Two weeks later
A thud sounded in the dark and Katy swore. Then, some rustling and the closing of a door.
“What’s up, Cupcake?” Connor mumbled into the pillow. He missed her naked body pressed against him already. After his gig the night before, he’d spent hours tasting and worshipping her body, taking turns with Levi to pump into her. Sandwiched between them, her leg hooked over Levi’s waist, they’d made love for hours, he and Levi staving off their own orgasms to see how many they could give to Katy. He’d counted four before he’d lost it when Levi was driving into her and Connor shifted, inadvertently coming into contact with the other man’s dick. Both slicked up with Katy’s essence, they’d ground against each other momentarily, sliding in an erotic dance. Katy’s tight, hot centre, her cries and the shudder she’d let loose when they’d both connected and prodded her opening had Connor gritting his teeth and caving into sensation. Rutting against them both for only a moment, Connor’s orgasm swept through him like a hurricane, making him spill his seed into the condom sheathing him. Hearing Levi’s moans joined with Katy’s higher pitched cries had another pulse erupting from Connor. His choked cry added to the guttural groan Levi let loose, and he watched as Levi fisted his cock and pumped, painting them with his come as he hurtled off the edge, riding out his release with heaving breaths.
Another dull thud and Connor’s sleep-hazed mind turned back to what had woken him. Katy.
“I just tripped. This room is too small for all our stuff. If I can find my sneakers, I’m goin’ for a run with a few of the girls, and then I have to duck into work for a while. I’ll be back in a few hours. You two stay right where you are so I can join you when I get back.”
“Mmmhmm,” he mumbled, leaning into Katy’s kiss as she hovered over him, before snuggling back into the soft pillow again. With one eye open, Connor watched as she walked around the bed and kissed Levi’s temple.
Running her fingertips down his cheek, she whispered, “He’s still wiped out too.”
“Mmm,” Connor half responded, unable to resist the pull of sleep.
A light breath fanned his face, and soft lips brushed against his own. Warm, wet glides of his open mouth against Katy’s, their tongues touched, stroked. But this kiss was different somehow. Then it hit him. Oh fuck. The scratch of stubble teased his cheek, and Connor moaned softly, pulling Levi closer. As every hard inch of the other man’s body pressed against his own, Connor deepened the kiss, going from zero to sixty in a heartbeat. Fire burned through him, and Connor gasped, Levi nipping his lip. Running his hands over Levi’s chest, he mapped every ripple of muscle under his palms. He flicked his fingertips over Levi’s erect nipples, causing the other man to buck his hips and moan. Knowing he could do that to him—damn, what a turn on. Warm skin, he knew from endless months of staring, bore a natural golden tan, and taut muscle had Connor diving in for more. He’d dreamed of this—of being able to touch Levi too, to kiss him and love him. Of there being no barriers between them.
Connor ran his hand down Levi’s back, and over a sensitive spot. Levi shivered and Connor hummed, insanely pleased with himself. Sliding lower to the other man’s ass, Connor grabbed a handful of the perfect globe and pulled him closer, rocking against him. Like Levi, he was steely hard. Levi’s name on his tongue was more a moan, animalistic in its sound as it was ripped from Connor’s chest when he ground against his best friend.
But Lee’s reaction—his hard shove—had Connor nearly falling off the bed. He was stunned. Utterly floored. One minute he was in his arms making out, and the next he was frantically grasping the sheet trying to stop himself landing on his arse on the floor. Levi staggered backwards off the mattress and, fell over his own feet, hitting the wall. He plastered himself against it like a spooked animal about to rear.
“Connor, what the hell? I’m asleep and you’re kissin’ me?” he yelled, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. That one action—the one where Levi wiped away the only evidence that Connor had been connected with him—shattered him. A moment before, the heat that’d bloomed in Connor was bright, but now it was devastating, like a wildfire that left everything in its wake charred beyond recognition. Dead. Rejection seared him, a cruel twist of fate that killed off any hope of continuing not only his friendship with Levi, but what he had with Katy too.
It was over.
Done.
“I’m sorry,” he mumbled, blinking back tears. Shifting off the bed, Connor backed out towards the door. Searching for his clothes, which—fuck my life—were at the opposite end of the room, Connor motioned to them. “Go back to bed. I’ll get my stuff and leave, give you some space.”
