Beep
Beep
Beep
The sound grates on my nerves. I flutter my lids to open my eyes, but trying causes more pain. My head is throbbing. I try to move my hand so I can rub my temples, but they don’t move. Panic envelops me. Why can’t I move? I concentrate on moving my fingers. I can’t feel anything.
“Her eyes are squinting. She looks like she’s in pain,” a voice I recognize scolds someone else.
Who is that?
“I’ll get the doctor,” the stranger in the room offers.
“Please help her.”
It’s my mom. She’s here. Where is here?
Those thoughts swirl in my head until I drift back into the black abyss. The next time I wake, I’m able to open my eyes. The blurry images in front of me slowly blink into existence. I’m in a room with white walls and machines everywhere.
A hospital.
I search the room for something recognizable, and that’s when I see her curled in a ball in the corner on a chair. “Mom?” I manage to squeak. I press my hand to my mouth. My lips feel dry as if they are cracked and bleeding.
At the sound of my voice, she pops up. “Oh my God, Olivia. You’re awake.”
“Awake?”
“How do you feel? Are you okay?”
“Where am I?” I ask shakily.
“You’re at University Medical Center. Y-You . . . You overdosed.” Her voice breaks at the word overdosed. My mind scrambles to put the pieces together, to remember what happened. My muscles constrict when the memories flood back. The helplessness, the drugs, and then the calm.
“How long have I been here?” My voice cracks.
“You need something to drink. I’ll see if I can get you some water.”
I shake my head. “How long?”
“Twenty-four hours.”
My vision blurs as tears threaten to spill. My chest constricts and I hate myself for being so weak. I hate myself for what I’ve become . . .
Again.
A few hours pass. Rain trickles down the windowpane. I can’t help but stare, watching each drop of the murky water pour over the surface. Lost in my world, and in self-hatred.
A deep cough pulls my attention away, and my gaze sweeps to the door where the sound is coming from. Spencer stands there, his body stiff, unmoving. His chest is vibrating through deep breaths as he stares at me.
“Can I come in?” he finally asks, and my teeth gnaw at my lower lip as I think of something to say. I don’t know where to start. I’m at a loss for words.
“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” My words come out sheepish as tears prick the backs of my eyelids and then slowly trail down my cheeks. “You were right. I lied to you.” My cold finger swipes across my face, wiping away the moisture that has collected. “I told you I stopped but it was a lie. I had, but then—”
Spencer takes a seat in the metal chair adjacent to my bed and places his hand on my arm.
“But then I started modeling. And then I saw the pictures. I couldn’t handle it. I’m so sorry. I—”
“Olivia.”
I shake my head and close my eyes tightly, not wanting to talk about it.
“Olivia. Open your eyes and look at me.” His voice comes out more forceful than before. “I’m the one who’s sorry. I turned my back on you. I should have let you explain, and then after all that—”
“Addison.” I sniffle, closing my eyes and trying to stop the tears.
“It’s not what you think.”
I open my eyes wide. My heart pounds in my chest as I wait for an explanation. But as he takes a deep breath and exhales, I can’t wait anymore. I need to know.
“Are you back together with her?” I hate how weak I sound. How unsure. How broken I am. A sickening feeling weaves its way inside me. I wouldn’t be surprised if they were. They’re perfect together.
“We are not—” he stops himself mid-sentence. “I shouldn’t have let it go this far. I should have told you about our past and spoke to you about all the articles in Exposé. I should have reassured you. God, I’m not good at this.”
“Good at what?”
“Relationships.” My chin quivers but I don’t speak. “I love you, Olivia. I love you so much it scares me.”
My stomach drops as I let out a soft gasp. “You love me?” My voice is rough with emotion.
“Yeah.” He nods while grabbing my hand and giving me a tight, sad smile. “I do.”
My eyes close and after taking a deep breath, I reopen them and look into Spencer’s eyes. His gaze is soft and full of emotion.
“I thought I lost you.”
The pain in his gaze is evident. I feel my heart splinter into a million tiny pieces for everything I have done and for the pain I must have caused. The familiar itch spreads through my limbs.
“A part of me died when I heard you had overdosed. I can’t live without you, Olivia. I need you to get better. I need you to be healthy. I think you should get help. Right now, you need to take care of yourself, heal. And when you’re ready, I’ll be there.”
“You’d wait for me?” I whisper.
“I’d wait forever for you.”