It’s a bright sunny, Saturday—the last one in February. The sun is high in the sky and we’re getting ready for the first official game of the season. The Pitbulls are fired up and ready to go. It probably helps that the homecoming dance is tonight as well. We’re hoping to win big and celebrate even bigger tonight.

Over the past week, things have kind of settled.

Maddie and I aren’t hanging out, but she lets me catch her eye sometimes. We’ll give each other a swift, pained smile before going about our day, resigned.

“Sisters before misters. It’s the way it’s gotta be.”

I have to accept that no matter how much I hate it.

At least Maddie’s started talking to me at baseball practice. It’s been intense this week, preparing for our first game, and her determination to win has made her guard slip. I’m not complaining. Fired-up Maddie is a storm I want to get caught in.

She’s definitely looking happier and less stressed now that she’s resolved things with Chloe. I’m happy for them.

It sucks for me. I’m still pining, but I’m doing a pretty good job of hiding it.

Luke isn’t interested in my troubled love life. I think he kind of hates that I feel more than just plain old lust for a girl. He likes knowing I’m not tied up with a girlfriend. It makes me a free agent, flexible to hang out whenever. Both of us have no strings attached and we like it that way.

I have to remind myself of that every time I see Maddie. Hopefully one day I’ll start to believe it.

“All right, team. This is it!” Coach booms across the locker room. “This is our season. It’s gonna be our best one yet. You with me?”

We all shout, “Go, Pitbulls!”

“That’s right! Go get ’em.” Coach claps his hands and we file out to the field.

Luke and I are starting. He was actually going to play us for the whole game, but I had a quiet word with him and asked him to at least give Maddie some time off the bench. He told me if she could prove herself in practice, then he’d think about it.

Thankfully she did, and he’s told me he’ll put her in around the third inning.

Smacking my hand into my glove, I walk out into the sunlight and notice the inflated crowd. I guess they’re still curious about the sisters. Or maybe just Max.

Turning to find her, I raise my chin as a way to say “Good luck.”

She gives me a thumbs-up, her lips twitching with the briefest of grins. She must be in the zone already. I guess there’s a lot of pressure on her shoulders. Although we did win games before she came along, it is great to have an impact player on the team. These girls might just make this our best season yet.

As we line up to sing the national anthem, I notice the guys on the other team checking out the Barlow girls and snickering amongst themselves.

I break the rules and catch Maddie’s eye.

She gives me a determined glare, her eyes narrowing with a message I am so on board with.

We cannot wait to put these douchebags in their place.

I grin at her and she gives me a wink. I know it can’t mean anything, but it still puts me in a good mood and I belt out the anthem with gusto.

As I head to the mound, I am fired up.

I pitch the best damn game of my life.

When Maddie steps up in the third inning, we’re in sync. She’s signaling all the right pitches and I’m firing them down the line exactly as I should.

“Strike! You’re out!” Those sweet words are repeated many times throughout the game.

Maddie stands tall, her beautiful smile deflecting whatever the batter just said to her. It must have been insulting; I can tell by the look on his face. When he cast his eyes my way, I scowl at him, warning him to watch his mouth.

He scoffs and shakes his head, whipping off his helmet and throwing it down when he takes a seat.

Maddie runs over to me as the next batter walks to home plate.

“I want to kick that guy’s ass,” I seethe. “What the hell did he say to you?”

“Nothing I can’t handle.” She gives me a pointed look and I’m wooed once again by her strength. “Anyway, the guy who’s up now has been trouble all game. He’s the only one to put runs on the board.”

“I know.” I nod and check the scoreboard, unable to help a grin.

10–3.

“They can’t beat us, though.”

“I know.” Maddie nods. “But how satisfying will it be to completely take these sexist clump nuggets down? We’ve got two innings to go, and I don’t want them scoring one more run.”

I love that fiery look in her eyes. “Okay, but this guy can read my fastball.”

“Yeah, I know. He’s got a pretty good handle on your cutter too.”

“Think I should go for the curve?”

“Yeah.” She tips her head. “Although it’s not your strongest pitch.”

I would have been insulted if she wasn’t so right. A spark of determination fires through me. “Let me prove you wrong, pretty girl.”

Her lips twitch but she catches the smile before it can form. “Okay then, pretty boy. Show me that curve.”

And there’s that wink again.

Hot damn. If only I could have her.

Gritting my teeth, I ignore the ache in my chest and clear my mind in order to prove my point.

And I do.

And it’s beautiful.

* * *

We creamed ’em. Coach even put Chloe in for the last two innings and she was awesome. I congratulated her after the game. She smiled politely and then walked away. I cringed but then caught Maddie’s eye and winked, hoping to keep our game banter going. But she just gave me a glum smile and trailed after her sister.

I guess it’s a game-only thing.

Dammit.

The guys are in high spirits when we reach the locker room.

Some of them are singing in the shower while others are slinging jokes and flicking towels. One friendly tussle breaks out, causing a bunch of whoops and cheers.

They don’t even have alcohol running through their veins yet.

It could be a wild night.

I shrug my jacket on and watch Luke messing around with Zane. They’re cracking up over something, talking trash about how many girls they’ll score at the homecoming dance.

I’d usually be right in the thick of it, making my claims and boasting about what a hottie I am.

But I just can’t do it.

I’d give anything to go to the dance with Maddie. She’ll be smokin’ hot in whatever she wears. Swaying on the dance floor with her in my arms? Now that would be a night worth boasting about.

