GRACIE
I WASN’T COMFORTABLE ASKING KOA for Lee’s number, so I had gotten it from Shannon. Despite the weather, we were still on for tonight, and I was planning to ask him if he could take me to collect a car either Thursday or Friday.
Things between Koa and me had been a little awkward all week, and I’d done my best to avoid him. I’d heard him shouting, more than once, at the two young labourers that had been helping him with the renovations. Since I didn’t want the wrath of arsehole Koa aimed in my direction, I just stayed in my room, drawing up some designs and working on a couple of articles for my blog.
It’s weird, the tension between Koa and me, felt a lot like it did between Reggie and me before I left England. The only difference being that I wanted to make things right with Koa a lot more than I did with Reggie. He and I are done, whereas Koa and I still have unfinished business.
I change my outfit more than once before deciding on a pair of cream-coloured, ripped jeans, a pink off-the-shoulder sweatshirt, and my pink Doc Martens. The restaurant is casual dining, which works for me because I don’t want to be getting all frocked up and giving Lee the wrong idea. This isn’t a date of the romantic kind, which is something I explained to him Sunday when he first asked me out. I told him that in no way was I looking for any kind of relationship other than friendship. He said that he was all right with that, and I hoped he meant it and didn’t try anything on. The last thing I need is any more drama in my life.
I’m nervous, not about my dinner date, but about going downstairs and waiting for Lee to arrive. I skipped lunch today, so I didn’t have to face Koa, but I can hear him now moving around in the kitchen, so there’s no way I’m getting out of the front door without him seeing me.
Plus, leaving without saying goodbye would just be rude, and my mum hadn’t raised me that way.
I make my way down the stairs and peer from the hallway into the kitchen. Koa has his back to me, he’s stirring something in a pan on the hob. There’s an almost empty bottle of bourbon on the worktop, his glass beside him as he cooks.
“I’ve got my key, so there’s no need to wait up for me,” I call out. Koa stops what he’s doing, his back straightens, and he turns to look at me.
“Wasn’t planning to. Now that I’ve finally got the place to myself, I arranged for a friend to come over, even filled the hot tub.”
I flinch. I physically flinch at his words. Just like when he told for the first time that he’d never get close to a woman again while we were standing on Main Street, his words cause a pain in my chest.
“So, I’d appreciate it, if when you do get back, you’d head straight to your room and make yourself scarce.”
His eyes are glassy, and even if they weren’t, the way that he sways slightly and the slow way he’s talking are enough to give away the fact that he’s drunk.
“Perhaps I should just stay out all night then, give you some privacy?”
His chin jerks up at my words. His hands go to his hips, his eyes to the floor before coming back to me.
“That. . .” He pauses, performs his now familiar routine of a hair rake followed by a beard stroke, reaches for his glass and sips his drink, and then continues, “won’t be necessary, Essex.”
I hear a car approach, just as headlights appear through the glass of the front door. I start to put my jacket—that I’d been clutching against my chest—on, but before I’ve even got one arm in, Koa is there helping me.
Once both arms are in, I turn and face him. He’s standing so close that I can feel and smell his warm bourbon-scented breath on my nose and cheeks as he looks down at me. He reaches out with both his hands and untucks my hair from where it’s caught in my coat. Then he tucks it behind each of my ears before his right-hand cups the back of my neck, he closes his eyes and leans to rest his forehead on mine.
“Nice boots,” he says quietly.
“Thank you.”
“They match my ears perfectly.”
“Koa!” I try to sound like I’m giving him a warning, I probably sound more like I’m groaning, though, and once again, the flirty banter—flanter—between us seems like the natural progression.
“So your ears are fluorescent pink and made of leather?”
“Yep. Maybe you should wrap your legs around my neck in front of the mirror in my bedroom so that we can check and make sure, though?”
He’s not making this easy. We’ve barely spoken a word to each other for three days, and now he wants to start up again with the flanter?
“You didn’t have to say yes when he asked. If I’d known you were jonesing for ribs, there’s a better place in Aspen I would’ve taken you to.”
“But you didn’t ask.”
“No, I didn’t.”
“You could ask me to stay now. Ask me not to go.”
