Noah - 5

The sound of my voice slightly quivers as I hold the cell phone against my ear and ask: "What happened?" My heart immediately sinks down to my stomach when I hear the uncontrollable sobbing voice on the other end of the line. There's not even a greeting from the hysterical woman who's on the phone line as she begins to dry heave from the excessive crying sounds that she's making. But her lack of a comprehensible response to my question only worries me even more.

"Tell me what happened," I say again, but this time with more urgency.

However, the frantic woman continues to cry while she attempts to explain herself to me in fractured statements that I can't quite understand at all. The persisting mystery behind her loud bawling leaves my head spinning and my chest heavy. I can only imagine that something bad must have happened to Taylor because there's no other possible reason for her to be calling me when she's all choked up like this. Especially since I specifically told her to only phone me for serious emergencies.

"Look, I can't understand what you're saying right now, so I'm going to need you to breathe and then speak. Just breathe. Catch your breath," I coach her until I can hear her start to calm down.

"Mr. Bishop, I'm so sorry. But I can't find her," the teary voice sniffles. "I don't know where she went. I-I lost her."

My hand moves to cover my mouth, my eyes widening with pure disbelief.

What the hell is that supposed to mean?

"What do you mean you can't find her?" I slowly ask while I clench down on my teeth and make a tight fist with my hand. It takes everything within my power not to simply yell at the sobbing woman and demand her for some better answers.

"I helped Taylor take her bath and after that, she just disappeared from my sight. I've looked all over the house for her, and I can't seem to find her. I don't even know if she's in the house anymore. What if she just ran off when I wasn't looking?" The horrific realization causes her voice to instantly break. "Oh my god, what do I do?"

I reflexively wince and cringe from the resumed sound of her desperate and sobbing voice. It doesn't help that the nonstop noise of her weeping and crying gradually starts to bear fruit to some unhealthy thoughts in my mind. But even if I wanted to keep myself calm and collected given the dire circumstances, the amount of agony and distress in her crying tone makes it virtually impossible to stay cool. How am I realistically supposed to stay calm when I have no idea what's even going on?

"Okay, just calm down and stay put. I'll be home as soon as I can," I say with a heavy sigh.

My fingers couldn't hang up on the phone call fast enough as the woman breaks out into more hysterical apologies. But hearing her say sorry over and over again doesn't make me feel any better about the situation. Her apologies won't help me find out where Taylor went, and they certainly won't help me break the news to Jenna who I know will be even more upset when she hears that we have to leave. Tonight's supposed to be our special night out without any distractions to prevent us from having fun. It's supposed to be a night away from any stressors and responsibilities that we may have which are holding us back from fully enjoying ourselves.

In short, tonight's the night I force myself to forget that I'm the father to a troublemaking kid who's 10 for 10 on scaring and putting her nannies out of a job. And it's no surprise that the plan only lasted a few hours into the night before I was forcibly thrust back into reality. I was a fool for thinking that I could pretend like I didn't have any fatherly duties or obligations in my life. After all, how can I even imagine removing Taylor from my life when she's such a huge part of my world? It's honestly impossible now that I think about it, especially when everything I do is basically for her own sake.

And the one night where I go ahead and decide to do something selfish for myself is the same night that Taylor happens to go missing. If this isn't some kind of weird omen, then I don't know what is. All I know for certain is that I need to get back home as soon as possible and find out where my daughter went.

I swiftly head back over to where Jenna and our dinner guests are sitting with a heavy and burdened heart. They all turn their attention toward me with smiling faces as I approach the table without sitting back down.

"Noah, you sly dog!" The man whom I recall to be named Hugo boisterously laughs and gives me a firm pat on the back. "Jenna over here was just telling us about how you two met and how it was almost love at first sight for her," he teases with a grin.

"Don't tell him that!" Jenna gasps as she giggles. "It's a little embarrassing considering that it was my first time walking down a runway, and Noah happened to be the one to catch me during that humiliating and horrific stumble."

"Yeah, you really fell for him, huh?" Hugo chuckles as he puts his arm around his wife, Grace, who also earnestly laughs at his comment. "Then, before you know it, the wedding bells are ringing and the shrieking babies are waking you up every damn night. But what the hell, that's just life, right?" he drunkenly cackles and takes a huge gulp of his scotch.

