, is she?” she asked, still under the pretense that they were talking about Annie.
“Never. Though . . .” He finished picking up the rest of the condoms and put them back into the box, then handed it over to Lila, those sinful green eyes of his darkening. “Any man worth a damn will have his own. Well, maybe not Double Ecstasy.” He cracked a grin, and Lila burst into laughter. “Condoms aside, are you ready to go?”
“Yes, please.” Before I die of embarrassment.
The two-hour ride to the campground, which Charlie claimed was one of the best spots in the Appalachians, was surprisingly peaceful. They talked about their lives up until that point, both avoiding especially personal bits that clearly neither was willing to share. The air cooled as they climbed higher up the mountain, and Lila thought she may have made a fatal mistake in forgetting to pack a jacket. But at least she had her sleeping bag for tonight, and never one to be especially cold, she felt sure she’d survive. It was just two days after all.
“So, no big relationships?” Charlie asked with a grin over at her as they closed to the end of their chat about their love lives. “Gotta admit, I thought for sure you’d be married.”
She shrugged. “Hey, I’m only twenty-eight. That’s not too old to meet someone. In fact, I was reading this story the other day about a couple who found each other in their eighties, neither had been married before, but they met and fell in love.”
“Ah, I see. Didn’t realize you were holding out for the glory years to tie the knot.”
She playfully pushed him. “I didn’t say I was waiting until I was in my eighties.”
He pulled his attention from the road to look at her. “So what are you waiting for?”
“I don’t know. I guess the right person. Someone who can give me all the things I want and I can give him all the things he wants.”
Charlie went silent for a moment, then casually asked, “What do you want?”
Lila went still, her thoughts on what she had wanted for her life before the incident changed everything. If things were different, if she wasn’t afraid and she knew she could trust the man she was with, what would she want?
“I want to get married, have a family. Maybe a dog or a few chickens. A baby goat.”
He laughed. “A few chickens? A goat?”
She pointed at herself. “Vet.”
“Point taken. All right, so the family thing.”
“Don’t you want that?” she asked, hoping her tone didn’t give away how eager she was for his answer.
Charlie went quiet, and Lila wondered what he was thinking, if maybe he’d already tried the family thing and it had failed. Maybe with Jade. He’d hinted that there was a story around Jade, but Lila had never been the sort of person to pry, even if she was dying to know.
The moment drew long, and Lila thought he wasn’t going to answer her, when he said, “There was a time I thought about it. I pictured buying a house together and settling down, seeing if children would work into the equation, but my plan wasn’t the same as hers.”
“Jade.”
He tensed, his hands flexing around the steering wheel. Clearly, the conversation made him uncomfortable, and once again, Lila considered changing the subject. The last thing she wanted to do was ruin Charlie’s mood before the trip had even started. “I don‘t like to talk about her. To anyone, really. My brothers don’t know the half of it. Honestly, I’ve told you more than I’ve told anyone.”
“You don’t have to talk about it. You know that, right?”
“Yeah, but sometimes not talking about is worse than getting it out, you know? It’s like this entire part of my life has been sitting there in the back of my mind, tucked away, but the longer it sits there, the more damage it does.”
And those were maybe the truest words ever spoken. Lila wondered if he had picked up on something from her, if he knew she was holding on to a secret as well. But while she didn’t know Charlie’s story, she knew her own, and it wasn’t just that she didn’t want to talk about it. She couldn’t talk about it. Each time she tried to get it out the result was a massive panic attack, the anxiety taking over her life for days or weeks afterward. It was so hard to come back from that darkness that she found it better to not go there in the first place. Why take the risk? What good would it do?
“I don’t want to force you, but if you’re open to talking about it, maybe just tell me how you met. Start slow.”
Charlie took the next right turn and relaxed into his seat more. Silence replaced their easy conversation, and then Lila thought he might remain that way for the rest of the trip, when he said, “Have you ever fallen for the wrong person?”
He glanced slowly to her, and she swallowed hard, unable to say anything. Because Lila felt she’d only in her life ever fallen for one person in any real, tangible way. The gut-wrenching, can’t sleep, desperate for even a moment of their time kind of way. And he was sitting beside her. To answer his question, maybe Charlie was the wrong person. In a lot of ways, people would classify him as horribly wrong. But to Lila he was everything, then and now.
“Sure, we all have, right?” she finally said, not willing to dive into her true feelings. Not yet, maybe not ever.
He blew out a breath. “Well, that was me. I had just returned from a checkout dive, and she was standing on my dock, looking like she belonged right there, in my world. Thinking back, I should have known better. No one normal knew your name before you introduced yourself. But she did. I assumed someone in town had mentioned me as the go-to for dive lessons. I guess I’ll never know how she got it. Anyway, she was a master at manipulation, and soon she was spending more time on my boat than not. I was prepared to propose, bought the ring and all, when I woke up and she was gone . . . with everything I owned.”
Lila gasped, her hands going to her mouth. “No.”
“Yeah. If I weren’t on the boat, she’d have taken that, too.”
“What a bitch.”
Charlie laughed and peeked over at her again. “Wow, I don’t think I’ve ever heard you use such language, Tiny Girl. Think I’m a bad influence on you.”
“No, I just don’t take too well to people messing with those I care about.”
She knew he was staring at her even before she looked over.
