Chapter 18
After her dad left Caitlyn decided it might be a good idea to educate herself. Pulling out her phone she downloaded both of Nolan's previous albums, his self titled debut, and the follow up one called Not Done Yet. Setting at the island while her phone played song after song of his she was busy reading all about him on her laptop. The first link she clicked on was a fan page, and strangely enough it seemed to be dedicated to the cleft in his chin. There were dozens of posts detailing everything the owner of the page wanted to do to Nolan's chin, some of them not quite physically possible. Laughing she clicked back out. That was not a road she planned on going any further down. Although in all fairness, the girl hadn't been too far off about how earth shattering it would be to sit on his face.
It surprised Caitlyn that although there were plenty of rumors about his love life he had kept it all quietly under wraps. It seemed that if Nolan was in the vicinity of a female celebrity he must be dating her to the media. There were hundreds of tabloid pictures taken by paparazzi, hungry for the next big scandal. Mostly he was doing mundane every day things, getting groceries, pumping gas, Christmas shopping. He had the exact same expression in every single one of those pictures. His eyes had a distinct blankness, his jaw was noticeably tense, and there was an annoyance easily readable in the set of his shoulders. This man hated being hounded by the press. Caitlyn remembered the look on his face when she had joked about never taking a bad picture. She understood now that he must feel like there were too many pictures of him floating around, and he couldn't do a damn thing to change it.
Finding herself bopping along to his music still playing, she clicked on his official website and read his biography. Surprisingly she knew most of it already. He had been honest with her about himself, he just left out the tiny detail that he was a mega famous rock star. Although he seemed to describe himself as a singer/songwriter. Looking into it she found he wrote all of his own songs, and plenty for other artists as well. Everyone who had ever worked with him said that he was a great guy. Nobody seemed to have any on going feuds with him, which was a rarity in the world of A-list celebrities.
His debut album ended, and his second one started playing. He had definitely matured in between, his sound changing enough to reflect that. A few songs in the title track, Not Done Yet, started playing, and she instantly recognized it. She had heard it literally everywhere about two years ago, it was inescapable. But as Caitlyn sat back, she was transported back to Ireland. This was the song Nolan had hummed as he held her in his arms, the rain soaking them through to the skin. He had hummed his own hit song in her ear while he danced with her. That moment took on a whole new meaning now that she knew he was sharing an important piece of himself with her. Lyrically speaking the song was about falling in love with a woman who he knew didn't love him enough, but even though he knew she didn't he wasn't done falling yet. It was simply beautiful, and leaned more towards hopefulness rather than sadness.
After the second album was done playing she looked up his new song And You Don't Know. It had been released to radio the week prior, and Nolan was doing a few interviews at the different stations to promote it. Her hands shaking Caitlyn clicked on the video of the first interview with a well known nationally syndicated radio DJ.
"Welcome back to the show Nolan, good to see you again man. It's been what, two years?"
"Good to be back. Yeah, its been, just shy of two years, I think. I had the world tour, and then took some time off back home recently to write me new album." Nolan replied easily.
"That new single of yours is already burning up the charts, its gonna be another smash hit I'm sure."
"Thanks bud." Nolan said with a genuine smile.
"Oh, yeah yeah, its true. You seem to write a lot of love songs though for a man who is always single, Nolan. How does that work exactly?" The DJ said.
"Well, in this business I've always thought it was best to be single" Nolan held his fingers up making air quotes around single. "Kinda like the forms ye fill out, choices are married, or single. Not been married last I checked, so single it is." He chuckled.
"But that doesn't really mean single then." The DJ pushed.
"I mean, I'm a 25 year old man, I've obviously dated here and there of course." Nolan said with a nervous laugh.
"I'm sure women are all over you with that accent man, its gotta be like catnip."
"I've heard some are fond of the sound of it, sure." Nolan said taking a sip of water from the bottle in front of him.
Changing tactics he asked Nolan, "so, everyone's already buzzing about the inspiration for And You Don't Know. I've heard a few theories. I hate to ask, but you know I gotta, you know I do. What is it about?" The DJ said with a smile that said he didn't hate asking at all, not in the least. In fact Caitlyn thought the man was enjoying watching Nolan squirm.