Everyone around the table breaks out into silent eyebrow-raising motions as they nonchalantly glance over to me. And as much as I don't want to notice it, even Jenna's blue eyes appear to sparkle in anticipation of Hugo's joking words. Just from the meek look in her eyes, I can already tell that she's at least considering or imagining the seed that he has successfully planted in her mind. The only problem with that scenario is that I currently have no plans in proposing to her. In fact, the prospect of marriage hasn't even crossed my mind since we started sleeping with each other.

Maybe this is something that I should make clear to her later on before she begins to fill herself with false expectations and hopes for the future. Because if there's one thing I don't plan on doing for the time being, it's getting remarried.

Jenna eventually notices my unusual silence and grabs my wrist to caress it. "You're awfully quiet, Noah. Is everything okay?" she asks with a concerned look. Her sudden question and worried tone of voice draws the attention of both Hugo and Grace who also seem slightly puzzled by my lack of conversation.

"Everything is fine, but it seems that I have some other matters to attend to that just recently came up out of nowhere. Unfortunately, I'm going to have to cut this dinner meeting short. I'm really sorry about this," I apologize with a sullen shake of my head. "The least I can do for you guys is cover the bill for tonight, so you can still enjoy the rest of your night."

"Oh, that's no problem. Don't even worry about it. If you need to head out, we totally understand where you're coming from. We know you're a busy man, Noah," Hugo nods his head in absolute understanding and empathy of the situation. However, the same can't be said for Jenna who looks visibly irritated by my unexpected announcement.

"Noah, we've been planning this dinner for weeks now. You know how much I was looking forward to tonight, and you promised that work wouldn't get in the way of our night together. So did something important actually happen?" Jenna inquires with a hint of frustration in her voice. She crosses her arms with a slight pout on her face and waits for my response. It doesn't seem like she believes that there's an actual emergency which I have to leave right now to handle. But even if I tell her the truth which I have no choice but to do, the sour expression on her face won't change.

"It's Taylor. She's giving the nanny a bit of a rough time, so I need to head back home and sort the issue out," I plainly state.

Before I can even finish, Jenna almost immediately scoffs and rolls her eyes when she hears my reasoning. There's a smug "I knew it" expression spread across her face. "Can't you just let Taylor throw her little tantrum for one night? She's not going to stop doing it until you learn to let it go. You're just spoiling her at this point by giving in every time, Noah," she bitterly exclaims.

"It's not that easy, Jenna. The nanny called me because she can't find Taylor-"

"It's fine. Let's just go," she interjects as she quickly gets up from her seat with her belongings in hand. I can feel the resentment brewing in her silence as she walks over to give her farewells to our guests. "Bye, Hugo. Bye, Grace. I hate to leave like this, but it seems like I don't have much of a choice. It was great to see you guys again."

"No worries, Jenna. It's always a pleasure to see you as well. There will always be next time, so don't give Noah too much grief over it. A man's got to do what a man's got to do after all," Hugo grins as he goes in to hug her.

The blonde beauty beams as though she completely understands the unfortunate circumstances while the unsatisfied expression on her face says otherwise. And even as we're leaving the restaurant and waiting for the valet to bring the car over, she stubbornly refuses to meet my gaze. Her eyes simply prefer to stare at the bright screen of her cell phone. But appeasing Jenna's unhappiness is the last and furthest thing on my mind right now, especially since I have a missing daughter to look for.

I don't care about how much she resents me for ruining her night. And I definitely don't care about how much she thinks I'm spoiling my only daughter by rushing to her rescue each time she's in trouble. The only thing I care about right now is Taylor's safety. Nothing else really matters to me.

And when the valet finally drives up with my car, I quickly jump into the driver's seat and drive faster than I've ever driven in my entire life. I can see Jenna nervously watching me from the corner of my eye with each car that I swiftly and recklessly pass by as we weave through traffic. The red stoplights are the only things that are preventing me from going even faster, but my foot is always ready to push down on the gas pedal as soon as the light turns green. Just like clockwork, I stop when it's red and I go when it's green, following this pattern all the way through until the roads eventually carry me home.

***

Where the hell are you, kid?

The wet and cool feeling of my sweat-drenched dress shirt clings to my back as I loosely throw my head backward and slowly let out an exhale. An exhaustion is gradually settling into my body from the nonstop running around, but I can't allow the fatigue to win me over just yet. After checking the entire house from top to bottom more than once and calling out Taylor's name in an effort to pull her out of hiding, she's still nowhere to be found. The maids and the butlers have also thoroughly checked the surrounding outdoor areas around the swimming pool and the garden without any luck or trace of her, and I'm almost out of ideas as to where she might be.