“I could.”
I laugh. It escapes amongst a puff of air and is filled with sardonicism, not humour.
“But you’re not going to.”
“I think it’s best if I don’t.”
“Best for who?”
“You in the long term. I’m not what you want, you’re not what I need.” Another little painful squeeze of my heart. At least this time, I only flinch on the inside. Still fucking hurts, though.
“Well then, like the song says, 'what hurts the most is that we’ll never know what could’ve been.” I loosely quote the song by Rascal Flatts that we danced to Sunday as he sang into my ear.
A loud knock at the front door has us stepping apart. Koa swings the door open to reveal Lee, who has his arms braced on either side of the frame. He and Koa stare at each other without saying a word. I smile and make my way towards them.
“Look after her,” Koa orders.
“Goes without saying,” Lee replies. His eyes now on me, a smile lighting up his face.
He’s wearing a grey hoodie, the hood is up and covering his head, probably because it’s cold enough to freeze the balls off a brass monkey outside. Jeans cover his legs, and the customary biker boots are on his feet. A jean jacket finishes his outfit. He looks cool, in a laidback surfie kind of way. Lee is as fair as Koa is dark. His hair a dirty blond and long. He’s good-looking to the point of being pretty, and although I know he went to school with Koa, if I’d have had to guess his age, I’d have put him at five years younger.
“Watch your step, Gracie, it’s slippery out here.”
He takes my hand and leads me out to a silver truck. Like Koa’s, it’s huge. Like Koa, he helps me into the passenger seat, his grey-green eyes on me. He shuts the door behind me, he walks around the front of the truck, and climbs into the driver’s side.
We belt up and pull away in silence.
The radio is playing quietly in the background, but I can’t make out the song.
Once we’re on the road, he asks, “Did I interrupt something back there?”
“What? When?” I know full well what he’s talking about and am acutely aware of when. I’m just stalling.
“Gracie, come on. Don’t fuck with me. You know when. I stood and watched the pair of you before I knocked on the door. Thought about walking away if the truth be told.”
I turn and look at him; his eyes are fixed firmly on the road.
“He told me he’s not what I want and that I’m not what he needs.”
“Carmichael has no fuckin’ clue what he needs, or what he wants for that matter.”
“Oh, he does. Lexi is both, and she’s going over to see him tonight.”
“What?” He tilts his jaw down towards his chest and frowns. “How’d you know that?”
“He just told me.”
“Motherfucker. Sorry, Grace, but yeah.”
We continue driving in silence. The snow has stopped falling, but the roads are quiet.
My phone vibrates. Because time zones suck and my notifications tend to go off twenty-four seven, my phone is almost always on silent, but usually in my hand.
I look at the screen.
Koa: I lied.
Me: About what?
Koa: There’s no one coming over. I filled and heated the hot tub for you.
I let out a deep sigh. I actually feel a little dizzy at his confession.
“You okay there, Grace?”
“Koa just text and told me that he lied, he has no one coming over tonight.”
“And why would he do that I wonder?”
“He ain’t said. Should I ask?”
“Depends. Do you wanna know?”
“Much like Koa, Lee, I have no fucking clue what I want or need.”
“Jesus, you two are messed up.”
“Tell me about it.”
I watch as he scratches at his jaw.
“Let’s eat some ribs and have a think about how best to approach this.”
FATHERS IS SET IN AMONGST snow-covered hills and mountains. Inside, there are timber floors, long wooden tables with benches running along each side. There is a bar and a set of swinging doors to the left and a massive open fireplace on the right. There are the same kind of antler chandeliers that Koa has at the cabin hanging from the ceiling, and the noise is so loud, I can hardly hear myself think.
We wait at the podium to be seated, and after just a few minutes, we are shown a couple of spaces on a bench directly in front of the fire. Lee helps me take my coat off and hangs it on one of the many hooks running along the walls either side of the room.
We order a beer each—my taste buds seem to be evolving, and I’m growing to like, not love, the taste when I’m eating certain foods. The menus double up as placemats, and there is only one choice: ribs. All I need to do is decide if I want just ribs or if I would like to order sides to go with the ribs, seeing as how I’m likely to get messy eating the ribs anyway, I decide on a corn cob and coleslaw.
