“What? So you are into the homophobic cop,” Kris exclaimed so loudly that Jai had to adjust the volume control on his phone.
“No, I said we had become friends,” Jai replied, hoping he sounded patient rather than discomforted.
“Uh-uh, you said he was gay, that he arranged for you to live next door to him and you’ve been sharing foot rubs and dance parties.”
Jai did another volume check. Luke would kill him if he knew that he’d discussed his personal life, his very secret life with Kris. Jai told Kris everything, and six years of secrets held between them meant he knew that nothing would ever go further than this conversation. They were a vault of confidences held between themselves. Kris helped him process the world, even if today he was being annoying about it.
“We do those things together, and as adorable as you are, I’m not into you,” Jai defended.
“We did those things after we’d been friends for ages. You pull them out so quickly, they’re foreplay.”
Jai could mount a more vigorous defense if he hadn’t been getting off regularly to the thought of Luke. After an hour in his arms last night, feeling that restrained strength against him, a significantly sized dick against his stomach and having his own hands on a muscular ass, the fantasies he’d held had gotten significantly more detailed. In fact, he’d stroked himself to completion twice before sleeping.
He realized he had been a little too long in getting back to Kris. “I’m not into guys in the closet.”
Well, he might have been into Luke, but he certainly wasn’t going to get in him. One thing he’d learned in rehab was that shame equaled backsliding, and it seemed that Luke had a whole boatload of the stuff. Jai might be trying to show him some of the pleasures of “out” life, but those pleasures weren’t going include his own body, for his own sanity.
“I do have to say straight passing and in Narnia isn’t usually one of your kinks,” Kris’s voice had finally quieted, even if it was just to sound more thoughtful. “You do sound like you might be making an exception for this one.”
“Nup, no exceptions.” Jai made sure his voice was decisive. “You know even if I wanted to, one thing I’m good at is denying myself pleasures.”
“A little too good if you ask me,” Kris replied.
That was the problem with long-term best friends. They knew a bit too much.
“First online meeting today,” Jai mentioned, mainly to distract them both.
Before he’d come up here, he’d organized to join a group of rural health professionals with addiction problems. Because of the physical distances between them, they had regular meetings online. Today was the first day he was going to take part.
“Nervous?” Kris asked.
“A little,” Jai admitted. “What if the group has way too many annoying people in it for it to be bearable? It’s not like I can NA group shop here like we could in Sydney.”
Jai and Kris looked at a few groups back when they were first starting out. Some groups had far to many personalities, some were just too fucking grim, and even though NA was supposed to be nonjudgmental, they had been to one group where a participant had looked disgusted when she realized Kris and Jai were gay men. They had been lucky to find their eventual group that over the years, even with numerous comings and goings, had felt like a sort of family. However, this online group seemed like the best fit for Jai here in Dungoon, and he hoped it worked out. He was committed to his sobriety, but the idea of driving almost two hours to Parkes, where the nearest group was held, was more than a little overwhelming. Also, in a small community, he preferred the idea of talking to other health professionals spread around the state rather than people who might end up being his patients. Hell, if he’d stayed in this town long enough, he supposed he could end up professionally seeing almost everybody.
“Hey, you never know your new Skype group might even have someone hot you can spend the meetings looking at,” Kris said hopefully.
“Because relationships that start in NA always end up going so well.”
Jai and Kris both laughed. They had avoided that particular pitfall themselves, but no matter how many times the guidelines warned against inter-member relationships, every few months they watched a relationship form in group and usually blow up shortly after. Hell, if you could get it up during the withdrawals, rehab was a prime place for sex. Take all those drugs out of addicts’ lives and they had to find another high elsewhere.
“I don’t think I’ll ruin my ‘no fucking in group’ record now,” said Jai. “After that hot blond guy we got last year, I’m almost as proud of my ‘no sex in group’ record as I am of my sobriety.”
“Whatever,” Kris replied. “You can’t be too proud of yourself. If we hadn’t cock blocked each other by going to each meeting together, one of us would have succumbed to those sad blue eyes. If he hadn’t fallen off the wagon, I’d be enjoying going to the meetings alone much more.”
“Don’t worry, only a few months before you’ll be getting the post-Mardi Gras crowd,” Jai consoled. “You know how many guys relapse that weekend.”