However, realizing that I might be standing in front of a dead-end is when the panic starts to set in. There's no sign of any of her clothes or toys missing, and there's also no accounts of anybody seeing her after she finished taking her bath. Even though there's the possibility of foul play at hand, any suspicion that I had surrounding the nanny who's most likely to be the culprit was cleared after witnessing her full cooperation and combing through her spotless background. And with no leads left to follow up on, I'm seriously beginning to believe that Taylor did somehow leave the house on her own.

Think, Noah.

Is there anywhere else in the house I might have missed on my search? A place where Taylor likes to particularly hide in when she wants to be alone? I've already checked the library with no avail and have even asked the neighbors if she stopped by their house. Every possible lead that I've considered with her in mind is a huge no. Though there's only one place in the house that stands out which I didn't think to check yet. But that's also because I know there's no way she can get up there by herself, especially since that room is locked at all times.

No one is ever supposed to be up there, and everyone who works for me clearly knows and understands that. I forgot for a moment that the room was even there because I don't try to make an effort to head up there anymore, not since Elizabeth died. Considering it's the last place I haven't looked into for both obvious and personal reasons, I guess there's no harm in at least checking it out before I hand the case over to the police. Besides, I can't allow my discomfort of the locked room keep me from finding Taylor.

If she's in there, I have to know.

I take a deep breath and then begin my slow climb up the staircase to the third floor for what feels like the fourth time this past hour. Even though a huge part of me feels ridiculous for even heading upstairs when I know for a fact that she shouldn't be able to enter the locked room, a small part of me believes that she's somewhere in there. Taylor's always loved the calming smell of the oil paints on the easel and the ashy scent of the charcoal dust on Elizabeth's sketchbooks. She's told me in the past that the gentle aroma reminds her strongly of her mother, the young troublemaker constantly begging me to buy her art supplies despite never using them. Nonetheless, the familiar scent simply comforts her in ways I'll never be able to understand which is why the abandoned art studio is the only place I can imagine her seeking refuge in.

My footsteps eventually reach the top of the steps where they suddenly stop and freeze in place. The unchanged door appears in front of me, its appearance exactly the same from when Elizabeth last left it. I hesitantly resume my walk toward the door where I can start to see Taylor's poorly-drawn on scribbles and pictures still carved into the wood and underneath the doorknob. The sight of her terrible artwork puts a pained smile on my face as I place my hand on the door handle with the expectation of the door already being unlocked.

But when I try to turn the knob, my hand is met with the sound of a click and a strong resistance. The door is still locked with no signs of tampering. Although it seems pointless, I naturally take out my set of keys and find the one with the special dog key cover on it which happens to be chosen by Taylor. I have to see this through and open the door for the sake of closure that's not only in regards to Taylor's strange disappearance, but with Elizabeth's death as well.

I've avoid this place for long enough. It's time to open it up.

The door unlocks with a slight click as I turn the key to the side. I bite my lip and push the doorway open while the light from the hallway slowly pierces into the dark room. My eyes follow the small cone-like path created by light where I eventually come to find the missing girl fast asleep in the center of the room and on the floor. She covers her eyes and softly groans as the bright hallway light remains on her face.

An emotional mix of relief and disbelief immediately rushes through my body to overwhelm me once I realize that I've found her. I can't help but feel glad that she's okay, yet also like a complete fool at the same time for worrying about nothing. She's been right here the whole time and she didn't bother telling the nanny where she was going. It's completely irresponsible, and my anger and frustrations can't overlook another one of her childish decisions which clearly seem like harmless acts to her. She's caused way too much unnecessary worry and stress for everybody involved in her search for her behavior to get a pass.

I call out to the sleepy child to wake her up while my loud footsteps tread across the room: "Taylor."

"Daddy?" the little girl asks as she gets up to rub her tired eyes. Seeing the dazed look on her face as she innocently stares at me tells me that she has absolutely no idea what's going on at all.

"Taylor, what are you doing in here by yourself? How did you even get in here when the door is supposed to be locked?" I question her with a deeply furrowed brow.

"I found mommy's key in one of her drawers." She pulls a key out from underneath the blanket that's laying on top of her and proudly shows it to me with a big smile on her face. But it's only when she sees that my enthusiasm isn't returned that the clever smirk disappears from her lips.

"Am I in trouble?"

"Yes, you're in big trouble. I thought you promised me that you would stop getting into trouble. Do you know how worried I was when I heard that you went missing? Not a single person in the house could find you. I almost had to call the police because I thought you ran away again."