“Wait.” Levi held his hand up. “Gimme a minute.” Connor shook his head and turned, about to walk out the room. Absolutely gutted, and angry at being so fucking stupid as to fall for his best mate, he swiped at the tear drop that fell to his cheek.
“You moaned my name like you want me. Do you?” His tone was harsh, and as much as Connor wished it wasn’t accusatory, it was. Humiliated, Connor wanted to crawl into a hole and hope the world forgot him. Instead, he leaned his shoulder against the door jamb, still facing away from Levi. “Forget it. I should have pulled away as soon as I realized it was you. I’m sorry.”
Footsteps on the hardwood flooring told Connor that his friend was pacing. With every pass, the cool breeze Levi left in his wake, tormented Connor’s naked body. Levi was close enough to touch, but as much as he yearned to comfort him, Connor knew from the pacing that he was riled up. And there was no way Levi would let him anyway. Connor knew in his gut he’d never touch his best friend again. They were forever past that point.
“I don’t think I can do it.” Levi’s words echoed through the room like the crack of a gunshot, piercing the remaining shreds of Connor’s heart. His legs nearly buckled underneath him. He knew it was coming, but it didn’t make it easier to hear. That was it, the end of everything he’d held dear. He was about to be tossed away again, like every other time someone was supposed to love him. First, his mum—not that she’d wanted to leave, but the cancer hadn’t exactly given her a choice—then his dad, who hadn’t even had the courage to fight for him, drowning himself in a bottle, and then drugs to numb the pain, all the while letting Connor mourn alone for not one, but two, parents. Levi’s parents had taken him in, but only because they were too good to let him go into a system that would have spat him out a few years later. And then, when he’d finally found a home with his brothers- and sisters-in-arms in a hellhole, Rob had upped and died. The only two people left in the world who gave a shit about him were Katy and Levi. And his stupidity had just destroyed that. I’m a fucking idiot.
The crushing pain in his chest had Connor struggling to breathe. Oh God, he’d just lost everything. A choked sob left him, but he bit it back just as quick. Nodding his response to Levi’s comment, Connor cleared his throat in a futile attempt to hide the devastation in his tone. “I get it. Tell Katy I’m sorry. I’ll talk to her later today. Explain, you know, so she understands that it was my fault.”
Levi’s hand on his arm had Connor trying to shrug away, but it was no use. Connor found himself spinning to face the other man. Exposed, vulnerable and raw, he silently begged Levi not to hurt him even more. “No, that’s not what I meant.”
Connor’s silence at Levi’s words wasn’t because he didn’t want to talk. He couldn’t. If he had any hope of not breaking down into a sobbing mess, he had to keep his mouth shut.
“I feel it too. Whatever it is between us. I always have, and I dunno how much longer I can keep denying it.” He sighed like the weight of the world was on his shoulders. “But I’m terrified.” The raw honesty in Levi’s gaze, in his words, stripped Connor bare. He reached out, but when Levi jumped back like he’d been stung, Connor let his hand drop. The sharp stab of pain that accompanied Levi’s move had Connor lowering his gaze—Lee’s admission didn’t mean he’d ever act on it; moving out of his reach was to be expected. He had so much to lose with Connor just being in the same room as them; it wasn’t like he was just going to flip the bird to his responsibilities. Not the Levi he knew. As much as it killed him, he wouldn’t want Levi to change.
Levi sat down on the bed, his knees spread and elbows resting on them. A slightly different pose and he could have been The Thinker. He was certainly perfect enough to be immortalized in a sculpture.
“I’m scared I’ll lose Katy.” He looked up at Connor, fear and desperation written on his features. “I can’t live without her. She’s the most important thing in my life. But I can’t… you….” He scrubbed his hands over his face, keeping them there while he mumbled, “I want the same thing with you that I have with her, but what if she’s disgusted with me, with us?”
Hope, fierce and bright, like a ray of sunshine breaking through summer storm clouds bloomed in Connor. “She won’t be.”
“How can you be so sure of that, Con?”
“You said she loved me, and I know she loves you.” He shrugged his shoulder. “She gets it. She gets whatever this is between the three of us.”
“I feel like I’m cheating on her.”