"C'mon now. All that yer asking is who I've been shaggin'. When have I ever answered that about any of me other tunes?" Nolan said uncomfortably.
"That's true, you've always been very closed mouthed about women in your life who may have inspired your songs. You're not one to air dirty laundry like that." The DJ said visibly disappointed.
"A real man never kisses and tells. He'd never convince another woman to kiss him again if'n he did that." Nolan said with a little laugh, and Caitlyn could tell it was an answer he used often.
"You've got the new album that is coming out next month, whats the name? And is the vibe of the rest of it like the single you just brought out?" The DJ asked.
"Ah, yeah next month. I've called it Definitely Memorable. Well if all the songs sounded exactly like And You Don't Know then it would get pretty boring to listen to I'd think? I try to make sure there is a good mix of up tempo songs thrown in there with the more sappy ones." Nolan said fidgeting.
"Why Definitely Memorable, is that a song on it?" The DJ asked honing in on Nolan's comfort level. This man was relentless.
"No, its a line in one of the songs though. I, ah, was about half finished with the album when I took a break back home. The songs I wrote after that are pretty personal to me, but I want people to listen to me songs and interpret them through their own experiences. I wrote them from mine, but if I assign my meaning to them for everyone that's not what music should be about." Nolan was biting his thumb nail now.
"Are you planning to tour this album?"
"I've got some shows in the next few months, along with this promo, yeah. I like touring though, being up on a stage, suits me right down to the ground. Nothing better." Nolan said laying a hand up on chest and grinning.
The DJ wrapped the interview up then launching into the news of the day before the video ended. Caitlyn couldn't watch any more, listening to him grill Nolan made her skin crawl. She thought that was probably tame compared to some of the questioning he had to have faced before. Seeing this side of him was certainly enlightening though. He was always so open with her, full of charm and affection ready to give. But to the rest of the public he came across as a deeply private man. He didn't discuss his personal life, didn't parade models around town on his arm. And he most definitely could have, he was certainly handsome enough, which honestly wouldn't have even mattered with his level of fame.
Realizing it was time to get her sons from their schools, the day had flown by while she all but stalked Nolan. Today was her day to get the kids to soccer practice too. Wyatt walked to the field from school, it was all part of the same complex but would need a ride home at five thirty. Mason had practice across town until five. That left her with about two hours to kill. Usually that wasn't a big deal, because she would bring her computer along and get some work done. But with her latest project off being edited she was at a bit of a loss. Sitting in the bleachers with a few of the other soccer moms while Mason ran drills she logged on to her Instagram, to check her notifications. Unable to help herself while on there though, she searched Nolan's page out. It was easy enough to find him, what with him having millions of followers and all. The man could probably take over the world if the urge hit him. "Jesus" she whispered to herself. If Nolan was private in interviews then his social media accounts were his outlet. He posted frequently. His page was full of selfies with the guys in his band, cool places he visited in his travels, and some official photographs for this or that event. He seemed genuinely accessible, and his fans clearly loved it.
Going back she saw that he didn't post at all during June. That entire month was missing from his timeline, which seemed to be unusual for him. The next picture he posted wasn't until the fourth of July. He was standing with his hands in his pockets in front of a soundboard in a studio somewhere. The caption said, "working on this album for ya, happy independence day America, have a good one." There were firework and beer emoji's after that. He was wearing the navy flat cap she had bought him. In fact every picture he posted of himself since then seemed to have that hat on his head. As she was scrolling through he posted a picture of the view out over the Atlantic from the Cliffs of Moher. With it he said, "Missing June sunshine in Ireland." There were no silly faces, or hashtags this time. But Caitlyn just knew without a doubt that he meant her.
Tears welled in her eyes as she excused herself from the group of moms, rushing to her car. Sitting in the drivers seat she rode the roller coaster of emotions flying through her. Laughing with tears streaking down her face. Nolan still thought about her, he missed her. As soon as she soaked that in she thought, "but what the hell does that matter? I was worried about complicating his life before when I thought it was an ordinary one. Now its even more complicated."
Drying her tears as Mason flopped into the car asking "Mom, are you alright? You've been kinda weird since you got back from Ireland. I mean you're always a little strange being a writer and all, but crying in the car? That's definitely a new level of weird."