“So, talk to me, Gracie, tell me where you think this thing with Koa might go, what is it you are looking for?”
“I feel like I should be lying on a leather chaise in your dark and slightly masculine office.”
His pretty eyes sparkle, and his pouty lips pull up into a smile. “There’s nothing I’d like better than to lay you out on a leather chaise, but I think you are a little too much for me to handle. If you’ve got Carmichael all twisted, then I have a feeling you’d ruin me.”
His words have me smiling and my insides doing a happy dance.
“You think I’ve got him all twisted?”
“He sent that text twenty minutes ago. You’ve yet to reply. My guess is that he’s drinking bourbon straight from the bottle while pacing the floor and alternately dragging his fingers through his hair and tugging on his beard. When he’s done with that routine, he’ll be checking that geriatric flip phone of his.”
My smile turns into a small laugh. The waitress arrives with our drinks, and we order our food.
“So? How do I respond?”
“To my question or Carmichael’s text?”
“Well, in answer to your question, I don’t think I’m the kind of woman that can cope with a one-night stand and then just walk away. I like him, and I respect myself too much for that to happen. I also have to consider the fact that we’ll both still be living in the same house for the foreseeable future.”
“Are you doubting that he likes you? That he’d want more than just to fuck and run?”
“He told me he’s not interested in a relationship.”
“And I call bullshit. If he just wanted to get in your panties, he’d get the deed done and either move his ass back to Aspen or find you alternative accommodation, he’s made no attempt to do either. In fact, he’s let it be known at work that he’s thinking of making his move back to Addison permanent.”
Another long sigh escapes me.
“I just don’t know then, Lee. He tells me he wants one thing, then acts like he wants another. He holds my hand in public, flirts constantly, and Sunday he introduced me to his mates. It’s like he’s doing relationshipy kinda things with me. But then pulls back and insists it can only be about the sex.”
“I think he’s scared. Terrified. He’s had a rough fuckin’ ride when it comes to women. He swore off relationships after Dani, then again after Lucy. You turn up, and it’s obvious to all of us that something’s going on between the two of you and he just doesn’t know how to handle it.”
“He doesn’t. What about me? I’ve been straight up and told him that I like him. I’ve told him that I don’t wanna just be a fuck piece and that I’m looking for the real thing. I want forever, Lee. I want commitment and babies, and even if that turns out not to be with him, I don’t wanna get into something where he’s ruling it out from the very beginning without him even trying.”
“He wants it. Carmichael’s the marrying kind. He wants all of what you’ve just mentioned, he’s just gun shy. Who can blame him after the way the last two women in his life fucked him over? My guess is that he just can’t get his head around how you’ve changed all of that. It’s been what? A week, ten days. Fuck, you’ve done that to him in that short a time span. He knows it, Gracie, believe me, he knows. What he doesn’t know is what to do with what he knows.”
I let out a loud groan and tilt my head back, eyes on the ceiling.
“Okay. Tell me, oh wise one, how do you know this and what should I do? Because seriously, he’s giving me brain ache.”
He laughs.
“I know, because I know him and I saw him look at you on Sunday. There are definitely feelings involved where you’re concerned, and it’s much more than getting you into bed. He was giving me death glares when we were dancing, and I actually felt in fear of my safety when he realised I was taking you to dinner.”
“He wasn’t happy.”
“No shit.”
Our food arrives. The plate is huge. The rack of ribs is longer than one of my legs, the corncob is the size of my forearm, and the coleslaw is in a bucket I could fit my head in.
“Before I tuck into this, I need to text him back. I’m worried that he’s gonna be bald, beardless, and have drunk himself into a coma by the time I get home if I don’t. What should I say?”
“Ask him why he lied. He might be honest over the phone rather than face to face.”
I nod in agreement and type out the text.
Me: Why’d you lie to me? You must’ve known telling me that would hurt?
I add some honesty of my own, hoping it’ll encourage Koa to do the same.
I put my phone screen side down and tackle the dinosaur ribs in front of me. Lee has been kind enough to invite me out to dinner, so it’s time to give him some attention. I like him. He hasn’t been a dick about me banging on about Koa, and he’s given me some top advice.