Yeah, he’d thought the same the first time it was just the two of them, even after they’d agreed to have one-on-one time with each other. Katy had insisted on it, saying there were three two-way relationships which needed to blossom and stand on their own, as well as the one that involved all of them.
Connor moved over to his bag and pulled out a pair of clean briefs, sliding them up his legs. This wasn’t a conversation to have naked. Emotions were raw enough—they didn’t need to be starkers too. “Has it worried you in the past when Katy and I were together, just the two of us?”
“No, but—”
“It didn’t bother me when it was just you two, either,” Connor interrupted. “So what’s the difference?”
“I knew that you were together? I knew that you were goin’ out on a date with her? I knew what your relationship involved? I knew about the two of you. She doesn’t have any idea of what I wanna do to you, Con.” With every statement framed as a question, Levi’s voice rose. He’d started pacing again too. Even preoccupied, his reaction times were still lightning quick, catching the clean pair of boxer shorts Connor had plucked from his dresser drawer and tossed to him to distract Levi from the tirade.
“So talk to her. She’ll be back soon, you can explain it. We can do it together if you want.”
“And if she says no?”
“I’m positive she won’t. I get that you’re scared. I’m freakin’ out too, but I know what I want.” Connor paused. He had to do it, but the admission wasn’t easy. “And it’s not just Katy.”
“Katy should be enough. She is enough. She always will be.” Levi’s voice rose, ringing through the quiet house.
Connor blocked his path, standing in Levi’s personal space. He needed to make it clear, to put it out there. Levi had to understand. His words came out low, but strong, confident. “But I’m a greedy bastard, and I want both of you.”
“How is this even gonna work?” Levi tossed his arms up in the air and sidestepped him. “I need to know. I can’t give up everything that’s important to me for—”
“For what? Me?” Connor interrupted, his own voice raised too. “I’m sorry I don’t stack up to your expectations.” He’d put himself out there, gone so far out of his comfort zone that he was walking the plank. He’d been hoping for amnesty—a lifeline to pull him back—but Levi’s words were the final kick sending him plunging into shark infested waters, to a world full of hurt. Ashamed that his voice cracked, that he couldn’t keep the emotions tightly bottled up inside himself anymore, Connor murmured, “I thought if I was good enough for Katy, I might be good enough for you. I can see that I was wrong.” Swiping his cheeks with the back of his hand he added, “I’ll save you making the decision, Lee.”
Connor bent down to grab his bag. Any other clothes he had there would be staying. He wasn’t going to stick around to pack properly. He’d barely hefted the bag onto his shoulder when a force out of nowhere barrelled into him. Like a back-rower in a footy match, Levi crash-tackled him, sending him tumbling into the wall and pinning him there.
“Listen, and just for once, don’t run,” Levi growled, pressing his palm against Connor’s back, pushing his chest against the wall. His bag was yanked off his shoulder and tossed to the floor before the heat of Levi’s body blanketed him. When Levi ran his tongue along Connor’s throat up to his earlobe and nipped it, Connor shuddered, an achingly hard erection tenting his briefs. “I can’t risk everything that’s important to me for an experiment. I want you for more than that. I need you to be sure.”
The heat of his body was gone. It had Connor turning, searching for him. Levi hadn’t gone far. Chest heaving, eyes wild, he looked like a predator, like he would consume Connor if given half the chance. Gazes colliding, they stared at each other for long moments, until Connor’s feet moved of their own accord, launching himself into Levi’s arms. The second they touched skin on skin, Connor wished he hadn’t gotten partially dressed.
Levi twisted him, tossing him onto the bed like he weighed nothing and crawled up over him. It was the sexiest fucking thing Connor had ever witnessed. Rippling, bulging muscle hovered above him, his best friend’s face mere inches from his own. But he was more than that too—Connor had lusted over this man, had yearned with his very being to touch him, to love him. And now he could.