"You're right Mason, I was hoping you kids didn't notice, but it would be impossible not to I guess." Caitlyn said as she drove them the short distance across town to get Wyatt.
"So what gives?" Mason asked her before chugging big thirsty gulps of his water.
"I think this is probably a conversation your brother should be here for." She sighed.
Mason nodded and started playing on his phone killing time until Wyatt was done with his practice. Wyatt was busy talking on the phone to his girlfriend Alex on the way home though. It wasn't until later when they were sitting around the table eating dinner that Mason brought it up again.
"Mom was crying in the car while I was at practice. So I asked her whats been up with her." Mason said around the large bite of chicken in his mouth.
"Mase! I thought we agreed to leave it alone?" Wyatt said his blonde head whipping over to look at his brother.
"Wait, what? You guys had a conversation deciding not to ask me whats been going on?" Caitlyn asked shocked.
"Yeah. Well, we aren't blind Mom." Mason said like he was stating the obvious.
"And we're not little kids anymore either. I can tell you've been crying at night, but I didn't think you wanted to talk about it." Wyatt admitted shrugging his shoulders.
"I guess I owe you both an apology. I didn't know you guys noticed. Maybe I should have I guess. Thank you for respecting my privacy like that though, it was quite mature." She said.
"Like I said, we're not little kids Mom." Wyatt said. Mason nodded his head as he shoveled more food into his mouth.
"I, ah, I met someone while I was in Ireland. Almost as soon as I got there." She confessed uncomfortably.
"By someone you mean a man?" Wyatt supplied.
"Yes, smart alec, I mean a man. We had a wonderful, exciting love affair. I had to end it, for a lot of reasons that made complete sense at the time. Now, spending the last three months crying I'm not really sure anymore." Caitlyn said summing it up the best she could while resting her head in her hand.
"Maybe you made a mistake Mom." Mason said.
"Were you happy?" Wyatt asked before she could answer Mason.
She sat there staring at her fifteen year old thinking that he was maturing faster than she gave him credit for. Nodding her head she finally said, "I really was."
"What about him?" Mason asked.
"Yeah, I think he was too." Caitlyn said quietly.
"I think you should try and give it another chance." Wyatt replied wisely.
"I don't know that I can guys, its not always that simple." She stood up clearing her plate.
"Why not Mom?" Mason asked, helping himself to another chicken breast.
"There's something she isn't telling us." Wyatt said to Mason. Her oldest son was always quick to cut through the bullshit.
Standing there in the kitchen leaning exasperatedly against the sink she said, "you wouldn't believe me." The boys looked at each other sharing the kind of look only siblings could. Figuring what the hell, she shrugged her shoulders and walked into her bedroom grabbing her laptop. Carrying it back out to the table she held a finger up to ward off the boys questions. Opening the folder she stashed had all the pictures of her and Nolan in she turned it so they could see the slide show.
"Holy frigging crap Mom! That's Nolan Hayes, THE Nolan Hayes! Like, Grammy award winning, uber famous Nolan Hayes!" Mason yelled, nearly choking on his food. Wyatt's face showed nothing as he studied each picture that slid past the screen with complete focus. When they had seen all of the pictures Mason asked excitedly, "why didn't you get him to autograph something for us?"
"Because, you moron, she didn't know. Couldn't you tell?" After insulting his little brother, Wyatt turned to her, his face still unreadable. "Do you love him?"
Standing there with both of her sons staring at her she nodded her head slowly. "I really do. You're right Wy, I didn't know who he was. Not until I saw him on TV this morning. I didn't want to ask him to leave Ireland for me." She avoided the pregnancy scare, thinking it really didn't set the best example for her sons. "Turns out that he left Ireland for the rest of the world a long time ago."
"What would one of the character's in your books do?" Wyatt asked her. "Don't worry though, we're not going to tell anyone," He added with a menacing look towards his brother. "I've got a butt load of homework to get done." He said walking off towards his room.
Later as she lay in bed staring at the ceiling in the dark she thought what the hell. Grabbing her phone off the night stand next to the bed she followed Nolan on both her Twitter, and her Instagram accounts. Setting her phone back down before she could undo what she had just done she rolled over and willed herself to fall asleep.