I can’t find Chloe anywhere.

I spend most of baseball practice searching the school for her, but come up empty-handed. When I finally get to the field, Coach balls me out in front of everyone for skipping practice without telling him.

“And where’s your sister?” he barks at me.

“I don’t know.” I look to the ground, then quickly cover for her so she won’t get in trouble. “She mentioned not feeling well when I saw her today. I’m pretty sure she’s gone home.”

“Oh, yeah.” Max raises her mitt and grimaces. “Sorry, Coach, I was supposed to pass that message on. My fault.”

The coach kind of grunts while Max and I share a quick look. She’s going to want to know why she’s lying for Chloe and me.

Shit. I really don’t want to have to explain it to her.

“Well, you don’t look sick. You got a better excuse than ‘sorry’ for why you've missed most of this practice? You know I sent my best pitcher and catcher off to buy sports gear this afternoon but wasn’t too worried, because I had two more I could count on. But what do you know, they never showed up!”

Geez, Coach has been super grumpy since his truck was stolen. I’ve never seen him this riled before.

“So, why weren’t you here?”

What am I supposed to say? He doesn’t want to hear the truth. Ugh! I don’t even know how I’m going to admit out loud what I did to my little sister.

My guilt is so strong I actually feel like throwing up, so I could honestly say that I’m feeling sick too, but instead I just shrug and murmur, “I lost track of time.”

He frowns at me like he must be talking to the wrong Barlow girl. He even glances between Max and me, like he’s double-checking that we’re not playing swapsies on him.

“It’s me, Coach. I screwed up.”

Lifting his cap, he scratches his forehead, looking frustrated and confused. “I thought the season meant more to you than this.”

“It does.”

He ignores me and clips, “You disrespect your team when you don’t show up. You disrespect me.” Flicking his chin towards the locker rooms, he mutters, “Get out of here. I’ll see you tomorrow, and you better be on time.”

“Yes, Coach.” I shuffle away from the field feeling like total shit. Grabbing my stuff, I do one more thorough search of the school before finally relenting that Chloe must have left.

When I reach the parking lot, our yellow Camry is already gone. With a frown, I pull out my phone and see that I missed a text from Max.

Where’d you go? Do you need a ride home?

I swipe to the left on my phone screen and reply:

Do you know where Chloe is?

She’s kickin it with Rahn.

Where are you?

Home. Do you need me to come pick you up?

I sigh and shake my head before texting,

No. I’ll see you at home.

Slipping my phone into my jacket pocket, I hitch my bag higher onto my shoulder and begin the trek to our house. It’ll take about thirty minutes if I’m only walking, which is probably a good thing. I need time to stabilize my emotions before facing off with my little sister.

She had tears in her eyes!

What the hell have I done?

In trying to protect her, I’ve gone and screwed everything up.

I wish Holden had never kissed me.

But then I don’t, because it was perfect.

But I do, because it shouldn’t have happened!

I shouldn’t have gone to Cresthill with him. What the hell was I thinking? I wasn’t doing it to protect Chloe! I was intrigued…and attracted. So I selfishly pursued something I never should have.

And now this has happened.

Dread surges in my belly, growing stronger and more storm-like the closer I get to home.

By the time I reach our driveway, I’m a sweating, anxious mess.

I still haven’t figured out what I’m going to say to Chloe. The truth won’t make her feel better.

A car pulls up beside the house and I glance over my shoulder. Chloe gets out of Rahn’s VW Beetle, throwing me a toxic look before saying goodbye to her friend. Rahn peeks past her shoulder, her almond eyes narrowing to slits before she peels away from the curb.

“Chloe, I—”

“Don’t talk to me,” she snaps before storming up the front path and slamming into the house.

Closing my eyes with a heavy sigh, I shuffle up the path and decide to use the back entrance.

I hate this. I want time to rewind. Take me back to Columbus where things were simple and I had some semblance of control. Where my sister thought I was awesome, and knew I would always protect her no matter what.

Clenching my teeth, I fight the burning tears and push open the door. Mom’s in the kitchen making herself a cup of herbal tea. She’s bobbing the bag up and down in the cup and gazing out the front window.

Aw crap, did she see the way Chloe yelled at me?

“Hey, Mom.” I greet her softly enough that she might not hear.

Maybe I can sneak by unnoticed.

But no such luck.

“Madelyn?”

“Uh, yeah?” I turn, hoping my expression is bland and unquestionable.

“Is Chloe okay?”

“Um… I’m not…” Crap, I’m gonna have to lie. I don’t want Mom involved in this drama. “I think she’s just had a really bad day.”

Mom snorts and mutters something about not being the only one. With a huff, she dumps the hot teabag into the sink.

“Uh.” I lick my lips and wince. “How’d the interview go this afternoon?”

She won’t look at me while she sips her tea. She busies herself wiping down the counter. “Just go check on your sister, Maddie. I’m fine.”

She flashes a tight smile over her shoulder, proving she’s a liar.

Maybe if I drop to my knees and start begging, she’ll whisk us back to Columbus.

But that still won’t fix it.

I betrayed my sister and it doesn’t matter where in the world we go, that truth is going to hound us.

My throat swells as I slowly pivot on my heel and make my way down the hall.