He reached out and trailed his fingertips over Levi’s pecs, down over his washboard abs. Flicking his gaze lower, Connor watched Levi’s semi harden, but resisted reaching for it. Instead, he slid his hands back up to clutch Levi’s shoulder and reach around to the back of his neck, pulling him close. Levi didn’t resist, lowering himself until their bodies were aligned, every inch touching. All he had to do was reach up and press their lips together, but Levi had him pinned, his gaze searing into Connor. He stared at the man before him, taking in details—the fine laugh lines around his eyes, the freckles along his nose—that he’d never seen so close before. But when Levi’s tongue snuck out between those plump lips, licking the bottom one, Connor lost all self-control. Closing the last of the distance between them, Connor kissed him like a man possessed. There were no gentle glides of lips and tongues against each other. It was desperate, primal. Instinctively, Connor spread his legs, nestling Levi between them and moaned when their cocks aligned. Unable to stop himself, Connor touched every inch of Levi he could reach—the broad planes of his back, down his spine to his ass to mould the perfect globes and back up his sides, to his pecs. Pinching the flat discs of Levi’s nipples had the other man gasping and thrusting his hips forward in a dance as old as time itself. Connor couldn’t help his chuckle when Levi’s pained moan sounded.
His laugh was cut short when Levi dragged his strong hand down Connor’s body and lifted his leg, wrapping it around his hips. Connor hooked his other leg up too and cried out as Levi punched his hips forward, grinding hard against him. Tongues duelling and teeth clashing, hands clutching and grasping at each other, had Connor riding a wave of endorphins. He was high on this man, addicted in a way he’d never been before. And the sensation was so freeing—finally experiencing who he’d known he was deep down all along. This wasn’t some experiment or question about his sexuality. This was Connor. He was bisexual, had been his whole life. He’d just never admitted it. Had never needed or wanted to, because the only man he’d ever dreamed of having was apparently straight. He’d never been happier to have been so utterly wrong.
Giddy, Connor laughed, holding Levi tighter as the other man licked and nipped at his throat. “I’m not doin’ it right if you’re laughing,” Levi grumbled, biting him harder.
“You’re doin’ everything right, Lee,” he whispered before capturing the other man’s mouth again. “Let me touch you,” Connor begged. With Levi’s nod, Connor snaked his hand between their bodies, yanking down his underwear before wrapping his callused hand around Levi’s length and stroking. A strangled moan sounded from the other man, which turned into a full-body shudder when Connor aligned their cocks again. The precum leaking from each of them lubricated their way a little, but not enough.
“Fuuuck,” Levi cursed before pulling away. “Get those damn jocks off, Con. We need lube.” Connor didn’t need to be told twice. Lifting his hips, he shimmied out of his underwear and kicked them off while Levi reached over to the side table and rummaged around in the drawer until he found what he was looking for. It was only a second before Levi was settling himself between Connor’s spread legs again, squirting the gel-like substance on Connor’s outstretched hand.
Reaching up, Connor pulled Levi back down to him. Resting on an outstretched arm, Levi’s muscles bulged before him, but there wasn’t even a minor shake in his locked position. With his slick hand, Connor stroked Levi’s cock against his own. Connor hummed at the sensation—hard against satiny smooth, heat and the cool of the lube. It turned into a drawn-out moan when Levi’s hand joined his own, jacking them together.
He couldn’t believe what was happening—that he had Levi in his arms, loving him. His touch, his smell, his weight pressing Connor into the bed, surrounded him. He was on sensation overload. They were better together than he ever thought possible, better than he ever dreamed. Fuck, I hope I’m not wrong about Katy. What if I am and the shit hits the fan? I could never be enough for him. The more he thought, the more he worried. Connor’s cock softened a little, but Levi doubled his efforts, growling at him, “Stop thinking. Just be with me. Lemme fuck you into the mattress. Blow with me, take what we both need.” Connor griped their cocks tighter as a surge of heat washed over him at Levi’s words. He wants me. He wants this. He wants to fuck me.
The words tumbled from his mouth as every dirty dream he’d ever had about Levi flashed before Connor’s closed eyes. “I want your cock buried in my arse. I wanna feel you balls deep in me, fucking me until I shout your name. I wanna feel Katy’s mouth on both our sacks, around mine sucking me off while you fuck me. I want you to ride me. To own me.”
“Oh fuck, yeah.” Levi shuddered, thrusting hard against Connor once more, before his dick pulsed and he shouted Connor’s name. Thick ropes of cum jetted onto Connor’s abs and chest, the slick heat lubing the way and tossing him over the edge. Connor choked out a cry as his orgasm swept through him. An explosion of sensation barrelling through him like a herd of buffalo, he shot stream after stream of cum onto his belly, mixing and mingling with Levi’s load. Watching him with awe in his eyes, Levi’s arm gave out and he crashed onto Connor’s chest and rolled them to the side. He loved the contrast between Levi and Katy—her soft, tiny body compared with Levi’s hard muscles and much heavier weight. He loved it, loved the connection he shared with them too.
