“Oh, and Luke, I didn’t say I didn’t want to have sex with you, just that I’m not going to.”
Okay, Jai conceded he shouldn’t have said that. Even the next day there was a slight cringe of embarrassment that he had said the words. But sometimes honesty was the burst of light needed to expand the horizons of what looked like a pretty tight and confining closet space. And every inch of his body sang with desire to feel Luke’s strong, naked form up against his.
So that meant sometimes you fell on your own sword, for pride, and told the truth. How seriously he was taking Luke’s needs surprised even him. Through recovery, Jai liked to think of himself as a supportive shoulder and a man who tried to make amends with the people in his life and help people he came into contact with. Except with Luke, something called to him to go further than he had before.
That night in the hospital, he rushed to Luke’s aid, basically formed a human shield to prevent Luke suffering any embarrassment. There had been other less strident options, but it hadn’t even occurred to Jai to take the easy way out, and he had always been a boy where the smart way and the easy way held a lot of appeal.
Now even more oddly, he was willing to risk his own embarrassment so Luke wouldn’t feel rejected.
He’d put himself on the line for this man more than he could remember doing for any other virtual stranger (or even really any acquaintance) and he didn’t seem to want to back away. Instead, he had brain full of ideas of how he could make Luke’s life more joyful.
Yeah, this compulsion to help was more than a little weird. Now on top of that, he was heading next door with a bag of groceries. He was going to cook dinner for a man with no intention of the evening ending up with sex. That was a concept that was a little hard to swallow, especially knowing that Luke had sex with other men. Since that revelation Jai’s thoughts had been filled with Luke. Luke on his back staring up at him. Luke’s strong body holding him against the wall as he pounded into him. Luke on his knees as he took Jai into his mouth, eyes joyful at the submission.
It was that last image that had Jai pressing down on his erection. That was definitely a fantasy that had to stay pure fantasy, existing only in his head. From what he’d seen of Luke, the dude was mixed up about his sexuality. He didn’t need anyone or anything new to add to the shame and confusion. What Luke needed was a friend. So dinner and no benefits.
Jai remembered something he wanted to ask Kris before he headed over to Luke’s.
[What’s the best thing about being a gay man?] He texted his best friend.
[Fucking other dudes.] The speed and content of the reply didn’t surprise him; they had been friends for a long time.
[Apart from that.] Because that wasn’t on the table. Even if it really was the best thing.
[Pretty sure that is reason one through to ten. Talking about it isn’t bad though.]
It looked as though Jai was going to start convincing Luke of the benefits of being out, with number eleven on the list of benefits of being gay.
• • •
“How can you be thirty-two years old, have lived here for six years, and have never bought a rice cooker?” Jai asked as he sorted through Luke’s saucepans, searching for one that didn’t look like it had been bought in the local junk shop.
“Because I am perfectly capable of making it in a pot,” Luke replied, leaning against the kitchen bench, as he had ever since Jai started making dinner.
“I’m capable. I just don’t know why someone wouldn’t want to make perfect, fluffy rice, every single time with ease.” Jai knew that part of his fussing with the dinner was because it provided an excuse not to have to deal directly with Luke. Luke who was standing there looking particularly appealing in denim jeans and a black henley that stretched tight across his shoulders. Luke’s arm being in a sling, did little to dampen the appearance of casual strength, and having his short hair ruffled at the front made Jai think about him being recently in contact with a pillow.
Not wanting to start sporting an erection, right in front of Luke’s sharp brown eyes, Jai started finely cutting the ginger and carrot.
“Are you super bored stuck here without working, or are you enjoying the break?” Jai asked.
“So bored,” said Luke. “I had to get my constable to drive me to my appointment today, and I remembered why I hated working in pairs. Too much awkward chitchat in the car. But the doctor said that it will be three days until my sling comes off.”
Yeah, Jai remembered from their first meeting that Luke’s car and conversational skills were pretty lacking, but given the guy was finally talking to him, it might not be the best time to bring it up.
“Three days until you can jerk off again,” Jai said. “Although you could use your other hand. It’s a little awkward, but if you haven’t done it much, it can feel like someone else’s hand.”
Luke choked on his laughter, a kind of snort had Jai widely smiling. Jai wanted to hear that sound again, saying, “If you’ve got any silky pillowcases, rubbing yourself on that can feel really good.”
“Don’t you have all the ideas,” Luke finally got out when he seemed to have drawn breath into his lungs. “Who even says that to other guys?”
“Other gay guys,” Jai replied matter-of-factly, as if the idea of Luke jerking off didn’t put some pretty explicit ideas into his own head. He put down his knife for a second and faced Luke. “Dude, you are in the club. That’s what we do now. We talk about who we fucked, what their dick is like, how we like to get off. That’s not a secret here, remember?”