“Well, some eye candy for the meeting can’t be considered a bad thing,” Kris conceded.
For all Kris’s talk, he probably wouldn’t fish at the meeting. He might have been getting laid much more regularly than Jai, but he didn’t have to troll the meetings to do it.
God, Jai missed him. There wasn’t anybody who could make him laugh faster than this man.
“Can’t wait to come and see you for Mardi Gras,” he said, his voice almost cracking with emotion.
“Well, you better bloody be there,” Kris said as they ended the call.
• • •
The online NA meeting wasn’t the nightmare Jai had been dreading. He’d kept himself reasonably low-key, as everyone hated new members who came and seemed to just want an audience rather than contributing to the whole. Luckily, he was an experienced enough participant to know when and where to speak up, so hopefully no one would give him side-eyes next time. Overall, the group seemed a supportive one, and with everyone being a medical professional with their own need for confidentiality, he felt very secure in its ability to provide a place where he could truly be open.
Listening to one of the registered nurses talk, she had been out in the country, one of two nurses in a thousand-kilometer stretch, he wondered if he had been trying to come out here for kind of the same thing, some kind of austere life. Dungoon wasn’t nearly as isolated, but it was hardly the inner city suburb he had left behind. Had he come out here to punish himself, to be safe in isolation, rather than come here because he could be useful to the community like he had thought?
Was Kris right in questioning whether Jai was getting a little too good at self-denial? That particular idea had Jai jabbing at the screen of his phone before he could question himself.
[Want to come over here for some noodles and a movie tonight]
[sure] from Luke came faster than it used too. Sometimes making Luke smile, even if it was sometimes reluctantly, was the best part of Jai’s day. Well, the best part after he’d made Luke blush at least. Being able to make an experienced police officer, whose body held a certain resemblance to the Terminator, blush was certainly a unique pleasure. Well, it was one pleasure he wasn’t going to deny himself; he’d just have to find some fun new ways to do it.
• • •
“What are we watching?” asked Luke as he knocked back what looked to be half his bottle of ginger beer.
Once he had realized Jai had given up alcohol along with the drugs, Luke had stopped drinking around him. Tonight the six-pack Luke had brought over had been nonalcoholic, and he had put in the fridge without comment.
Jai came out of the kitchen where he had been sticking the leftovers into the fridge. “I’ll give you a choice on the entertainment. The M version is where we watch a TV show with hot guys in it and decide who we’d like to fuck.”
Yep, that was a hint of the blush he’d been waiting for.
Luke though kept his voice steady, even nonchalant. “And the other option?”
“Well the R version is a little more obvious. We watch gay porn and discuss who has the better cock.”
“What option would a good gay guy choose?” asked Luke.
Jai rolled his eyes. “Actually, if you were a good gay guy you’d already know the intricacies of the plot of supernatural and you’d already have a very strong opinion on the hottest brother.”
“I must be a boring gay guy because the porn idea sounds pretty good to me,” said Luke, with a challenging look in his eyes.
Jai thought he was going to get a blush and the first option. He’d forgotten while Luke was in the closet, he still seemed to have managed to fuck his fair share of men, and he wasn’t the type to turn down a challenge.
Jai had raised the stakes there, and now wasn’t the time to back out. Especially when the thought of watching porn with Luke wasn’t exactly a turnoff.
“I’ll get my laptop so we can hook it up to the big screen,” Jai said.
• • •
Upstairs, Jai leaned against his doorway and took a deep breath and pressed against the bulge that made his jeans uncomfortable. If the idea of doing this was getting him this hot, who knew how he was going to keep his cool during the reality.
Maybe he needed to find some un-hot porn really quickly before he embarrassed himself. This was meant to make Luke blush, but it was Jai’s cheeks that felt flushed.
Naked men on the screen and Luke in the same room. He didn’t think there was a way to un-hot the experience. Unless he found some porn with a weird kink in it, and that could be dangerous. He still wanted to be able to use his dick in the future.
If he kept Luke waiting any longer, he was going to think he was sampling the goods up here.
• • •
“What’s your pleasure?” Jai asked Luke, as Jai clicked through the commands that would connect his laptop to the screen. “Twosomes, threesomes, fetishes?”