“I wanna wash you, Con. Take care of you.”
“I wanna blow you,” Connor blurted out, making Levi’s cock twitch between their bodies.
“Huh,” he remarked, smirking. “I didn’t think I’d get it up again for a week. I might have been wrong.”
“You’d better be. Katy wanted us in bed waiting for her when she got back. She probably should have been here already.”
Suddenly serious, Levi asked, “What are we gonna tell her, Con?”
“The truth, dumbass.” Connor smiled, trying to lighten the mood, but deep down he shared the same fear Levi did.
“Shut up.” Levi nudged him with his shoulder, giving him a shy smile. “I wasn’t suggesting we lie to her. I meant, how do we tell her?”
“Gently, so she understands that she’s the centre of our universe. Us doing this—” Connor motioned between the two of them, “doesn’t change anything with her.” when Levi leaned in and kissed his forehead, Connor nuzzled into him, breathing in the orange and cedar scent that was uniquely Levi, mixed with a healthy dose of sex.
“Come on, let’s get cleaned up and check what’s taking her so long.
Swinging his legs off the bed, Connor stood and walked toward the light spilling in from the open front door. Katy normally locked up when she left—the predawn cool chilled the air too much otherwise. He walked over to it, checking the latch. It wasn’t even closed, never mind locked. Nausea passed over him. Fuck. “Lee, you need to get out here.”
“What’s up?” the other man asked as he wrapped an arm around Connor from behind dropping a kiss on his shoulder, before stepping to the side.
He pointed to the door sitting ajar. “I think Katy might have already come home.”
Katy closed the door to her car gently and rested her head back against the seat. Hands trembling in her lap, she blew out a breath and tried to quell the ache in her heart. She was happy for them, but it didn’t make her reality hurt any less, didn’t ease the pain. She curled in on herself and cried, knowing she wasn’t needed anymore. The realization had hit her full force when she’d seen them moving together on the bed, hot tears falling before she’d even made it through the front door. Like a category five hurricane had swept through her, everything good in her life, everything that made her happy had been obliterated with the sight of them making love.
She was alone.
She’d lost them. Both of the men she adored with every fibre of her being were gone. Deep down, she’d known it would happen all along. It was inevitable that the attraction between them would spark eventually. She’d secretly hoped it would—how couldn’t she? She’d loved Levi for her whole adult life, and if she were honest, Con too. Now that they’d finally given into the yearning, she wasn’t needed as the buffer. And like she’d always known, they were beautiful together—masculine grace personified. She’d never forget the image of their intertwined bodies, moving as one.
So now, she had to do one more thing for them. She had to leave—pick up the debris after the storm and hold her head up high. They were happy, that’s all that mattered. Her battered heart would survive. Maybe in a million years she’d be able to love again. It was their time now. She’d had Levi for long enough that the memories could carry her through. Wiping her cheeks with the heel of her hand, Katy started the car and looked at the house one more time. Tears welled up again as the memory of Levi carrying her over the threshold when they’d first moved in flashed before her eyes.
It was done, over.
“Katy, suck it up and get the fuck outta here,” she chastised herself. But where do I go? She needed time to think, time to heal. The airport was tempting as fuck, but she had too many responsibilities to just pack up and leave. People were relying on her to make the happiest day of their lives complete, no matter what havoc was being reeked in hers.
She didn’t have a destination in mind when she reversed out of the drive, but ten minutes later she was at the beach. Problem was, it was the same beach that she and Levi had taken Con to when he’d come home, and so many times since. She couldn’t do it, couldn’t force herself out of the car to head down onto the sand, so she pulled away.
Driving again, she found herself at her cousin’s house. Katy didn’t know why she’d gone there. Or maybe she did. Con had done the same thing when he’d needed space. Maybe it’d give her peace too. Not giving herself time to change her mind, she strode to the front door and pressed the bell. Chimes sounded in the background, and after a moment, the door swung open. The smile slipped from Emma’s face as she took in the hot mess Katy knew she was. Sweaty and dressed in ratty running gear, she’d headed to work to issue a few invoices and check that payments for two cakes she was working on had come in. Then she’d driven home and walked in on Levi and Con making love. Now her eyes were red-rimmed and swollen too.