We talk about all sorts, including his daughter, Charlotte, who’s fifteen and becoming a handful. I wish him luck with that and don’t even manage to eat even a quarter of what’s on my plate before I’m done.
We get our leftovers packed into to-go boxes and enjoy another beer before Lee insists on getting the bill.
I haven’t checked my phone yet. It’s made me twitchy not looking, but I want to wait until dinner was over.
Once we’re back on the road, I look.
Koa: I know it was a mean thing to do, but I wanted to hurt you. Childish, I know but you going with Lee tonight, yeah, I don’t like it, Essex. Not one little bit. Nothing against Lee, he’s a great guy, but I don’t want anyone taking you out.
Me: You take me out then.
Koa: We need to talk first.
Me: Pour me a wine and make sure that spa is nicely heated. We’ll talk when I get in, but you’ll have to ignore my Buddha Belly, I’ve just eaten a whole cow.
Koa: I can’t wait to see your Buddha Belly. I’ll be waiting. Impatiently.
Me: SYS xoxo
Koa: SYS xoxo? WTF does that mean? Is that a typo? Did you mean, YES TO HOT TUB SEX?
Me: No, Cowboy! I mean See You Soon. Kiss hug kiss hug.
Koa: Damn!
Me: Go heat the spa, I’ll be home soon.
Koa: Hot tub, Essex. It’s called a hot tub!
Me: You want me to come home to you, or go to Lee’s?
Koa: Home to me, Essex, always home to me.
Fuck me! This man will be the death of me.
“All good?” Lee questions.
“Not got a Scooby, Lee. Not. A. fucking. Clue.”
He chuckles. “Anyone tell you, you have the most adorable accent?”
“Nah, never. Anyway, I don’t have an accent, it’s you lot who talk funny, not me.”
We’re both quiet for a minute. The radio has been playing quietly in the background, but Lee must tap the volume control on his steering wheel because it suddenly gets louder.
A man is singing. The song has that sexy, country rock vibe to it that they seem to love around here.
I close my eyes and listen to the lyrics as the man sings about being lonely, but it’s better than being lied to. That someone in his bed for just a few hours is better than someone messing with his head full time.
“Who is this?”
Lee laughs.
“What?”
“You seriously don’t know who this is?” He frowns in my direction before turning his attention back to the road.
“No. I’ve never really listened to this kind of music. Yelawolf is about the closest I’ve ever come to listening to country music.”
He shakes his head.
“This is That Addison Sound.”
“Koa? No shit?”
“You haven’t heard him sing before?”
“No. I watched a video, but he was in the car with me, so I kept it on silent. Then I just forgot.”
“What do you think?”
“It’s good. He has a great voice.”
“He does.”
“Shame he’s not still doing it.”
“It is, but I don’t think it’s a permanent break. He needed to get his head straight after Lucy. Needed to be there for his kid. She starts school next year, and I wouldn’t be surprised if he starts making music again.”
“That’d be good.”
“It would.”
We fall silent as we pull up the drive to the cabin. The lights shine brightly on the veranda, and my heart rate picks up at the thought of Koa waiting for me inside.
Lee pulls his truck to a stop, and we both undo our seatbelts.
“Thanks for dinner, Lee. Sorry that Koa and my insecurities took up most of the convo.”
“Hey, he’s a good guy, and if tonight has helped in any way to set you two on the path to something beautiful, then I’m happy to have helped.”
I lean across and kiss his cheek.
“How are you still single?”
“It’s the way I like it, Gracie.”
“Nah, I think you lie, my friend. Maybe you should listen to your own advice.”
“Get your ass outta my truck,” he orders with a smile.
I open my door, but he’s around to help me out before I can manage it myself. He waits at the bottom of the steps as I make my way up and open the front door.
“Night, thanks again,” I call over my shoulder.
“Night, Gracie. Go easy on my man, no busting his balls, you hear?”
“Can’t guarantee that. Ball busting is one of my favourite pastimes.” He smiles, shakes his head and walks back to his truck.
I’m so getting Kod over here and hooking those two up. He’s exactly her type!