Please don’t let him have a fetish that is icky. If that was the case, Jai would send him home alone with the laptop, open-mindedness be damned.
“Two guys fucking is always a good start,” replied Luke, looking a little less comfortable in his chair now this was really happening.
Jai opened up his favorite porn folder. “That I can do.”
Did he really need to use his favorite clip? Because the video opened with two really hot guys with strong bodies with one getting rimmed and looking like he was really enjoying it.
Tuning out the cliché dialogue and the music, the quickening of breath in the room was echoing in Jai’s brain. You’d think Jai had never seen porn before—hell, he’d had the kind of sex that people made movies about, sex more outrageous than what was on the screen. However, most of the sex had happened in a drug haze and here he was, almost raw with energy, watching a guy enthusiastically get eaten out and almost in pain himself from the way his very hard dick scraped against the stiff denim of his jeans.
“How was the satin experience for you?” Jai asked, trying for nonchalant, hoping Luke couldn’t hear the way the words momentarily caught in the back of his throat.
“I, uh, good.” There was the blush that was Jai’s favorite. “Thanks for the tip, and well, the pillowcase. I did wash it, if you want it back.”
“Nah, you keep it.” Jai was watching the flicking images and trying not to shift in his seat. Maybe it would have been better if he didn’t know that Luke had jerked off on something that was his. “You never know if you’ll hurt your shoulder again.”
Now the guy on screen was shoving the other’s face into his ass. Not that he looked like he minded with the way his tongue kept working, kept teasing that hole. Jai felt a surge of longing. Another bloody sex act he hadn’t experienced while sober. He wasn’t sure if it would feel more awkward or more intense without the numbing buzz of drugs, but watching this really made him want to find out.
“You like this,” Luke broke into his thoughts, gesturing at the screen.
“Doesn’t everyone?” Jai replied. “At least receiving it. Though some bastards are a little too squicky to give it.”
“Uhhh.” That blush was definitely getting brighter. “I haven’t done either,” Luke admitted.
Jai and his big mouth. Was he seriously now shaming Luke for not having as much experience as he had? Rimming probably wasn’t on the table for most random hookups. “You’ve got plenty of time to figure out if you’d like it,” he said. “Though that guy seems to be really enjoying it.”
Those looks of ecstasy on screen looked like things were coming to a messy orgasm and the porn star shot across his stomach. Now came the bit that was one of the reasons that this particular file had made in into Jai’s favorites folder. The guy who had been working on the porn star’s ass crawled up, and just started kissing the hell out of the blond actor, all the while making patterns on his stomach with the guy’s cum.
A hum came out of Luke’s mouth. “I never feel like there is enough kissing.”
There was something about those words that had Jai turning directly to him, away from the flickering images on the screen. There was the longing there that Jai hadn’t seen since that night in the hospital, when he’d admitted he missed being touched. Only now they were in his house, he knew Luke was gay and there was something he could do about it.
Jai couldn’t resist getting up. He walked over to the recliner that Luke was sitting on and ducked down, kneeling in front of him with his hands braced against the recliner’s arms.
“The kissing.” Jai didn’t know why he was almost whispering. “Do you want to do just the kissing here with me?”
The longing in Luke’s eye’s only intensified, and instead of answering, he leaned forward his lips meeting Jai’s. Just their lips touched, but it was like all the oxygen had been removed from the room as intensely as Jai felt the kiss. Lips brushed over lips, and it was delicious, until it really wasn’t enough. As if he had said those words aloud, Jai found Luke’s sure hands wrapped around his wrists, and almost instantly Luke had pulled him straight onto his lap so Jai’s thighs bracketed his own and their groins sat flush together. Their lips didn’t separate from the kiss, though Jai couldn’t stop his involuntary bite of Luke’s lower lip as their cocks made contact.
That bite had Luke bucking against his body and his hands tightening on Jai’s wrist. Even with Jai sitting on his lap, the pinch around his wrists, told Jai that Luke sought control. Whatever. As long as Luke didn’t stop kissing him in this moment, Jai was okay with handing over the reins.
