I’m throwing back drink after drink, but nothing is drowning out the pain. I’m desperate to be in the fog I was once accustomed to. The fact that I have gone this long without a quick bump is amazing.
Lindsey has watched me wearily all night. I’m getting annoyed, but she did me such a big favor that I don’t want to snap at her. I glance at Murph, and I raise a brow, signaling I want whatever he has. He looks at me questioningly. He knows I don’t use anymore, but I know him. He’s lacking morals.
Strolling my way, he saddles up next to me. “What’s up, Miller? Looking to partay?”
“Got anything fun?”
“I’ve got everything from A-to-Z. Pick your poison.”
“C for old time’s sake?”
“You got it.” He grabs me by the hand and leads me into another room.
My inner voice is screaming at me to turn back. It’s scolding me about how I’ve been so good and come so far. Don’t let a man send you backward, it pleads with me. Like every time before, I squash it down and shake it off. This is what I need. It’s the only thing that will help. Murph is going to help me feel nothing.
He sets up a line, handing me a rolled up bill. “All set.”
I quickly snort in the white powder, immediately feeling relief. In a matter of minutes, I’ll be ready to paint the town red and dance until my feet bleed. My smile widens until Lindsey comes flying in, face red in anger.
“What are you doing, Olivia Miller? Have you lost your mind?”
“I’ve got her. Chill out, L,” Murph says lazily. “What do you care anyway? This is your typical Saturday night.”
“It might be mine, but it’s not hers anymore.” She turns to me. “You had me believing that people could change.”
“You don’t know what I’ve gone through,” I snap.
“Are you kidding me? I think of all of us I’d know what you’re going through more than anyone. You think I don’t know what it’s like to feel like you’ve been pushed aside and left alone? That’s been my life, Olivia. At least you have a loving family. I don’t even have that. My parents can’t be bothered to even spend time with me on Christmas.”
I don’t say a word. The cocaine already filtering through my system is making me numb to it all.
“Don’t do this,” she pleads.
“It’s too late.” I turn my back and signal for Murph to set up another line. I have no plans on stopping this party.
The next morning my head is pounding and my body aches worse than it did yesterday. I slowly sit to find Lindsey in a chair, staring at me.
“My head hurts.”
“Good,” she says flatly. “I don’t feel sorry for you.”
“Wow. Is this how we’re starting the day?”
“I’m really disappointed.”
I groan. “Get in line. Apparently, I’m a huge letdown.”
She stands and walks closer to the bed. “I’m not sure what happened between the two of you, but you need to call him. What if this is all just some huge misunderstanding?”
A pained laugh escapes my mouth. “What could I have possibly misunderstood? I was with him, paparazzi came, aired my dirty laundry, and then he left. End of story.”
“It just doesn’t make any sense. He runs in the same circles as me. He might be straight-laced now, but he definitely hasn’t always been.”
“He hasn’t attempted to reach out to me. All I got was a message saying he’d pay for my room and get me a flight home.” Like some cheap whore. In hindsight, I guess I am.
“It’s been a little over twenty-four hours, Olivia. It would take about that much time to get back to the States.”
“If that’s even where he went,” I add.
“I care about you, and you’re making some bad decisions right now. Do you want to talk about last night?”
“What’s there to talk about? You’ve already made it clear that you aren’t impressed with my decisions.”
Small lines start to crinkle in between her brows. “Do you plan to fall back into those old habits?”
“If I do?”
“Please don’t. I like having one decent friend.”
I roll my eyes. “I’m far from decent.”
“You are the best person I know, Olivia. You have a chance to escape this life. Don’t look back.”
Her words hit me hard. I have come so far. I’ve managed to leave this lifestyle behind once before, and if I’m being honest, the temptation wasn’t as bad. Why? Because I stayed away. As much as I don’t want to admit it, I need to go home. My family has their shit together now, so what’s stopping me?
“Thanks for everything, Linds.”
Her cheeks turn pink. I don’t think Lindsey is used to compliments or praise of any kind, and it makes me sad for her.
“Do you want to come back to New York with me? Meet my family? They’d love you.”
She looks up, uncertainty clear in her eyes. “I don’t know. I’d just be imposing. I could get a hotel room close by,” she says hopefully.
“No, you’ll stay with me. You can come to Sunday night dinner. My family will insist.” They will. My family is great, and they would love to have her. Besides, with Bridget at school, there’s an empty space at the table. Not that it would matter; they have a strict “the more the merrier policy.” “Let’s book our flights back sometime today. I need to get out of here.”
She smiles. “On it.”
For the first time in twenty-four hours, I feel lighter. Getting away from Barcelona and all the memories is what I need because forgetting Spencer is proving to be harder than I thought.