Luke nodded, even as Jai resumed his dinner making. “Now I’m disappointed I’ve never owned a satin pillowslip.”
It was Jai’s turn to choke out a laugh. “Only cause you are injured, I might have to consider giving you mine. Though it might be best if afterwards you don’t give it back.”
Because if it came back and he knew that Luke had got himself off rubbing his bare cock on it, he’d have that silk wrapped around his own cock so fast and so frequently other hobbies might go out the window.
When Jai glanced over at Luke he had a hazy expression that said he was definitely thinking about it. “How do I know what you’ve already done to the bedding?” Luke asked absently.
Jai put his hands up from where he had started searing the beef. “I’ve got two working hands; my pillowcases have been safe from me for a while.”
They just might not be tonight, if the twinges from his groin were any indication.
“Now it’s starting to sound like an exchange that should be happening in a brown paper bag.” Luke sounded distracted, enough though Jai bet he was already thinking of the sensations.
It was enough to make Jai turn around and actually give him a flirtatious wink. “Only if the brown paper bag makes it more fun.”
• • •
“You can really cook,” said Luke as they cleared their plates after dinner.
“Cooking was a post-rehab hobby,” Jai admitted. “When you give up partying, you find yourself with a lot of time on your hands. Also, once you cut the coke, you start being really hungry for the first time in years and cooking for yourself stops you from ending up massive from all the Big Macs you want to inhale.”
That was probably more honest than he should be getting with a country police officer, but Jai felt he had earned the right to be open in his recovery.
They settled on the couches. Jai was comfortable, nothing like spending a night a couch to make you feel at home with its lumps and bumps.
Luke took another sip of his drink and tipped his head back in relaxation. The sight of him swallowing brought the hum of sexual awareness fully back into Jai’s body.
“Top or bottom?” Jai threw the question out there.
“What?” Luke stuttered, looking less relaxed.
“I told you that how you like to get off was a gay-boy conversational topic.” Also, Jai really wanted to know the answer.
“When did I agree to take part in gay-boy conversational topics?” Poor Luke really did sound more than a little flummoxed.
“When I decided that you needed a gay friend in your life.” Jai decided Luke probably needed more reassurance. “No one else is here. No one but me could possibly hear you. Come on, Luke, top or bottom?”
“Top, okay? Only top.”
Of course the default position of boys in the closet. The position that said you weren’t completely gay because you didn’t take it. Jai wasn’t saying that for some people that it was just a preference, but he doubted Luke had ever let himself be open to the idea of someone physically dominating his body.
“I’m verse,” Jai said. “Both are pretty amazing if you ask me. But there is something about lying back and having someone take care of my pleasure as they pound into me and hit that spot that is possibly the best thing in the world.”
Being provocative wasn’t Jai’s wheelhouse. Honestly, he didn’t usually have to try very hard; being beautiful and being present was usually enough. But tonight, the way Luke’s pupils dilated and the bulge in his jeans grew, made Jai want to do it again. Hell, Jai’s breath was getting a little shallower.
“Though pounding into someone is a pretty great feeling,” Jai continued. “Letting their body stretch around you, feeling their tightness around your cock.”
Luke’s gaze was now hazy and he looked like he wanted to shuffle in his seat but was too afraid to draw attention to himself.
“Do you use Grindr out here?” Jai asked.
“God, no,” Luke replied. “It’s a country town. Even without a photo of my face, I’d just as easily know the guy I turned up to meet. I only fuck when I go down to the city.”
That might have been a little too much reality for Luke. The spell, that moment of breathless attraction between them, was disappearing under the worry he could see in Luke.
“Sounds a little lonely,” Jai empathized. “I’ve been through a dry spell myself. Don’t do partying anymore and can’t do the stranger thing. It takes a little more trust to get me into bed than it used to.”
Luke didn’t reply, just nodded in a way that said he understood.
Jai tucked one of his legs to his chest before continuing. “I got a lot pickier about who does what to me in recovery. There was a lot of sex before that, a lot I don’t want to see a repeat of.”
Luke found his voice to ask, “Were you okay?”
Jai knew the cop in him was asking the question. Hell, the list of all the things that could have happened to him in those hazy years was one, in a long list of reasons he had gotten sober.
“Yeah,” Jai said, he could hear a waver of emotion in his voice. “I would go home with anyone back when I was taking drugs. I was pretty in a way that made men like to give me drugs.” Jai shrugged. “There were threesomes, foursomes—probably some hot stuff I don’t even remember. I was lucky when I stopped. I tested negative to everything, and the most lasting damage is sometimes in Sydney when someone’s face is vaguely familiar and I’m not sure if I fucked him.”
