GRACIE
I ’VE NEVER FELT SO NEEDY—or plain wanty—in my entire life.
I just had a total body orgasm. Every part of me felt the pleasure that Koa just wrung out of me, but it isn’t enough. I want more.
He is kissing me senseless. This combined with the weight of his hard body pressed into my soft one is sending sparks across my skin. Little lightning bolts of sensation zapping me continually, building me back up, higher and higher.
“I need you inside me.” I pull my mouth away from his and speak into his neck. His skin smells clean. I’m not sure if he uses aftershave or just soap, but it’s intoxicating.
“Condoms, Gracie, where are your condoms?”
He starts to kiss down my body, but I grab his hair and lift his head so that his eyes can meet mine.
“I don’t have any condoms.”
His head jerks back, and I release my grip.
“What do you mean, you don’t have any condoms?”
“Exactly what I said. I didn’t come here planning to shag anyone. I thought I was gonna spend the next six months with Vance for company. He doesn’t sleep around, nor can he get me pregnant, so I don’t need condoms with him.”
He sits up on his knees and drags his spread fingers through his hair. His sexy as fuck magical fingers that probably smell like me.
“Fuck.” He rakes his top teeth over his bottom lip and strokes at his beard, looking as though he’s thinking.
“I don’t think I have any here. I wasn’t expecting this, either.”
Shit, does that mean he thinks I’m behaving whorey and giving it up too easily?
“You on the pill?”
“No. I was, but after splitting with Reggie, I thought I’d give my body a break. Like I said, I wasn’t expecting this.” I wave my hand between our torsos as I speak.
“Let me just go check my wallet, it’s in my bedroom.”
Koa climbs off the bed, and I watch his naked arse leave the room. It’s even more perfect than I ever could’ve imagined.
I stare at the ceiling for a few seconds and try to calm the squirming worms that are wriggling about in my belly.
I shift position slightly and am embarrassed to realise that I’m lying in a wet patch, all of my own making.
Getting off the bed, I pull the blankets back so that when Koa returns, we can lie on the crisp white sheets, no snail trail in sight.
I shouldn’t be left alone with my own thoughts at moments like this, not that I’ve ever really had a moment like this in my life before.
What if when we start going at it, I’m still so wet for him that it sounds all squelchy?
What if we start making that wet fish slapping together sound, or worse still, I let off a fanny fart, a vart?
Oh my God, I’ll die. I’ll be on the first flight back to England if that happens.
I stick my head out of the bedroom door and check the landing, there’s no sign of Koa, so I quickly run down the stairs and grab my phone and head back to the bedroom. I fully expect him to be back and am already thinking of elaborate excuses to explain to him why I need my phone. I could just be up front and tell him that I need to set up a new playlist called “Music to Drown Out the Sound of Gracie’s Wet Fanny and Shag Unembarrassed To.’
I go into the bathroom and turn on my UE Boom, scroll through Spotify, and find a playlist called “Sexy Fuck Music.” I press play, set the volume so that it’s loud enough to hide any sloppy noises, and, because I’m in the bathroom, decide to quickly shower from the waist down.
I then decide that perhaps fucking in the shower would be a much better option altogether. I leave the door to the bathroom open wide, turn up the music a little louder, just to be sure that Koa knows where I am, and after putting my hair up, I step under the water.
I take my time lathering up and wash thoroughly, regularly checking around the shower curtain, but by the time I’m finished, there’s still no sign of Koa.
After moisturising from neck to toes, I step out of the bathroom with just a towel wrapped around me, carrying my speaker.
Still no Koa.
I’m not sure what to do.
I put the speaker down on the bedside table and climb into bed. Koa’s bedroom is at the front of the house, mine at the back, but he’s been gone for over fifteen minutes.
Should I go to his bedroom and check to see if he’s okay? What if he’s had second thoughts and changed his mind?
I get out of bed and pull on my robe and stick my head out the bedroom door again. Nothing.
“Koa,” I call out.
Still nothing.
I hear a banging noise and head towards his bedroom. I’ve never been in here, and I’m not sure if I’m supposed to be here now. Tentatively, I push the door open.
“Koa, you in here?”
Zero. Not a sound.
He also has an en-suite, and just in case he’s decided to shower and moisturise, too, I check in there.
Zilch.
I return to his bedroom and spot his open wallet lying on the bed. He’s obviously been here. I wonder if he’s gone out to try to buy condoms, surely he would’ve told me? Plus, his wallet is still here.
I hear the banging noise again, but this time it sounds like it’s coming from the other end of the house.
I check the driveway through the window, just to be sure Koa hasn’t left, as I’m starting to freak the fuck out.
His truck is exactly where he parked it earlier.
I make my way to the hallway and call his name again.
“If you’re trying to scare me, Cowboy, it’s working. Stop fucking about.”
I hear what sounds like a door being rattled, and then from a distance, the sound of Koa’s voice calling me.
Dashing down the stairs, I can clearly see the outline of a person through the stained glass in the front door.
“Open the fucking door, Gracie.”
I swing it back, and there he is. Totally stark bollock naked apart from his brown biker boots.
He stares at me wide-eyed for a split second, his skin looking like it has a slightly blue tinge to it in the moonlight.
“What the fuck happened?”