“And I’m on that list?” The way he asked it, the uncertainty there, made her wonder how much damage Jade did before saying good-bye. Surely this wasn’t all about Lucas.
“You’ve always been on my list.”
“You realize your brother would have words to say about that, right?”
“I’m a big girl now, and besides, my brother isn’t here.”
“No . . . he’s not.” He pulled down a narrow dirt road and parked the truck, a thousand unspoken words lingering in the air, but Lila couldn’t decipher what any of them meant. Was he saying he agreed with his brother or that he didn’t? She knew she couldn’t be the only one feeling this chemistry between them.
“I’m going to go grab the tent and set up. You can wait here if you’d like.”
“Nope, I’m an active protector here. I’ll help.”
He smiled. “All right, Ms. Protector. Let’s see you put those muscles to work.”
They stepped out of the truck, and instantly, Lila drew a deep breath, allowing it to seep through her. It felt like forever since she was in the mountains, breathing in the pure, mountain air. The green trees, occasional wild flowers, birds calling out their sweet melody. Everything about being there oozed relaxation and peace.
Charlie had parked them at a small campsite beside a stream, but though there were spaces for a half-dozen tents or campers, and there were grills and picnic tables set up at each spot, no one else was there. Only them.
“I see you scared off all the other campers,” she called as she motioned around the empty campsite.
“It’s tucked so far off the main road, no one knows it’s here. Of all the times I’ve camped here, I’ve only ever ran into someone one time, but they were gone in a day and I was staying a week, so . . .”
“A week, wow. And you don’t get sick of it?”
Charlie grabbed the tent from the back of the truck and paused out in the open, trees all around them, the easy sounds of the stream playing out in the distance. “I could stay here forever. It’s like I can finally think, the muddled chaos in my head clearing at last. I’m sure that makes no sense.”
“Perfect sense, actually.” Lila wasn’t sure if she could stay there forever, but she could definitely get used to a few days there a month, breathing in that clean air and forgetting there was another world out there where life kept you from remembering that living involved more than work and responsibility. Life was meant to be enjoyed, not endured.
“So who watches Henry when you’re up here?”
He shrugged. “Depends. Sometimes I bring him. Other times I pay Carrie-Anne to watch him. He’s with her and Zac right now.”
“I bet she loves that.”
“She does,” he said, grinning. “Though I’m not sure if she loves Henry so much as the fifty dollars I hand her when I pick him up.”
A comfortable silence fell over them as they went to work setting up the tent, creating a system, and before long, they had it up and stood back to stare at their handiwork.
“So, um, what do we do if it rains?” Lila pointed to the hole in the roof, which Charlie had repaired with some combination of a trash bag and masking tape.
“No faith in me, huh? You’re looking at a professional boy scout.”
“You were a Boy Scout? I don’t remember that.”
Charlie diverted his eyes. “Well, no. Not technically a Boy Scout. But we created our own club and learned on our own. Real boy scouts.”
“Meaning, you burned something and had to figure out how to put out the fire, and then you thought it was so cool, so you had to figure out how to repeat the process?”
A grin took over his face, and Lila couldn’t help thinking that no smile had ever looked better on a man. “Damn, I need to remember how well you know me. It’s like hanging out with a history book of my life.”
She laughed. “Hey, I don’t remember everything. No one remembers everything.” Only that wasn’t true. Lila’s brain filed away each memory like it was vital information, necessary for life.
His grin widened. “Sure you do. You’re one of those people who can’t forget a thing even if you tried, but I like it.” Lila stared at him. Maybe he knew her every bit as well as she knew him. Charlie cleared his throat, breaking the connection. “Want to help me grab the rest of the stuff?”
“It’s as though you’ve never been around a woman who was willing to help, but I know that can’t be right. I know your mama, remember?”
He cocked an eyebrow. “Yeah, but do you remember Kate? Ms. I-Have-Three-Brothers-Let-One-of-Them-Do-It?”
“I’m going to tell her you said that.”
Fear crossed his face, and Lila burst out laughing. “Healthy fear of your sister, I see. Who would have guessed? You realize Kate’s like five three, right? You outgrew her a long time ago.”
“The tiniest ones are the most dangerous. Just look at you. Five-foot-nothing and scary as hell.”
“Hey!” She started to push him, when he blocked her and flipped her around, her back to his chest, his arms around her, holding her close. It was all intended to be playful, but suddenly, Lila’s body warmed, her chest buzzed.
“See,” Charlie whispered, “tiny thing and yet here I am, breathless.”
He released her and went to the truck, leaving Lila staring after him. She hated when he said things like that, confusing her, but then maybe he was confused, too.
Once they had carried the cooler, food, and sleeping bags back to the tent, they climbed inside and set everything up. For a six-person tent, it was surprisingly small. Lila laid out her sleeping bag, and realized that no matter which way she adjusted it, she would be sleeping directly beside Charlie, face-to-face with all those feelings she had for him. A tingly feeling moved down her spine, and then she remembered the condom debacle from earlier and immediately jerked upright, only to slam into Charlie.
“Whoa there, cowgirl,” he said, steadying her, his hands on her arms. “It’s best not to make abrupt moves. I’m afraid this old tent isn’t a spring chicken. I can’t guarantee if you hit it too hard that it won’t collapse, and then we’ll be sleeping in the truck.”
“Maybe you’ll be sleeping in the truck,” Lila said with an easy smile. “I’ll be sleeping out under the stars.”