Chloe’s door is shut tight. I gently tap the wood. “Chloe, it’s Maddie. Can I come in?”

“Of course you can’t! Stay away from me!”

“Please, Chloe, just let me explain.”

“What I saw doesn’t need an explanation!”

I wince and grit my teeth. “Okay, fine. You’re right. Can I just apologize, then?”

“No! Go away!” She follows her shouting with a loud blast of music. “I Hate Everything About You” by Three Days Grace.

Way to drive home the message, Chloe.

There’s no way I’ll break through when she’s this pissed off. Walking into her room will only set off a nuclear bomb.

It’s not like Chloe has a bad temper normally. But she has every right to blast her music in my face right now.

I’m scum and I deserve to be stonewalled.

Resting my forehead against her door, I let the music swamp me until I’m too bogged down to even move.

“Come on.” Max appears beside me, grabbing my wrist and tugging me down to our room.

Closing the door behind me, she gently pushes me onto my bed and then takes a seat on hers.

I can’t say anything and shake my head when she asks, “So, what’s up with you and Chlo-Chlo?”

Resting her elbows on her knees, she leans forward, forcing me to make eye contact with her.

I work my jaw to the side.

“You know you’re gonna have to spill. Because if you don’t tell me, I’m gonna charm my way into Chloe’s room and get her version of the events. So, what do you want me to hear first?”

“Ugh!” I tip my head to the ceiling. “Fine.”

In a voice made soft with remorse, I spill it all, from the way I told Holden off in Mr. Johnson’s classroom through to our non-date and then the kiss.

I don’t tell her about Holden’s mom or that his grandpa lives at Cresthill. I just tell her he volunteers there.

“Wow.” Her eyebrows pop north. “Holden’s not an asshat after all. Who knew?”

“You’ve gotta swear you won’t tell anybody.”

Max rolls her eyes and then leans across to lightly slap my knee. “Of course I won’t.”

I cringe, squeezing my eyes tight. “I just wish we were back in Columbus. I wish Patrick was my boyfriend again.”

“Why?” Max pokes out her tongue.

I scowl at her. “So I’d have the perfect excuse not to fall for Holden. So none of this stuff would have happened!”

“Oh, please.” Max smirks. “The way you’ve just been talking, you’d fall for Holden no matter what.”

“That’s so not true.” I dig the toe of my shoe into the carpet.

“Did you not just hear yourself describe the perfect kiss and the best non-date you’ve ever had? You are totally falling for Holden. Patrick would make no difference to that.”

“That’s not true! Patrick is awesome. He’s smart, and intelligent, and clever and—”

“About as exciting as a gray crayon,” Max finishes for me.

I glare at her.

“Don’t look at me like that. You just described Patrick using three synonyms. I’m guessing you’d be getting a lot more creative if we were talking about Holden Carter.” She wiggles her eyebrows.

“Stop it,” I whine, frustrated by how right she is.

With a little snicker, she shakes her head and glances at her watch. Her eyes round for a second and she jerks off the bed.

Grabbing her bomber jacket, she puts it on and pulls her hair free. Her long locks tumble over her shoulders. It looks kind of pretty. I’m not used to seeing Max with her hair down. She usually ties it back off her face or buries it under her Clippers cap.

“You know, maybe that’s a sign.” She reaches for her boots.

I snatch a tissue out of the box. “What’s a sign?”

“The fact that you’re all gooey over Holden. The fact that you couldn’t resist kissing him.”

“I’m pretty sure that’s more of a sign that I’m a weak-minded slut.” I give my nose a sharp blow, aware of how dramatic and self-deprecating I sound.

Max stops lacing her boots to look me in the eye. “Don’t be an idiot. You’re far too sensible to score a slut title.” Finishing her laces, she moves to my side, wrapping her arm around my shoulders and squeezing me against her. “What I’m saying is that sometimes the heart is trying to tell us something we’re not ready to hear. Just because you ignore it doesn’t mean the feelings are going to go away.”

Her words ring with a poignant truth that’s painful. “Even if I wanted to listen, I can’t. How can I hurt Chloe this way? It’s not going to happen with Holden. It never can.”

My sister gives me a sympathetic smile before rising from the bed and grabbing the car keys off our dresser.

“Where are you going?”

“Out.”

“Where?”

Max just grins at me, guilt flickering over her expression as she slips out the door.

Part of me wants to chase her and demand answers, but I’m not her mother. Meddling in Chloe’s life has only caused trouble. I’m not going to do the same with Max. Although I have to admit how much it hurts that she didn’t just tell me.

My sisters and I have always been best friends, but since coming to Armitage cracks have started forming between us, and my lack of willpower today turned the first crack into a mile-wide fissure. I don’t know how I’m going to repair it.

I feel like I’m losing everyone close to me.

Flopping back on my bed, I stare up at the ceiling while the strains of Chloe’s music reach me.

She’s moved on to “Basket Case” by Green Day.

Closing my eyes, I try not to think forward to the evening we’re about to have. Dinner tonight is going to freaking suck. I roll onto my side and curl into a ball, hoping if I wish hard enough that the bed can somehow swallow me and not spit me back out until Chloe’s forgiven me and Holden Carter’s spell on my heart has been broken.