I picture myself walking into the decorated gymnasium, spotting the Barlow sisters. Maddie will glance at me with those sad eyes of hers. She thinks she’s hiding it, but I can see the longing every time she looks at me. Then Chloe will grab her attention and they’ll spend the rest of the night having fun together. They’ll dance. They’ll laugh. Shit, some guys will probably try to get it on with them.

I can’t do it.

I can’t go and watch that!

“Come on, man,” Luke calls to me. “We’re going to Zane’s place until the dance. Thought we might throw back a few beers and play For Honor.”

It’s tempting.

But…

I shake my head. “Not sure I feel like going to the dance tonight.”

Luke looks to the ceiling. “Aw, dude, you’re killing me! Why not?”

I shrug, scrambling for a plausible excuse.

“Would you get over it already? So Chloe changed her mind. I thought you’d be relieved. You’re a free agent now. You can hook up with any chick you want to.”

Not any chick.

I purse my lips and slide on my cap. “It’s not that, man. I just thought, you know, maybe we could go to the water tower instead, or—”

“No way.” Luke grins, slinging his bag over his shoulder. “Velocity’s not playing tonight, which means Bess won’t be distracted with Cairo Hale.” He spits out the guy’s name like it tastes bad. “This is my chance to score and I’m not wasting it.”

“You gotta come, man.” Zane slaps me on the shoulder. “Who knows? After the win and everything, those Barlow girls might be in a better mood.”

“Yeah, maybe they could share you.” Luke snickers.

Hot anger explodes in my chest and it takes everything in me not to deck my friend. I’ve let him in on minimal details, the ones that were impossible to avoid. He’s so freaking clueless sometimes.

Zane gives me a confused frown and mouths, “Share you?”

Clenching my fist, I paste on the kind of smile they expect from me and sell a lie I know they’ll snatch up.

“I’ve got myself a better hookup waiting.”

“Water tower, my ass.” Luke whoops. “You’re going to cougar town.”

I nod, wiggling my eyebrows. “What better option is there?”

Zane laughs and lightly punches my arm. “Hot dog.”

I’m instantly relieved of the pressure to join them and force out a laugh.

It makes me kind of sad to think that avoiding the dance so as not to torture myself won’t fly, yet hooking up with some older woman does.

My friends really are shallow when they want to be.

I swallow the thought, refusing to let my melancholy mood attack my friends. They’re good guys. Typical teenagers. I used to act like them all the time.

Until Maddie got under my skin.

It’s weird how things can change so fast.

She’s been at this school less than two months, and already I’m pulling away.

Maybe the change was brewing.

Maybe deep down I’ve been desperate to step out and away from this life, and Maddie’s been the catalyst.

Sliding into my car, I wave goodbye to my friends. Luke honks and speeds away in his Jeep. He’s so freaking proud of that thing, in spite of how he got it.

His parents split up about eighteen months ago. It sucked. Came totally out of the blue. His dad just split and hardly ever shows up to hang out with his kids.

For Christmas, Luke was given the Jeep, and his little sister scored a brand-new bike and scooter, plus a set of roller blades she’d been pining for.

They were all guilt presents, meant to woo the kids into still believing their dad gives a shit.

He doesn’t.

Luke hasn’t heard from him once since the Jeep arrived.

Considering how much that must sting, Luke takes it like a champ. He’s doing his best to play big brother to his eight-year-old sister and to try to support his mom, but it must be tough going sometimes…not that he’d ever admit that.

People in this town really hate owning up to the crap in their lives.

We hide everything behind these brave smiles.

But does it actually do any good?

It makes me wonder how free Maddie must be, able to be herself wherever she goes. She says what she thinks and shows what she feels. There’s no hiding with her.

I ease out of the parking lot and it only takes me a moment to decide which way to turn. I head for Cresthill. They’re not expecting me, but for once I’m not going there to volunteer. I just feel like hanging out with Grandpa.

It’s late afternoon by the time I park my car. Dinner will be served soon enough, so I hurry in, hoping to catch Grandpa beforehand.

I don’t know why I want to see him so bad. Maybe there’s just a simplicity here that calms me. I never have to hide from him, and I need that right now.

The second I walk in the door, I greet the weekend receptionist. She doesn’t know me as well as Natalie, so she sends me through to Grandpa with minimal conversation. It’s kind of a relief actually.

Knocking once, I ease the door open and find Grandpa by the window.

There’s a book open in his lap, but he’s not reading it. He’s gazing out at the green shrubs, most likely thinking about his late wife, or trying to work out why his scrambled brain feels so fuzzy.

Taking in a breath, I prep myself for the standard introduction.

Before I can say anything, Grandpa glances my way, his face lighting with a smile. “Holden, my boy. It’s good to see ya. Come over here and get talking. I want to catch up on all your news.”

Tears burn my eyes while my throat swells tight. He’s having one of his good moments. Shuffling into the room, I take a seat opposite him and lean in so he can kiss my cheek.

He lightly slaps my face with a friendly laugh. “How you been, son?”

I open my mouth to speak, then deflate with a heavy sigh.

His bushy eyebrows pucker with concern and the truth tumbles out of me before I can stop it. There’s no point lying. Grandpa will forget it soon anyway, so I take hold of this precious moment and use it, emptying out my angst in a torrent of words. I tell him everything from the moment I first saw Maddie to how I ruined everything by leading Chloe on and then kissing her older sister.

It feels good to get it out, but it doesn’t take away the clouds of sadness rolling through me.

I screwed up.

I acted like a jerk.

And now I’m paying a price.