He opens his mouth, but his jaw trembles and his teeth start to chatter. That’s when I realise he’s shivering, his skin is, in fact, blue and there are snowflakes in his hair and beard, or possibly ice.
He doesn’t look happy.
“Oh my God, how long have you been out there?”
He takes a step inside, both his hands are cupping his dick and balls, and I pray to the Queen—because the King probably wouldn’t give a toss—of all things frozen, that they haven’t dropped off or received any kind of permanent damage.
I lead him to the front room and sit him on the sofa.
Our clothes are still in a pile on the floor, so I pull his top over his head and help him on with it, then pull the fur blanket over his legs.
I put another couple of logs on the fire and give it a dig with the poker to get it going again.
“How long were you been out there?”
“Since I lef-left you,” he stutters. I stare down at him with my hands on my hips for a moment, wondering what Bear Grylls would do. Drinking my own wee or getting naked and sharing my body heat both seem a little inappropriate right now.
Instead, I pick door number three and go to the kitchen to pour him a large glass of the bourbon we bought in town earlier. I leave out the ice, because...well, again, it just seems like taking the piss to offer ice to a frozen man.
I don’t know why, but I suddenly get the giggles, and I have to compose myself before I can return to the living room with Koa’s drink.
“Here, get that down you. D’ya want something hot, as well as that?”
“Thi-this is good. Tha-thanks.”
I watch as he takes a sip.
“What happened?”
“I went out to my truck t-t-to look for a condom and the wind must...must’ve blown the door shut behind me.”
“Where were your keys?”
“I nev-never lock the truck when I’m he-here. Did-didn’t take them outside with me.”
I pick up the wine I abandoned earlier and take a sip. I’m not sure if it’s shock or nerves that are making me want to laugh, but I’m fighting to get a grip.
“Didn’t you hear me b-banging on the door?”
I suck both my lips in and hold on to them.
He stares at me.
I stare at him.
“I had a quick shower,” I blurt.
“A sh-shower?”
“Yeah, you know, just a quick freshen up.”
“I was outside freezing to death, an-and you were taking a shower?”
“Yeah. Sorry. I just thought while you were gone….” I bit my lip again, trying to stop the smile before it starts. “I left the door open, hoping you’d join me. I found a sexy playlist and everything.”
“Playlist?”
He not looking happy, but I explain anyway.
“Yeah, on Spotify. “Music To Fuck To” or something. It’s probably still playing. Anyway. That’s why I didn’t hear you.” I roll my lips back between my teeth because I still can’t trust myself not to giggle. “Are you all right? No permanent damage, is there? Nothing froze and fell off?”
He sips his drink and looks over the top of his glass at me.
“You think this is funny, Essex?”
“Oh my God, I’m so sorry,” I practically shriek as I finally start to laugh loudly. “Gives a whole new meaning to blue balls, Cowboy. Yours probably literally were blue. The rest of you was when I opened the door.” I cackle.
He continues to stare in silence. Not smiling and definitely not laughing.
“You want me to check your dick didn’t drop off? I’m not sure I could see it when you sat down. Maybe I could blow on it? Give it the kiss of life?” I offer.
“My dick’s okay, just feeling the effects of the cold.”
“Just think, while you were out there, you quite literally were dying for a shag.” I crack up with laughter again.
“Glad you find this so amusing, Essex.”
“Oh come on, Cowboy, it’s fucking hilarious. Who in their right mind would go outside in this weather, naked, except for a pair of boots?”
I’m rambling. And still laughing. Koa’s still staring at me.
“You ever think about becoming a nurse?” he asks randomly.
“Me? Fuck no.”
“Good, because your bedside manner’s shit.”
I try. I really do try. But the giggles have got me, and I have to put my now empty wine glass down on the coffee table so that I can wipe the tears from under my eyes.
I eventually manage to calm myself, and we both remain silent as I top up my wine. The fire is once again roaring with life, the flames giving off a yellow-and-golden glow.
“So, did you find one then? A condom I mean?”
“Nope.”
I nod, not really sure what to say. I s’pose the moment has passed anyway. Koa’s phone rings from where it sits next to his empty beer bottle from earlier, and he leans forward and picks it.
His phone is some crappy old flip type thing that must date back to the nineties, and I wonder how he survives without the modern convenience of a smartphone. I run my life and my business from mine, couldn’t be without it.
He continues glaring at me as he takes the call. “Carmichael.” His eyes widen and then close for a long moment. “Hey, Lexi.”
My red wine suddenly tastes like acid and begins to bubble in my stomach.
“I’m actually out of town, well, I’m in Addison.”
He strokes his beard with those long, slightly calloused fingers of his, no longer looking in my direction.
“Um, that’s probably not such a good idea right now.” He stands, holding the blanket around him and his phone between his shoulder and his ear as he scoops his jogging bottoms from the floor. He doesn’t look back at me before he strides from the room.
I gulp down my wine and focus on the sensation of it eroding my insides, it’s so much better than acknowledging that Koa just left me sitting here to talk on the phone to another woman.
I feel hurt and humiliated. What the fuck am I doing here? I know I agreed to no-strings, casual sex, but this is the exact reality check I need to prove that I can’t do it. It’s just not in me.
I’m just a girl with a heart that feels all the feels and right now, those feels fucking hurt. If we’d actually had sex earlier and then his phone had rung, I think I’d be feeling a whole lot worse. In fact, I’m sure of it.