My cheeks flush while my body temperature grows hotter with each heated word that spills from my mouth. I can't control the rage that flows out of me once I start scolding her. Yet the angry tone of my voice causes her large brown eyes to widen with fear. She bites down on her lower lip while her hand subconsciously squeezes the blanket sitting on her lap. Her expression couldn't be more afraid than it already looks right now.

After minutes of sitting in tense silence, Taylor eventually musters up the courage to reply to me in a small voice: "I'm sorry."

But hearing her apology isn't good enough for me. There's only so much saying sorry can do for someone before the word begins to lose its original meaning.

"If you're really sorry like you say you are, then why do you keep breaking your promise to me? I just don't get it. Why do you have to make things so hard for me?" I bitterly exclaim with a firm shake of my head.

Taylor keeps her head lowered down and toward the floor while I vent my frustrations to her. Even though I can't see her face, I can tell that she's beginning to cry from the large amount of sniffling and face wiping that she's doing with her hands. However, no matter how hard she tries to stay strong during the tense situation, she can't prevent all the droplets from running down her face and falling onto her lap. And when the waterworks really start to grow out of hand for her, she frantically brings her knees up to her chest and hugs them close to her body in an attempt to hide her tears and her shame.

It's not before long that I hear her wailing cries break out from between the tight clasp of her hands which is covering her wet face.

"I just feel so sad and lonely all the time!" Taylor admits with a loud sniveling sob. Her childish voice is completely choked up as she tries to express her unstable emotions to me. Each time she opens up her mouth to speak, the sound of her pained cries roll out instead of her words. "You're never home, and I hate it. I hate being home alone...I miss mommy. All I want is for her to come back!"

Taylor's vocal desire for Elizabeth's physical presence forces her to cry even harder than she was doing before. Her tiny body is practically shaking and trembling in pure agony while her anguished tears pour out of her eyes. Any shred of resentment that I held toward the sobbing child is gone once I hear her impossible demand. There's no way I can ever bring Elizabeth back to life. She's gone, and that's that.

A heavy sigh escapes me as I helplessly listen to the haunting sound of Taylor's tormented cries. I can feel my heart begin to ache and falter from the gasping and heaving sight of her small body struggling to catch its breath. She tries to calm down and slowly breathe, but her attempts are met with strong choking fits in which her face turns red all over from the painful coughs. The vicious cycle of her hysterical crying followed by her desperate struggles to cease her sobbing only leaves Taylor in even more suffering than before.

Fuck.

It seriously pains and hurts my heart to see Taylor in such distress over the seemingly innocent decisions I make without taking her feelings into consideration. But I guess a casual night out with Jenna isn't as harmless as it sounds when I'm dealing with a 6-year old kid who's yearning for her parents' love and affection. God, I can't believe that she's been harboring all of this sorrow inside of her heart the whole time and I somehow never noticed a single hint of her loneliness or her grief. It's pathetic.

How can I even call myself a father when I don't even realize when my own daughter is in pain? Elizabeth would definitely be disappointed and would absolutely reprimand me without any restraint if she knew about my negligence. But I don't need to imagine her firm disapproval to recognize and own up to my mistakes. I'm the only one who can still physically show Taylor that I love and care for her -- and that's something she needs to feel right at this very moment when she's at her lowest point. Only I can wipe away those sorrow-filled tears which are streaming down her face.

I immediately move to pull Taylor into my arms and place her head against my chest. "I'm sorry, Taylor. I didn't know how lonely you were," I softly speak with a heavy heart. A dull pain in my chest throbs as I lower my cheek down to rest it against her head.

"I miss her a lot, too," I quietly add.

My reluctant confession leaves an extremely bittersweet sensation in my heart while the sound of Taylor's wailing voice grows louder. There's clearly an empty void in both of our hearts which hasn't been mended yet in spite of all the time that has passed since Elizabeth's death. I keep thinking that things will naturally get better on its own with each passing day that goes by without her, but it's that kind of ignorant mindset which has Taylor completely brokenhearted in my arms. She's not getting any better or any closer to accepting the loss of her mother. And my lack of presence in her life isn't doing her any favors either.

Maybe all the decisions that I thought were best for Taylor weren't right at all. Maybe I'm just not fit to be a parent like I thought I was -- but hell, what choice do I have now? I'm all she has left. And it's time for me to step it up and become a real father to her before I end up regretting it later on.

I swear that I won't let Taylor down anymore.

I'm going to make things right, and I already know the first step I'm going to take to achieve it.