Silently, Emma opened the door more and ushered her in, waiting until it had swung closed again before she took Katy into her arms. “You okay, honey?” The embrace was all wrong. Emma was too skinny, too soft, her smell too floral. Katy wanted her men. She needed them. She loved them more than life itself. How the hell was she going to walk away? Her body shook as she cried into the other woman’s arms. “God, the three of you have had such a rough trot.”
Katy curled into her and cried harder. “It’s over,” she whispered, her breath hitching on the last word as she choked out a sob. Saying that, putting a level of finality on it, shattered her. Sapped all her happiness, leaving her a mere shell.
“Oh, Katy.” Emma hugged her tight, and ran her other hand down Katy’s hair, like Con always did, making her cry harder. “You can’t work it out?”
Katy shook her head. “No.”
When Emma went to lead her deeper into the giant house, Katy wrapped her arms around herself. “Come on in, honey. I’ll make us some tea and we can talk if you like.”
She wiped the tears from her face and took a fortifying breath. “I don’t wanna impose.” Pointing to the beach outside, she added, “Can I just go out back for a while? I need some time. I’ve got no idea what I’m gonna do from here.”
“Of course. Take as much time as you need.” Emma placed a hand on her stomach and waved her hand around, adding, “And make yourself at home. I’ll be in the bathroom if you need anything.”
Katy looked her friend over for the first time. She looked drawn, tired. Ill. “You okay?”
“Yeah, just got a tummy bug. I’ll be okay when I kick it.” Emma motioned with her thumb over her shoulder and headed toward what Katy knew to be the downstairs bathroom.
Katy let her gaze roam around the house. Everything was white—walls, floors, kitchen, furniture—but there were splashes of bright colours everywhere too—the rugs, throw cushions, the paintings Nick’s best friend and their neighbour, Cam, had painted. Everything was beach themed, worshipping the waves that were framed by the double height floor-to-ceiling wall of glass serving as the back door. The stacked sliding doors were open, a warm breeze floating in. She could smell the salt in the air, hear the waves rolling in. Pandanus palms framed the view at the end of the garden. The ocean beckoned to her.
Katy slid open the screen door and crossed the small lawn, heading out of the white picket gate to the beach. Here the sound of the pumping surf as it crashed against the sand bar was much louder, it’s steady pattern soothing. Katy unlaced her running shoes and tossed them back over the fence when she’d taken them off. The surface of the sand was warm on her bare feet, but cool less than an inch down. She walked directly out to the water, not stopping until she was knee deep in the waves. Crystal clear and cold, the water swirled around her legs, the push and pull from even that depth quite strong. The foamy whitewash from the surf rolling in tickled her. But Katy stayed, letting the wind and waves do their magic. Out on the beach, Katy could switch off and just be. She was at home there. The sun, the surf, the awesome power of nature, of the universe, gave Katy a connection. It grounded her. The ocean healed her, albeit temporarily.
The tide was coming in, the water reaching midthigh before Katy waded out of the water and sat down on the soft sand, letting the sun dry her legs. This stretch of the beach was deserted except for the seagulls swooping on the breeze. A cerulean sky stretched above her, marred only by the gathering clouds on the horizon. A late season storm was brewing. It was a pretty apt representation of her life—everything seemed beautiful and clear, but in the distance was wild weather that could destroy everything. Her storm was a fast moving one. It had swept in well before she was ready, obliterating her world. Her tears had stopped, but the bone-deep ache of loss had enveloped her.
Katy loved both of them. Knowing they were happy would ease her pain eventually. She wasn’t selfish—even though having two men smacked of it. No, she’d realized that she was meant to love both of them. The fact that they’d found each other was great, wonderful in fact, but she was totally redundant now. Why would they need her when they had each other? Katy sat for hours, the sun shifting higher in the sky as she tried to figure out what to do. But everything came back to them. God, her brother was going to have a field day. He was the king of “I told you so,” and he’d take every opportunity to remind her of her own failings and how much he disliked Levi. But at least she had family to go to—Nick and Emma, her parents, even Levi’s. They were great. Con thought he had no one. It would have broken her heart if it were him that was alone.