His hands being pinned by Luke meant he couldn’t touch him the way he wanted to, couldn’t feel if his hair was soft or bristly. He could only concentrate on the wonder of the kiss and move his body with a new rhythm. When Jai started rocking his hips, the sounds that Luke made against his lips were like adrenaline in his veins. The low and desperate keen, that vibrated with the kiss, was possibly the best sound Jai had ever heard.
It was like sex. Hell, it felt better than lots of sex Jai had where he’d been completely naked, but Jai figured it didn’t count as such as they were both fully clothed. As much as he wanted to feel Luke against him, skin to skin, that would require more thinking and more conversations, so tonight they were going to have this.
Another roll of Jai’s hips, had their dicks jostling. Once he picked up a rhythm, Luke’s hips pushed up, countering him, and it was enough to put a low growl in Jai’s throat. Their kisses didn’t stop even as the push and pull of their bodies together became harder, with more purpose. Jai’s dick was leaking, and the moisture in his boxers was just enough to keep the heavy friction from leaning too far into pain.
“Going to come in my jeans,” Luke warned.
“Please,” was all Jai could reply. He didn’t want their lips to be separated for any more conversation.
It didn’t take much longer for Luke’s body to start shaking below him. Even with Luke’s jeans on, Jai could feel the distinctive smell of him coming, and that was enough to tip him over the edge.
Shuddering and shaking, Jai arched even harder against Luke’s body and came. Even with his eyes shut, the world seemed to whiteout, and confined in his jeans, his dick kept on spurting.
Luke might have been the one who admitted needing this but Jai couldn’t pretend he didn’t feel the same. His dry spell had been longer than he even wanted to admit to himself and the sex that he’d had eighteen months ago hadn’t been much to write home about. Even some guy’s dick in his body, and the subsequent orgasm, hadn’t made him feel like he was drifting from his body like this.
So he went back to kissing Luke, ignoring the rapidly cooling patches on the front of their jeans, not wanting the blissful intimacy to end. At some point in his orgasm Luke had released his hands, so now Jai got to leisurely stroke the nape of his neck, enjoying the way that this seemed to prolong the shivers that he could still occasionally feel in Luke’s body.
The strength of Luke’s hands as they gripped his hips kept him tuned up, even post-orgasm. His cock might have come, but nestled as it was against a large hard thigh, it hadn’t completely softened. He wasn’t going to come again anytime soon, but the high of arousal was still flickering.
Their kisses turned lazy, tongues and lips passing each other. When Luke pulled away to say something, Jai just moved down to his neck loving the scrap of Luke’s scruff shadow against his lips.
“So fucking good. I don’t think I’ve ever messed up my jeans like that,” Luke declared, throwing his head back and shivering a little more at the contact between Jai’s lips and his neck.
“I usually manage to get my fly open at the very least.” Jai got out his words, punctuating them with small bites against Luke’s neck.
They were enough to provoke Luke back into kissing, and he quietly claimed Jai’s mouth again.
The kisses were almost enough to make Jai forget about the mess that was currently cooling in the front of his jeans. Another quarter hour of kisses and even though his dick was at full mast, the damp underwear and denim were starting to rub and in not a good way.
“Fuck it.” Luke pulled away. “I’m really going to have to leave and go change.”
Jai wanted to suggest Luke clean up in Jai’s shower and come back down here for more. He knew, though, that would inevitably lead to sex, now that they both fully understood the chemistry between them. He had vowed they wouldn’t do that, and even though the reasons were a bit foggy in his mind, he knew they were very valid.
So, instead of protesting, dragging off Luke’s jeans and cleaning him off with his mouth, Jai climbed off his lap and somewhat awkwardly realized the porn was playing behind him as he stood.
“Okay then,” Luke said. His earlier confidence seemed to have deserted him. “I guess I’ll see you soon then.”
Jai didn’t know if it was Luke’s twisted smile or himself feeling really embarrassed by the very large damp patch on the front of his jeans, but all he could manage was an awkward wave.
As he watched Luke head for the door, all he could think about was how exposed Luke was going to feel out there, even if there was only six or seven steps between their two houses. Hopefully there were no unexpected visitors turning the corner and finding Luke’s hair mussed and his pants obviously cum-stained. Knowing they would think a woman had gotten Luke into that state made Jai suddenly feel very tired.