“I hate to break it to you; you’re still pretty,” said Luke, his smile breaking the tension.
“Nuh. Now I’m just a guy getting older who used to be pretty. Anyway,” Jai pointed to his arms, “I’m too tough to be pretty these days.”
“Keep telling yourself that,” Luke replied, eyebrow raised.
“Next time we spar at the gym you might regret those pretty boy taunts,” Jai threatened, not that Luke looked too worried about his threat.
Jai moved over to the opposite end of the sofa of where Luke sat. “Foot up,” Jai ordered.
“What. No.” Luke tucked both of his feet farther under the couch.
“I assume you showered today. Seriously, Luke, take off your sock and give me your foot.”
As Luke slowly removed his sock and took his time about getting positioned so he could put his foot on the couch, Jai opened his wallet and pulled out the lube he had there. When Luke saw it he started to pull away the foot he had finally propped next to Jai.
“What the hell are you going to do to me?”
Jai clamped his hand on Luke’s foot and didn’t let him pull away. “Nothing bad, you baby, I am going to give you a foot rub, and I’m too lazy to walk over to my house to get the nice cream.”
“Who said I wanted a foot rub?” Luke’s voice still sounded a little high, a little panicked. “Do you have a foot fetish?”
“I don’t have a foot fetish, but after you’ve relaxed, you might find you have one. Luke, you were the one who got into a drugged state and said you missed being touched.”
Luke actually hid his eyes behind his one good hand. “Can we please never mention that embarrassing night again?”
Jai was busy smoothing the cool gel over Luke’s foot, trying to get him to relax. “Bright side of that night, gay best friend duties come with foot rubs.”
“In a porno, those duties would extend to other jobs; jobs that require less pants.” At least Luke’s body seemed to have relaxed enough for a bit of instinctive flirting.
“I’m sober now, so you’ll just have to appreciate my foot rubbing skills.”
Jai’s words elicited a light huffing laugh before Luke’s shoulders dropped and his head fell back. Jai watched the relaxation through Luke’s body as he submitted to the pleasure of Jai’s touch.
• • •
Jai worked in silence for a while, and there was part of him that got almost as much out of the contact as Luke. It had been more than a week since he had been in Dungoon, but already he missed the relaxed human contact he had in his everyday life. He and Kris had never been lovers, but they would rarely go through the day without physically connecting in some way—a casual arm around the shoulders or sitting with their sides touching on the sofa. Jai might not have had sex in more than a year, but he hadn’t been touch deprived. He had just realized how much of a gift that physical grounding had been.
He got Luke to lazily swing his second foot up onto the lounge. He pulled both feet to his lap and tried to ignore the way his dick lengthened down his jeans as if it too wanted to touch and rub Luke’s feet. Jai hadn’t been lying when he said he didn’t have a foot fetish, but rubbing his thumbs down Luke’s unexpectedly elegant arches turned out to have a certain thrill to it. Luke didn’t make a sound, but the rest of his body seemed to go boneless with pleasure when Jai lightly scored his nails down the bottom of his foot. The sight was arresting enough that Jai worked at it for longer than he had intended, only stopping when his hands got sore.
He reached over behind the couch and grabbed the paper towels they had left on the dinner table. “Told you I gave good foot massages,” he said, as he wiped off his hands and Luke’s feet.
“You do,” said Luke, although his boneless reaction had already given away how much he had enjoyed the attention. “As soon as my hand is out of its sling, I’ll return the favor.”
“Really?” Jai asked, he hadn’t been expecting that.
“Well, I don’t want you to report me to the gay best friend police for being a selfish sod, do I? Although, when we next do this, we have to get the proper fucking cream. The lube might have felt good, but come on, it is pretty tacky.”
Jai laughed. “Hey, I thought I was being creative, and you know it was probably going to expire. It has been in my wallet for a while.”
“I’m not saying don’t replace it in your wallet.” Luke paused. “You know, in case of an emergency foot rub.”
“Yeah, in case of that.” Jai smiled.
• • •
Their goodbyes were still on the edge of being awkward, they hadn’t gotten to the hugging bit of friendship, so they did the odd sort of wave from just a few feet away from each other.
However, when Jai got next door he couldn’t resist dashing up the stairs and pulling open one of the boxes he had shipped out. Yeah, he had packed the decadent satin sheets. Picking up one of the pillowcases, and with a silent laugh, Jai decided that this definitely wasn’t the use that his mother had imagined when she had purchased the expensive manchester. He again knocked on the front door after he had grabbed something from the kitchen.
Luke’s blush as he handed over the brown paper lunch bag full of soft material was definitely worth the pillowcase Jai would be replacing. Jai didn’t wait long enough for either of them to say anything. He just backed away from the door with another wave, only this time the wave didn’t feel awkward.